HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM EVE-101

On behalf of Eve-101.com, we would all like to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving Holiday!

We are tremendously thankful to have you part of our EVE family.  Your support, comments and input helps shape this URL and we owe you for a happy site, and a Happy Holiday!

We’ll be back up and running Friday with more EVE shenanigans to keep you entertained.

Love and Kisses,

EVE

My Lesson in Giving Thanks

As I was writing this, it was Friday, November 21^st 2008.  Next Thursday many of you will be sitting down with family and friends at your Thanksgiving tables with eyes bigger than your plates.  While I would love to be joining that picture, it’s actually the Friday before Thanksgiving every year that I give my Thanks.  I thank my friends for their loyalty, my loved ones for their kindness and strength; and my parents for saving our lives this very night, 16 years ago.

We lived in a fairly typical middle class neighborhood.  Both my parents with good jobs and a nice home I shared with my two brothers.  I was 15 years old and just happy school was over for the week.  I remember watching a bad movie for as long as I could stay awake, curling up in my bed and falling asleep.

Within a few hours, something woke me.  The urgency in my father’s voice startled me, but I couldn’t move.  I felt like I was being weighted down under water, and that he was yelling at me from the surface.  My first full breath was painful and cut into the back of my throat.  Smoke, everywhere; my eyes burning and my father banging on the door of his daughter’s locked bedroom.  I could finally make out what he was saying…fire.

As he raced to my younger brother’s room I was able to shake myself awake through the haze enough to unlock the door.  Grabbing one of us in each arm he dragged us down the hallway into my parent’s room.  I remember rounding the hallway, my dog frantically barking from her gated pen and seeing the bright orange glow climbing up the walls around the corner.  I remember how terrified I was, feeling and smelling the heat, and how loud and thundering the flames were.

My mother closed the door to the fire and shoved us both to the ground; my father began dragging the bed over to the window.  The only thing I could hear now was his voice screaming that we were going to be alright.  Within moments, and smoke curling under the door, we were.  My younger brother was hoisted out, landing six feet below; then myself.  My mother, terrified and shaken made my father go after us.  After standing up and turning back to the window I watched as my father reached in, and pulled my mother through and safely to the ground.

The sirens now closing in…I remember the firemen jumping from the truck and running over asking if there was anyone still left inside.  Under my breath I heard myself say ‘My dog.’  My mother had tried to run around to the front door to save her, but by then she had stopped barking, and my father held my mother  back.

My older brother had been working a night shift where they had an up and running police scanner.  He heard it come over the line that the house, his house, where he thought his family was safely sleeping was on fire.  By the time he was able to get to us, we had been shuffled to a neighbor’s home.  I don’t think any of us cried a single tear until we were all together again.  Shocked, shaken, panicked…but safe.

Lucky, we were so lucky.  I don’t like to think about the circumstances of that night in terms of what could have happened.  As traumatic as it was, and as much as it took to rebuild our lives in the wake of personal tragedy, it has forever changed me through the lessons I learned.

I learned the sense of community through crisis.  Our neighbors who took us in during the middle of the night; the people at my mother and father’s office that collected checks and cards and notes assuring us they would do anything to help us get back our feet.  The caring and compassion will never be forgotten.

I learned at 15 that most of it’s just stuff.  We lost virtually everything from our baby pictures to my mother’s wedding ring.  I miss some of those treasures, but 90% is replaceable and never more important than the memories and the people you share them with.

The greatest lesson however came six days later when we all sat down at my grandfathers Thanksgiving table.  After joining hands in silence, nobody said a word…we knew what we were thankful for.  It might honestly have been the first time in my life I truly felt thankful for anything.

This year, like years past I will be spending Thanksgiving Day volunteering.  I will serve meals. I will ask what I can do to help.  I will make promises and follow through with them.  I’ll listen, and hopefully walk away with more lessons to be thankful for.

Whew…sorry for letting that one out there.  It’s something I felt the need to write considering the date.  It doesn’t have to be a downer!  Do you have any lessons to share about the upcoming holiday?  Spending it with friends, family, both?  What does Thanksgiving mean to you and what are you most thankful for?

Lets turn this around….shall we.  Please?

The Inadvertent Misogynist, Confessions of a Serial Dater

Serial Dater [cereal-daytur]

-Noun.

*A man or woman who non-exclusively dates multiple partners at times in an unscrupulous manner.

Synonyms: Whore, Player

Antonyms: Prude, Nun, Dungeons and Dragons Aficionado, Mom

I’m a thirty-something guy living in Boston.  I developed an interest in serial dating 2 ½ years ago and it subsequently has been a hobby of mine ever since.  I knew with my penchant for dishonesty and strong desire to hone my time management skills that I had what it takes to be a womanizing dickhead.

I decided to almost exclusively meet girls online.  Why you ask?  Because they put out; quickly.  Even though that’s true, I more so wanted to leverage my time by placing ads and focusing on courting women who already had an interest in me.

So I created a number of different ads, from brutal honesty to complete nonsense.  To my surprise, nonsense was by far the most successful.  I eventually created an ad that received countless praise.  Over time I heard from hundreds of quality girls from ads I placed on a dozen different websites.

Before meeting I preferred to converse by email, IM, or texting.  This way I was able to put more thought into what I had to say and flirt with the utmost precision.  Better yet, I could be an uber-prick and pretend to speak multiple languages compliments of Yahoo! Answers or AltaVista Babelfish.

When starting from scratch I usually had eight to ten viable prospects, from which I would pick five to six to meet, and then cut it down to my favorite two to three.  It was important to meet as soon as possible to avoid days or weeks of communication only to discover you aren’t the least bit compatible once you finally meet.  Sometimes I’d be invited over to their house at 1:00 am because they just got in from a girls night out and couldn’t wait any longer.  I called that “a guaranteed lay”.

I know ways to succeed when dating two or more; however, in my opinion, dating more than three is virtually unmanageable.  You’ll have no time for your friends, the gym and be tired every day at work.  Therefore juggling multiple relationships requires some strategy.

1. Determine desired level of honesty: From my experience if you want to date and sleep with whomever you want without the risk of losing what you have, lying is pretty much required. For example, at one point I was dating 5 girls at the same time and sleeping with 4 of them.

Moreover, I probably would have been smothered in my sleep if they knew I lined up meetings with girls I was dating at strategic times of the day.  I’d have a nooner with one, an at home dinner and movie with another, and a late night sleep over with a third all in the same day.  Don’t worry ladies; I’d wash up in between… usually.

2. Positioning: Assign each girl a rating of ‘weekday’, ‘weekend’, ‘casual’, and ‘I got nothing else better to do’.  Fridays and Saturdays are reserved for the girls that you may actually see a future with or are serious arm candy.  Conversely, that one who’s been reading “he’s just not that into you” will still be there when desperation sets in no matter what she says.

3. Preemptive damage control: Be proactive and learn techniques on how to block the dubiousness.  For example, if asked where you were the night before, you need a way to say it softly or construct a canned lie that works best for you.  I liked to say “I was with my friend ‘so and so’ and we watched a movie” instead of, “I hung out with Jennifer who I’ve been fucking the entire time I’ve been with you.  We went to a movie and she blew me in the parking lot afterwards.  So how was board game night with the family?”

So what came out of this debauchery?  A lot more than I bargained for.  Whether we are willing to admit it or not, we all want someone special.  This is a way to get to them quicker than ever; however, if you screw up, be prepared for a multitude of problems.

Four girls were in love with me at the same time, I had to create an Excel spreadsheet just so I knew who to notify if the doctor gave me some bad news, two girls wet my bed, and worst of all I pissed off a few girls so badly they put up ads telling others to avoid dating me and to this day I receive harassing anonymous emails whenever I put up an ad on Craigslist.

So when asked “TSA, if you could do it all again would you change a thing?” I vehemently reply “oh fuck yeah.”

Well, loyal readers…please welcome our guest writer The Striped Avenger! TSA is in his early thirties, a lifelong resident of Boston and that’s all he’s willing to tell us.  He does, however have a lot to say about his stint in Serial Dating…so please leave him your comments below.  He’ll be happy to share the pros, cons and unwarranted high fives with anyone who cares to offer up their opinions!

Dirty, Dirty Divorcee’

“I am not judged by the number of times I fail, but by the number of times I succeed: and the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I fail and keep trying.”

Shattered dreams, broken promises, division of assets and custody battles…all the marks of a failed attempt at a sacred union summed up with one word… “Divorced.” Considering that over fifty percent of all marriages don’t last until death do us part I find it ironic that there appears to be such a negative stigma attached to what I perceive as a badge of honor. Perhaps my perception is skewed, but how can anyone negate the strength that one attains from surviving monumental heartbreak?

I’ve lived to tell the tale of my “Starter Marriage” (plus another) relatively unscathed. And anyone who has endured the tumultuous events caused by dissolution knows how daunting the aftermath can be. So why would others take issue with wearing the “D” label proudly?

Just recently I was not only asked, “why do you say that you’re divorced and not single?“   but I was also “commanded to change my status” on a popular social networking site by a fellow Eve staffer.  While I found Ms. Meghan’s request to be quite humorous, she obviously isn’t the only one who has made mention of my D-status lately. While harmless in their inquiries, I was left pondering…do others perceive me as some sort of spinster in waiting? I mean, I don’t even own a cat nevertheless a dozen, so why all the hoopla?

Yes, I am divorced, but like many who’ve traversed a similar path, I am also a strong, courageous woman who made some difficult decisions. Divorcee’s are not defined by a label or check mark. Divorce is not who we are, only what we’ve done…it is merely a blip on our lifelines. As with all life experiences, hopefully we learn from our lessons, never repeat them, and still maintain a glimmer of hope for the future.

So the next time you find yourself wondering why someone acknowledges their divorced status, don‘t judge them, but rather realize what they’ve overcome. Know that perhaps they look at blissful couples and dream that forever isn’t an urban legend but a tangible reality. Congratulate their perseverance. Acknowledge that their heart has scar tissue from withstanding some bumps and bruises. Celebrate new beginnings and the exciting adventures that lie ahead.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not pro-divorce propaganda. But the fact of the matter is, it happens…a lot, and quite often for very good reasons. To ostracize or condemn people for seeking happiness or attempting to rectify a poor decision is…well, it’s just not right. So don’t do it!

I need your help Eve-ers! I want to understand why divorce is such a dirty word. Do you frown upon those who walk down the aisle and straight to divorce court? Or, do you see divorce as a way of life in our grass is greener culture? Which box do you/would you check?

Brownie Points

Relationships shouldn’t come with score cards but inevitably we either rack up brownie points or suffer the consequences of being kicked to the curb. Let’s be honest, chicks can be psycho and crazy just isn’t cute! (Unless of course your fantasies include a straight jacket and ball gag…but that’s an entirely different subject all together.) So how about we try and minimize the insanity factor, shall we? I’m talking to you, men!

We all know that men and women simply aren’t wired the same…Mars and Venus ring a bell? If you happen to be a card carrying member of the penis club there are a few things you ought to know about the *ahem* fairer sex, if you’d like to keep your relationship balance in the black.

Gentlemen, please do us a favor and keep in mind that we ladies live by a different set of rules that are governed by our hormones. Sorry, it’s not an excuse just a fact. And one that I’m sure you’re already aware of…unless you live in a cave. What you may not know however is how to navigate our fragile environments in such a way that will keep us swooning rather than devising our exit strategies.

Let us help you…it is after all our predisposed genetic tendency. Pay attention guys, because those little things you may be doing that you think are winning her over could very well be causing her to fantasize about smothering you in your sleep.

Here are a few helpful hints to keep your sweetheart confident in the decision that she’s made you her one and only…

Fix her stuff, not her troubles.
Although your gal may be perfectly capable of changing a light bulb or checking the oil in her car, those pesky tasks are not always high on her priority list. Taking the initiative to do those little things lets her know that you’re concerned with her safety and well-being.  Trying to solve her workplace woes on the other hand will more than likely be met with resistance…steer clear of that in which you cannot change!

Control your green eyed monster.
Women want to know that the man in her life finds her attractive and desirable, but that doesn’t mean she wants to break up a bar room brawl. Rather than threatening to kick some dudes ass for checking out your woman, just smile, nod and appreciate the fact that you’re the one she’s going home with…and going down on.

“Good Night, Sugar”
Although silence is often a virtue, women connect through communication. Taking the time to say “Good Night” is a simple and very effective way to ensure that she sleeps peacefully. Two seconds of effort will provide hours of joy…where else can you get a return on your investment like that?

Lost and Found
Don’t lose your lovely…she is after all your most prized possession. A quick wink from across a crowded  room tells her that you’re paying attention and ready to whisk her away at the slightest inkling that Aunt Betsy’s stories are starting to drone on.

Jekyll and Hyde
If you wouldn’t do it in front of her, don’t do it behind her back. Remember, the walls have eyes…and ears. If you misbehave, she will find out. So mind your P’s and Q’s and don’t do anything you wouldn’t want her doing. I really didn’t need to mention this, did I?

Pushing Buttons
Sure it was cute when you pulled our ponytails on the playground, but it’s time to grow up. Incessant teasing is adorable for about the first two minutes, after that we want to punch you right in the smacker! If you must “get a reaction” out of your lovah try inducing a smile/head tilt. You’ll enjoy the rewards much more than a black eye.

“Bitch!”
Name calling in the midst of an argument is disrespectful and never acceptable! If your sweetie has irritated you in ways that only your Mother can, take your frustrations out on her cooter not her eardrums. If you must mutter obscenities in the heat of the moment, do it between the sheets.

Believe it or not, those of us who own vajajas really are simple creatures; although we can make things more complicated than need be. We will over-analyze and interpret your every word and action; again, my apologies. Remember however, that it isn’t all that difficult to keep your lady enthralled and enthusiastic it just takes a wee bit of effort. So run, be free, and be kind to the one who greets your morning breath with a smile.

Oh, and p.s.
“Don’t be a dick!”

Okay girls, these were just a few of the many things men can do to make our hearts go pitter-patter. What are your relationship do’s and don’ts? Guys, do you have a secret weapon when it comes to making the woman in your life pleased to see your face? Or are you struggling to stay afloat in the dating pool?

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