Teen Movie Meltdown
November 10, 2008
Anyone who outwardly declares themselves a ‘Movie Buff’ will also tend to assert the following. One, they can go toe to toe with just about anyone on movie quotes, never to be out quoted; Two, they have better taste in movies than you do…and you’re just going to have to trust them on that. It isn’t about being some sort of Pop Culture Elitist, but I’m inclined to agree with the line from High Fidelity, “What really matters is what you like, not what you are like. Books, records, films; these things matter. Call me shallow, it’s the fucking truth.”
Now, you may wholeheartedly disagree with that statement, and you’re welcome to do so down below. I feel obligated to tell you that when searching for that quote in Google, I had barely typed in the word ‘High…’ and I was eagerly presented the three High School Musical movies as options. Sweet Jesus! Not what I was looking for, Google; but thank you validating my feelings about why I’m writing this.
I don’t really care that I’m dating myself here, but I would feel terribly let down if I had to suffer as a teenager in today’s Pop Culture dead zone. It’s bad enough going through it as a consenting adult who chooses to simply shake their head at the absurdity of it all. I know my rights. I can just change the channel, and then another channel, and another; why are these girls hussied up like Atlantic City Hookers??
I blame men like John Hughes, Cameron Crowe and others for spoiling me, essentially ruining me for life when it comes to what I consider to be worthwhile viewing. They gave me Teen classics such as The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink and Say Anything. Movies that represented what being a teenager used to mean. You’re awkward, you stumble, you eek your way through it and “screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.”
In Say Anything it was okay for Diane Court to be both smart and beautiful. Yet in today’s teen genre Diane Court would be the ugly duckling the popular girls would give the makeover to. Diane didn’t end up one of the most popular girls, but she did end up with loveably misplaced Lloyd Dobler who wanted to be “…friends, with potential.” Not just friends with benefits. I might still be harboring my 20 year crush on John Cusack…but so are you and that’s not the point.
These are the movies I can watch over and over again - not just because I am clawing at my youth, but because they were good! The Breakfast Club is 23 years old - you read that right. I watched it just last night and enjoyed all 97 minutes of it. Secure with the fact that if it came out today it wouldn’t be followed up in the press that Molly Ringwald sent Anthony Michael Hall Polaroids proving she was a real redhead.
Will Kenny Ortega, director of the High School Musical franchise be able to still gather that kind of nostalgia 23 years from now? Will 40 year olds in 2031 be quoting Ashley Tisdale characters? I think not. Maybe they’ll all still be jazzed up about Ortega’s 2010 remake of Footloose starring Zach Efron as Ren McCormack? It was hard enough in 1984 to believe there are towns that don’t allow music and dancing. Even harder to believe in 2010 when its Tween stars iPhones are getting hacked, and pictures of them lining up to fellate Mickey Mouse for coke money start showing up.
No, the Disney Generation will never be the Brat Pack. Our teenagers were allowed to be just that, teenagers. Gangly, scared, strange and beautifully flawed. No makeup artists or record contracts. Just movies I’ll watch another 23 years from now.
Now that I have 80’s Teen angst on my brain…I’m feeling a bit nostalgic. Am I the only one who can’t stomach these Disney Machine movies? Am I looking through Rose Colored Ray Bans, or did the movies of John Hughes and Cameron Crowe actually have some substance? Does anyone else miss Duckie as badly as I do? What’s your favorite teen movie moment…if it’s a kid nailing an Apple Pie then you really don’t know what you’ve been missing! And if you dare to try and out quote me…it.is.on!
What a week it was!
November 9, 2008
It was a historic week for those of us in the the good ‘ol U.S. of A! Millions of American citizens made their way to the polls; subsequently some celebrated the results and others called their physicians for anti-depressants. Meanwhile we here at Eve-101.com kept plugging along. If you are just resurfacing here is the week in review:
Pageantry and Punditry:
Election 2008 was the Mother of all Reality Shows, complete with developed characters for our viewing pleasure. We had Joe Six Pack, Joe the Plumber, the Maverick, the Hockey Mom, a-nother Joe (Joey B so you’re not confused), Shrillary and the Not-So-Token Black guy. Seven individuals all picked together to fuel their campaigns and find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting desperate.
Git ‘er dun!:
Ahhh, endless hours of mind numbing escapes from reality…otherwise known as the new American pastime which is Reality TV. Being one that rarely flips channels I had no idea there was such a vast array of options. Seemingly endless guilty pleasures all scripted to make the average, quasi rational person feel as though their life is beyond spectacular in comparison to the train wrecks seeping through the cable box.
Darling, won’t you go and cut your…foreskin?:
Dear Eve,
I am dating a wonderful, wonderful man. He is successful, romantic and fun. We get along and share many common interests. We have a great physical chemistry. Or we did. This is the reason I am writing, I am hoping you or your readers might be able to help me with my phobia. This man and I were intimate for the first time ever about two weeks ago and I discovered that he is uncircumcised. I have never even seen a penis like his before and honestly I just didn’t know what to do with it. I know I am acting strange, we haven’t been intimate since then, but I know he can tell I am avoiding it And next weekend we have an overnight trip planned. Do you have any advice on how to get over this fear? I can’t help it, I don’t like it and I wish I could ask him to take care of it but I realize we haven’t been together long enough yet. Also, I know I couldn’t marry him unless he did get it taken care of, should I just break it off now? Or should I sacrifice for now and hope that I can change him later? And last of all, do you have any tips for dealing with an uncircumcised penis?
Colon Munchers:
It’s a stinky topic and certainly not one that’s appropriate dinner conversation. Nonetheless, ignorance is not bliss when it pertains to the overabundance of Protozoa, Trematoda, Cestoda and Nematoda living in your guts. Are you aware that 85% of Americans are contaminated with itsy-bitsy, mass-multiplying, burrowing aliens that are making Swiss cheese out of our innards? Sounds delicious, no? Wait! Don’t go…I’m here to help you rid the worms from your bowels.
Rushio and Hesitette: A Cautionary Tale:
When we are young we often have poetic notions of love swirling around our minds, like a Hollywood movie playing on repeat. It is idealistic and impractical, yet we seek it out just the same. But when we enter into a relationship with these idealist notions in mind, we often lose ourselves in an attempt to “become.” We cast aside our own vulnerable identities and try to be what we perceive to be our partners ideal, fearful that who we truly are might be too much…or not enough at all.
Food Porn For Thought:
Preparing and cooking a meal can evoke incredibly passionate feelings. For some, those feelings are, ‘I love my family. Nothing makes me happier than when we all sit down to a homemade meal.’ For others it’s closer to, ‘Holy Shit! You can microwave bacon?!’…the latter usually surfacing around 2 a.m. Either way or in between our bodies are our temples and some of us hold sacred the act of feeding them their daily bread.
There you have it folks, the Eve-101 week in review.
How was your week? Were you satisfied with the results of the Presidential race? Would you consider getting married at a demolition derby? Do you think it’s reasonable to ask a man to remove his foreskin? Is colon cleansing a fad or a necessary evil? And what’s in your fridge? So many questions so much to discuss. Let the games begin…
Happy Sunday!
Kiss-Kiss
Love-Love,
Eve-101
Git ‘er dun!
November 4, 2008
Ahhh, endless hours of mind numbing escapes from reality…otherwise known as the new American pastime which is Reality TV. Being one that rarely flips channels I had no idea there was such a vast array of options. Seemingly endless guilty pleasures all scripted to make the average, quasi rational person feel as though their life is beyond spectacular in comparison to the train wrecks seeping through the cable box.
It was a perfectly delightful easy-breezy Sunday afternoon filled with America’s most talented and beautiful melodramatics. And then it happened…up next: Tom Arnold hosts “My Big Redneck Wedding.” The catchy title was enough to grab my attention and before I knew it I’d spent hours on the sofa mesmerized by shock and awe entertainment.
Country Music Television describes the down home debauchery as “a whole new meaning to for better or for worse. Each episode with its own rustic eccentricities, whether it is a four-legged best man, a romantic beer can canopy, a celebratory shotgun salute or a reception filled with mattress surfing and mud wrestling.”
Let’s be clear on this descriptor, shall we? By “rustic eccentricities and mud wrestling” CMT has politely described the toothless renegades who participated in a hot dog eating contest at Amyie and George’s weddin’ reception. Oh, and mud wrestling is exactly that…mud wrestling (although one couple did opt for Jell-O). The fun didn’t stop there, kids! Lawn mower races, a horse manure shaped cake and turkey nuts were just a few of the whacky sentimental gestures these redneck couples put on display for the unsuspecting viewing audience.
Kelli and Ron for example, love to crash cars, so they got married at the demolition derby. When Amber and John decided to tie the knot, John’s bachelor party headed out to the woods to shoot wild boar for the weddin’ supper. Not to be outdone of course by Amber’s stunning camouflage dress and veil. Watch out Vera Wang those country girls can BeDazzle like nobody’s business.
If you need to pee, the porta-potty is behind the monster truck tires…
To help off set the cost of their honeymoon, Anna and Carl auctioned off their excess farm equipment during the reception. Genius! Even more innovative was the Groomsman who owns a septic tank repair business. He and his thrifty Bride gave 20% off “Poop-ons” as wedding favors. Yee-Haw!
Then there was the teenage couple, Geneva and Kyle who met in pre-school (it’s quite possible their formal education ended shortly thereafter). To their credit these youngsters do possess tremendous decorating skills which were showcased by their choices in reception decor. They chose to cover the walls and tables with homemade quilts, which highlighted the mounted carcasses; the Bridesmaids donned the latest camo fashion sans shoes to support the Brides barefoot and pregnant motif. Martha Stewart would be proud!
As a girl who isn’t too far removed from redneck-ery I didn’t think it was possible to ever be disturbed by substandard acts of civilization but these folks are a force to reckon with. Now, I’m not about to judge how anyone wants to celebrate their big day. If you want to two-step down a straw covered isle and announce your love under a beer can laden archway, have it at. And while producers can script and edit just about scenario, exploiting ignorance is just sad!
So grab a can of Coors Light, a handkerchief to wipe your tears and tune into CMT’s, “My Big Redneck Wedding.” You’ll either laugh or cry…or both.
Okay, y’all…we’ve all witnessed a wedding or two go awry. Which ceremony disasters cause you to shudder? Have you ever been subjected to participating in a hog tying contest or gone bogging while a happy couple says I do? More importantly, how far would you stoop for your beloved? And which reality show mishaps are your favs?
p.s.
GO VOTE!
Pageantry and Punditry
November 3, 2008
We’re at the end of the trail, my friends. I know how hard it is to believe it’s over. We’ve been through a lot with one another and we all deserve to finally break free for the last leg of this race, and cross the finish line. It has, after all been a marathon of rumors, platforms, primaries, pundits and debates. Tomorrow, on Tuesday, November 4th 2008 we will cast our votes for President of the United States of America.
You WILL be voting, right? Lining up in your favorite Library or Elementary School gym? Please tell me that you haven’t received a Robo-Call that the Election has been postponed?! You know, something involving Maritime Laws, the recent economic crisis; or Karl Rove stubbing his toe while loading refurbished Diebold Voting Machines into swing states? I assure you, we are on for Tuesday - that’s tomorrow, a day from now…REALLY.
Considering what a ground breaking and mind numbing campaign it has been, we here at EVE-101 have remained politically neutral with our content; for the most part. Oh sure, we took a jab or two at Lego-haired John Edwards and his affair with Rielle Hunter - who knew the National Enquirer was a viable news source? No, we felt it best to keep our hats out of the political ring and tried to use our space to entertain you.
Not that this campaign hasn’t been its own form of constant entertainment. My inbox has been on fire with clips from Saturday Night Live and cartooned donkeys and elephants in wacky happenstance for a solid 6months. Who knew we were a country that was obsessed with moose jokes? In humor, as we know lies truth; and the truth about half of this nonsense is that we couldn’t make this stuff up if we tried.
Election 2008 was the Mother of all Reality Shows, complete with developed characters for our viewing pleasure. We had Joe Six Pack, Joe the Plumber, the Maverick, the Hockey Mom, a-nother Joe (Joey B so you’re not confused), Shrillary and the Not-So-Token Black guy. Seven individuals all picked together to fuel their campaigns and find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting desperate.
Now don’t go running out and carving a backwards letter ‘B’ into your face just yet…not everyone knows who their voting for. There’s still time to turn those voters who have waited until the big day to pick their candidate. I mean after all, they are two completely different choices across the board. Sometimes you want an apple, sometimes you want a banana…we aren’t judging you for your obvious lack of logical decision making skills. We encourage you all to exercise your rights and make the choice you think best suits your fickle needs. Vote People!
We have an eye on you homeless citizens of Ohio, by the way. You don’t get a pass from us for not submitting your ballot on time. A federal judge in Ohio recently ensured your voting rights by allowing homeless voters to list park benches and other locations that aren’t buildings as a means to register. So come on all you benevolent and politically informed squatters! Throw on your best tattered cardigan, here’s a pint of hooch and be sure to pick the candidate that best represents you! Wink, wink.
Ahhh, Election 2008…it will all be over soon. We have so little time left with one another; I’m almost sad to see you go. You ARE going to go, right? Seriously, it’s not that we haven’t enjoyed our time together, but if you don’t leave how can we ever truly miss you.
Well Ladies and Gents…this is it. What do you have to say about this election year? How bumpy of a road have you been riding to the White House? What’s your take on our potential leaders? Any favorite news stories from Election ‘08? Care to share who you are voting for and why? Let it fly, my politicos! It’s officially our last campaign day!
On the seventh day…
November 2, 2008
It was a fun-filled week here at Eve-101, chock full of our favorite things..sex, love, relationships, scandals, sluts and more sex.
Rather than make you work on this day of rest we’ve put together a handy Week in Review guide just for you, our loyal readers.
Although the ghosts and goblins may be gone, this party isn’t over. So grab the Tootsie Rolls and Twizzlers, skim, click, read and enjoy Eve-101…
The fact that there are people out there that get all jolly in their junk watching balloons pop or getting peed on, well, it makes me feel less self conscious about my occasional desire for a firm (ehm) hand.
Unfortunately, all too often we become so preoccupied with what we perceive to be the deficiencies of others that we negate to take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions.
I am an 80’s girl. I grew up dancing around the living room to Cyndi Lauper and Duran Duran records in my legwarmers and acid washed jeans, clinging tight to my rainbow bright doll. Happiness was a warm crimping iron. I had jellies in 8 different colors. It is a decade that will always have a special place in my heart.
Now Serving: Mommy’s Sloppy Seconds:
Dear Eve,
Last spring my Mom was killed in a car accident. I came home from college at the end of the semester to help my Step-Dad pack up her things and we spent a lot of time talking about my Mom. One night we decided to open a bottle of her favorite wine to toast her memory, and before I knew it my Step-Dad and I were making love on the living room floor.
When exactly did Girls Gone Wild become the official sponsor for Halloween? Because it’s just asinine, and really ladies…it’s beneath us to accept it.
In particular, there are three topics of conversation I would kindly ask you keep to yourself. Not about censorship here, I just don’t want to have to process it while I am in line for an iced coffee.
From our family to yours, may your day of rest be…well, restful. While you’re here, why don’t you take a moment and tell us how we’re doing. Is Eve helping you attain your daily requirement of useful (and sometimes trivial) information? Are we bringing you enough peace, joy and mentally disturbing images? What can we do for YOU? Nudity and bestiality excluded, you sickos!
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