BOO!
August 26, 2008 · Print This Article
Hidden indiscretions…we all have them. Overstuffed envelopes containing love letters of yesteryear, a little locked box with pixilated images and of course the ever popular, naughty drawer. Memories and alter egos, stashed and hoarded away with the notion that our eyes are the only one’s that will ever peer into our unmentionables. And then the day comes…dun, du, du, dun, duuuuun….when others are inadvertently made privy to the fact that not all of our dirty little secrets are taken to the proverbial grave.
Personally, I’m an emotional packrat. I save everything from movie stubs to post-it notes and champagne corks. I suppose this trend begins in the hopes that each new encounter will ultimately become the relationship that lasts through my golden years. I revel in the idea that someday I’d be able to fondly remember the play off series or the trip to the amusement park on our summer vacation. Each tangible item in the “memory box” would evoke an emotional response. My heart would swoon as a smile crosses my lips while aimlessly rocking on the porch sipping lemonade. What? A girl can dream, can’t she?
Okay, Okay, so in theory, having a sentimental treasure trove has warm and fuzzy written all over it. In reality…not so much. Imagine for a moment, your purest, gawdliest friend or family member. Now, imagine the shock and awe you might endure if you were to unexpectedly discover that they secretly fancy zoophilia, numerous sexual partners, cross-dressing or if you’ve struck the mother load…all three simultaneously. WHOA! Suddenly your impressions have been shattered into tiny bits of convoluted irrational thoughts leaving you with nothing more than unanswered questions.
In the event of my permanent absence there are very few people I could fathom sorting through my life and discovering some of my, shall we say…questionable activities. Although I’m not generally one to keep secrets that certainly does not mean that I would ever want my survivors to see my bits in high def or read about my summer vacation to Mexico when I was a not-so-innocent barely legal teen on the verge of a starring role in Girls Gone Wild.
Here’s a little food for thought…if others would be horrified by your possessions of X-rated paraphernalia, years of memoirs or that you still harbor a crush on Scott Baio, I highly suggest you invest in a paper shredder and schedule a bonfire in your near future! No one needs that kind of unsolicited information floating around in their grey matter distorting their untainted opinions and memories. If you’ve got skeletons in your closet…for the love all that’s unholy, get rid of them! Spare the damage to your children’s psyches when they discover that you’ve used their kindergarten paper mache piñata to store your nipple clamps and whatnots!
It’s time to give up the goods…what secrets are you hiding? Are you an emotional pack rat or do you binge and purge? And, how would you feel if you came face-to-face with current lovah’s past conquests?
On 08/26/08 at 4:17 am
Sarahh said:
This VERY thought is what motivated me to get rid of my “List” and other non-mentionables. I thought to myself, what if my mother or GOD FORBID my Grandmother were to find this stuff due to an unexpected accident or something?
Can you blush and shudder in the afterlife???
I believe it was Martin Lawrence who said, She got so many skeletons she opens her mouth and a bone falls out…
I never want to be that girl.
On 08/26/08 at 5:50 am
Karri said:
Guuurl, I hear ya! I have relationship memorabilia that dates back to high school…why? There’s no need for that kind of embarrassment should someone rummage through my belongings.
What I want to know is, did you do any purging before you and Vic shacked up?
On 08/26/08 at 8:40 am
Sarahh said:
I was JUST looking through a HS photo album. Went as far back as Freshman year. That was 17 friggin years ago!
I think pictures, movie stubs, things of that nature are fine, but when you get to things, er um of a personal nature perhaps it is better to rid yourself of them…
Kinda didn’t have to. I purge as I go.
Wow, that sounds like an episode of Intervention. SCARY!
On 08/26/08 at 5:52 am
Proph said:
“Can you blush and shudder in the afterlife???”
I hope so…or half my shtick is going to be worthless on the other side…that would suck. Either way I need to find out for sure. I have and idea…
{ My Hypothetical Prayer to God…my HPG, if you will}
“God, please let me fuck with people in heaven? Now open up your mouth and say ahhhhmaan, biiiitch. Ummm…. should I consider you’re silence on the subject as a prohibitive yes? Whatever, thanks and stuff.”
As for the skeletons in my closet… I figure anyone whom has known me long enough would realize anything that was found after my death, was probably already mentioned more than a few times along the way, long before I passed. But I guess I’m an odd-duck in that sense.
Open question for all willing… Can your view of someone be altered by a few choice possessions that they’ve collected over the years or does your mental image of them stay the same? Can rifling through the dirty laundry of a dead loved one actually bring you closer to understanding your own relationship to them?
Anybody… just curious.
On 08/26/08 at 6:04 am
Karri said:
“Can your view of someone be altered by a few choice possessions that they’ve collected over the years or does your mental image of them stay the same?”
YES!
Although let’s not just limit this to the deceased. What if you were to find that T has a collection of…oh, I don’t know, let’s just say dirty socks. Mismatched, filthy stinky socks. Not socks that she’s going to wash mind you, but ones that she likes to sniff. WTF? You better get your decoder ring out for that one.
On 08/26/08 at 7:38 am
Jime said:
Hm. I say NO to this question.
The reason is that I believe everybody has a very dark core that they are hiding. Everybody has twisted wires and is a little fucked up and that’s O.K. because we’re human and we’re supposed to be fucked up. So, when I heard that my grandma had a bakers dozen industrial-grade dildos tucked away in her pantry–it came as no surprise to me, because I had already assumed that this was the case.
If anything it made me respect the old bag-of-bones more because you gotta appreciate a woman who knows how to please herself. And that goes for everybody.
On 08/26/08 at 7:54 am
Karri said:
I think where the conflict arises is when we choose not to see people in their entirety…when we place them on a pedestal and they can do no wrong in our eyes.
You, m’friend, are obviously more enlightened and aware than I. Therefore, perhaps you don’t succumb to the same shock and awe. I for one would be mortified if anyone were to come across some of my risque hidden treasures.
On 08/26/08 at 8:21 am
Jime said:
Hahaa, Karri, your treasure trove is probably a sight to see. It should probably be considered another world wonder. That’s the level I’m putting it on.
I agree with what you’re saying about putting people on pedestals. The concept of “doing no wrong” feeds the subjective ethos that there must be a “right”, which I do not cater to. This is about judgment, subjective prejudice, it’s about saying, “Hey, my beliefs are better than yours so shame on you!” Lol. Absurd. I believe firmly in Voltaire’s advice: Tend your own garden. Better to just say that we are all subject to biology and vulnerable to our desires and please be kind.
And if you will excuse me, my pet kangaroo is ripe for a reaming.
On 08/26/08 at 8:34 am
Karri said:
I absolutely get you’re point, and I like to believe that I’m not one to judge, but that I can merely say, “to each their own.” BUT, every once in a while I’d just like to live in my little fantasy world that certain people whom I admire and respect, would never dare cross over to the dark side, if you know what I’m sayin’.
And yes, I can only hope that I would never have to look someone in the eye after they’ve meandered through my treasure trove of nonsense! OY!!!
On 08/26/08 at 3:48 pm
Proph said:
I’m on board with Jime as far as realizing and accepting faults in humanity as an inevitability. However, I also think there is room for a pedestal or two.
My opinion (and it is just that…) is that we as humans all rationalize behaviors in ourselves and others in hopes to end internal dissonance. Rationalization as a tool is neither inherently good nor inherently bad…it just is.
We have the ability to rationalize anything, anyhow we see fit. We can choose to see things in any light we wish… we can also choose to bar the door and when we’re unable to cope with something at a given time, and unbar it when we’re ready.
When it comes down to death… or trauma of a far less significance for that matter, the 7 stages of grief always apply. Big traumas sometimes don’t go away with one go around on the grief merry go-round…sometimes we’ve just got to cycle all the way through as many times as it takes for a palpable level of peace to be attained. And discord arrived at by way of smaller annoyances,like say a car wreck, we can zip through in a mere fraction of the time.
But when it comes to Losing a “loved one”… I think we are best served to remember “those people” in the best light we can. It’s not really so much about diminishing their faults as much as it is accentuating the positive aspects of their nature.
Like I said, it is just my opinion… but supposing rationalization “is” a nuanced yet universally shared characteristic of human beings. Why not build up the people who built you up?
Just because you put someone up on a pedestal…doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to hold them to higher expectations. Accept what is, don’t let details change your opinions in the immediate aftermath of any situation,and remember whatever helps you sleep at night. Seriously. I mean it.
On 08/26/08 at 3:57 pm
Proph said:
“And Karri as for your hypothetical about T and the socks
Just know that it was not hypothetical…she has a collection of them, she sniffs them, sometimes she even appears to be swimming in a pile of sock love… but then she does the laundry, now doesn’t she. SO I can’t let her weirdness get to me… not if I wish to see her naked.
On 08/26/08 at 4:04 pm
Karri said:
Have you been eavesdropping on my conversations or just hearing them via T osmosis?
I absolutely agree! It doesn’t matter the relationship status, but rather the relationship details that we experienced with the one who’s no longer currently tangible. The most important thing to realize is that we all have secrets, but those secrets don’t define our experiences nor do they diminish what we genuinely shared with that person. It truly is not about us.
With that said, I still don’t want to be privy to my parent’s naughty drawer…it’s just naughty! Sure, yay for them, they had a healthy sexual appetite, but who wants to see the proof? Not I my friend, not I!
On 08/26/08 at 8:44 am
Sarahh said:
Well yeah, if I am dating someone and then find a clown wig, suppositories, and whip cream in a box labeled “4th Month” I think I may find him a bit different than I did the day before.
Didn’t say good or bad, just different.
On 08/26/08 at 8:44 am
Sarahh said:
Answering Proph’s question there if anyone thinks I am insane.
Not that it is a far drive, but still.
On 08/26/08 at 9:28 am
Karri said:
I’m right beside ya sista’. Insanity and otherwise.
Oh, and I’ll see your hypothetical clown wig and raise you a real life zip lock bag of sperm in the back of the freezer!
On 08/26/08 at 9:37 am
Sarahh said:
At home Sperm Clinics are never acceptable.
I am hoping the bag was put in the freezer AFTER the deposit(s)?? Sounds like a pudding pop disaster waiting to happen.
Brrr.
On 08/26/08 at 9:43 am
Karri said:
And to think that I just flippantly threw it in the garbage. I could really use that sperm right about now…damn hindsight!
On 08/26/08 at 5:20 am
kiki said:
When I moved over here, I had to pack up a whole load of my past and leave it at my mum’s place. You betcha I went through it all first with a fine tooth comb to make sure there was NOTHING that could shatter her image of me being her nun-like eldest daughter LOL. I did mistakenly get rid of some loveletters and stuff that really I would have liked to keep. But I couldn’t bring more than a couple of suitcases with me so alot of stuff had to go. It was actually quite liberating having my entire life in two suitcases. Of course, now I’ve been here over 2.5yrs I’ve discovered the joys of Target, Ikea, Borders etc and I doubt I could even fit m pj collection in two suitcases! As for anything naughtier than 2 bags of Swedish redfish in the bedside cabinet well, folks’ll be very disappointed. I must do something about that. LOL.
On 08/26/08 at 6:19 am
Karri said:
Swedish redfish? Are you buying the meatballs at IKEA, too?
I rather fancy the idea of my life in 2 suitcases, although I don’t know if I could actually do it. I’d definitely need a storage unit…just in case.
On 08/26/08 at 6:44 am
kiki said:
Ikea meatballs are divine. That gravy and lingonberry jelly too. I would go to Ikea just to eat!!! But then I get distracted by all the random, unnecessary and yet totally essential stuff in the marketplace!!! Now I have a car I’m a tad concerned about the ease in which I’ll have access to all the orgasmic goodies Ikea has to offer. Saying that, I HATE flatpack furniture. Hate it. Makes me want to commit hari-kari. I have a very good friend who’s happy to bang and screw the life out of my Billy shelves for me
On 08/26/08 at 7:12 am
Karri said:
I too love meandering the sensory overload, Disneyland for adults isles of Ikea. That place just makes me happy…except on Sunday’s when the line for meatballs is longer than the line to buy pre-fab furniture.
On 08/26/08 at 5:40 am
Carol said:
Oh my…I don’t even think in these terms any more. If I were to leave unexpectedly, I imagine quite a few would be entertained…LOL. I guess I should have a key to my house made, give it to Vix or Bryan, asking them to “take care of it” for me!!! I do have some old love letters somewhere. I wouldn’t mind anyone close to me reading them. They are beautiful. But, some old journals…huh, maybe I need to reconsider.
On 08/26/08 at 6:22 am
Karri said:
Journals, right! Would you really want your son reading about your sexcapades?! And I’m not even talking about you being gone and you’re not ever coming back…what if he just stumbled upon them some random day? YIKES!
On 08/26/08 at 8:46 am
Sarahh said:
*Heavy Sigh*
My Grandmother found one of my journals where I had written something about having sex (with soon to be husband/ ex husband).
I don’t know if she read it, but I freaked out… It was SO old too, but it didn’t matter…
*Shudder*
I didn’t even have the luxury of being dead!
On 08/26/08 at 9:07 am
Karri said:
HAHAAAHA! “The luxury of being dead.” Oh, Sarahh!
Not too long ago my Dad gave me a box-o-stuff. He had the oddest look on his face when he handed it to me and said, “you might want to do something with this.” Inside…a 20 year old journal, pics my Dad did not need to see and my favorite…a video tape! *sigh*
On 08/26/08 at 9:23 am
Sarahh said:
OMG. (I rarely OMG btw.)
But OMG, my Grandmother had the same look on her face!!!!!! It wasn’t a scowl so much as just this look.
That is when I knew…
THE HORROR!!!
On 08/26/08 at 9:37 am
Karri said:
YEP…that look.!
The one that says, “I’m deeply disturbed and disappointed.”
Is there anything worse? I think not. I’d rather get a lecture than a look, that’s fo’ sure!
On 08/26/08 at 11:24 am
Meghan said:
I’m sorry, but that is hysterical.
Shame on both of you!
<—Burns journal over open flame and rips film out of
tape.
On 08/26/08 at 10:48 am
Carol said:
nothing for my kiddos to stumble upon. my happy shelf is literally way the hell up in my closet. now, it was funny when something started to vibrate and morgan heard it….but,tis a story for another day!
journals. i have so many, i need to go through all my moving boxes and put them in one place. much has been transferred to blogs and other forms. i doubt there is much i would ever be ashamed for them to read. in fact, i would say there is nothing of which i am so ashamed that i wouldn’t mind if they read them.
wow, that just made me feel pretty damned good. thanks, k!
On 08/26/08 at 4:13 pm
Karri said:
I didn’t do anything, it’s all you girl!
If we live an honest and trustworthy life all else falls into place.
On 08/26/08 at 6:36 am
Cassie said:
would you be surprised if I tell you there is NOTHING that anyone might have to worry about, digging through my things after I’m on the highway to hell?
NOTHING!!!
I tend to collect shot glasses rather than ‘romantic’ stuffs and not much in that ‘drawer’ my relatives would have to worry about either!!! LOL
On 08/26/08 at 6:52 am
Karri said:
You’re a good girl, Cass! I on the other hand see a large dumpster in my future.
On 08/26/08 at 6:53 am
Jody said:
While I’ll keep an occasional momento or special something or other, when a relationship is over, I purge everything. I can’t quite feel rid of whatever ex until all the momentos and everything is gone. TO me, to hang on to a physical something, is to hang on to the relationship.But then, I’ve had some seriously whacked relationships lol. As to sexcapades? The only memories I keep of those are in my head and that of my other. That’s the way I prefer it lol.
On 08/26/08 at 8:18 am
Karri said:
Perhaps that is the crux of my dilemma…I rarely completely get rid of ex’s. Instead I have a personal collection of real life Precious Moments.
On 08/26/08 at 7:20 am
PJ said:
Wow. It feels like I haven’t been here in forever. Anyways, as I was digging through my box o’ junk for old photos to hand over to J so that she could make an embarrassing P.J. collage for my big 3-0, I found my once well-intentioned time capsule of all the cool (and some not-so cool) things we did together in our early years. Luckily, the worst thing in there was a ticket stub from when we went to see “Cats.”
On 08/26/08 at 8:21 am
Karri said:
AWWWWE…see, now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! It makes me all giddy inside to think about J going through your time capsule again in another 20 or so years. I truly envy the two of you!
And, welcome back…you’ve been missed!
On 08/26/08 at 9:21 am
PJ said:
Awwee right back at ya. It looks like I’ve missed a whole heck of a lot. I guess I should learn to slack off better. I didn’t miss any random picture postings, did I?
On 08/26/08 at 9:39 am
Karri said:
Not that I’m aware of. I’ve been a wee bit MIA myself. Where are those pictures?
On 08/26/08 at 11:35 am
PJ said:
Well, I had a few pics but I couldn’t resist the offers from Ok! magazine for them. I hope you guys don’t mind.
On 08/26/08 at 3:37 pm
Karri said:
OK! Magazine? What, we’re not good enough for The Enquirer? PFFFFT!
On 08/26/08 at 8:05 am
Jime said:
The only reason I keep old letters and emails is so that I can use them in the future to write stories or make art. The real words lend a truth that would otherwise be completely fabricated.
That said, there was a time when I lived under the naive veneer that people would just accept whatever I bring to the table. As a result I didn’t hide anything really. I would leave my journals on countertops, or leave my computers running with easy access to my email such that anybody close to me could have accessed it. It was never a big deal to me.
Then a ex-girlfriend went into my email and didn’t like what she found. I think the concept of discriminating somebody because of skeletons in the closet is absurd (unless they are a sexual predator, or molest children or something). So, nowadays, I write two or three pages of warnings at the beginnings of every journal and lock out my email. Unfortunatley, once you know something you cannot un-know it and some people just cannot handle some things.
On 08/26/08 at 8:28 am
Karri said:
“Unfortunately, once you know something you cannot un-know it and some people just cannot handle some things.”
And with that may I add, that we don’t always know what we can or can’t handle until we come face-to-face with it. In theory something may sound harmless, but the reality might sting more than we could ever anticipate.
On 08/26/08 at 8:30 am
Jime said:
That is true and valid. I’m sure that as open as I claim to be something exists that could shock me. For instance: if you were to tell me you are a diehard necrophiliac. That would be a shock.
On 08/26/08 at 8:38 am
Karri said:
Mmmm…ya, I’m going to pass on the necrophilia and stick with my collection of …
On 08/26/08 at 9:11 am
Jime said:
…toe-nail clippings?
On 08/26/08 at 9:38 am
Karri said:
You’re warm.
On 08/26/08 at 10:13 am
Jime said:
You save pubic clippings in a little box, don’t you? Twisted minx!
On 08/26/08 at 10:42 am
Karri said:
I would exactly call them clippings per se…more like random souvenirs.
On 08/26/08 at 11:49 am
Jime said:
Aaahahahaaaa. That’s reVOLTing! It’s so extremely revolting that I’m wildly attracted to the idea of viewing your mixed assortment of documented and cataloged “special” clippings.
On 08/26/08 at 3:38 pm
Karri said:
If your nice I’ll show you the one I keep at work.
On 08/26/08 at 1:36 pm
Jime said:
Haha, I just noticed that you corrected my typo when quoting me. That’s funny. Whenever I quote somebody I am always at odds with whether or not I should correct their typos. I mean…it’s a quote, right? Lol. It eats away at me.
On 08/26/08 at 3:39 pm
Karri said:
I’m SO sorry, I couldn’t help it! Blame Firefox and the red line it was just begging to be clicked.
On 08/26/08 at 8:31 am
Pecosa said:
I moved back home so most of my stuff had to go. It was liberating. I got rid of all my wedding stuff which I still don’t understand why I wanted to keep it so bad (my mom had to pry my bouquet out my hands)…all mementos from that failed relationship and clothes I was hanging on to. My mom would have had a heart attack if she would have read some of my letters…the one thing I didn’t get rid of: Bob. even though he’s broken and I don’t dare use it at my mom’s house, but my little vibrating friend ain’t going nowhere!
On 08/26/08 at 9:17 am
Karri said:
Ahhh, yes, the wedding paraphernalia. I honestly don’t know that I’ll ever be able to get rid of my dress…I still love it! I should part with the file folders of vendors though. Seriously, why would I even still have that shit?
Girl, do we need to take up a collection and get you a new and improved, functioning Bob?
On 08/27/08 at 10:36 am
Pecosa said:
The dress stays. I love it. lol, you still have the vendor list?
No collection necessary, but thanks! I’m buying one as soon as I get my own place. One with all the twisting, turning, vibrating, pulsating features. In hot pink. =)
On 08/27/08 at 9:14 pm
Karri said:
Ya, I still have the vendor list. But, to my defense, it’s come in quite handy for my girlfriends who are about to take the plunge and need some suggestions.
Make sure you go to Too Timid through our link when you’re ready for your new friend…they have some lovely twirly whirlies there!
On 08/26/08 at 8:43 am
Trunks Kirshner said:
I’ve still kept letters and christmas presents from my two “most significant” lovers in high school and from my most significant lover so far in college.
.
I’m not sure why - maybe to look at their handwriting - or perhaps it reminds me that the feelings and memories were/are real.
.
I keep one lover’s letters in an Aldo’s Shoes box in the trunk of my car - ’so I’m always driving around with her words’ - but I haven’t actually read a single letter of her’s since 2004
.
Though I burned one or two things in the fireplace, I’ve kept all the presents and 98% of the letters - again, I’m not sure why….
.
I even let a lover in college read through my current diary, and she even wrote in their, so her words are literally written within a fragment of myself
On 08/26/08 at 8:52 am
Trunks Kirshner said:
I’m not really sure if I have anything controversial about myself in my closet - just my attatchment to things in a sentimental context (id.est. I had a best friend that wore Dolce and Gabbana light blue perfume and so now I wear cologne almost in memory of that friendship)
.
I suppose I’d have to prepare someone to read my diaries, but I have a friend now that I’ve let read two of my diaries going (2002-06) and nothing she’s read has dismantled her idea of me
On 08/26/08 at 9:22 am
Karri said:
I think there’s something safe about letting a platonic friend have a glimpse into our deep dark secrets, it seems to cement the bond if you will. But I do not believe that current romantic interests should ever have to be subjected to our inner most feelings and desires regarding those who came before them. It’s a given there were feelings, but to actually read them puts a completely different spin on what we simply imagined to be true.
On 08/26/08 at 9:35 am
Trunks Kirshner said:
I agree - I didn’t think about it when I let that previous lover look into the depth of past feelings that it’d be significantly different from ‘dinner conversation’ - it was a lapse in judgement but thankfully it didn’t significantly impact anything
.
It is much easier to put your secrets in moth balls and store them away in a box somewhere, therefore keeping any context of “the past” on surface level
On 08/26/08 at 9:41 am
Karri said:
I’d also suggest a really good lock!
Although, when it comes to most girls, that just entices even more as to the contents. Pretty much you’re screwed either way. Sorry!
On 08/26/08 at 8:43 am
Kristi said:
I am definitely an emotional packrat, but I do the binge & purge once a relationship is over. I only keep g rated photos, some cards, and items that really could not be linked to someone specific if anyone else saw it, like movie stubs and such. I keep things mostly to remember that I did them, and less to remember who I did them with.
On 08/26/08 at 9:33 am
Karri said:
I really need to consider this binge and purge thing you’re all doing! Maybe I should send the memento’s back to the appropriate parties and let them do as they see fit. Then again, that might appear even more weird than the fact that I still have them. hmmmm…