Adventures in Fantasy Land
May 15, 2008 · Print This Article
Dear Eve,
I am at my wits end and I hope you can shed some light on the travesty that has become my life. My fiancé has become obsessed with Wii and I don’t know what to do! We hardly spend any time together, we barely have sex and he’ll go days between showers and shaving! Not only am I scared and annoyed, I feel guilty because I bought him the game for Christmas. I’ve tried every thing I can think of short of threatening to leave him. We’re getting married in July and I can’t imagine living out the rest of my years to a gaming addict man-child.
Eve, how do I unplug my slug?
Signed,
Zelda’s nemesis
Dear Nemesis,
Don’t fret darlin’ all is not lost. As a matter of fact, this may be the perfect opportunity to get your man-child’s attention focused in the right direction…on you, or rather your needs! His new found obsession (albeit completely unproductive), shows that he not only has the ability to be attentive, but has more than likely honed his dexterity skills to boot…YAY for you!
Obviously his lack of personal hygiene is an issue so before we go any further, you’re going to have to get him cleaned up. Let’s face it, stinky anything (especially nether regions) isn’t going to doing anything for your libido. Bubble bath for two perhaps? What is that you say, he won’t put down the controller long enough to join you? Well then fight fire with fire.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, or in your case…distraction. That Princess Zelda is quite the fantasy girl, and what better way to divert his attention than to don some pointy ears and a Medieval costume of your own. It’s time to remind your couch potato that you too have some magical powers, but he’s going to have to explore your lands to win them.
Time is of the essence, July isn’t far off so I’d suggest you get busy with this transformation project. Addictions can’t be broken over night, there’ll be some withdrawals and he may even fall off the wagon a time or two. Be supportive, give him alternatives and if he can’t get a grip on reality dump that loser before you say “I do”. Capiche?
KISSKISS
LOVELOVE,
Eve
On 05/15/08 at 3:59 am
WALLACE RICHIE said:
I, an admited videogame and comic book fanboy(Thank you for this realization Rex!!!), thinks whomever wrote this is a Wii(pun intended) bit off[insert Karri like snorting here]. Video game addiction is very serious, and a devastator(As in the Constructicons merging, not that piece of shit micheal bay rollerblading tank!!!) of relationships. First of all you need to find out what game he is addicted to. Sure Zelda is for the Wii, but if you show up with the pointy ears and he’s a Wii sports fanatic you’ll be in for a plesant surprize(although I, myself love all genres of games). Second you need to, and this might sound wierd, play said game with him for a while. Nothing is sexier then a fiance who can flip Ms Pacman, can frag newbs in Halo, throwdown in Madden and/or totally rule in any game. For example, my longest relationship of recent memory frequently involved whipped cream, honey and the first two Jak and Daxter titles. Let’s just say I was in heavan for at least 6 to 12 hours every weekend. And she was better then me at the game. Co-ed showers(Yeah I’m like 6′3″ me and her were NOT fitting in a tub together, at least not the one in my apartment) were a bonus that I’ll always remember.
On 05/15/08 at 4:03 am
WALLACE RICHIE said:
Oops, the relationship should be over if he EVER suggests you go to comicon San Diego. No woman can compete with the nublie young nymphs walking around in nothing more then a loin cloth or just body paint.
On 05/15/08 at 5:33 am
Karri said:
Let me see if I have this correct…she should indulge his obsession but only to a certain extent? Ms. Pacman is good, Comicon is too much?
On 05/15/08 at 6:14 am
WALLACE RICHIE said:
“she should indulge his obsession but only to a certain extent? Ms. Pacman is good, Comicon is too much?”
Sure she should play video games with him. She didn’t even go into a lot of detail, but, I can’t think of any Wii games that are uber addictive. With the exception to Mario Kart(This series is like crack). As for Comicon, it’s the one place he is most likely to find someone to replace her. Someone who not only will share his “addiction”, but will most likely encourage it. The year I went I was in geek valhalla. I didn’t even know what Cosplay was, afterward seeing it in full force I was amazed.
On 05/15/08 at 6:23 am
Karri said:
Just because you don’t share his preferences in video games doesn’t mean that he can’t become addicted to them. So, no I don’t think she should encourage his behavior. The man needs to get his stinky ass off the couch, take a shower and leave the house…with his fiance’!
On 05/15/08 at 6:34 am
WALLACE RICHIE said:
The whole not bathing and sleeping thing flabbergasts me! In my youth I was known to do an allnighter or two while trying to beat a game. But as an adult I found out that I LOVE sleep, and the sense of relief a nice warm shower provides. But like most obsessions, it’s hard to get someone who doesn’t want to stop to stop. Would you quit using botox if a fiance asked you to? How about shopping? I rest my case.
On 05/15/08 at 6:40 am
Trista said:
“Would you quit using botox if a fiance asked you to? How about shopping? I rest my case.”
Umm, excuse me? Judgmental much? You don’t know Karri as well as ya think you do.
On 05/15/08 at 6:47 am
Karri said:
Botox doesn’t jeopardize my relationships. It doesn’t keep me from taking a shower or spending quality time in the REAL world! And for the record…yes, I have curbed my procedure habits when someone has asked me to. So there.
On 05/15/08 at 6:58 am
Trista said:
And shopping…what’s that?? Fuck this economy. I am about to start riding my kids bike instead of driving!
On 05/15/08 at 7:03 am
Karri said:
We’re just a couple o peaches this morning.
YIKES!
On 05/15/08 at 7:20 am
Sarahh said:
I am remaining the shadow today. It reflects my mood.
To Wallace Richie.
Not the same. Both valid issues but aren’t comparable.
Asking a loved one to stop doing anything they LOVE is hard. But if it makes them smell like sweatty ass, then maybe it is a leap that needs to be taken.
On 05/15/08 at 10:19 am
Garg the Unzola said:
Botox is awesome. If you had a 2kg bag of botox, you could wipe out all of humanity. That’s how poisonous it is.
In fact, the theme of my entire blog is comprised of what botox looks like under the microscope. Ah, clostridium botulinum, how sweet thou art.
Wait, what was the topic again?
Oh. Right. Men don’t mature past 15. Sorry.
On 05/15/08 at 10:27 am
Karri said:
I have been described as toxic, perhaps it’s just the Botox seeping out of my pores.
15…I’ll agree with that, and thank you kind sir for your honesty!
On 05/15/08 at 10:31 am
Garg the Unzola said:
You’re welcome. That’s me, shameless.
Did they say toxic, or intoxicating?
On 05/15/08 at 10:41 am
Karri said:
HAHAHAAA! I just told this yesterday, but it’s worth repeating. Conversation with ex-husband:
Him: “You’re intoxicating”
Me: “Awe”
Him: “No I meant toxic”
So the answer would be both.
On 05/15/08 at 4:17 am
Carol said:
Playing together is fun, or at least CAN be fun for both. The day a man wants a game over me, I’ll be saying Capiche a whole lot faster than you recommend.
On 05/15/08 at 5:38 am
Karri said:
Videogames, alcohol, drugs, gambling…an addiction is an addiction. I’d say he deserves a bit of support and encouragement to kick his habit, but if he can’t step up, she should step out…fo’ sure!
On 05/15/08 at 5:41 am
Carol said:
Fo’ sure…but I guess this girl has learned to NOT become involved with men who have addictions or addictive personalities. Then again, alot of good my screening process does for me. I think I need the Karri 101 manual “Carol-ized”.
On 05/15/08 at 6:10 am
Karri said:
I think it’s a brilliant idea! Could you imagine actually handing a date your “how to” manual?…ha! Although, let’s be honest, how many of them would actually read it? I can’t even get them to watch a show or read a post! *sigh*
On 05/15/08 at 6:55 am
Carol said:
You know what…that is pretty much what I did with Donnie. I said, here are about 350 stories about me…the way I see life, what I believe…and you are MORE than welcome to get to know me through those blogs/stories. It worked for a while. I do need to condense it to an easy to read manual. You know, after I save the world, bring world peace and the shit that really matters.
On 05/15/08 at 7:04 am
Karri said:
I too am feeling the need for some “shit that really matters”!
On 05/15/08 at 7:26 am
Carol said:
*cough* after leaving that comment….I retreated to my bedroom and contributed a few O’s to the pending Thon. *sigh* Now, I feel much better. THAT really does matter…to me.
On 05/15/08 at 7:39 am
Karri said:
Good for you! I’m so burned out on “training” that I’m having to force myself to ummmm…you know train.
On 05/15/08 at 7:52 am
Kevin M. said:
Don’t forget though. Leading up to it, ya gotta go a few days without. Gotta use that pent up tension to your advantage! Works for me.
On 05/15/08 at 8:25 am
Karri said:
Funny thing is…that works for men. Those of us having multiple, multiple, multiple orgasms have to keep things primed and ready or we lose it. There will be no rest for the weary!
On 05/15/08 at 10:29 am
Kevin M. said:
Holy hell… I’ll be back.
On 05/15/08 at 7:04 am
Kevin M. said:
What are you talking about? I still can’t get the hook outta MY mouth. >.< And to your manual idea… I think almost all WOULD actually, out of curiosity, open it up and see “WTF is this all about??” The key is making the first few lines/points interesting, NOT demanding, and maybe even sexual related. It’s like any book… gotta hook’em in the first page or two. Once they’re giving it a shot, the laying of the law can be wonderfully crafted and interwoven into the rest of the “instructions”.
On 05/15/08 at 7:05 am
Karri said:
With little words and big pictures!
On 05/15/08 at 7:28 am
Carol said:
sssshhhhh……Kevin does not know that some of my favorite written personal stories have been the erotica I used to write.
On 05/15/08 at 7:53 am
Kevin M. said:
Oh snap! Bag open…. cat running around…
On 05/15/08 at 8:04 am
Meghan said:
‘Bag open…, cat running around…’ LOL! I LOVE that!
On 05/15/08 at 2:14 pm
Kevin M. said:
Hehe. Who even came up with that damn saying? I mean, seriously… who walks around with a bag of pussy… and then just lets it out all willy-nilly and all?? LMAO!
On 05/15/08 at 8:59 am
Chris said:
HEY! I’d read it! And I read all of your posts…
On 05/15/08 at 9:10 am
Karri said:
That’s because we aren’t dating. Don’t get me started on the lack of support tangent!
On 05/15/08 at 9:26 am
Chris said:
And what (pray, tell) makes you think I would NOT read it if we WERE dating? Hmmm?
On 05/15/08 at 9:32 am
Karri said:
Well if you did, you’d be the first!
*Stand back, the anger is starting to bubble up!*
On 05/15/08 at 9:35 am
Chris said:
Sounds to me like you’re dating the wrong guys. To alleviate that deplorable situation, I suggest… myself!
On 05/15/08 at 9:40 am
Karri said:
“Sounds to me like you’re dating the wrong guys.”
No shit, ya think?
On 05/15/08 at 9:48 am
Chris said:
Yeppers. That one falls into the “No-Shit” category.
On 05/16/08 at 7:04 pm
andrew goulding said:
Absolutely! W11 this year and an even better system next year. The signs are not good.
ADG
On 05/15/08 at 4:46 am
~Lori~ said:
If he is hooked, he will either burn out on his own or not, plain and simple. So the choice you have is either join him or leave him… Personally if ya love him, join him, and beat his backside in the game. It will give y’all time together, then maybe, just MAYBE the real games will begin afterwards
On 05/15/08 at 5:51 am
Karri said:
Sadly, people have actually died from too much gaming. As absurd as it might sound to most of us, this pastime is rapidly becoming a serious issue and should be seen as any other addiction. We wouldn’t tell someone to sit and drink with an alcoholic, would we?
On 05/15/08 at 6:08 am
~Lori~ said:
I read about those cases, and they are off the wall, usually some other underlying serious issues. My ex-bf was a pretty heavy gamer had been for a long while, more than one kind, usually he could strike up some kind of balance. But I notice, and he even admitted that when he played he could shut his mind off and stop thinking about everyday concerns, stress’s, etc. Which is a nice thing to take a break from, but sometimes, they use it as an escape from reality. I started playing one game out curiosity, never was into it before in my whole life, it was a way for us to connect, and I had fun, still play a little bit, but I had to find my balance, you can overdo very easily. I made the mistake, by making a joke if I dressed up as one of the characters, I might turn him on more, damn did he get offend by that one…;p I think it is all about balance, some people I think have an addictive personality, regardless of what the addiction is, and others do not, I can pick and choose, never had that issue. But I know many that can not unfortunately.
On 05/15/08 at 6:14 am
Karri said:
We should all enjoy an escape once in a while, but I wholeheartedly agree, there has to be balance!
On 05/15/08 at 7:57 am
Kevin M. said:
This is also such an extreme example. I mean, that moron that died playing WoW or something? He OBVIOUSLY had zero life away from the game. I mean, no friends or family to slap him upside the head and pull the plug on his computer?? Sad and sick as it may sound… I’m a big believer in “natural selection” and “Darwinism”.
On 05/15/08 at 8:17 am
Trista said:
I don’t know this story…how did he die? Forget to eat, sleep, what?
On 05/15/08 at 8:26 am
Karri said:
They’re dropping like flies…
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&rls=com.microsoft%3Aen-US&q=gamer+dies
On 05/15/08 at 8:30 am
Trista said:
Holy hell!!!
On 05/15/08 at 8:50 am
Sarahh said:
I don’t even want to masturbate that long…
What is it about video games that does that to people??
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my Wii, I loved GTA for my PS2, I want GTA, but have no system for it. I have put a DEPOSIT on the Wii Fit. (Karri, my first step towards fabulousness)
But 36 or 86 hours.
Nuh uh.
On 05/15/08 at 8:55 am
Karri said:
Now that’s some excellent multi-tasking right there and a habit that I can support!
On 05/15/08 at 8:55 am
Karri said:
p.s.
You’re already OH-SO-FABULOUS!
On 05/15/08 at 9:21 am
Sarahh said:
Why Thankssssss!
I am just attempting to “Up” my fabulosity.
By Up I mean make it not go DOWN any more.
On 05/15/08 at 9:42 am
Karri said:
I’d like to “up” my ass! Not to be confused with anything up my ass of course!
On 05/15/08 at 10:28 am
Kevin M. said:
Well… back to my Darwinism point… this guy was a pussy. And I say that because yes, some friends of mine and I have gone significantly longer than that before… and we didn’t even catch a cold. What a moron. Try eating and drinking something, asshat.
But um… yeah… shouldn’t be doing that in the first place.
On 05/15/08 at 6:40 am
WALLACE RICHIE said:
” Personally if ya love him, join him,….”
You are right on the money. I have engaged in untold hours of shopping, watched numerous sappy romance movies and once I even went to a freaking dog show!! I didn’t bitch and complain, I manned up and did it because the one I was with wanted to.
On 05/15/08 at 6:43 am
Trista said:
But we are talking about something that is taking over someone’s life. Would you “join” an alcoholic? What about a smack addict? I know those are more serious in a sense but if it’s destroying a life it’s destroying a life and you most definitely should not just join it. Watching the occasional chick flick cannot be compared to playing video games with a guy who won’t stop long enough to eat or shower! Come on!
On 05/15/08 at 7:00 am
Karri said:
At least you can sleep through a chick flick.
And here’s another point…why in the hell should anyone be joining their partner in an event that they don’t like? Fuck that! I would never ask a man to get a pedicure or go shopping with me, that’s just silly!
If he wants to sit on his ass escaping reality the least he can do is shut it off once in a while and pay the fuck attention to the woman he’s about to marry…hello?!
(WOW! I’m full of the F-Bombs today)
On 05/15/08 at 7:18 am
WALLACE RICHIE said:
“At least you can sleep through a chick flick. ”
What if you can’t sleep through things? I can’t anyway. Not school, no matter how tired I was. Not lectures, no matter how boring and not movies. My eyes water and I become more alert. I have a hard time ignoring people and an auditory memory. I’ve recited bullshit conversations back to people verbatim.
On 05/15/08 at 7:49 am
Karri said:
Melatonin?
On 05/15/08 at 9:13 am
Sarahh said:
Melatonin ROCKS.
Not as much as my xanax, but still ROCKS.
On 05/15/08 at 9:34 am
Karri said:
YAY you got it!
It doesn’t compare to the wonders of xanax, but it works…and its cheaper!
On 05/15/08 at 10:26 am
Garg the Unzola said:
English class was the best for sleeping.
And visual communo watchimicallit.
Oh and information thingimajig.
On 05/15/08 at 10:43 am
Karri said:
“English class was the best for sleeping.” You’d better not let Trista hear you say that.
On 05/15/08 at 12:22 pm
Trista said:
Boooooo…
And I thought I loved you, Garg.
On 05/22/08 at 7:44 am
Garg the Unzola said:
Hey, I passed English. With my eyes closed.
On 05/15/08 at 8:00 am
Kevin M. said:
Wait… I’m calling bullshit. If I fell asleep during a chick flick, that my chick wanted me to sit through and watch with her… um, yeah… that is NOT going to end well for me.
On 05/15/08 at 8:19 am
Trista said:
Really? People get mad at each other for falling asleep during movies in your world? I’d be in trouble…movies ARE my melatonin.
On 05/15/08 at 8:27 am
Karri said:
I come with a “I will fall asleep before this is over” warning label.
On 05/15/08 at 12:08 pm
Kevin M. said:
Movies in general, no. But we’re talking about “sucking it up” and doing something for your sig other by watching something SHE is into. If I agreed to that and then just crashed… well, how is that “special”?
On 05/15/08 at 12:26 pm
Karri said:
That’s awfully admirable of you, but again, some things just can’t be helped. If I sit still that long, I’m out. Sorry.
On 05/15/08 at 12:47 pm
Kevin M. said:
Yeah… but you’re just weird. I mean, the kinda weird I totally dig… but weird nonetheless.
On 05/15/08 at 1:16 pm
Karri said:
blah, blah, blah