Designer…Vaginer?
March 20, 2008 · Print This Article
Dear Eve,
I have a problem (well, I didn’t know it was a problem until my boyfriend pointed it out, literally), apparently my below the belt lips are too big for his liking. He read an article about Vaginal Rejuvenation and told me he’d pay for me to have it done. I’ve never had anyone complain before, and I’m struggling with the idea of going under the knife just to make him happy. Eve, should I get cut or cut my losses?
Signed,
Dumbo Down There
Dear Dumbo,
Isn’t that sweet…your boyfriend wants to buy you a designer vagina! Pardon me while I vomit a little. You do realize he is a complete and utter jackass, don’t you? What gives him the right to suggest that you alter your appearance for his own gratification and selfish desires? And by the name you’ve chosen, I see he’s doing a lot for your self-esteem also. Congratulations, you two just might be couple of the year!
I’d say if anyone’s lips should be sealed around here, it’s his. Not only am I appalled by his blatant disrespect for you as an individual, but it concerns me deeply that you didn’t tell him to go fist himself. Ya, I said, fist…repeatedly, until he’s forced to sit on the same ass doughnut that you’d have to sit on during your weeks of post-op Vaginoplasty recovery. Now, that’s just fun and good times right there, just ask anyone who suffers from bloody hemorrhoids, I’m sure they’d agree.
Granted, as women we don’t have the same viewpoint to our hoo-has as men; but if you aren’t sporting enough roast beef to cause you to inadvertently take flight during a wind gust, then I don’t think you have anything to be concerned about. And even if you did, who cares? I hear that some men actually prefer meatier mounds. Try this experiement…go to your local Subway, offer yourself up as the daily special on honey and oat, and let me know how that works out for you. You can thank me later.
Here’s a thought… love the skin you’re in - all of it! And the next time your jackass…errrr…I mean boyfriend, mentions anesthesia and a scalpel you go ahead and feel okay about mentioning Viagra and penis pumps.
KISSKISS
LOVELOVE,
~Eve
Psssst! We have a show tonight! Get the details by clicking here.
On 03/20/08 at 2:35 am
~Lori~ said:
The audacity of a significant other to ask their partner to go under the knife for atheistic reasons, is to me the biggest sign of disrespect. It is one thing if she wanted this for herself or for medical reasons, but just so it is pleasing to his eye?!? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, about this time I think I would move on to find someone that appreciates you for you!
On 03/20/08 at 6:33 am
Karri said:
My question is: why bother being with someone if you want them to change, physically or otherwise? I do however wish I could’ve been a fly on the wall for that conversation!
On 03/20/08 at 6:16 am
Cassie said:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
THIS IS GREAT!!!!
and couldn’t have said it better. If he doesn’t like it that much…he can stay the hell away from it!! LOL
On 03/20/08 at 6:38 am
Karri said:
Is it wrong that I want to see a picture of her hoo-ha? I mean, now I’m just curious as to what all the fuss is about.
On 03/20/08 at 6:41 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
I wouldn’t want it changed. Part of what makes them interesting is the differences you note about them. Some are meatier, some are almost non-existent. I love them all. Trista knows, I bow down before all of them!
On 03/20/08 at 6:57 am
Karri said:
We all have our own preferences if you will, but to ask someone to actually alter themselves is absurd!
I’m sorry, Trista knows what exactly? hmmmmm?
On 03/21/08 at 6:41 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
She knows I bow down before them, but she hasn’t experienced it. Somehow she seems to think my wife would be upset!
On 03/20/08 at 6:52 am
lisaq said:
Are you kidding me right now? I think girlfriend needs to reevaluate her relationship with her assclown boyfriend. Maybe, just maybe, if he can’t accept and love all of her for who she is, he & his scalpel wielding checkbook need to be kicked to the curb!
On 03/20/08 at 6:59 am
Karri said:
I think an intervention might be in order. Losing her self-esteem could be far more tragic than losing her womanly bits.
On 03/20/08 at 7:01 am
Simbarashe said:
I agree mostly, but disagree slightly. There have been a TON of instances where, through the complexities of a relationship, a woman opts to get breast augmentation done. Generally, whether the relationship is ultimately successful or not, the consensus is that most women like their new breasts. So in that regard (and that regard only), I think we can sometimes be hypocrites in the sense that some surgeries are ok and some surgeries are still taboo. If it was the other way around and she discovered that he wasn’t circumcised, unless it was a religious thing it wouldn’t be taboo for her to ask. This kind of stuff is a big, big deal for some people, and with all of your other blogs that you write about the path to sexual and emotional harmony I’m frankly surprised that you don’t give the other guy even a slight benefit of the doubt. Now with all that said… its her decision absolutely, and personally I think if she doesn’t want to do the surgery she should leave, not because he’s an assclown, but because he’s *never* going to be happy with it.
On 03/20/08 at 7:13 am
Karri said:
I wholeheartedly disagree! You see, I’ve been one of those women who opted for implants at someone else’s urging. And let me just tell you that NO ONE has the right to suggest that we take the risks involved (often long term, physically debilitating risks) just because they don’t care for nipples and ribs or a little extra flesh. Gimme a freakin’ break! And on that note, I’ve been with uncircumcised men, and although I’m not really a fan of the turtle neck, I would never consider asking someone to hack it off!
Let’s be clear about my stance on sexual and emotional harmony, shall we? It’s simple really… respect and ACCEPTANCE! We either accept the person we’re with for all that they are (or aren’t) or get out.
On 03/20/08 at 7:28 am
Simbarashe said:
Woah woooooah I never said “urged” ~ I’m sorry that you were pressured to do something that major that you didn’t want, but I was actually referring to the plenty of occasions where there is a mutual agreement. One should never be coerced! But even with that said, I mean there’s all this preach about being honest and telling your partner how you feel blah blah blah… If you were with a guy and there was something about you that absolutely repulsed him, wouldn’t you want to know about it? We all would, and that’s what I’m saying. Just because somebody tells you something bad doesn’t mean that there’s only a classless way in going about it (although that’s not the point and a topic of its own). In any relationship, if there’s something bothering a person, no matter how superficial it is, they have to come out and say it. Otherwise he keeps his mouth shut and is no better than addicts who refuse to seek help because they believe one day they’ll just get over it. Guess what? They won’t. Sure, she can feel insulted and break up with him, but that’s called “resolution” and a relationship is better resolved than it is existing with one person clammering to hidden feelings of negativity, because that just leads to all kinds of other mess and her not having a clue as to where it’s coming from.
On 03/20/08 at 7:49 am
Karri said:
HA! Seriously, did you just say “repulsed”? Oh no, you said, “absolutely repulsed” my mistake. Let me ask you this…why would anyone EVER be with someone who repulsed them? That completely negates this entire conversation on the basis of sheer stupidity.
Now, if we’re talking about a minor personality trait or action that rubs us the wrong way, absolutely speak up. But to ask someone to change their “repulsive” appearance, I can’t even begin to fathom why anyone would allow themselves to be in that situation to start with.
On 03/20/08 at 7:59 am
Simbarashe said:
Yeah I got ya. That was my typo. What I mean is…and this happens all the time…that you love somebody, you really do, but there’s one thing about them that you just don’t like. And you think to yourself “Either I’m being superficial because it’s not that big of a deal or nobody’s perfect and this is just their one imperfection.” Like, you don’t like the way your partner chews their food and it eats you alive, or they’re kind of fat for your taste but you loooove their personality, or they’re great in bed but you don’t like the way they smell. What I’m saying is in between the black and white is a whole country of grey, you know? And there are lots of people who are in that grey who go, “I love you, but I gotta tell you, _______”
I just think its wrong to classify a guy as being an asshole for being honest, a trait in men that women always complain is so nonexistent, like you want him to be honest until he says something gangster like that… The girl has a choice, if she’s insulted, she should dump him. but if she’s merely uncomfortable, the relationship should be afford the chance talk about it. I mean, nobody is perfect right? While we’re on that subject though, my official opinion is, that sort of stuff between two people should only be considered if they’re married or living together for a long, LONG time… but that’s just me
On 03/20/08 at 8:01 am
Trista said:
To your corners, you two. Okay!
Look, I can see where both of you are coming from…sort of. Simbarashe, no one is getting on this fella for being honest, that isn’t the point. The point is, he asked someone he supposedly loves and is in a committed relationship with to risk her life and go under the knife for smaller vagina lips…do you not see the absurdity of this?! And we must also all realize that most women who are coerced, errr, sorry, I mean gently urged into breast augmentation are usually suffering from some sort of esteem issues anyhow…(sorry Kar, but I think you would agree…) so I feel a lot of the time it ISN’T really their choice and I also don’t believe these surgeries make them any happier.
Wheeeee! Fun little topic got serious, hmmm?
On 03/20/08 at 8:06 am
Karri said:
About as fun as a root canal! I haven’t had nearly enough coffee…I’m tapping out.
On 03/20/08 at 8:12 am
Simbarashe said:
To our corners … LOL
Ummm yeah it’s obviously not his decision to make. To the life risk thing I suppose that would be the trump card in all of this. I don’t know if I’d want my girl to ‘risk her life’ for my gratification. I dunno. I think also, that it should be mentioned that it’s usually in a man’s mechanics to come out and pose some issue of malcontent whereas women by in large “put up” with things. Men are creatures of action, especially sexually. Whereas women would like the mood to be right, men just want to see and touch the goods. That’s why we’re always having our women play ‘dress up’, and why women buy expensive underwear while men just… you know. I think this is a great topic actually and I’m glad you posted it. I think his actions are essentially an extension of how already are in relationships, I suppose which is the main reason why I feel compelled to defend him.
On 03/20/08 at 8:21 am
Trista said:
Well, think about it this way: So much of our sexual identity lies in our respective reproductive organs, especially the outer ones. So to tell a woman her vagina is not attractive to you is probably the most idiotic thing you could do…seriously. I have no doubt that if a woman was to tell her man, “hey…your penis…well, it’s just not all that attractive to me. It’s too small, too hairy, too veiny…” ect., werl…that might just be the death of their sex life. Same thing in this situation. Even if she did it, she will always remember that he insulted her representation of her sexuality. No matter what, this relationship seems doomed…in my opinion.
On 03/20/08 at 8:28 am
Simbarashe said:
You’re absolutely right. I’m just accounting all the relationships that are doomed anyway because one partner feels that way and never says anything. Better a doomed relationship that ends than a lifetime of misery.
On 03/20/08 at 7:01 am
Simbarashe said:
Oh, and yeah let’s get a photo op of that.. teehee
On 03/20/08 at 7:11 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
I am actually sorry for that poor guy. to think, he has to stick wee willy wiggins in lips so ginormous he can’t actually penetrate! And he is totally a giver, he OFFERED to pay for something she should’ve had done years ago.
Seriously I need to see a picture. What would posess someone to suggest elective surgery to his girlfriend. I think the guy wants a break up but without the guilt of being the one to actually say it’s over. Hair lip bothering you, suggest surgery. She just rapidly lost weight and has 8 inches of skin hanging from her arms, cool suggest surgery. But labiaplasty!?!? I know the name because I looked it up.
On 03/20/08 at 7:38 am
Karri said:
Oh, the stoicism…nice!
I think there are a plethora of reasons why he could be suggesting that she goes under the knife… including but of course not limited to him projecting his own insecurities, coupled with a huge dose of selfishness, who knows. Girl needs to get out now! If it’s not her hoo-ha that he’s complaining about, it’ll surely be something else.
On 03/20/08 at 8:29 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
Girl should have been dropped that loser! What is it that makes women so insecure that they stand by shitty men? I have friends where I constantly ask wheher their girlfriends are insane. This one girl pays my boy’s rent and fills his fridge but accepts the fact he doesn’t like her in his apartment, EVER. He got mad at me for opening the door to let her in, because she just dropped by unannounced. And I told them both they are fucking nuts! Him for taking her for granted, and her for putting up with his shit.
On 03/20/08 at 8:39 am
Karri said:
Because men are so cerebral, I honestly don’t think that they realize how detrimental they can be to a woman’s self-esteem. Men think, women feel and we’re fragile flowers, ya know? In the case of your friends, they may have actually found comfort in their chaos…it happens.
On 03/20/08 at 8:46 am
Trista said:
“In the case of your friends, they may have actually found comfort in their chaos…it happens.”
~Are you kidding me?? He won’t let her in the apartment that SHE pays for!!! That isn’t comfort, that is being a damn throw rug.
Sorry to interrupt…wait, no I’m not.
On 03/20/08 at 9:00 am
Karri said:
Pahleeze! I absolutely agree that she’s an idiot, but you and I both know that it is possible to stay in a relationship far too long because dysfunctional somehow becomes normal.
On 03/20/08 at 9:19 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
So, for the sake of normality(if you can call it that), you’d pay someone’s rent and let them tell you when you can come in? And you’d blame it on emotional attachment/finding comfort in chaos? If so, I’m a strapping 6′3″ 240 lb. late twenty something man. I’m educated and looking for someone to dominate in every way. But you can rest happily knowing that I’M living in the lap of luxury while you work hard for your man(OMG!! I just realized my friend is a pimp! only without his “lady” walking the streets).
On 03/20/08 at 9:23 am
Karri said:
Oh, NO. NO. NO! Not today, but many moons ago, yes sadly, I was that girl.
On 03/20/08 at 9:24 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
“~Are you kidding me?? He won’t let her in the apartment that SHE pays for!!! That isn’t comfort, that is being a damn throw rug.
”
my sentiments exactly.
On 03/20/08 at 9:10 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
Cerebral, comfort in chaos!? You’re kidding me right? My friend is an asshole(as I’ve told him MANY times), and his girlfriend is a tool.
On 03/20/08 at 9:21 am
Karri said:
OK-OK! Maybe I’m the only girl around here who at one time, found herself putting up with extraneous amounts of bullshit because I wasn’t able to stand my ground and tell him to go fist himself. I bought boobs instead…go figure!
On 03/20/08 at 9:32 am
Trista said:
No, I’ve been there too…I just stopped letting men walk all over me many years ago. The bastard that represented 1998-1999 was the jerk that broke this camel’s back. I escaped with my own breasts and most of my dignity in tact. So if I come off as harsh sometimes, guys…it’s because I want people to WAKE THE FUCK UP!!! No one should ever stay with someone who treats them like that.
On 03/20/08 at 9:33 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
You bought boobs for some loser? I admire that you own up to it. I’m a born and raised asshole so I just can’t imagine putting up with someone elses bullshit.
On 03/20/08 at 12:15 pm
Karri said:
I didn’t buy him boobs, I bought my own boobs at his request. Although, he did offer to pay for them I was afraid he’d repossess them someday and that just wouldn’t be a pretty sight!
On 03/20/08 at 1:56 pm
Hater Numero Uno said:
I can see it now, a 6′5″ russian holding a scapel in one hand and a mini-cooler in the other…..
On 03/20/08 at 7:38 am
Angela said:
i would tell the asshole i would go under the knife for him if he goes under the knife to get a bigger dick.. most guys have a prob going tsrough with any surgeries in their region though it is ok for us. well ok, we would have that conversation after i kicked him in the nuts
On 03/20/08 at 8:01 am
Karri said:
I’d like to request a six-pack (abs, not beer) and a full head of hair…as long as we’re making wish lists and all.
On 03/20/08 at 7:45 am
Sarahh said:
I would totally do it. As long as he allowed a doctor to cut his dick into two pieces and have him sow it back together like a bread braid.
If he is willing to do it, then yes. I will perk up my petunia.
(What is wrong with people????)
On 03/20/08 at 8:02 am
Karri said:
HAHAHAA!
Bread braid?
On 03/20/08 at 8:09 am
Sarahh said:
Challah I think is the name. Good stuff…
But I can’t imagine a man wants his penis braided so why would they think I want my perfectly healthy and happy nary area sliced up so he can like the looks of it?
On 03/20/08 at 8:27 am
Karri said:
Let’s not forget her recovery time. Is he really going to be attracted to a swollen, red and stitched up snatch? Ya, that ought to do a lot for the visually stimulated.
On 03/20/08 at 9:45 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
This girl needs to buy Del the Funky Homosiapien’s Future Developement. And listen to “What your love is worth” ASAP.
This would be like me shortening the length of my ball sack because my girl thinks the boys hang too low!
On 03/20/08 at 11:32 am
Karri said:
What I wouldn’t do to be able to embed the video of Trista and I having that conversation on a previous show! I won’t even open that can of worms.
On 03/20/08 at 2:04 pm
Hater Numero Uno said:
Which show? I’ll go watch it.
On 03/20/08 at 2:28 pm
Trista said:
don’t we have that clip up somewhere? youtube? Myspace?
On 03/20/08 at 4:30 pm
Karri said:
Eureka!
Now, keep in mind…we’re just stating a preference not saying that men should go and get a Scrotum Reduction.
Make photo slide shows at http://www.OneTrueMedia.com
On 03/20/08 at 4:32 pm
Karri said:
Eureka!
Now, keep in mind we’re simply stating a preference. We are not suggesting Scrotum Reduction!
Eve-101.com B.O.T.S - Big Balls
On 03/20/08 at 6:04 pm
Hater Numero Uno said:
WTF!?!? This is hilarious! But you can have big balls and a high IQ. Mine was 149 when I was stoned(plus those tests are culturely biased). And yes I’m implying I have the big fuckers(sorry, I watched fear and loathing today)! Shit gals I’m almost 6′3″, am I supposed to have baby nuts? Or should I stand naked in front of the fridge more often?
On 03/20/08 at 10:12 am
Kevin said:
Well, it’s all pretty much been said, already. And I agree with most of it… on the “boyfriend basher” side of the fence anyway.
The reason I think the guy’s a tool is ’cause vaginae are like snowflakes. They’re all different… and they all cum, I mean, come in different sizes, shapes, colors, textures, “innies”, “outies”, skinny & thin, thick & meaty… and on and on. And of course, we all have our own idea of the “Goldilocks” version. But this girl even said she’d NEVER had anyone complain before. So, while I have seen some SCARY pics online of some seriously freakish “kittens”, I’m pretty sure if she was in that category she’d have heard from SOMEONE before this. Whether previous boyfriends, maybe girl friends, doctors… SOMEBODY. And since she hasn’t, it leads me to believe this guy is just a superficial fuckwad that sees plastic surgery as something as menial and mundane… no big deal… and made the huge mistake of suggesting such a thing. I mean, if she is already thinking it, brings it up, and you honestly give your opinion that MAYBE there’s a problem… fine. Nothing wrong with mutual conversation on the topic. But to suggest THIS?! Sorry. You are automatically relegated to the “pig” category, dude.
Oh, and thanks for make it that much harder for the rest of us guys, dickhead.
On 03/20/08 at 11:30 am
Karri said:
I think I love you!
How do you feel about being lucky number 3?
On 03/20/08 at 11:39 am
Kevin said:
Listen, Karri… I am NOT that easy, ok?
…
…
…
Ok… who am I kidding? I’m TOTALLY that easy.
However, I DO require seeing how quickly your… um… snowflake melts, first.
On 03/20/08 at 11:53 am
Karri said:
Snowflake I am not…think Niagra Falls.
On 03/20/08 at 12:02 pm
Kevin said:
Mmmm… makes me wanna jump into a barrel and hang on tight!
Nice.
On 03/20/08 at 12:11 pm
Karri said:
That’s right kids…we’re here to remind you that forbidden fruit just tastes better!
On 03/20/08 at 11:03 am
Jeff said:
Wow. People are crazy. Although I agree with the idea of being honest about everything, I do think this guy is an idiot. There could have been different ways to go about it. Either way, no woman, or man, should alter their own appearance because it is a demand or suggestion of another. If there is something you don’t like about yourself, fix it if you want to. Or just find someone who appreciates you for you, instead of trying to mold you into their ideally packaged significant other.
On 03/20/08 at 11:37 am
Karri said:
“Or just find someone who appreciates you for you, instead of trying to mold you into their ideally packaged significant other.” ABSO-FREAKIN’-LUTELY! Again, it all comes back to the self-esteem issue. When we attempt to change others rather than accept them, the damage can be irreversible.
On 03/20/08 at 11:17 am
E said:
I’d be willing to bet that this guy hasn’t seen a lot of vaginas in his life. It almost sounds like he gets his ideas of what a vagina should look like from watching porn. Many of those women, in order to look good on camera, have had designah vaginahs installed.
Homeboy needs to grow up. Making someone feel like they need plastic surgery in order to be “normal” is disgraceful.
On 03/20/08 at 11:50 am
Karri said:
I actually know someone who’s had her pussy hacked in order to look like one that she’d seen. I have to seriously wonder what’s lacking upstairs! More details on that one, tonight on thestream.tv
On 03/20/08 at 12:12 pm
Rex said:
Labiaplasty is a funny word.
Also, I would try a penis pump. YES, I WROTE IT.
Lastly, this topic doesn’t help with my sexual hang-ups. Just when I thought I could have sex again, you swoop in like a bird-of-prey and put visions of surgery in my mind likened to that of roast beef being sliced in a deli…
On 03/20/08 at 12:17 pm
Karri said:
HAHAHAA!
Can you come over here and clean up the Slim-Fast that I just spit all over my keyboard? Damn you, Rex!
On 03/20/08 at 12:22 pm
Rex said:
Slim-Fast?! What the shit do you need that for? Karri, is the imaginary demanding boyfriend in your head giving you crap again???
On 03/20/08 at 12:48 pm
Karri said:
HA! You have no idea how close to the truth you are!
On 03/20/08 at 12:59 pm
Rex said:
We share the same therapist. :p
He likes to gab about his other patients A LOT. I swear, I should get paid for the amount of crap he tells me!
On 03/20/08 at 1:37 pm
Karri said:
SHE, Rex…She gabs a lot.
On 03/20/08 at 2:25 pm
Rex said:
I MEANT THAT.
On 03/20/08 at 12:20 pm
Rex said:
…is it a paying job? I also paint houses and paint toenails.
Gratuity is welcome.
On 03/20/08 at 12:49 pm
Karri said:
But, can you paint the world shiney and new?