De-constructive Panic
February 25, 2008 · Print This Article
“There would be no one to frighten you if you refused to be afraid.”
-Mohandas K. Gandhi
I am claustrophobic. I am sure that to most of you that simply means that I am afraid of enclosed spaces. I wish it were that simple.
A more accurate description of my incarnation of this phobia might be the fear of not having an escape route. Anyone reading this who shares this terror with me understands this is the predominating feature; you feel an undeniable need to be able to get out…and quickly.
For those of you that do not suffer from my affliction let me give you some examples of how it affects me in my daily life…
- On entering a room, I will scan for my escape route and will usually position myself as near to it as possible. And I will not hesitate to throw my pointy-ass elbows at anyone who gets in my way.
- Air travel is ridiculously difficult. I dread that moment when the doors shut and I am trapped for the duration of the journey. When it comes to flying, the drugs are my friends.
- Hospital checks involving scans where you are slowly moved through the scanning machine? No way. Death come and take me before I get into one of those machines…shudder!
- I am able to travel in elevators, but it is done with great difficulty and I will wait until it isn’t crowded. And if it gets crowded I will get off at the next floor and wait for a less crowded elevator. Yeah I am a blast to be with in tall, heavily populated buildings. I also hold my breath…so if I am starting to turn blue do me a favor and remind me to breathe.
- It’s not just small rooms - even a large room, if overly filled with people, will pose a threat to my sanity unless I can position myself near a doorway. I hyperventilated during the after Christmas sales at Macys…stop laughing!
- I often avoid public restrooms because not only do I fear the smallness…I fear that the locks and in turn me, myself, will get stuck. My bladder hates me. (and this is the real reason I use the buddy system when out with friends…)
I bet you are all waiting for the relationship tie in, right?
Wait for it…wait….
Yeah, you know me too well.
It does affect my relationships. I enter into them immediately looking about for my escape route. It’s not that I don’t want to be there…
I simply don’t wish to get stuck.
The problem is I don’t know how exactly to go about convincing my mind that a relationship is not a mousetrap. It’s difficult to get cozy when you have one foot out the door at all times.
Maybe the wonders of psychology can save me!
First, a look at counter conditioning:
This is a type of treatment for phobias in which one is taught to use relaxation and visualization techniques whilst in the midst of phobia-related anxiety. The phobic trigger is slowly introduced, while the person concentrates on attaining relaxation. Eventually, they can confront the source of their fear without anxiety. Voila! Systematic desensitization.
Hmm…so shall I lock myself in a closet with a lovely fella whilst some Enya plays in the background (to drown out my screaming)?
No? Well, I could try modeling:
With this one you watch others confronting the phobic trigger without fear, and this encourages you to imitate that confidence…or something.
Okay, sounds simple enough. I just need to find a willing guinea pig couple. Any fearless relationshippers out there want to adopt me for awhile? Anyone?? Come on, I just wanna watch!
I didn’t think so.
Well, there is still flooding:
With “flooding,” the person is exposed to their phobic trigger until the anxiety attack passes. When a person comes to the realization that they have encountered their most dreaded object or situation, and no harm has come to them, bam! Cured…or so some experts say.
Anyone want to volunteer to flood with me? Heeellllo???
Well, no matter what happens, I vow to you my friends, that if this backfires in my maladjusted face I will do my best to get a computer in my padded suite for one.
And now it’s sharing time? Any of you out there have an irrational fear or two you want to let out of the closet? Come on…lets talk it out.
On 02/25/08 at 6:02 am
PrincessQ said:
Irrational fears?
Me?
Never…LOL
I’m not claustrophic but I do think that any relationship with anyone in my life is doomed. I actually wrote about this recently. It’s like an expectation of loneliness so I’m always watching my words in order to keep from triggering a friend or whoever it is to realize that they really don’t want to be in my life.
I know. Ridiculous but such is life.
Loved this blog and I’ll keep all this in mind when I move to Cali
xoxo
On 02/25/08 at 6:35 am
Trista said:
“I do think that any relationship with anyone in my life is doomed. I actually wrote about this recently. It’s like an expectation of loneliness so I’m always watching my words in order to keep from triggering a friend or whoever it is to realize that they really don’t want to be in my life.”
~ self-fulfilling prophecy?? You gots to get rid of that negativity, my friend. You are a fantastic girl, and anyone with any sense is going to want you in their life…realize this!
And yes, be prepared to hold my hand in elevators and always have to escort me to the ladies when you move out here! =)
On 02/25/08 at 8:47 am
PrincessQ said:
Yeah yeah….lol…That’s what people keep telling me. I say Pshaw.
I’ll hold your hand and escort you to the ladies room but no way am I holding your hand IN the ladies room.
Just sayin.
On 02/25/08 at 9:01 am
Trista said:
Awwww, come on!
Fine. Perhaps you can just let me touch your foot, via a wide stance…you know, Senator style?
=P
On 02/25/08 at 6:09 am
Cassie said:
I too share the closed in fear….everything you have said here, I also do…except the getting off of elevators.
I’m also afraid of heights…so flying is a double whammy for me!! LOL
However, I do stuff as often as I can in order to ‘face’ my fears…hopefully one day, they won’t be here any more!! LOL
On 02/25/08 at 6:36 am
Trista said:
“I do stuff as often as I can in order to ‘face’ my fears…hopefully one day, they won’t be here any more!!”
~I do the same thing! How’s it working for you? Cuz I am not so sure that it’s working for me…
On 02/25/08 at 6:54 am
Cassie said:
It’s working a little bit at a time! Elevators aren’t as ’scary’ for me as they used to be…flying is alright…unless there’s bad turbulence. I am able to ride roller coasters again..which thrills me to no end, so, the fear is still there, but it doesn’t rule me like before!!!
On 02/25/08 at 7:02 am
Trista said:
Yeah…mine doesn’t completely rule me…but I will avoid things when possible…like taking stairs instead of elevators, etc.
Apparently I have a long way to go still!
On 02/25/08 at 6:21 am
Sarahh said:
OMFG. And I never abbreviate my shock..
I went in for my 2nd MRI for my back last Thursday. 3 Fucking hours of sitting there and they only came in once to check on me. The third hour I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. I was crying and screaming get me out of here!!
I am not closterphobic (sp?) but three hours on your back, with a bad back, while having a 4 ton machine 2 inches from your nose was enough to make me RUN out of there.
They are lucky I didn’t bring my handy shank…
On 02/25/08 at 6:38 am
Trista said:
Oh god…you poor thing. I would have lost my freakin’ mind if I was in one of those things for 3 minutes…but 3 hours??
Were you babbling and drooling when they pulled you out?
On 02/25/08 at 6:58 am
Sarahh said:
I really can’t explain it. There were no clocks, so I had no idea of how long had passed or how long I had to go. I kept thinking of P.O.W.’s Saying, they had a much worse time than a silly MRI, and they survived so stop being a GIRL about it.
But toward the end, I just started freaking out, thinking that MAYBE they had forgotten about me. They had crooked my hips in a horrible position and it burned badly. Acutally ended up being bruised from laying there so long.
Needless to say, they are going to have to give me 4 Valium and a shot of Tequila before they will get me into another one of those.
Hell I walked in not being clausterphobic, but walked out and I may be now…
Commie Bastards…
On 02/25/08 at 7:03 am
Trista said:
Oh, man…as you describe it, my palms start to sweat!
I would DEFINITELY have to be drugged for that.
On 02/25/08 at 7:14 am
AnneGwish said:
Irrational fears….mmm….might not be so irrational, or even uncommon at all, but I am completely paranoid that something is going to happen one of these days and I will lose my children. I think it is because my older son was born two months early and had a very rough start…it was touch and go for the first few months.
On 02/25/08 at 7:21 am
Trista said:
Yeah…I think that’s called being a mom!
The other night my mom was 15 minutes late bringing my kids to me…and that was all it took to start me conjuring up images of fiery car crashes in my mind.
It’s a rough job!
On 02/25/08 at 7:55 am
Beki said:
i have an irrational fear of doctor visits. so much so that i’ve had a lump in my left breast for going on 2 years that would hurt then the pain would subside after a week or two so i’d convinced myself it was nothing. i do have a distant familt history of br4ast cancer but nothing close enough to warrant a freak out in my opinion. i got engaged a week or two ago and my fiance insisted that last week i went and had it checked out. tomorrow i go for more mamograms on both sides and ultrasounds for the left side. i’m not claiming to not be losing my mind right now, just curious if this same fear, weather somewhat rational would be the same kind of thing because if not for the irrational fear of doctors i might’ve known 2 years ago and not be in the state of panic i’ve been in all weekend. these drugs of which you speak for airplanes? which ones are best?
On 02/25/08 at 8:58 am
Trista said:
Goodness! I hope that everything works out alright for you…
And I know its easier said than done…but you cannot let your fears rule you. To be afraid is normal, but to face your fears and charge ahead anyhow…that’s COURAGEOUS. Be courageous…and every day you will feel just a tiny bit more brave…I promise.
On 02/25/08 at 10:22 am
Karri said:
“To be afraid is normal, but to face your fears and charge ahead anyhow…that’s COURAGEOUS. Be courageous…and every day you will feel just a tiny bit more brave…”
Those are by far some of the most profound words I’ve ever read! Excellent advice my friend…just another reason why I love and adore you the way I do.
On 02/25/08 at 10:25 am
Karri said:
Where the F is my picture? I don’t particularly fancy being the shadow of a man…or in the shadow of a man either for that matter!
On 02/25/08 at 12:47 pm
Trista said:
Your link is missing too. You were robbed!
On 02/25/08 at 12:50 pm
Trista said:
Awww, thank you! I learned that one from my pops.
“Trista, it’s normal to be afraid. The only way to be brave is to go on despite that fear. If you don’t feel any fear at all, well then you aren’t really brave, are you?”
That probably isn’t a direct quote…I was 12, we were at a basketball tournament.
On 02/25/08 at 9:59 am
mai said:
I don’t like a lot of crowds so I won’t go to Japan. Trista I always hold your hand when we go to the bathroom and sometimes I sit on you to make sure you feel ok. Why cause that’s the kinda girl I am. Love you Man!!!!
On 02/25/08 at 10:12 am
Trista said:
you sitting on my lap makes me MORE claustrophobic. Just sayin’. I still love you though.
On 02/25/08 at 11:10 am
chomsky at the bit said:
Why am I the only guy here thus far…and the only person willing to help you out with all of these psychological quirks via your presicribed methods?
Because I have visions of grandeur and an uncanny ability to make everything about sex.
I would love to flood you…just sayin.
On 02/25/08 at 12:16 pm
Trista said:
Thank you! I think…
On 02/25/08 at 12:45 pm
chomsky at the bit said:
Still the only guy??…feels akward like I stumbled into a nunnery wearing nothing but leather thong and a ‘rubber ducky ” t-shirt knotted at the mid-riff.
(Wait…I’m not on the right site am I… what site is this? oops…my mistake. Disreguard everything up to now…)
(Now this intended for you…)
You can pull my phobic trigger anytime baby…you know I’ll imitate your confidence all night long. And if your mind gets too tired…we can counter conditions and relax you, Don’t worry I’ll do all the work.
(yep…reclaimed my manhood nicely with that one. Oh yeah.)
On 02/25/08 at 12:52 pm
Trista said:
Yeah, I feel kinda funny about this turning into a place for chick-lit. I suppose that’s what we get for calling the place eve-101…
Come on guys! I didn’t talk about my period or kittens or anything like that!!
And yes, chomsky, you are manly.
On 02/25/08 at 12:57 pm
Karl Rove said:
I can get paranoid easily. If I say something mean about someone else I always start assuming that they found out about it and just haven’t confronted me about it yet.
On 02/25/08 at 1:39 pm
Trista said:
Oh, man…me too. So I try not to say mean stuff, at least not about friends and family.
It’s a daily process…two steps forward, one step back type of thing.
On 02/25/08 at 2:50 pm
Really pushy guy said:
Is this a one step back kind of day? huh,huh is it?
Crap, now I’m all paranoid too
AAAAAANSWER MEEEE…
On 02/25/08 at 2:57 pm
Trista said:
ahahahahahahahahaaaa!
Yeah, maybe. I am kinda grumpy today.
On 02/25/08 at 2:53 pm
Rex said:
I used to fear dying alone but no more.
I now fear not making an impression before I die. Es todo.
On 02/25/08 at 2:59 pm
Trista said:
Don’t we all die…alone? Ehm.
Yeah, that whole immortality thing, huh Rex?
What are the qualifications? You need to make an impression on the masses, or simply a select few?
On 02/25/08 at 3:05 pm
Rex said:
“Don’t we all die…alone? Ehm.”
Fuck that. I was gonna synchronize my death with someone else and have a tandem burial.
Either on the masses or a small group. But in order to do that, I better have something important to say…
On 02/25/08 at 3:21 pm
Trista said:
I am willing to synchronize deaths! We’re waiting till we are old and wrinkly, right?
I just want to make an impression on 7 people. That’s a good number. Any more than that is just glaze on the donut, baby.
On 02/25/08 at 3:26 pm
Rex said:
Old and wrinkly… right. Right around 55, 60. I don’t wanna leave TOO wrinkled a corpse.
On 02/25/08 at 5:32 pm
Vic said:
Spiders… but I think we all know this about me.
On 02/25/08 at 5:44 pm
Trista said:
It makes me laugh every time!
Sorry, Vic.
On 02/26/08 at 4:47 pm
Vic said:
Shut up and get in the hope chest, dammit. Then I will have midgets crawl in with you and touch your feet.
On 02/25/08 at 5:34 pm
Carol said:
As a mom, I had to reign my fears over my kiddos back in from time to time. Once, Sass went “missing” at the ballpark. She was only gone for ten minutes. However, in that short time, I had already “read” ten articles in my head about the beautiful blonde headed kid from (of all fucking places!) Smyrna, TN being abducted. Likely by some sick child molester.
*Hee-bee-gee-bees*
*shiver*
Suffice it to say, I had plotted how to murder her father for letting her out of his sight. I went from sane to outright crazy in those short ten minutes. My heart is racing just thinking about it.
On 02/25/08 at 5:53 pm
Trista said:
Oh, man. I have “lost” both of my kids a time or two, but never for 10 whole minutes. I think my longest was around 5 or so…but it felt like a lifetime passed. The fear was palpable. I don’t think there are many feelings more horrible in this world for a mother than the ones you experience in a moment when you think you have lost one of your babies. Panic, rage, fear, paranoia, hysteria…if you could bottle that it would be a weapon of mass destruction.
On 02/25/08 at 5:56 pm
Jeff said:
Hmmm, I am willing to make the sacrifice, and get locked up in a closet with you. Only cause I want to help you! I can’t really think of any irrational or even rational fears I have. Nothing that would really constitute a phobia.
One day, far into the future, when I am a certified skydiving instructor, I will help you over come the fear, by strapping myself to your back, and jumping out of a plane with you! Until then, we can just skip the part about the plane…
So I heard, not this week, but the following week, You two will be back on thestream.tv! That makes me happy! I enjoy watching the two of you do your thing!
How do I manage to turn a simple compliment, into something dirty? Oh wait, my mind resides in the gutter, that’s why.
I did mean it though, I enjoyed the show, and I look forward to more of them!
On 02/25/08 at 6:26 pm
Trista said:
If you get me up in the plane…that will be an amazing feat! I am ESPECIALLY freaked out by small planes. But the good news is I will be more than willing to jump the hell out of it!!
I am excited that we will be back doing the show too! They are going to give a five week run to start, so don’t forget to be supportive if you want to keep us on!
xx
On 02/25/08 at 6:34 pm
Jeff said:
You know you have my support! I was on blogtv, and Brian from thestream had come into a show I was in, that was when I asked him about your show. He was all like “How do you know them?!” I proudly said, “I am a friend of Trista’s! I have known her quite a while. Looking forward to their show!” That was when he told me the show would be on next week. Made my day! I will continue to try to get the word out as best as I can. Because I would love nothing more, than to see this site, and your show succeed! Much Love!
On 02/25/08 at 6:49 pm
Trista said:
Thank you for letting the owner know you love us! You rock…but you know that.
On 02/25/08 at 7:13 pm
Jeff said:
I told you from the beginning, I would do any and everything I can to help! I can be quite helpful sometimes!
On 02/25/08 at 7:20 pm
Erik said:
I used to be terribly afraid of heights, I forced myself to climb a 230′ water tower. I made it to the top by staring at the tower and mentally screaming at myself. I was stuck up there for about 6 hours when I finally looked down. It worked well, until my sweet wife bought me trapeze lessons. I remembered how scared of heights I was when I reached the platform.
Conversely, I loved crazy, crowded, sweaty music venues until recent years. Suddenly, it’s like my space cushion is much larger and people’s respect for it much smaller.
I completely gave up on relationships and was gifted with someone who can tolerates my fears and encourages me to follow my dreams.
On 02/25/08 at 8:28 pm
Trista said:
There is nothing quite like finding someone who tolerates AND encourages…is there?
Question: did you actually go through with the lesson?
On 02/25/08 at 7:57 pm
SCOTT HARLESS said:
TRISTA MY FEAR IS BEING ALONE WHICH SEEMS TO BE SOMETHING I CANT ESCAPE. I TRY BUT PEOPLE I WRITE OR TALK TOO JUST STOP RETURNING RESPONSE SO I FEEL VERY ALONE. BEING FRIENDS WITH YOU PAST YEAR HAS BEEN GREAT. READING YOUR BLOGS HELP BUT EVEN YOU ARE SO BUSY IM AFRAID IM JUST BOTHERING YOU. GREAT WORK ALLWAYS. I HOPE I FIND SOMEONE AS AMAZING AS YOU. SCOTT
On 02/25/08 at 8:19 pm
Jeff said:
Scott, I can totally relate to you on that. Especially when it comes down to having people stop responding to messages or voicemails. It also was hard on me, when I decided to get sober, I had to cut out all my friends that used, which turned out to be almost every single friend I had at the time. So needing that human contact, but not being able to get it, is a very hard thing to deal with. Even harder to become comfortable in that situation. At times, I also feel because Trista is usually so busy, that I am just bothering her by contacting her. So trust me Scott, I completely understand how you feel. So at least you are not alone in feeling that way. I doubt that helps any, but it is true.
On 02/25/08 at 8:35 pm
Trista said:
And you don’t bother me either, silly.
But yes…Trista is busy! I’d like to tell you all it’ll ease up…but ummm, not likely!
So love me in increments! Or is it me loving you in increments? Whatever. =)
On 02/25/08 at 8:50 pm
Jeff said:
I know you’re busy. I understand, and respect that. Being busy isn’t always a bad thing, especially if you have a bunch of good exciting things in the works. As far as loving in increments, my mind wants to take that completely the wrong way. But I will refrain for now. Please know that I wasn’t complaining in any way. I am pleased with the amount of Trista time I am alloted for now. Once I live in Cali, I might want to physically see you and hang out once in a while, but we can work that out when the time comes.
On 02/25/08 at 8:32 pm
Trista said:
Awww, Scott. You don’t bother me!
But I do encourage you to not only reach out to others, but also to try and find some things that you enjoy doing as well. Because when you are happy and enjoying your life, doing things that you feel passionately about, people will be drawn to you.
xx
On 02/25/08 at 9:07 pm
Christine said:
I don’t have an irrational fear of anything that I can think of. I actually crave small enclosed spaces… I feel safe in them. But on the flip side, I love the wide open spaces and feel safe in them too.
This is a fascinating article. I appreciate ppl who can be open and honest about these things. I know people in the same boat… either fear of heights, small spaces, or flying. The ones that crop up in my life, I try to dissipate by forms of flooding, but in such a way that it is more empowering than not.
When the bridge fell in Minneapolis, all sorts of people were forced to come out of the closet about fear of heights, water, and/or bridges. It seemed every other day there were articles in the paper of different techniques used by therapists to help people overcome these fears… often incorporating small baby steps until the fear was conquered.
On 02/25/08 at 9:39 pm
Trista said:
You sound incredibly…healthy! All joking aside, I have thought about seeking some sort of help for my fear, but thought is about as far as I have taken it.
On 02/25/08 at 9:13 pm
Jeff said:
I’ve been trying to figure out how to get my picture to show up, not sure if I got it working or not. If not though, any tips?
On 02/25/08 at 9:33 pm
Trista said:
You got it! Hello, handsome!
On 02/26/08 at 12:08 am
Jeff said:
Aww, thank you! I just wanted to attempt to be as sexy as yourself, still workin at it. But we all gotta start somewhere right?! ;^)
On 02/27/08 at 8:18 am
Missygail said:
I think I do the same to a point with relationships. I think I thwart myself when it comes to those I date. I date those that while the sex is good, generally, (if the sex is bad I generally don’t want to call the guy back)the guys end up being someone I could never see myself getting married to. I can just go along to go along in a relationship even though I don’t see it going anywhere. It sucks and it’s false to the guy involved, but somehow I doubt I’ll ever meet the guy I truly want to marry. I’m a divorcee with children, so you know where I’m coming from.
On 02/27/08 at 9:02 am
Trista said:
I can absolutely relate. It is going to take quite a man to get me to walk down that isle again. But in my case now that I have come to that conclusion, I find myself not even wanted to date. I just don’t want to waste my time…it’s a precious commodity these days!
On 03/25/08 at 8:38 am
Lyndijf said:
nice work, man