Dirty-girl Interrupted

Picture, if you will, a calm and ordinary Saturday afternoon in an average American home. The children are playing together in the family room, their mother washing dishes at the kitchen sink. As she cleans she loses herself in a daydream about a vacation in Hawaii or a live-in maid or some such flight of fancy.

Suddenly a voice cuts through her vision like Michael Phelps through pool water:

“You better give that back, or I’m gonna slap you in the nuts, you b!#@&!”

Whaaa-whaaa-what?! Oh no that didn’t just come from the mouth of one of MY babes! I jolted rather abruptly out of my reverie and promptly burned my hand in the hot water, and instantaneously let out an expletive of my own.

Pot…meet kettle.

No, I don’t walk around speaking of reproductive organ smacking and yes, my darling child did confess to picking up that lovely tidbit at the local elementary school. But that afternoon made me realize something: it’s exceedingly difficult to punish my child for using curse words when they come flying out of my own mouth all too often during the day.

Now understand, I have cut back tremendously since bringing my children into the world. And this took quite a bit of effort for a girl who used to use the F-word the way some use the word “umm.” Yet still, I know I could be doing better. And just like a couple weeks ago when my youngest uttered at me, “that guy is an a$$h@!e, mommy!” when we got cut off in traffic, this was an eye opening moment for me.

I really need to scour my potty mouth.

So being a woman of the internet, I poked around a bit to find some tips. Instead I discovered something horrifying…cussing might just be bad for your health! What the f^@k??! Okay, I never denied for a moment that it was a dirty habit, one which made me sound tacky, trashy or trite at times. I know that as a person with a rather extensive vocabulary I could most assuridly do better…but I never dreamed that I was doing actual damage to myself. How could my good pal f-bomb and his merry band of profanities be causing me harm? How could something that felt so right be so wrong?

But as I started to think about why I swear I started to see more clearly. Cursing is a mindless reaction to a stimulus. Something pisses me off, I pop off, simple as that. The problem is, when I allow myself to react without thinking like that, I cut myself off from the actual emotion at hand. I have built myself a direct route to anger…and it bypasses a lot of emotions; fear, anxiety, sadness, frustration. It’s not that I am not experiencing them - but as soon as they try to surface I am immediately suppressing them. If that isn’t a mini-meltdown waiting to happen I don’t know what is.

So I am making a choice…to quit the swear-words cold turkey. Because…

• I am more eloquent than this.

• I am intelligent and able to exhibit a much better grasp of this great language of mine than my vulgar choices sometimes indicate.

• I am in control of my emotions…they are not in control of me.

• I am capable of providing a better model for my kids.

• And I am NOT raising mini versions of Sam Kinison and Andrew Dice Clay!

And yet - I do not want to become a household like the Flanders’ house of Simpson’s lore either; a den of emotional suppression and howdy-ho’s and darn-diddly-arns. No thanks.

So what’s a gutter-gabbing girl in need of reform to do?

I am just going to take it one day at a time. I am going to try and be conscious of not only the words that are wanting to burst forth from my lips, but also the feelings that are bubbling up beneath them. I am going to practice THINKING things out, before saying them.

There is so much more authority behind an articulate argument than an angry outburst. It’s time to wield that power.

And perhaps its time to get a swear jar too…I am human after all. And the boys and I could use a pizza night fund.

Do you have a potty mouth? Is it under control or running wild? Have you had to deal with a child getting caught swearing? Or perhaps you have had to kick a different habit cold turkey…do you have any advice for me on gaining control over my vice?

When tears turn to stone

“I have no enthusiasm to visit the houses of the people; nor have I any disinclination to do the same. I do not care for the brick and mortar structures in which you live; I care to visit and reside in your hearts.” ~ Sri Sathya Sai Baba

We each have our own modus operandi of self-preservation; some choose to retreat and avoid, while others add layer after layer of brick and mortar in order to ward off the Big Bad Wolves that come knocking on our doors.

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