I like to be on top.
September 5, 2008
I hear Tom Petty’s song “American Girl” when I think of a specific day back in September of 1993. I had recently turned sixteen and had just gotten my license. My mom was way to nervous to teach me to drive so I had my learners permit later than most. I learned to drive by taking Drivers Ed. They taught me the ins and outs of yield signs and horror stories about barefoot driving and how it can amputate your toes. I was finally free to move around, get out of the house, and I didn’t need my mom or grandparents to help me do it. FREEDOM…
I was driving my mom’s Ford Bronco II and had just gotten to my friend Pete’s* house. See, his best friend had broken up with me and I was devastated. Granted he was 21 and I was 16 and he was in college, but how dare he do this to me?? I mean, was he going to get back with his ex girlfriend of 2 years? What was going on I HAD TO KNOW! I was going 49mph down a residential Beach Road like a maniac. This was an emergency recon mission.
Pete wasn’t home. Where are people when you need them??? This was an emergency! I am crying and of course there are no cell phones back in the nine three so I am determined to FIND him and find out what is going on. Because *Grant isn’t answering his phone at home and I will not be ignored!
I left his house and decide to go up the side road just to see if he is parked at a local hangout. I am now FLYing.
Since I had a whopping 20 hours of driving under my belt, when I reached the stop sign to make a right to get back on the main road I decided to do a “California Stop/Roll.” From what I understand this means that you kinda sorta stop then when no one is coming you just roll through and keep on going. So, I do this. I slow down, look left, look right and then it happened.
There is a police car coming towards me from my right. He is turning onto the road I am on! This would be the moment when I should slam on brakes and not to get a ticket for not stopping fully at a stop sign. So, being a smart sixteen year old that is what I do.
Oh yeah, the brake is on the left isn’t it?
In the time it took you to read that sentence I had accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake and put my entire Bronco II on top of a City Police Car.
And there it was…
Except my car was actually ON TOP of the entire hood of the police cruiser.
There are always those moments in life where things just change. You find out that the world doesn’t revolve around you and your sad little problems. That was the day for me. I all of a sudden could care less why my boyfriend broke up with me. All I knew was that I was on top of a police cruiser.
I don’t remember much. I know that I wasn’t hurt but I had banged my head on the steering wheel. I couldn’t hear anything. Everything was muffled. Some woman saw what happened came over and tapped on my window.
I was so dazed I just looked at her.
She finally did the universal signal for ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW YOU JUST HIT A COP CAR.
She says, “You ok?”
My response “Huh?”
“You ok Sugar?” Pronounced Shooga
“Yeah I think so, Oh My GOD, what happened?”
“Well you ran smack dab into that nice police officer right there…”
At this point I attempt to reach for the door handle. I missed it three times because I was still looking straight ahead. I finally reach it and go to get out (Bronco’s are a little high up) and fell out of the car. My brain forgot to tell my knees to bend or work at all for that matter. I am laying on the hot pavement thinking to myself, I could just stay down here. That would be a good plan. Ok. Going to just stay here.
Eventually Officer Friendly came over (I say this with all respect he was one nice policeman considering all) He was off duty and had his 3 year old daughter in the car with him. I FREAKED OUT and sobbed on the concrete. Which was easy because I was still face down. He said “Noooo sweetie, we are fine!!” I informed him that I was so glad and so sorry and that I was a horrible person who didn’t deserve to have knees or something like that. There was a lot of blithering at that point.
Short story long, I hit a city policeman, so another one came to ticket me and do the paperwork. They couldn’t write the ticket so two county cops came. Nope, they can’t write the ticket either. Some sort of ordinance. So, two troopers came. So, We have one beat up Bronco II, a beat up city police car and a total of 5 more cop cars around lights sirens and all.
When my mom showed up as they towed away our ONLY family vehicle, my grandmother parked them in the parking lot across the street. When she saw how many lights and cops and the cars she opened the passenger side door…
And she fell out of the car.
*Names have been changed to protect future ex husbands. Oh, and no not the boyfriend but the friend I was looking for when I got into the wreck. I married “Pete” 9 years later. One would think that would have been a sign or omen…
This is just one of many fun tales of my youth. What was your right of passage? What incident of your youth made you realize that there is a big bad world out there? Or just feel free to share awkward scary stupid teenage stories…
Infidelity Fallout
June 9, 2008
I suppose there was always a part of me that knew my (ex) husband was not the faithful kind. Okay, scratch that…99% of me was certain of that fact. After all, I did have a moment of panic as I stood with my father, preparing to take that long walk down that flower encrusted isle, when I said to him, “can I change my mind, daddy?” Thinking I was joking, he replied, “My deposit on this place is nonrefundable.” I laughed (so as not to cry) and we stepped out as the first notes of ‘In My Life’ began to play.
And just like that, I began one of the darker periods in mine.
Learning To Look Before I Leap
May 19, 2008
“I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship.”
~Louisa May Alcott
Why is it that we jump into love like a joyful child, but crawl out of it like a wounded animal? Even if you were the one to hand out the walking papers instead of the one to receive them, it is still a painfully slow and laborious process.
One Plus One Equals Too Many
April 28, 2008
Loneliness can be conquered only by those who can bear solitude.
~ Paul Tillich
Living alone is like living without any mirrors. It forces you to stop relying on others to tell you what they see in you; it brings you true introspection.
It can give you both personal understanding and clarity, if you allow it to.
Conversely, constant companionship can be a safety net that leads one to become overly complacent. When in the confines of my various co-habiting relationships I would all too often adapt to their perimeters. Sometimes I would shine in these relationships, but more often my light would go dim. I was slowly burning out whilst making a virtue of doing what I disliked. I was not being true to myself.
I was making myself miserable.
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