Adventures in Trout Pout
March 17, 2008 · Print This Article
As a woman I put value and importance into looking good just like other gals. But I also know myself, and I know that cosmetic surgery and the like just isn’t for me. I shudder at the thought of needles in my lips or scalpels in my face. So imagine my excitement when I discovered the astonishing side effect of my favorite dish at the local Thai restaurant.
It happened innocently enough…I ordered the usual; drunken noodles, medium spicy…but it wasn’t my usual cook and my noodles ended up a little hotter than normal. My lips felt all tingly while I was eating, and when I looked in the mirror (to pick basil out my grill…) I saw that my lips were looking slightly pinker and plumper. And I had a light bulb moment…
What would happen if I got my noodles EXTREMELY spicy?
Hence operation perky pout was born.
So I called in the order: drunken noodles, extremely spicy, to go of course. (I anticipated snot and tears to be streaming down my face in large quantities…no one needed to see that.) Here I am on my way to pick them up…normal lip sized and what not.
I went home with nine dollars and forty nine cents worth of noodles…let’s hope that’s a ten spot well spent. We shall see…
My friends at Fit 2 B Thai didn’t let me down; I began to feel the burn immediately. ΒΌ into my order I paused to catch my breath, wipe my nose and take a picture.
See the pain on my face…you can’t fake that, folks. Well, I can’t…
And then I dove back in. At about halfway through the take out container o fire my lips were starting to feel like they needed to be iced down. I took a look, and though the results were pleasing, I felt like I needed to go farther…
And so I continued…till the entire plate of pain was consumed, then I dashed into the bathroom to see my final results…
Aaannnnd I was horrified.
What had I done? In my attempt to have young and luscious lips I had committed a cardinal sin.
I had Meg Ryan’ed myself.
Luckily my way cost a mere ten bucks and only lasted a couple hours. (Women who overdo the Restylane and Collagen cannot say the same.) But the memory (of my pain) and the lesson learned(half a plate next time, you dope!) will last a lifetime…
Trista a la trout pout ain’t pretty, folks.
Well, at least I didn’t put baby foreskin in my lips, unlike SOME people I know…
So what horrifying things have you guys done in the name of looking good? No allergic reactions I hope…
Share kids…it’s fun.
On 03/17/08 at 6:37 am
Cassie said:
UM, shave my legs! My first time doing that was HORRIBLE!!! like think slasher movie horrible!! LOL
LMAO at the baby foreskin line!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH
On 03/17/08 at 6:40 am
Trista said:
I STILL can’t shave my knees without injuring myself…jeez!
It’s been almost 20 years now, you’d think I would have it down by now…
Nope.
On 03/17/08 at 6:57 am
Carol said:
I am laughing my ass off. OUT. LOUD.
Meg’d yourself…but you are always beautiful.
You know, the most horrifying thing I’ve ever done is learn how to shave…ummm…sensitive spots.
*has visual of Karri’s blog about getting waxed and smiles about my razor*
Wait. I’ve got it. I had braces put on at age 35. That was not exactly a fun experience.
On 03/17/08 at 7:07 am
Trista said:
Yeah…I’ll take the razor over the wax ANY day!
And you don’t recommend the braces at a late age, huh? B and I were talking about getting em together…since we’ve taken to calling each other “Carrigan” and “Buscemi” and all.
On 03/17/08 at 6:59 am
Sarahh said:
I can’t get over that second to last picture. I actually gasped and scooted back in my chair. Hand over mouth!
I am a pad thai girl. I am still on my thai training wheels.
I did consider once getting my ears pinned back. Cute boy 9th grade called me dumbo. But it seemed like it would hurt too much.
And now my son loves my dumbo impression.
On 03/17/08 at 7:11 am
Trista said:
Yeah…the things I’ll do for entertainment.
I was going to do this live on the show this week…but after yesterday I am glad I chose to do it at home instead.
I cried…a lot. When you say extremely spicy, they don’t fuck around!
PS…my ears stick out too…but so do Amber Valletta’s. So neiner, neiner to all the dumb boys who have ever called us dumbo.
On 03/17/08 at 8:06 am
Sarahh said:
That same guy tried to make out with me 2 years later. I smooched then said “oh shit, I am sorry I don’t do it with guys who call me dumbo. Dumb ass” and walked off.
Neiner, neiner neiner is right!
Oh and I am so glad I am not the only girl with the blue tooth. I get made fun of CONSTANTLY by strangers even. And frankly I think it makes my ear stick out further, but la di da…
On 03/17/08 at 8:23 am
Trista said:
I always have that thing on…it’s a part of me now…
On 03/17/08 at 10:29 am
Rex said:
…only because your skin grew around it. From the brain cancer.
On 03/17/08 at 10:35 am
Trista said:
Not funny. Don’t they give out less radiation than the phones? If I’m wrong DON’T tell me!!!
On 03/17/08 at 12:20 pm
Sarahh said:
No, blue tooths teeth(?) actually send positive waves throughout the brain making the person wearing it SMARTER.
On 03/17/08 at 12:32 pm
Rex said:
Oh ye delusional folk who eat up all manner of propaganda…
On 03/17/08 at 7:30 am
Fiona said:
I had to quit waxing my eyebrows because they would swell and be all red for 2 days. Not nice.
On 03/17/08 at 7:52 am
Trista said:
Damn, two days? So not worth it, I agree.
On 03/17/08 at 8:07 am
Sarahh said:
Sometimes when I pluck that happens. Looks like I was stung by a bee.
Interesting phenomenon.
I found out to make sure your face is clean with no make up. That cleared it up for me.
On 03/17/08 at 9:49 am
Fiona said:
I don’t wear make-up to begin with… I wonder if my skin is too sensitive to the hot wax?
On 03/17/08 at 7:28 pm
Trista said:
Sounds like it, but I am no expert. Damn, where is my esthetician business partner when we need her?
On 03/17/08 at 7:34 am
PJ said:
At least you stopped short of snorting wasabi. As for me, I don’t really have a horror story from my attempts at looking good, but I’ve also never been one for the metrosexual stuff.
On 03/17/08 at 7:54 am
Trista said:
Why would one snort wasabi? The thought of it makes me nauseous.
Never even a bad haircut in your past? Or a horrible fashion faux pas?
On 03/17/08 at 8:56 am
PJ said:
Bad hairstyles don’t really count, do they? If so, hmm let’s see: I’ve had a mullet, a shaved head, slicked back hair, spiked, flat-top, red-dyed, black-dyed, pink-dyed, bleached, the 90’s parted undercut thing, the George Clooney Ceasar thing, and a perm. So, um, yeah I’ve made a few mistakes.
On 03/17/08 at 9:12 am
Trista said:
hahahahahahahaaaaa.
No, really? A perm? I REALLY want to see pictures.
On 03/17/08 at 9:57 am
PJ said:
I’m not positive if I have any pictures of my magnificent curly fro, it was from about 12 years ago.
On 03/17/08 at 7:41 am
E said:
I put self-tanner on my legs the morning of my best friend’s wedding, where I was supposed to be a bridesmaid. I bought the neutrogena stuff because I have really sensitive skin, and allergies to random stuff. Unfortunately, then “gentle” neutrogena tanning foam immediately raised silver dollar-sized hives all over my legs, so I frantically rinsed, and of course the tanner hadn’t had time to work, so my legs were streaky orange and covered in hives for the wedding. Panty hose wouldn’t even disguise it (not that the dress and shoes she wanted me to wear required panty hose, hence the self-tanner.)
On 03/17/08 at 8:02 am
Trista said:
Damn! I burned myself at a tanning salon for a girlfriend’s wedding. Never going in one of those little heated coffins of pain again.
On 03/17/08 at 8:15 am
Karri said:
The foam self-tanner sucks! Try the Loreal Sublime towlettes instead. Or for a quick fix Sally Hanson’s airbrush spray.
On 03/17/08 at 7:52 am
SweetNess! said:
…. and yet, you still look sexy even with that puffy pout!
On 03/17/08 at 8:02 am
Trista said:
Awwww, you’re so sweet the way you lie to me like that!
On 03/17/08 at 8:08 am
Karri said:
*SNORT* *SNORT, SNORT*
Oh, Cripes! Why have I been wasting so much money all these years? I will now forego this painful procedure and opt for EXTREMELY spicy. Thanks for the tip!
On 03/17/08 at 8:09 am
Karri said:
DAMN, no pic. Phooey!
On 03/17/08 at 9:12 am
Trista said:
I share because I care, my kitten.
On 03/17/08 at 8:20 am
Sarahh said:
Trying out to see if I can annihilate my shadowy icon.
(Fingers crossed)
On 03/17/08 at 8:28 am
Karri said:
Sarahh,
Once you upload your image, click on it and then select “image to display”. Try that and see if it fixes your shadow.
XOXO~
On 03/17/08 at 8:20 am
Sarahh said:
I give up. Damn it.
On 03/17/08 at 8:58 am
PJ said:
1. Go to your mybloglog home.
2. Copy the complete url from the address bar.
3. Paste in the URI box here.
On 03/17/08 at 9:31 am
Sarahh said:
Testing… If this works you ROCK.
On 03/17/08 at 9:41 am
Trista said:
What the hell? Sarah the internet gods are against you!!!
On 03/17/08 at 9:42 am
Rex said:
Same here. It’s annoying as shit.
On 03/17/08 at 10:07 am
Sarahh said:
Oh Thank God I am not the only one. I even uploaded a new picture. Went to all my settings. Did what everyone said and nada.
I shall be known from here on out as…..
SHADOWGAL!
On 03/17/08 at 4:42 pm
Kevin said:
You are DEFINITELY not alone.
On 03/17/08 at 9:22 am
Rex said:
T, you know I could’ve simply PHOTOSHOP’D your lips… geez.
On 03/17/08 at 9:28 am
Trista said:
But where’s the adventure in that??
Of course this morning I am kinda wishing I would have gone that route, ifyaknowwhatimeanandithinkyoudo.
On 03/17/08 at 9:41 am
Rex said:
Your burning lips are none of my business!
…as for your mouth, let’s not get crazy now.
On 03/17/08 at 9:49 am
Trista said:
It’s EVERYONE’S business…now.
Cripes…I have no shame.
On 03/17/08 at 9:58 am
Rex said:
Nah, Karri still has you beat. That BRA FLINGER…
On 03/17/08 at 1:00 pm
Karri said:
There was no flinging of the bra. Removal yes. Flinging, no.
On 03/17/08 at 4:33 pm
Trista said:
It was more of a shimmy. really.
On 03/17/08 at 9:37 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
Damn Girl, those photos are hilarious. You look good just the way you are. Who needs fuller lips!? Trust me, I’m a Black man, my chap stick addiction is the reason I no longer live in California j/k. Funny thing is I’m naturally not a hairy guy(I didn’t have hair on my legs until 19), so I’ve never shaved my body. Hell, I used to prey for more hair on my body. The most painful thing I’ve done in the name of fashion is get my hair braided. I went to these African women and had two people working on my fro. I was so psyhced I didn’t notice the were fighting(plus I didn’t know their language)and a note to anyone who wants corn rows: If you can’t sleep the first night GET THEM LOOSENED! Let’s just say my hair line never recovered.
On 03/17/08 at 9:39 am
Rex said:
HA! I tried that once. …yeeeeeeeeeeeah, never again.
On 03/17/08 at 9:51 am
Trista said:
Yeah…fuuuuuck that! I cannot even handle having my hair FRENCH BRAIDED. I know, I know…I am a wimpy white girl.
On 03/17/08 at 2:24 pm
Hater Numero Uno said:
What are french braids? If they are what Bo Dereck was famous for then you are forgiven. I had like 8 rows and they were painful!! I have a question to everyone, Why are big Black men who have cornrows so feared? I mean people would cross the street at 2 in the after noon to avoid me. Sure I was 6′2″ and 230 at the time, but the same people just passed by me when I was bald. I was a big teddy bear up until I realized people were avoiding me.
On 03/17/08 at 4:32 pm
Trista said:
Heh. People are weird. I have the same issue when I walk my dog…I don’t get it. She is 130 lbs of pitbull love, that’s all!
On 03/17/08 at 6:45 pm
Hater Numero Uno said:
I love pitbulls!! All my friends have em. Pitbulls are the most loving and loyal dogs. If their owner wants them to be assholes then they’ll be assholes. Speaking of dogs, I was feeling extra lazy tonight and decided to let my dad’s boxer chase the light from a flash light instead of running him around the block(it’s freaking HUMID here in the Nola, I’m used to San Diego). He’s been panting for the last 20 minutes while lying on the tile floor, is that ok?
On 03/17/08 at 7:04 pm
Trista said:
Yeah…my dog is a lover…unless you are a cat. she is not a fan of cats.
Is it an elderly or overweight dog?? Did you give him water? Crazy…
On 03/18/08 at 5:14 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
The Dog is a big puppy! He’s three years old. Of course I gave him water, and get this, he ONLY drinks water that has ice in it! I swear to God I’m not lying. If my freaking crappy ass Rumor were working I’d post a video!
On 03/17/08 at 2:06 pm
Hater Numero Uno said:
Tell me about it! I can’t even grow dreads because after a certain point I flash back. I run for the nearest razor!
On 03/17/08 at 11:05 am
Ryan said:
I dyed my goatee jet black for halloween. Realizing that it was way too dark to keep I decided to bleach it. The first attempt turned it to a piss yellow color. So I upped the dosage and left it on for twice as long. My face began to burn and swell. I hung my face under the faucet for like 20 minutes. The end result was a platinum blonde stache and beard outlined by a dark red chemical burn.
On 03/17/08 at 2:25 pm
Hater Numero Uno said:
ouch….
On 03/17/08 at 2:52 pm
Trista said:
daaaaaaaaamn! Did you hide from the world for a week or what?
On 03/17/08 at 3:22 pm
Chris said:
What horrifying things have I done in the name of looking good?
.
Worn a noose… um… er… I mean… tie.
On 03/17/08 at 4:31 pm
Trista said:
Yeah…I had a mishap with a tie once…it was scary. I shan’t put one around my neck again.
On 03/17/08 at 3:46 pm
mai said:
i have some of my mom’s hot sauce if you want to use it
On 03/17/08 at 4:29 pm
Trista said:
Yeah, send me some…I’ll use it like lip plumping gloss.
On 03/17/08 at 4:45 pm
Kevin said:
Holy shit. You may be onto a serious idea, there. Quick… market that shit!
On 03/17/08 at 5:54 pm
Trista said:
Do you think men are attracted to a girl who’s mouth smells of hot sauce?
On 03/17/08 at 5:55 pm
Trista said:
Eh, what do I care…I’ll have a perfect pout! =P
On 03/17/08 at 6:48 pm
Hater Numero Uno said:
I’ll sell it down here. You just got to get it to smell like Franks Hot Sauce first, and the brothers will come running!
On 03/17/08 at 5:14 pm
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
Trista,
I was more thinking Jennifer Garner at the end of Alias’ run. A little over done, but still attached to one of the most fuckable personalities I know.
Thankfully, I will never have to worry about fucking Jennifer Garner. Who wants those disease ridden sloppy seconds.
On 03/17/08 at 5:56 pm
Trista said:
Jennifer Garner has a “fuckable personality?” What does that mean, exactly? I need to know so I can cultivate one.
On 03/18/08 at 6:39 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
You have to meet her to understand. She comes across as this down to earth sort of whimsical person who is extremely lovable, and she radiates this fuck me attitude. Sort of reminds me of you, but you don’t radiate the fuck me attitude as much as she does.
On 03/18/08 at 6:49 am
lisaq said:
Damn Trista…you are one brave girl!
On 03/23/08 at 1:26 pm
troy said:
your lips are so kissable now!
hope you got a few smootches in those two hours of trout lips..