Theeeeey’rrrrre baaaack!

I am an 80’s girl.  I grew up dancing around the living room to Cyndi Lauper and Duran Duran records in my legwarmers and acid washed jeans, clinging tight to my rainbow bright doll.  Happiness was a warm crimping iron.  I had jellies in 8 different colors. It is a decade that will always have a special place in my heart.

That said, there might be some things that we could have just left behind.  Questionable music and Aquanet indulgences aside, there were some things I consider to be embarrassing mistakes made in the decade that gave us Madonna and the best of John Hughes. And in my opinion many of these mistakes can be summed up in one word…

Fashion.

Now I do NOT claim to be any kind of fashion expert, I am far from it.  95% of the time I can be found wearing jeans and a tank top.  But really, anyone with two working eyeballs cannot deny the atrocities that were done to us during the decade that also, by the way, brought you this.

Those of you out there that lived through the 80’s know what I am talking about…you no doubt have some Bongo and Z Cavaricci skeletons in your closet, no? Well, in case you have blocked it all out, and shipped it all off to the Goodwill, let present to you a list of items that the fashion industry  and clothing manufacturers should be shot for bringing back.  And yes, back they have come…

The Beret:

The only people that should be rocking berets are military personnel.  I mean, seriously.  Yes, I know, Lohan does it.  The Olsen twins do it.  Nicole Richie does it.  Doesn’t that tell you anything?! Are you going to trust the judgment of these whacked out women?  I swear, I think the aforementioned ladies wear the most ridiculous things they can find to see if they can get the folks at home watching Entertainment Tonight to jump on board.  You are not a fashion hobo, stay off the beret train.

The Tights /Pumps Combo:

They actually spend part of just about every year trying to convince us this one is cool.  But this year it seems worse, and more obnoxious than usual. Why?  Because its 80’s influenced!  This means bright colors, bold patterns and lace.  Lace…really?  Life is not a boudoir photo shoot and you are nowhere near being like a virgin.  Skip this 15 minute fashion do.

Over the Top Animal Print:

Just because you still like to blast ‘Eye of the Tiger’ when no one is home to make fun of you does not mean you should dress like something that could pass for its prey.  I mean, a little animal print accessorizing is one thing, but looking like you have draped yourself in a carcass is something else altogether…something altogether WRONG.

Bubble Skirts:

Ladies, these skirts were such a bad idea…why are we allowing them back into our closets?  Unless you are a stick figure they are completely unflattering.  Unflattering as in if you have hips you are going to look like a walking hot air balloon in one of these very bad boys. So unless you want people asking if you can fly them over wine country for a romantic evening getaway, stay away from this fashion rewind.

Extremely Large, Extremely Tacky Plastic Accessories:

Now these are totally awesome…if you are under 8 years old.  Other wise what the hell are you doing?  Please do not shop for accessories in your preschoolers’ birthday party loot bags.  Seriously, people.  If it could double as pinata filler, put it down.  Now.

In case of any of you are reading this thinking, “hmm, I might have some gems in my closet I should go mining for!” let me present to you my finally plea for (your) sanity.  If you are thinking it still seems like a good idea, a way to save money and look chic, well, just stare at the next picture for a moment. Here is a woman who also thought it was a “good” idea…

WRONG!

Don’t do this.  Don’t let your sister, mother, girlfriend, or wife do this.  Because after they see a picture of themselves dressed like this they are going to be filled with shame, which will turn to rage which will turn into a riot of women the likes of which the world has not seen since the bra burning days.

Only I think we will most likely be burning these instead:

What do you think, peeps?  What 80’s fashion items would you NOT like to see at your local clothing retailer?  Are there any items in your closet that you have clung to for years, hoping they will go back into style?  Confess…you’ll feel better.

Soul Deep

Striving to better, oft we mar what’s well. ~William Shakespeare

“Beauty,” or rather our perception of it, can be such a superficial thing. We strive to make ourselves more marketable in a world of fierce competition and high stakes. But do we want to be loved for how we have been altered or “improved” rather than for who we actually are?

The drive within some of us to achieve physical perfection seems futile to me. For what is perfect, really? Who is the judge? Feeling good about one’s self must first come from the things we carry inside. These things are what will aid us on the road to self-realization; a journey which cannot truly be completed without embracing ourselves, so-called flaws and all. For no matter how many times you may try, confidence cannot be achieved through a surgeon’s knife alone.

To me beauty exists within all the senses. The smell of your lover lingering upon your pillow after they have left your side. The sound of laughter at a family gathering. The touch of a hand tracing your face before they lean in for a kiss. The taste of a homemade meal cooked with love and care. The sight of a pair of eyes that look not at you, but into you. These are the kinds of beauty I seek.

A woman who is comfortable in her own skin is the essence of beauty. She knows that her body in all of its natural glory is an amazing thing to behold. It can be so very perfect in its imperfections. Strength and vulnerability, serenity and raw energy; a woman who is not afraid to simply be herself is phenomenal indeed.

For me, the most breathtakingly gorgeous thing of all is living your life with purpose. And my purpose is not to cling desperately to my youth, nor is it to attempt to achieve a standard of beauty that the media powers that be purposely make unattainable. Instead I will age with grace. I will place value on who I am and how I feel inside. I will focus on doing what I can to make this world a better place than it was when I got here. Because really, what could be more beautiful than that?

Please understand, I am not coming down on any of you that chose a different path than I. But I do want you all to think about the energy you are directing and what exactly it yields for you. When you look back on it all, what will make you proud? What will leave you feeling satisfied? When you are nearing the end of your life’s journey, will you be happier having gotten to see far away places, or having had your tummy tucked?

Within us all is the capacity to be a work of art. Why spend a lifetime seeking out what you have carried deep inside of you, all along?

What is beautiful to you? Are you harboring any ill feelings towards a “flaw” of yours…something that you think you need to cut away in order to be a more perfect you? Or do you relish in those little imperfections that make you…you? Share, gang!

Adventures in Trout Pout

As a woman I put value and importance into looking good just like other gals. But I also know myself, and I know that cosmetic surgery and the like just isn’t for me. I shudder at the thought of needles in my lips or scalpels in my face. So imagine my excitement when I discovered the astonishing side effect of my favorite dish at the local Thai restaurant.

It happened innocently enough…I ordered the usual; drunken noodles, medium spicy…but it wasn’t my usual cook and my noodles ended up a little hotter than normal. My lips felt all tingly while I was eating, and when I looked in the mirror (to pick basil out my grill…) I saw that my lips were looking slightly pinker and plumper. And I had a light bulb moment…

What would happen if I got my noodles EXTREMELY spicy?

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