Feeling Naughty, or Nice?

Now that we’ve managed to make it through Thanksgiving, we have one more month left to go in the official Holiday Season.  Like the song says, it’s the most wonderful time of the year, and I think I understand why.  There seems to be a school of thought that we can get away with anything right now, and chalk it all up to it being ‘The Holidays’.  December is the most excuse laden month of the year, just right for all of us questionable guys and gals that have been waiting eleven months for a little guilt free indulgence and debauchery.  Just me?

If the rest of the world can blame stress, weight gain, depression, impulsivity and overall piss poor behavior on 31 little days in December, then why can’t I?  Without divulging the gritty details, I’ve had a hell of monster year in 2008.  I plan on using ‘The Holidays’ to excuse all 5 of the following activities, should they occur.

Drinking Heavily

These days, I’m more likely to have a few and then get extreme giggles laughing at others (and myself) on the walk home with my friends.  That’s way under the silly season bar tab I’m capable of.  This year I’ll throw on my college sweatshirt and make like its 1998; when all I had to worry about was finals and tasty, tasty shots.  Besides, holiday cocktails and cleverly named ‘tinis’ mean I am allowed to celebrate and push it over the edge.  The Grinch’s heart grew three sizes, my liver is feeling left out.

Eat Like ‘Skinny Santa’ on a Mission

I’ll need plenty of food to help absorb the continual flow of alcohol.  I suggest the USDA develops a temporary Food Pyramid until the light of January 1^st hits my good china.  The first five tiers will consist of flour, sugar, butter, frosting and anything colored red and green.  I will reserve for the tippy top for nutritious grains, vegetables and omega-3s which I will use sparingly.

Become a Manic Shopaholic

My bank account managed to get out of Black Friday unscathed, but I am tossing that caution to the wind this very instant.  If someone else in the store wants it, I will then have to have it.  Everybody knows I’m a sucker for gadgets and it’s time to stop turning down impulse buys for the sake of reason.  My cart will overflow with digital, wireless, high def and flat screen plasma goodness.  It’ll all fit in my car nicely, but I’ll pay extra to have it delivered just so my neighbors can see what a great year it’s been.

Fist Fight in a Strip Mall

We can’t seem to let a year go by without at least one individual getting trampled, beaten or run over with an SUV out of holiday shopping stress.  That combined with the fact I absolutely hate shopping and 90% of all Christmas music, somebody could get hurt.  Truthfully I’ve only been in one physical altercation in my life.  A woman took a swing at me, missed; I reacted by swinging back and broke her nose.  Fight over.  So go ahead and test me in front of Linens N Things, I’m feeling scrappy.

Casual Sex in an Office Setting

I don’t have any real co-workers in what I do for a living, so I was quick to rule out awkward office party sex.  Yet seeing as how every day until the ball drops in Times Square there’s an office party going on somewhere, my chances are still good.  I’ll just appear out of nowhere, claim to be ‘from the New York Office’ and nail a random Jr. Executive in the Board Room.  The break room is probably occupied with other Christmas tree star crossed lovers that got a little too tipsy under the mistletoe.

Then, on New Year’s Day, I will wake up refreshed and ready to make my list of resolutions for 2009.  Including, of course, an array of doctor’s appointments because December left me a physical wreck and a possible ‘carrier’.

Okay, I probably won’t do any of those things.  Rest assured if one or two of them squeak by that it wasn’t my fault, just the reason for the season.

It’s December!  Everybody geared up for the Holidays?  What the hell gets into some people this time of year?  What stresses you ladies and gents out during the Silly Season?  Money? Shopping? Crowds? Cookies?  What will you be indulging in over the next 31 days of promotional bliss?  Care to share your ghosts of Holidays Past? Remember, I’m feeling scrappy…

30 to 40

We all have preconceived notions of where our lives will be once we hit certain magical ages. We have hopes, plans and goals that coincide with dates on the calendar…some we accomplish and others we miss the mark by a long shot. In 30 days I will be facing the end of my 30’s. (Holy, what?!) And as much as I’ve been preparing for this occasion for the past several years, I can’t help but do a mental check list of where I am and where I thought I might be.

It’s no mystery that some things we can change and others we must accept. But what’s left will hopefully inspire us to live our lives to fullest. So in honor of leaving my third decade behind I’ve decided to celebrate with a 30 day countdown to-do list.

For the next month, each day until I hit the big 4-0 (which by the way, is NOT the new 20!) I will run, be free, and embrace the following…

Take a field trip to The Pleasure Chest

Make out under the stars

Swing…on a swing set, not with swingers

Play Twister

Wear my shortest skirt and highest heels…in public

Write a letter, and actually mail it

Climb a tree…

and a rock

Volunteer

Take a nap outside

Dance naked in the living room

Watch a sunset…

and a sunrise

Learn a sexy phrase in a foreign language

Skip on the beach barefooted

Visit Dr. Verbin

Embrace the fetal position with a box of Kleenex

Watch Doctor Zhivago

Have photos taken…nekkid

Purge past mementoes that no longer serve a purpose

Meditate for an entire hour

Buy a plane ticket

Join the Bar Method

Lick the filling out of Twinkie

Drink Dom Perignon straight from the bottle

Create a budget

Fast for 24-hours

Spend an entire day loving myself…mind, body and spirit

Make S’mores over an open fire

Host a fabulous party and celebrate with those who make me who I am!

All things considered (because life isn’t always a bowl of cherries) my life is pretty darn spectacular! I most certainly couldn’t have imagined the twists and turns of my journey thus far, but I am filled with anticipation and excitement for the future and amazing memories of the past.  The sands of time can’t be erased so we may as well learn to embrace them, right? Right!

Tell me, oh lovely Eve visitors…what’s on your to-do list? Are you fearful of impending significant Birthdays or are you rolling out the red carpet? If time or money weren’t an issue and you could do anything your little heart desired, what would it be? And lastly, what will you do today to celebrate life?

Mother Nature is not my friend

Getting older sucks.

I know, I know…I am only 31 years old, I have no right to complain, blah-ditty-blah-blah-blah. Age is just a number, you are as old as you feel etc. etc.  Well guess what?  You all can take that pile of clichés and shove em up your…noses.  I have tried desperately to have a good attitude about this whole aging thing, but Mother Nature has been sabotaging me every step of the way.  No, seriously, she has!  I have proof.

Exhibit A: The belly bulge

Who decided that the thirties was the magical time for your metabolism to slip into permanent deep freeze, hmm?  I have to admit it, I have never been one to exercise regularly or eat a super healthy diet all the time.  Sometimes it’s a salad, but often it’s a burrito.  And sometimes I do Pilates and sometimes I…do not(eez…err).  So anyhow, this is how I was through all of my twenties and it was never a problem…but now, all of a sudden it most assuredly is a problem.  When I sit down there is…a… roll where there once was not.  Also if you see gravity hanging around tell it my ass wants to have a talk…

Exhibit B: The drinking dilemma

I cannot drink alcohol anymore.  Okay, I can, technically, but when I do my body punishes me…severely.  Now my tasty alcoholic beverage binges come with a side of headache and an extra helping of hung-the-hell over.  You guys want to know what I do on the so called “drinking holidays?”  I stay home where its safe, watching old movies and eating ice cream… ice cream that I have to chase with a Lactaid I might add. Which brings me to my next point…

Exhibit C:  Oatmeal forever?!

What the hell is happening with my digestive tract?  You guys have to understand, I have lived my entire life harboring a serious addiction.  This addiction is to chili peppers.  I have always loved my spicy foods, and truthfully I still do.  But they just don’t love me anymore; or more specifically, they have a vendetta against my innards.  I know, too graphic, I’ll stop there…you guys get the idea, right? I spend too much time on the toilet, tearfully dabbing at my ass with baby wipes.

Okay, NOW I’ll stop and move on to my last point…

Exhibit D:  “What the F@$! is that?!”

The weird mole living under my left armpit, the little valleys on my face where flat lands used to be, the two inch gray hair I found sticking out of the top of my head.  These are the things I affectionately call the “what the f@$! is that(s)?!”   I hate them.  I have waged war against them.  And while they might win said war I will make my stand at battle after battle; armed with my arsenal of dyes and creams and tweezers and what have you.  I will not go down without a fight.

No, Mother Nature…I won’t go quietly into the night.  I will struggle with every last breath in this old rickety body…(am I laying it on too thick?  Sorry…I’ll rein it in…) How am I waging war?  Glad you asked!

• Mine (male) concubine: Me: 31, him: 25.  Yes, I can still pull a guy 6 years my junior…so wipe that shocked look off your face. I cannot express to you how much I enjoy being with a younger man.  I am pretty sure the arrangement is mutually beneficial; I bring wisdom and experience to the table, and he brings stamina and vigor.  What I mean by all that is we have great sex.

• Teen Magazines. Don’t judge, there’s valuable information in there!  This month I learned “how to tell if he’s crushing on me,” whether I am more of a “Miley” or a “Selena” and how to make my “peepers pop”…or something. And I got a fold out poster of the Jonas Brothers too. ( Which reminds me…who the hell are the Jonas Brothers??)

• The mall. I have to admit, this one isn’t working out so well for me.  The local adolescents mostly either stare at me warily or ask me to buy them cigarettes at the ‘Tobacco Zone.’  Neither of these reactions are making me feel particularly vibrant.  Besides, we are in an economic crisis…should I really be tempting myself with all those shoes??

(Note to self…take mall out of “the plan.”)

• School Friends. I left school (way too) many years ago to try my hand at that whole marriage / stay at home mom thing. Now I have returned and I am one of those “non-traditional” college students.  What that means is my classmates are all several years younger than me.  SEVERAL.  As in, some of them can’t buy beer yet. But hey, they make me feel incredibly smart and I help them with their homework.  So it’s win/win.

• My kids. Nothing makes you feel as childlike as a day of swing sets and Otter Pops, followed by a night of pillow forts and monster movies.  I have heard people say that having kids stole their youth, but those people are MORONS.  Seriously.  My kids keep me young, by giving me an excuse to act like an over-sugared spaz.  I highly recommend them ( The Otter Pops and the kids).

So those are some of the ways that I have chosen to rise against the big bad age monster.  I may not win the war, but I am winning enough battles to make it feel like a worthwhile cause.  And I got carded the other afternoon ( by the half blind great grandmother working at the Mexican restaurant around the corner…but it still counts, right??) so I think its working.  Mind over matter, kids!

So do you have any advice, oh internet brethren, for your aged pal Trista?  What do you do to keep yourself feeling youthful?  Am I just fooling myself?  Or do you subscribe to the “you are only as old as you feel” school of thinking?

Falling off the pedestal

“I’m disappointed in you.”

It’s been years since those words were seared into my subconscious like a hot knife through butter. Four simple words constructed a statement that left an indelible imprint on my psyche and my heart. In retrospect it was a seemingly harsh reaction to a rather uncomplicated situation, but who am I to judge anyone’s disappointment?

We each have our own concepts and ideals of how life should be, and when others fail to meet our expectations we in turn are left feeling disappointed. We place our friends, family and even strangers on a moral pedestal of our own creation; a platform single-handedly erected with our individual wants, needs and experiences that have shaped our thought processes and standards of acceptance.

To “relinquish expectations” sounds like a novel hypothesis… the less we expect, the higher the probability we will avoid resentment. With this in mind, I have to wonder why each and every one of us isn’t striving to make this our modus operandi. Control, fear, arrogance…pick your poison.

According to Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, it’s possible to attain personal freedom and true happiness by living a simple yet powerful code of conduct: (1) Be impeccable with your word; (2) Don’t take anything personally; (3) Don’t make assumptions; (4) Always do your best.

I am fairly certain that “always do your best” is included in The Four Agreements because we generally aren’t conditioned to adhere to, or even embrace the first three principals. Unfortunately, all too often we become so preoccupied with what we perceive to be the deficiencies of others that we negate to take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions. Blame is much easier than self-exploration.

A thought to ponder: Wouldn’t life be a little less nebulous if in the midst of our own realities (because they are solely our own) and subsequent palpable disappointments, we were able to conjure up empathy and compassion rather than succumbing to the egocentric martyr role?

Am I the only one who sometimes likes to pretend that life is a fairytale and that disappointments can actually be avoided? Or are you one of those realistic grounded types who knows that they’re inevitable? Just how high are your expectations?

Seek Sunshine

As I head to Florida for the weekend and think of Florida Sunshine, it seems the perfect time to share my life motto with the Eve-101 family. Occasionally, people will ask me what all the talk of seeking and sharing sunshine may be under the About Us section. I’m not called Sunshine because I’m blonde. It’s much, much deeper than my naturally blonde (lowlighted and highlighted twice a year) hair. It’s more than my normal disposition. SEEK SUNSHINE encompasses my life philosophy, a huge life lesson and an energy shared amongst those closest to me.

All that being said, today is just as good a day as any to share my motto and learn about yours!

Timing is relative… this happened five years ago.

Picture August…dark, black and dreary for a week at a time. The week after my ex left, I was sitting outside on the deck drinking my morning coffee pondering the state of my life, my heart and so much more. I was in tremendous pain. I mean, the man who had promised to love and cherish me forever….whom I believed….just left under some precarious conditions and my life and my very soul were in turmoil.

Out of respect and genuine love for him, I feel the need to share two things. First and foremost, he is an amazing, extremely active and very loving father to our children. Second, he did not cheat on me and those precarious conditions are not relevant.

The chapter that ended is not nearly as important as the chapter which began.

Sass Monkey, my daughter, was eleven months old at the time. I have no idea what she may have felt…She is VERY relevant !

My Little Man was 2 1/2 . He has my grandmother’s blue eyes, only larger. Angelic, even. He had seen and heard some things that children should NEVER see or hear….and part of my pain was not knowing how much of that was my fault. For anyone who has ever ended a marriage with children, perhaps this makes more sense. The point is that my son was absolutely in turmoil of his own. Words fail to express how much this impacts me.

On this bleak August morning, my Little Man comes outside, looks at the dark sky above and just practically cries, “Mama! Mama! NO SUN!!!!” My kids adore nature and everything about it. In any other situation, this could have been a toddler upset about the weather.

However, I recalled a time in my childhood when I felt confused or hurt by one thing and it was easier to tell my parents that something trivial or childlike was the issue. I saw my son basically doing the same thing. In my heart, all I could feel in that moment was his pain. Mine disappeared and his consumed me. I still get chills to remember just how much I felt his pain and how powerless I felt.

Literally, I could feel my son’s pain to my very core.

I honestly felt he was saying “look, I am really hurt and confused that the daddy I love so much will not be living here anymore….and I love my daddy so much….and, mom, I love you so much, too….but,I am confused…..I am hurt and now look…the sun isn’t even shining”. Without even knowing it, I realized on some level that this moment was going to define the course of the rest of our lives.

All this in less than a minute or two. This is how I think and feel.

Feeling his pain, all I could do was kneel down and look into those beautiful, innocent eyes of his that always brought my mamaw (moms mom) close to me. Mind you, she died twenty five years ago….so her influence on me is profound. I remember thinking of her love for me and mine for her….and giving consideration to what she may have said to me in a similar moment.

Kneeling down, I just gazed into those angelic eyes with so much love that I know he must have felt it. I pointed to the darkest, biggest cloud right above our heads. I asked him if he saw it. He responded with some fear and trepidation, “Uh huh, …….The Big One?”

I just looked at him and with what I attribute to my mamaw and God….felt the strength to tell him with every ounce of conviction possible:

” Yes, baby, the big one. Honey, the sun is right behind THAT cloud.”

I kid you not. Little Man’s expression immediately changed to joyous. God was in that moment. My mamaw was in that moment. He put his little hands on my cheeks, smiled and said “Oh….SEEK SUNSHINE!” Like all the truths of the universe were revealed to him and it was really THAT simple. SEEK SUNSHINE. He was right, it is that simple.

To me, there was something poetic about everything I had ever read about “a little child will lead us” and how God sent his son to save us and my own saving me.

We have said that phrase almost every day since their dad left. I painted the walls in my house yellow…to which my kids immediately proclaimed quite happily “Yeah…Sunshine!!!” It was my daughter’s fifth word. I have various sunshine symbols in our home. It is our life theme, if you will.

Now you know the catalyst for my life change and why I strive to seek the light in any darkness. I learned it from my greatest teachers, my children.

I’ve shared our life motto. What is yours? Was there a single moment where it became clear to you, or would you say it grew on you over time? I really want to know!! If you don’t have a life motto, share something a child has taught you.

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