Colon Munchers
November 6, 2008 · Print This Article
It’s a stinky topic and certainly not one that’s appropriate dinner conversation. Nonetheless, ignorance is not bliss when it pertains to the overabundance of Protozoa, Trematoda, Cestoda and Nematoda living in your guts. Are you aware that 85% of Americans are contaminated with itsy-bitsy, mass-multiplying, burrowing aliens that are making Swiss cheese out of our innards? Sounds delicious, no? Wait! Don’t go…I’m here to help you rid the worms from your bowels.
Like it or not, your body is more than likely hosting any one or more of the 3200 different parasites known to infect humans. If you think invasion of the body snatchers is a normal part of living and breathing consider the fact that a typical roundworm can produce 200,000 eggs…daily. By no means should that be considered normal!
Constipation, bloating, IBS, acne, anemia, sleep disturbances, muscle aches, fatigue and migraines are just a few ailments that may be caused by these nutrient sucking leeches. And don’t for a moment fool yourself; none of us are immune to parasite and worm infestations. Through the foods we eat, the bottoms of our feet, the air we breathe, the water we drink, and sadly, even sex…these creatures are lurking everywhere just waiting to latch on and spread their spawn.
Feeling queasy yet? Imagine a hookworm gnawing its way through your intestinal wall and feeding on your blood. Or a tapeworm with a suction cup on its skull that has the potential to grow up to 35 feet…in your body! My personal favorites are the parasites that migrate and destroy other parts of our bodies. The circulatory system, lungs, liver and even our grey matter are all defenseless unless we wage war and reclaim what is rightfully ours.
Honestly, I can’t imagine the horror one might experience during the elimination process of these little critters. Personally, I think I’m going to need a barf bag to accompany the commode as I will more than likely become a puking-shitting-parasite-purging machine.
Oh, stop it! We all do it…puke and poop that is.
On with the process…
Detox is never easy, and although you may not experience the same effects you would if you were giving up the pipe, this process may not be all that enjoyable either. Excessive gas, itchy skin, abdominal cramping and foul odors emanating from your pores should be expected. Apparently that’s what happens when the dead parasites build up in the colon and are waiting to be expelled…Yum!
Let the cleansing commence!
Although there are numerous prescription medications available they only treat one bugger at a time and I’d rather wipe out the entire toxic colony in my colon at once. So I’ve discovered the following two-part extermination process: A 30-day Isagenix cleansing and fat burning program coupled with a concoction of Black Walnut Hull, Wormwood and Cloves.
Being as how I am not pregnant, lactating, frail, or elderly (hush!) there’s no need for me to consult a physician prior to embarking on my experiment. Which is fortunate since this month long expedition isn’t going to be cheap…or easy. But hey, we can’t put a price on a healthy colon now can we?
WOW! That was a bit much…even for me! Anyone else disgusted by this information? Did you know that sushi and dog smacking causes creepy crawlers? And who’s joining me? Are you willing to rid yourself of larvae or are you happy and content with your internal ecological system?
On 11/5/08 at 10:03 pm
Trista said:
I’ve done this. Nothing freaky came out of me.
I was highly disappointed.
On 11/6/08 at 5:57 am
Karri said:
Well that just makes me sad. If I’m going to do this, it better be worth it!
On 11/6/08 at 9:06 am
Trista said:
I did poop a lot though…I know you like that.
On 11/6/08 at 9:10 am
Karri said:
More than poo-tea?
How very exciting…I can’t wait!
On 11/6/08 at 4:11 am
~Lori~ said:
A what a pleasant thing to see this mornin’ ;s
Another good way to clear your colon, and it works well, is try this… https://web2.herbdoc.com/index.php?option=com_oscommerce&Itemid=42 He has different types, considering not everyone’s insides work exactly the same. The second formula I have used, and you can buy his products on amazon.com. They have worked well for me before, clears all the build up/plaque that lines the colon after time. The other thing I can suggest is this, for people that have ever been diagnosed with Hy pylori bacteria knows how painful it can be, it is a type of hookworm in your digestive track. Med treatment is a high dollar antibiotic, the testing is expensive and once you are treated they will not test again unless you have issues again. It causes severe problems with producing too much stomach acid, etc. This natural product literally kills the hookworm, http://www.vitaminshoppe.com/store/en/browse/sku_detail.jsp?id=AR-1385 , and I swear by it, most people that have this issue, they have a propensity in their bodies for it to come back over and over, so whenever the issue comes up I do a round for a week or so, and I’m good to go again.
On 11/6/08 at 6:34 am
Fiona said:
Why don’t you just take some Zentel. Sounds much easier.
Unless you are going to inspect your poo, you won’t see anything. Sorry.
Children are also worm and lice bringers. I’m getting to the point where my daughter might end up bald.
On 11/6/08 at 6:42 am
Karri said:
Zentel? I’m unaware…do tell.
On 11/6/08 at 6:59 am
Fiona said:
http://home.intekom.com/pharm/smith_kb/zentel.html
It’s just to get rid of worms…. maybe it’s a 3rd world thing
On 11/6/08 at 7:17 am
Karri said:
I’m one of those that picks up a bug every time I travel to a third world country. Perhaps I should stay out of the mud and stop drinking the water…or get some Zentel.
On 11/6/08 at 7:28 am
Fiona said:
Worms are a fact of life, especially if you have children or pets. Ever have an itchy bum? Well, that would be worms coming out to lay their eggs! Mmmmm
On 11/6/08 at 7:56 am
Karri said:
Always a delight to watch a pooch scoot across the floor, eh? I will never get accustomed to seeing animal feces move!
On 11/6/08 at 6:37 am
El Supremo said:
Wow. Look at all the junk science being propagated. Impressive. You know the overwhelming opinion of the medical community is that “cleansing” does more harm than good, right? No? Didn’t think so. Hippie stupid is impervious to science.
On 11/6/08 at 6:45 am
Karri said:
Why yes, smarty, I am aware that some in the medical community consider cleansing a no-no. That doesn’t mean I have to agree with them, now does it?
Me, a hippie…that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all week!
On 11/6/08 at 6:58 am
El Supremo said:
Let me see if I have your basic reasoning down - science is wrong because you don’t agree with it. Immutable scientific fact is subject to the whims of your judgment? Now THAT is funny. But, hey, have fun with your dehydration, fatigue, headache, incontinence, vomiting, nausea, cramps, swelling, pain, potential perforated bowel (now with bonus abdominal septic infection!) and possible heart failure. Sounds like a great idea to me. Obviously basic biology doesn’t apply to you.
On 11/6/08 at 7:01 am
El Supremo said:
Oh, one other thing - the entire underlying premise that your body is infested with parasites is ridiculous. You mentioned roundworm as a parasite in humans. You’d know if you have it, because principle symptoms are necrotic tissue, blindness and organ failure.
On 11/6/08 at 7:12 am
Karri said:
You can’t honestly believe that medical science is one size fits all. If so, I fear for your future. Really, I do.
What I have provided is information for others to do with what they will. Take it into consideration or trash it…I don’t give a shit.
On 11/6/08 at 7:25 am
El Supremo said:
Do you even understand that things you are saying are asinine? I’m beginning to doubt that you’re aware of how vapid the shit you’re typing is. I particularly enjoyed the way you side-stepped the actual symptoms of ringworm in humans. You’ve got hookworm in there, too. Care to know what its primary symptom is? Shitting blood. Pretty hard to overlook and NOT something you can clear up with some kooky ass hippie cleansing bullshit.
The symptoms you mention from cleansing are NOT caused by “the dead parasites build(ing) up in the colon and are waiting to be expelled”. They are caused by the wild biological imbalances you are causing in your digestive tract. Cleansing destroys digestive health, plain and simple, and it will not rid the body of any parasites it may have. It’s nothing but a laxative.
On 11/6/08 at 7:49 am
Karri said:
Just so I understand you correctly, are you saying that if one were to acquire a potentially deadly parasite the only treatment is prescription medication?
On 11/6/08 at 8:08 am
El Supremo said:
Uh, yeah, that is exactly what I am saying. I will go further and say that if someone acquired a potentially deadly parasite and relied on homeopathic remedies, then science already has a term for that course of action - natural selection.
You’re still talking circles around every point I make, too, which is quite funny.
On 11/6/08 at 8:35 am
Karri said:
I am merely attempting to comprehend your beliefs. I am not so narrow minded as to believe that life only exists in black and white.
Unlike you, I respect our differences and don’t feel the need to argue.
On 11/6/08 at 9:20 am
El Supremo said:
You’re telling people to do things that are inarguably detrimental to their health, so yeah… I figured I’d chime in.
On 11/6/08 at 9:29 am
Karri said:
Sticks and stones, El Supremo.
Sticks. And. Stones.
On 11/7/08 at 3:48 am
Andrew Goulding said:
El Supremo may or may not have a point but he’s still a pig!
Andrew Goulding
On 11/6/08 at 7:57 am
Meghan said:
Being someone that spends far too much time in the Whole Body aisles of Whole Foods…I am no stranger to cleansing products. I think I have gone for much more mild and cheaper forms however.
Most any that I have tried has given me horribly bad breath and an ass like an Evinrude. Gassy and smelly at both ends…hawt!
This one I have not heard of… you’ll have to keep us posted!
On 11/6/08 at 8:39 am
Karri said:
I’ll take pictures for you if you like.
No I won’t, but I’ll be sure to report the gory details.
On 11/7/08 at 2:45 pm
Kel said:
Oh yes you would provide pics and you you know it!!
On 11/6/08 at 9:20 am
Matt. E. Warren said:
$375??? I’ll stick with my tried and true of massive quantities of Miller High Life and Taco Bell. $20 out the door.
On 11/6/08 at 9:30 am
Karri said:
TB and beer? I like where your head’s at, Matt!
On 11/6/08 at 9:36 am
Meghan said:
His head is going to be planted at his knuckles, elbows on knees on the crapper half the day!
TB and Beer, my dear Matty?! Karri’s trying to get rid of the bad stuff.
lol
On 11/6/08 at 9:41 am
Karri said:
I don’t actually have to give up the Bell and beer during this, do I?!
On 11/6/08 at 9:58 am
Meghan said:
I haven’t read the fine print…but I take you for a busy woman. Adding bean burritos to a colon cleanser you might have to clear your social calendar for the next 30 days!
On 11/6/08 at 10:32 am
Karri said:
It clearly states in section 1A: Karri shall not be required to ever leave the cottage before 11:00 a.m. That’s just the way my world works, and I feel confident that I can fit in some potty time in the wee early hours.
Seriously, am I having this conversation?
On 11/6/08 at 9:59 am
Boozy Irish Floozie said:
I can’t believe you really wrote about this. You are HILARIOUS!
On 11/6/08 at 10:33 am
Karri said:
I’ve seen far worse flow from your fingertips, Miss.
You want me to order you a kit, don’t you?
On 11/6/08 at 10:14 am
Jeremy said:
I see your fascination with your own feces persists.
On 11/6/08 at 10:34 am
Karri said:
I have yet to be fascinated by my poop, but I have high hopes, thankyouverymuch!
On 11/6/08 at 11:07 am
Carol said:
Of all the topics in the universe, I’m rather shocked you covered this one! It was oh-so-easy to recall stories of you rushing home to use your own *ahem* facilities.
I will be interested to learn how this truly impacts you. Or, un-impacts you. To me, it just seems like yet another way fear is used to market a more-than-likely unnecessary remedy.
On 11/6/08 at 12:00 pm
Karri said:
Public restrooms = dis-gus-ting!
One site of a rather large woman, ass backwards out of a stall with her pants around her ankles, bending over and picking up her own poop will sending even the bravest running for cover!
Now I wonder if she’d done a cleanse?
On 11/6/08 at 11:54 am
Sarahh said:
I keep picturing Alien…
I can’t help it.
*Peeks out from under budgeting YTD P&L’s and what nots to give some love!*
On 11/6/08 at 12:01 pm
Karri said:
You and me both, sister!
Thanks for taking the time to peek out…your presence is missed!
On 11/6/08 at 5:52 pm
Matt said:
Save your money, hon. This stuff is snake oil. Most of the critters living in your digestive tract are bacteria and they are actually required for proper digestion of your food. It’s a symbiotic relationship, not an adversarial one. The harmful parasitic organisms generally have obvious symptoms. You’d be acutely aware of it if you were infected with one. All that this herbal concoction is likely to do is disrupt the natural balance of your GI tract and invite future problems. If you’re really concerned about colon health, the best thing you can do is to follow the medical guidelines and have screening colonoscopy exams on-time according to the schedule recommended by your doctor.
On 11/6/08 at 6:42 pm
Rex (was almost a doctor if you believe that) said:
Garlic and Apple Cider Vinegar.
That’s all I need.
On 11/6/08 at 7:22 pm
kroll said:
Are you going to have someone sneak in on you with a flashlight to look for pin worms coming out of your anus?
What about cutaneous hookworms? Roundworms causing blindness? Baylisascrids (a type of roundworm) causes brain problems or even death. These symptoms are rare though. Most parasites cause minimal problems, if any.
Unless you look under a microscope to see the eggs, it’s likely that you won’t see worms in a fecal sample. You could find tapeworm segments (grains of rice) or in spaghetti with a high concentration of roundworms.
This is why you shouldn’t go barefoot, have an uncovered sandbox, or play in raccoon latrines. You should, however, wash your hands! Your pets should take a broad-spectrum dewormer monthly with their heartworm prevenative. Also remember their annual fecal tests!
Also, a dog scooting its butt across the floor could have full anal glands, not parasites.
On 11/7/08 at 2:52 pm
Kel said:
Well I’ve learned a lot today. I didn’t know my doggies were supposed to have annual dewormers. My vet never recommended it before.
And isn’t this all a mute point thanks to your daily dose of Poo Tea? I don’t think you’ve got anything living up there long enough to cause problems, love.
That $375 could buy Lilly a killer collar and leash. And then some. Or it could pay for her annual dental exam, which I’m willing to bet it’s time for…
And what’s up with the supreme @$$ up there?
Speaking of which, I came by these parts to ask you if you guys had submitted yourself for this:
http://2008.weblogawards.org/nominations/best-up-and-coming-blog/
And if not, why?? Altho given this topic of conversation, maybe you shouldn’t nominate yourselves…
kiss kiss
On 11/8/08 at 6:41 pm
Evan said:
I eat a lot of EXTREMELY spicy Asian and Mexican food (like, I form friendships with local restaurant owners and convince them to order certain types of chilies — last year, I grew my own habaneros and gave then to the guy at this Thai place to puree so he could rock the socks off of other spice lovers in the city who requested ‘extra spicy’ entrees).
So, does eating this type of food actually prevent/kill parasites? I have heard so, but I know very little on the subject. I have always assumed that my spicy food and vodka diet would just be too much for any living thing to thrive in… but, you never know.
(Those worms look a lot like some yummy Thai noodles, BTW. MMMmmm….)
- Evan
On 11/8/08 at 6:42 pm
Evan said:
P.S. How do I set up an avatar? I feel so NAKED!!