HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM EVE-101

On behalf of Eve-101.com, we would all like to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving Holiday!

We are tremendously thankful to have you part of our EVE family.  Your support, comments and input helps shape this URL and we owe you for a happy site, and a Happy Holiday!

We’ll be back up and running Friday with more EVE shenanigans to keep you entertained.

Love and Kisses,

EVE

My Lesson in Giving Thanks

As I was writing this, it was Friday, November 21^st 2008.  Next Thursday many of you will be sitting down with family and friends at your Thanksgiving tables with eyes bigger than your plates.  While I would love to be joining that picture, it’s actually the Friday before Thanksgiving every year that I give my Thanks.  I thank my friends for their loyalty, my loved ones for their kindness and strength; and my parents for saving our lives this very night, 16 years ago.

We lived in a fairly typical middle class neighborhood.  Both my parents with good jobs and a nice home I shared with my two brothers.  I was 15 years old and just happy school was over for the week.  I remember watching a bad movie for as long as I could stay awake, curling up in my bed and falling asleep.

Within a few hours, something woke me.  The urgency in my father’s voice startled me, but I couldn’t move.  I felt like I was being weighted down under water, and that he was yelling at me from the surface.  My first full breath was painful and cut into the back of my throat.  Smoke, everywhere; my eyes burning and my father banging on the door of his daughter’s locked bedroom.  I could finally make out what he was saying…fire.

As he raced to my younger brother’s room I was able to shake myself awake through the haze enough to unlock the door.  Grabbing one of us in each arm he dragged us down the hallway into my parent’s room.  I remember rounding the hallway, my dog frantically barking from her gated pen and seeing the bright orange glow climbing up the walls around the corner.  I remember how terrified I was, feeling and smelling the heat, and how loud and thundering the flames were.

My mother closed the door to the fire and shoved us both to the ground; my father began dragging the bed over to the window.  The only thing I could hear now was his voice screaming that we were going to be alright.  Within moments, and smoke curling under the door, we were.  My younger brother was hoisted out, landing six feet below; then myself.  My mother, terrified and shaken made my father go after us.  After standing up and turning back to the window I watched as my father reached in, and pulled my mother through and safely to the ground.

The sirens now closing in…I remember the firemen jumping from the truck and running over asking if there was anyone still left inside.  Under my breath I heard myself say ‘My dog.’  My mother had tried to run around to the front door to save her, but by then she had stopped barking, and my father held my mother  back.

My older brother had been working a night shift where they had an up and running police scanner.  He heard it come over the line that the house, his house, where he thought his family was safely sleeping was on fire.  By the time he was able to get to us, we had been shuffled to a neighbor’s home.  I don’t think any of us cried a single tear until we were all together again.  Shocked, shaken, panicked…but safe.

Lucky, we were so lucky.  I don’t like to think about the circumstances of that night in terms of what could have happened.  As traumatic as it was, and as much as it took to rebuild our lives in the wake of personal tragedy, it has forever changed me through the lessons I learned.

I learned the sense of community through crisis.  Our neighbors who took us in during the middle of the night; the people at my mother and father’s office that collected checks and cards and notes assuring us they would do anything to help us get back our feet.  The caring and compassion will never be forgotten.

I learned at 15 that most of it’s just stuff.  We lost virtually everything from our baby pictures to my mother’s wedding ring.  I miss some of those treasures, but 90% is replaceable and never more important than the memories and the people you share them with.

The greatest lesson however came six days later when we all sat down at my grandfathers Thanksgiving table.  After joining hands in silence, nobody said a word…we knew what we were thankful for.  It might honestly have been the first time in my life I truly felt thankful for anything.

This year, like years past I will be spending Thanksgiving Day volunteering.  I will serve meals. I will ask what I can do to help.  I will make promises and follow through with them.  I’ll listen, and hopefully walk away with more lessons to be thankful for.

Whew…sorry for letting that one out there.  It’s something I felt the need to write considering the date.  It doesn’t have to be a downer!  Do you have any lessons to share about the upcoming holiday?  Spending it with friends, family, both?  What does Thanksgiving mean to you and what are you most thankful for?

Lets turn this around….shall we.  Please?

Do…Something!

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”
~ Aesop

A homeless Mother sifts through garbage to feed her cold and dirty child, a Veteran returns home only to find himself alone and cast aside, an innocent child’s hopes and dreams are shattered by the harsh reality that diseases don’t discriminate…nor does abuse and neglect. A frightened animal is locked away in a cold, damp cell longing for a lap and a friend, a forest is destroyed by negligent trespassers…welcome to the world in which you inhabit. Sounds dismal, doesn’t it? Well, it doesn’t have to be if each and every one of us would get off our self-absorbed asses and do something to make a difference!

Saturday, October 25^th is Make a Difference Day and although this notice comes with very little warning, it will hopefully not serve as an excuse as to why you can’t spare a few moments to change someone’s life, but rather as inspiration to step outside of your bubble and do something…anything.

“Neighbors helping neighbors” is the motto of this annual event sponsored by USA Weekend magazine and Points of Light Foundation. The late Paul Newman generously supports this event, and as a past recipient of the prestigious National Make a Difference Day Award I implore you to stop, realize how fortunate you are and pass along goodwill.

Hundreds of thousands of people in this country are in desperate need of the things you and I take for granted on a daily basis. A pillow to rest your head at night, a meal to nourish your body and clothes to keep you warm. These are not rights, they are privileges; basic necessities to survive that men, women and children of every race, color and creed do without while we frivolously squander our time, money and resources.

Take a moment and look into the eyes of the nameless faces you pass each day and you’re sure to see the distress that plagues those less fortunate. I can’t imagine a better way to ignite hope in the hearts of those facing hardships than to offer a kind gesture, can you?

Participating in Make a Difference Day doesn’t require a monumental act or detailed planning…it can be as simple as buying coffee for the person in line behind you, baking cookies for an elderly neighbor or donating blood. The premise is to extend a thoughtful gesture to humanity by whatever ways or means you are capable of…like my angel in disguise:

It was a warm and sunny morning in August when I received the phone call that we all fear. The hysterical voice on the other end told me that my Dad wasn’t breathing. While attempting to wrap my mind around the nightmare that was unfolding I was startled by a stranger at my front door.

She spoke softly when she asked if I was okay and if she could be of assistance. (How she knew that my world was crumbling beneath my feet is still a mystery.) Confused and unable to comprehend her abrupt appearance I thanked her and said good-bye. She turned, walked down the brick stairs leading to the sidewalk and vanished as quickly as she emerged. Minutes later she returned, offering unsolicited gifts to “help heal my broken heart.”

Every night while sipping tea I read a passage from “What I Wish for You”… one of the tokens from my unexplained visitor.  Although she isn’t aware of how grateful I am, she truly made a difference in my life…one that I will never forget!

Please find it within yourself to do the same…to pass along an unsuspecting gift of kindness. Whether you realize it or not, you will be leaving a legacy of love and generosity…something this world could use a lot more of!

What say you people of the interwebs…have you ever been the recipient of a random act of kindness? If so, did you pay it forward? And what kind deeds are stirring in your mind? What will you do on Saturday, October 25^th to Make a Difference?

Shut Your Mouth!

We’ve all suffered from a good case of foot-in-mouth on occasion…it happens and hopefully without irreversible damage. But what are we to do when those we’re surrounded by are unaware of their verbal blunders? At every turn yet another confidant is attempting to remove a size 24 Shaquille O’Neal sneaker from their trap while we sit on the sidelines and watch the catastrophe unfold. I don’t get it…is it a brain to mouth malfunction that needs repairing? And if so, exactly who do we call for this service?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ll be the first to admit that I have the ability to carry on a conversation with just about anyone or anything that’ll listen. I could yammer on and on to a tree for an hour and be just fine with it. Actually, once in a while I even prefer it. Nevertheless, there comes a time for each and every one of us when we should stop flapping our gums just for the sake of spewing saliva on the nearest unsuspecting passerby!

Somewhere in the midst of “change your ways or we’re not getting married,” (the last marriage - not the first) I discovered the goldmine that lies in the art of silence. I immediately coined it “The 24-Hour Rule” and it’s simple enough that a simian could do it. Pay attention and you can thank me later…

Next time you find yourself caught up in confusion, hurt, anger or just plain stupidity all you have to do is: SHUT. YOUR. MOUTH! Even better yet, shut-it for 24-hours. Stop the outbursts, name calling and irrational thought process long enough to call a time out. Imagine if you will, how trading your personal opinions, emotional baggage and propaganda for an insightful, intelligent and sane conversation is far more likely to suit everyone’s needs and actually garner a positive response. Not to mention the time and effort of banging your head against the proverbial wall is worth walking away long enough to gather your senses.

Thinking before we speak isn’t a novel concept, but certainly one that should hold credence. Our actions and reactions are often dictated by those we communicate with. When we forego rational for emotional we create a chain reaction. In the blink of an eye a snowball transforms into an avalanche, leaving a wave of destruction in its path that no search and rescue team can salvage.

If you aren’t certain if a woman is actually pregnant, for the love of gawd, don’t ask her when she’s due! When your beloved inadvertently makes a quip that cuts you to the core…don’t retaliate with a barrage of insults, but retreat and collect yourself instead. And lastly, don’t make a fool of yourself with a poor attempt at mimicking an accent…its just not good for foreign relations.

Be embarrassed for me…those examples up there were my slip-ups! What’re yours? Does your mouth have a mind of its own, or are you in control of your oral functions? Have you ever had a slip of the tongue that left you wishing for the power to be invisible, or do you battle it out till the bitter end? Misery loves company…share, won’t you?

Simpatico

Last night while  Anthony Bourdain spoke about how he would not buy a Hawaiian shirt, because it was “SO Don Ho”  I drifted off into Snooze Land.   Once I arrived I began to dream…

It was all of the women friends I have had in my life.  They passed by me one by one and I was forced to face the good, the bad, and the bitchy.  To each one I either said Thank you or I am Sorry.  I was forced to see the influence each had upon me and what I think I may have left upon them.  There were some I love, some I hate, and some who are just acquaintances but still as important to me as the air I breathe and my MAC gloss.

I believe I said I am sorry to some of the women in my dream not because I have wronged them necessarily even though I may have, but more for closure.  There are honestly only about three people in my life where a friendship has ended sourly.  I have had heavy heart about each one.  Because for it to go out so passionately must have meant there was a good friendship to separate from.  There was a reason I was drawn to them in friendship.  But, there were also reasons I was pushed away at the end.

I realized once I woke the dream allowed me to find resolution where I couldn’t before and then I realized, I am no longer mad.  They may choose to still carry the Montana sized chip on their shoulders and speak harshly, or shoot me the “Eye of Death” when we pass, but it is time to move on. It is time to cherish the friendship and dismiss the falling out and all the carnage that came from it.

There can be times when women don’t get along well.  We can when we choose to, but I have found that there are times we choose not to.  I believe jealousy and envy play big parts in why women can be so catty.  Some of my most passionate friendships have ended just as passionately.  Somehow they never go out with a whisper but with a big FUCK YOU!!

Granted, I can be a very large and intense Bitch when warranted.  Normally I fear confrontation so much that I don’t say anything until it has gone way too far.  Once pushed into the abyss, my eyes turn red and my blood pressure rises to allow some of the most horrible things to come spewing out of my snarled mouth.  Only a handful of people in my life have witnessed this very ugly, yet some times necessary, bitch on wheels form of me.  I am never proud, but I also never regret what needs to be said.

Even though there are women out there who hate me, loathe me, probably would be happy to see me meet a very painful demise, I currently have some of the most fabulous women in my life and I don’t know where I would be without them.  One friend I have had for over fifteen years whom I consider to be as close as a sister.  Some I have known less than a year or for just a few years that have had such a positive influence on my life, it is indescribable.  Some women I have never met and yet they touch my life daily.  To them, I say Thank you.

And hope that I have given to them a fraction of what they have given to me.

And to these fabulous women I say one last thing.  You guys are much prettier and smarter than the girls I am not friends with anymore.  I am just saying.  OK, now that is done, NOW I am over it all.

Has a friendship ever gone sour for you?  Was it calm and mature or catty and bratty?  Do you feel the same now about it as you did when your friendship ended?  Share with us today your stories of current pals and long lost compadres.  Please don’t make me start singing, “Thank you for being a friend…”

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