Can I get your number?
June 16, 2008 · Print This Article
How many times we have you felt that twinge of excitement when someone you are interested in asks for your number? That slight heat that comes over you when you write it down on a napkin, on his hand, or when you are typing it into his cell… Warm Gooey wonderfulness.
Every time I think of numbers I am reminded of this from Erin Brockovich. When George asks Erin for her phone number…
George: How many numbers you got?
Erin : Oh, I got numbers comin’ outta my ears. For instance: ten.
George: Ten?
Erin : Yeah. That’s how many months old my baby girl is.
George: You got a little girl?
Erin : Yeah. Yeah, sexy, huh? How ’bout this for a number? Six. That’s how old my other daughter is, eight is the age of my son, two is how many times I’ve been married - and divorced; sixteen is the number of dollars I have in my bank account. 850-3943. That’s my phone number, and with all the numbers I gave you, I’m guessing zero is the number of times you’re gonna call it.
I have always found this to be a wonderful example of a fed up woman.
But I digress. The number I wanted to talk about today is not your digits, your cell, work, fax, IP, home number, gym locker combination, etc.
The number that interests me is, How many people have you slept with?
Your MAGIC number.
Not so warm and gooey now are ya?
Magic my ass. The need for this information has always been a mystery to me. I am curious, what happens when you find out? What if you are dissatisfied, horrified even?? Will the number turn the tall, wonderful, witty guy into a man whore? Is the beautiful blonde girl you have been dating, and maybe falling in love with, a slut now that you are privy to her number?
What if the number is too low? Are you now worried that they are sexual milk duds? I guess my barrage of questions is leading up to, what good is this information? Who does it benefit?
I see giving up this number as possible relationship suicide.
The sexual perception your mate has of you before him or her is skewed as it is. The last thing that he needs to be day dreaming about is you in bed with 11 naked grinning guys giving the big THUMBS UP!
Imagine telling your new hottie that you have had sex with 24 women when she has only had sex with 2 men? Do you think this is going to turn her on? Probably not. She may start to feel sexually inferior to your large prior prowess. And who needs that?
I am not ashamed of my number or how many sexual partners I have. I don’t think anyone should be. I just don’t believe in the possible sacrifice of a perfectly good relationship when you get NADA out of it.
So when I am asked, how many people have you slept with? I simply reply, “I couldn’t possibly remember any guy since you have come into my life.” And that is the truth. I don’t think of past lovers. That is because they are past… Hence the term.
If this comment doesn’t satisfy the inquiry I simply explain that if he wants to be with me I will let him know my shoe size, the number of classes I took in college, how many pairs of thongs I own, but the one number I will never give up is that one.
It is magic because it is mine.
How do you answer this question? Is honesty your best policy? Does it make you squirm in your skivvies? Or are you proud?
Sarah here is my myspace stalker, maybe she’ll be yours if you ask real nice-like! You can her myspace page here. She writes over there too…for now.
On 06/16/08 at 5:45 am
Karri said:
Thanks for filling in today Sarah! I LOVELOVELOVE this post!
You’re spot on sister…the past doesn’t matter. I share a similar response when the question is posed. There’s just no reason to convolute the situation with a skewed opinion…either way.
On 06/16/08 at 9:33 am
Karri said:
“SEND EVERYONE MY LOVE”
~TRISTA
On 06/16/08 at 10:14 am
Sarahh said:
OMG, I wasnt at work today, then I remembered!!!
I knew great minds thought alike
On 06/16/08 at 10:29 am
Karri said:
There’s our mistress of ceremonies!
Girl, I was about to notify search and rescue. Don’t worry me like that!
On 06/16/08 at 4:27 pm
Vic said:
Shhhh… I was giving her the dirty touch.
On 06/16/08 at 4:57 pm
Sarahh said:
Just not near my no-no hole.
Yet, another blog subject.
And no, not what y’all think either.
On 06/17/08 at 6:26 am
Kevin M. said:
Not what we think?? Exactly how many holes DO you have??
On 06/16/08 at 6:32 am
Fiona said:
I like to look them straight in the eye and say “Until I had sex with you I was a virgin because nothing compares to what you do.”
Then I stiffle a gufaw and roll over for dream land. That question usually marks the day their insecurities will start showing and starts the clock ticking to the end of the relationship.
Luckily the current guy is too smart for that question.
On 06/16/08 at 6:46 am
Karri said:
“Luckily the current guy is too smart for that question.”
He is a smart man, indeed! I’d rather shove toothpicks under my fingernails than have the “how many” conversation. That’s just torture for every one involved.
On 06/16/08 at 10:15 am
Sarahh said:
I agree. Insecurities pop out right along with the question.
I know I keep repeating it, but what good does it do??
On 06/16/08 at 4:28 pm
Vic said:
We haven’t had that discussion… because we’re not dumb.
On 06/16/08 at 4:57 pm
Sarahh said:
Number 4,911 why I love him.
On 06/16/08 at 5:11 pm
Sarahh said:
I thought it was because of my big penis.
On 06/16/08 at 5:13 pm
Vic said:
Oops… forgot to change login info.
.
.
That sounds kinda gross otherwise.
On 06/17/08 at 5:22 am
Sarahh said:
That is funnier than hell.
Way to log me out hun.
On 06/16/08 at 6:45 am
Kevin M. said:
I’m indifferent on this one. For her and for me. I mean, if she freaks ’cause of the number of women I’ve been with since I was 15… well, then maybe we’re not meant for each other. ‘Cause honestly, I’ve always been a quality over quantity kind of guy, which in and of itself should count for A LOT. But compared to a lot of my peers, my number is far lower than their’s. She SHOULD be happy about two things: 1) I use protection and select carefully… which means I’m untainted and a total non-threat disease-wise. And 2) I’ve had the opportunity to hone my craft, as it were… but she’s not just another conquest in a sea of women. So she won’t be needing to explain or guide me to her e-zones or g-spot… but she’ll still be all-important to me and will get my full attentiveness, all the time. And while I will probably show her a new thing or two… I am ALWAYS eager to be taught something right back.
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And in the other direction? It really doesn’t matter to me what her “number” is. I mean, don’t get me wrong, if she’s had more turns than a Disney World turnstyle at all the frat houses while in college, than yeah… NO THANKS! But I definitely WANT someone who knows what the hell they’re doing. I know most guys go ga-ga over the thought of being with a virgin. Well, not me. That might have been acceptable when I was a virgin, or not far from it. But now? We’ve got new heights to reach, baby. So I ain’t lookin’ for a project or a hands-on how-to scenario.
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All this said, I think what’s worse than the number is the details. The number I can handle. But do not, I repeat, DO NOT make it personal by telling me how so-and-so did this or that differently… or how special that guy made you feel, etc. If I’m not doing something right, tell me. But don’t you dare compare me or fill me in on how someone else “filled you in”. Deal?
On 06/16/08 at 6:51 am
Karri said:
15?! You’ve been taking a plunge in the hoo-ha pool since you were 15? Good lawd, child!
.
I have a question…do you have a magical number that is acceptable?
On 06/16/08 at 7:09 am
Kevin M. said:
Yeah, 15. It was completely unexpected, and totally unplanned… but hey, I was freaking 15! I sure as hell wasn’t gonna stop it.
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And what do you mean by “do I have a magical number that is acceptable”? You mean for her? Like, is there a number that is too high? No, not really. I mean, I guess it really goes back to who and why… not how many. I suppose under the right circumstances, even a former porn star could possibly win my heart. Maybe. Lol.
On 06/16/08 at 7:24 am
Karri said:
Now why is okay for boys to start bangin’ at 15, but if girls do it, they’re, well you know…easy.
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So you could hypothetically, if the situation presented itself, fall in love with Jenna? Interesting.
On 06/16/08 at 7:38 am
Kevin M. said:
Don’t generalize… or is that stereotype? I’ve NEVER had a problem with a girl losing her virginity at 15. If she then proceeded to bang any willing cock within reach… THEN we have a problem.
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I know what you meant… but Jenna? No f’ing way! Have you SEEN what she’s done to herself in the last couple of years?? ::hurl:: Not only did she let a meth addiction get the best of her, which completely changed her physical appearence. But she then went RADICALLY under the knife. She looks like an alien to me, now. I always thought she had such a natural, raw sexiness to her (with the help of fake tits, btw). But now? I am completely turned off by her.
On 06/16/08 at 7:48 am
Karri said:
I think that was a stereotype. And it was merely a question not particularly my personal opinion. Pahleeze, I wouldn’t dare throw that stone!
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Jenna and Posh appear to be morphing into the new generation of expressionless,tits-on-a-stick chicks. Not hawt!
On 06/16/08 at 8:48 am
Kevin M. said:
Not hawt at ALL. Women need to stop listening to what their surgeons are suggest is “hot”. Because THEIR viewpoint is more skewed than anyone’s… by far! I don’t mind a little necessary plastic surgery here or there. But NO human can come close to mother nature’s skills. Not yet.
On 06/16/08 at 8:55 am
Karri said:
I doubt that it’s their surgeons who are making the suggestions, they’re just performing the “make overs.”
On 06/16/08 at 9:21 am
Kevin M. said:
Well, some surgeons DEFINITELY do a lot of “suggesting”. It’s part of their upselling routine. But I was more referring to what the doctor actually does once the patient is on the table. He/she is the one actually doing the “sculpting” and doing what he/she thinks is going to make that person look better. Well for one, your allowing some surgeon to dictate your looks based upon his/her personal preference. And also, he/she can only do so much with their tools… and therefore even if they wanted something to look a certain way, they can only do so much to get there. And a lot of times, after healing, it ends up going in a slightly different direction than the surgeon intended. Part of the process for sure. But nonetheless, nobody goes to a surgeon and says, “Make me look like an alien.” But A LOT of them sure as hell come out of it looking that way.
On 06/16/08 at 9:31 am
Karri said:
“Well for one, your allowing some surgeon to dictate your looks based upon his/her personal preference.”
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Only a weak minded, insecure individual would allow a surgeon to just hack away haphazardly. Any respectable surgeon will have several consultations with their patients and clearly outline reasonable expectations. It is a slippery slope for cosmetic surgeons to balance their expert opinion coupled with the patients desires.
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WOW! Could we have gotten any further off topic?
.
Do I need to write about how to safely go under the knife?
On 06/16/08 at 9:48 am
Kevin M. said:
Lol. It is our way, no? But yeah, I agree with you for the most part. I just think most surgeons do what THEY think is proper or better… as opposed to having a patient tell them what’s better. I know many will certainly listen and do what you really think is best. But when it comes down to it, the surgeon is still making the cut, and making it in a certain area, length, depth, angle, etc. And all of that is based on that surgeon’s instincts and talents. Even if you could tell him exactly what YOU want… and even if he/she actually TRIES to do what you want… their experience, talent and judgment determines what actually happens.
On 06/16/08 at 10:14 am
Karri said:
Before I go off on a tangent, I will table this for another post.
On 06/16/08 at 10:17 am
Sarahh said:
15. Raises hand. I was 15. And I too consider it “honing my craft” giggles….
On 06/16/08 at 10:23 am
Kevin M. said:
Lol. Exactly. As long as your not practicing on scumbags, I see nothing wrong with this. And let this be a lesson to all you B.O.B.-lovers. They may be great, and great when you want them to be. But they’ll never help you get better at being with another human. Just sayin’…
On 06/16/08 at 10:38 am
Sarahh said:
So the soccer team doesn’t count right? Hahahaha… Just kidding of course.
Actually at 15, as most, no one knew what they were doing.
Just happened to be the age it happened. I think whether I have had 5 or 50 lovers between now and then says Nothing about who I am…
On 06/16/08 at 10:44 am
Kevin M. said:
As long as you’re not one of the girls on the ‘net with the fat end of a champagne bottle, or multiple fists up there, we’re good.
On 06/16/08 at 10:51 am
Sarahh said:
Not the last time I checked.
hahahaha
On 06/16/08 at 4:33 pm
Vic said:
No comment.
.
.
Don’y forget, I’ve seen what’s in the “toy box.”
On 06/16/08 at 4:59 pm
Sarahh said:
The box YOU know about anyway…
What did you think was in the back of the closet??
On 06/16/08 at 5:14 pm
Vic said:
Obivously, you haven’t stumbled upon my Real Doll yet.
On 06/16/08 at 7:39 am
Jime said:
Good post, Sarah. I completely agree with your outlook. Also Kevin’s points above pretty much mirror my own.
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The whole concept is irrelevant to me. I’ve known men and women who have had far more sexual partners than me who are still not mature enough to sustain a loving relationship. Conversely I have had friends who have been with their first sexual mate for many years and still wake up to love each day. So, a higher magic number doesn’t necessarily denote an enhanced ability to love, nor does a low number mean a person is love-impaired.
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Perhaps I am bitter about this subject because when girls have shared their “magic number” with me in the past, the relationship has not be affected for the positive or the negative (for me) because I have already established my feelings for them based on things other than sex. However, for them, when I’ve shared my number I am consistently beset with grief. I don’t know why this is, and also I don’t think it has anything to do with the actual number provided, but rather that the information itself (regardless of quantity) is toxic.
On 06/16/08 at 7:55 am
Karri said:
I find it interesting that you equate love and sex, aren’t they mutually exclusive? Or did someone go and change the rules again?
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You need to come up with a standard response that doesn’t divulge too much information!
On 06/16/08 at 8:15 am
Jime said:
Yeah my attitude isn’t very common these days. I simply have no interest in having sex with somebody unless love is also attached. The two go hand-in-hand for me. Perhaps this is because I have seen people be with their partners sexually and yet not have love, and I know that’s not what I’m looking for.
I don’t have a standard response–that’s prolly something to work on. In the past I have taken it moment to moment and when the time comes when a girlfriend asks me this question I’d use my better judgment and empathy about how to answer it. A standard blanket statement might work better.
On 06/16/08 at 8:26 am
Karri said:
I commend you, Jime! I think all too often unless we are clear that sex is just sex, it has the ability to convolute a situation and distort rational thought processes.
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Perhaps the next time someone asks your number, you could simply ask her if it would change the way she feels about you. Chances are her answer would be no. Therefore, end of discussion.
On 06/16/08 at 8:39 am
Jime said:
Thank you for the commendation, Captain! I’ll make ya proud!
The way you worded your suggestion is pretty smooth, and also if the answer turns out being “yes” then that provides a big clue to me regarding where that person places value. Thanks for the advice, I’ll have to employ it in the future.
On 06/16/08 at 8:45 am
Karri said:
I trust that you will not disappoint, grasshopper. And hopefully this will detour potential disappointment in the process.
On 06/17/08 at 1:43 am
Melody said:
Hmmm. Sort of like looking into a mirror and seeing my own thoughts on the subject. If Im in this relationship, I obviously am sure of my feelings, so why would I care how many partners my man has had, or he care about mine? My number is fairly low, even though I too was young the first time. But I agree, its insecure and selfish to even want to know “the magic number”. It is toxic information. Besides the fact that if Im sleeping with you, Im not sleeping with anyone else.
I also agree that sex and love are not mutually exclusive in a relationship. Yeah if you have a one nighter, its not love, or even friendship. But with your partner, sex and love should be intertwined. Thats one of my biggest issues with my man. Sex is just sex. Its weird and I dont particularly like it.
On 06/17/08 at 1:45 am
Melody said:
Let me clarify… I like the sex, but its never romantic or lovey. Just sex.. Can be unfufilling at times, and Im not referring to orgasm, Im referring to feelings, and the closeness that sex should bring a man and a woman.
On 06/19/08 at 10:00 am
Jime said:
I am in agreement with you, Melody. My last ex thought the same way as your man (about the separation of sex and love) and, for me, this attitude just made the sex less significant. And have less meaning. Which, in turn made me less interested in her.
On 06/16/08 at 10:18 am
Sarahh said:
I am glad you see beyond the number and into the way you feel about her.
To me that is the most important thing…
On 06/16/08 at 12:04 pm
Jime said:
Thanks Sarahh
On 06/16/08 at 7:43 am
Jeremy said:
I always ask. It’s not because I really care what the number is, so much as I always ask all sorts of rather probing questions. It is usually part of the conversation that includes “when did you start,” “why’d you start then,” “what’s the weirdest place you’ve done it,” “did your parents ever catch you in the act,” etc etc etc.
On 06/16/08 at 7:56 am
Karri said:
You’re an odd little duck.
On 06/16/08 at 8:39 am
Jeremy said:
Yes, I am a little strange. I’m just fascinated by all of it. I think it’s because I was a total dork in High School.
I firmly believe it’s all part of my “charm”.
On 06/16/08 at 8:50 am
Karri said:
I firmly believe that in your case the more correct statement would be to “charm the pants off of.”
On 06/16/08 at 10:17 am
Jeremy said:
Ha! No, as the blog states, it’s not a good way to get her pants off.
I only ask this stuff after I’ve gotten her naked a couple of times.
On 06/16/08 at 10:19 am
Sarahh said:
Is it ok if she declines the answer?
On 06/16/08 at 11:17 am
Jeremy said:
Yeah, it’s fine. They always tell me the ballpark at least and that’s enough.
On 06/16/08 at 12:18 pm
Sarahh said:
Ah, I gotcha… As long as it is voluntary on either part. I say go for it.
I just don’t care for being pressured into an answer I don’t want to give. Thank goodness you aren’t that guy.
On 06/16/08 at 8:15 am
Lanier said:
I hate being asked. Its not what makes me who I am. Its just something that was done and can not be undone. And if you are an adult then it should start a clock on when the relationship will be doomed.
My last guy always asked.. not sure why, but his no. was 33. I couldnt believe it. But did I hold that agaist him… no… its in his past and it will stay there. All that matter was he was w/ me. Well now that that had ended… my love has asked. He has the same view as I do, its in the past, and it doesnt bother him. I cant remember if I told him. But I did tell him I hated being asked that. So he said he would not ask again.
On 06/16/08 at 8:28 am
Karri said:
I think anyone over the age of 30 should be exempt…from asking or answering.
On 06/16/08 at 10:19 am
Sarahh said:
Anyone opposing say nah.
Anyone
Anyone
NEW RULE!!!
On 06/16/08 at 8:37 am
Lanier said:
well what was bad. was his age was 33 and he slept w/ 33 women… well not really bad, but still, I just hate it period.. I can see being asked when your young
On 06/16/08 at 8:39 am
Karri said:
Was it bad because you think it was too many? Or was it bad because it appears to be an odd coincidence?
On 06/16/08 at 8:41 am
Jeremy said:
Yeah, because I’m 33- and well past 33. And I’ve got friends who have over twice my number.
On 06/16/08 at 8:55 am
Lanier said:
no it wasn’t bad, there was nothing I could do about it, he thought it was bad… but I told him there was nothing he could do to change it… so dont worry about it.
On 06/16/08 at 8:56 am
cassie said:
I normally just try to find a way to avoid that question, but if I cannot, I just ask why they want to know!!
On 06/16/08 at 9:06 am
Karri said:
I would hate for someone to judge me based on my answer. I truly believe that in certain situations, ignorance is bliss.
On 06/16/08 at 10:20 am
Sarahh said:
I have found when any question is over your bounds or feels inapropriate, the best response is
“Why do you want to know?”
Tends to throw them off.
On 06/16/08 at 10:28 am
Karri said:
HA! When I first moved to LaLa Land I was determined to have a fresh start and never divulge my history. My best-friend and I would literally practice my canned responses to those inquiring about my past. “That’s an interesting question, why do you ask?” Was my number one response…for about a week.
On 06/16/08 at 12:20 pm
Sarahh said:
I find myself so frequently forgetting. But it is reminders like this that help out so much.
Some people believe today that due to the gluttony of information on celebrities, etc. that they can ask anything about ME.
No.
Sorry.
NOTSOMUCH.
On 06/16/08 at 8:57 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
My comments on this one are easy. If she really wants to know, I’ll answer, but don’t be surprised at the response you get. As to the whole started at 15 thing with Kevin? I freely admit to starting in 7th grade with a sophomore who was my best friends older sister.. I don’t think she was a slut, but then again, I don’t think I am either (even though my reputation says otherwise). I don’t really care what their number is unless it causes severe looseness, then it’s just too much.. still no number needed.