Diamond in the rough
October 2, 2008 · Print This Article
Dear Eve,
I went to pick up my two boys from their dad’s about a month ago and noticed that my ex- husband’s new girlfriend had my wedding band on. I thought I had lost it, but apparently he decided to take it with out telling me when we split up. Do you think I should tell him to give it back and let her know she’s wearing my old wedding band?
Thanks for your help,
Diamond in Distress
Dear Diamond,
Honestly, who’s the bigger dumb in this conundrum…your ex-husband, or his new girlfriend who accepted a wedding band as a token of his affection?! I can only assume that they aren’t actually engaged since you did refer to her as his girlfriend and not fiancé, so why in the name of all that was once holy, would she allow her digit to be sending the wrong message? Is he trying so hard to impress his new lady friend that he’s convinced himself that stealing and re-gifting is acceptable? (Which, by the way…it is not!)
Wedding bands are sacred symbols of love and unity. They represent an infinite commitment to your beloved and should be treated with respect, not like a prize at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box! Even though your marriage didn’t stand the test of time, that ring will always represent what once was. Some people may argue the fact that it should be your ex-husbands to keep…I say, hell no! You made a commitment, you took vows and the ring was bestowed upon you, period end of story!
Whatever the reasons may be that your marriage succumbed to divorce that doesn’t excuse the fact that your ex stole your personal property. Not that it would do you any good to throw his sticky fingers in the slammer for grand theft, but at the very least you should be in possession of what is rightfully yours. And let us not forget about the chicky wearing your marital leftovers…she has the right to know that not only is she being served up your sloppy seconds, but she’s also flaunting stolen goods.
Here’s a suggested plan of attack…the next time you are in their presence, conjure up your best poker face sans emotion and simply look and point at her finger and say “oh, there’s my ring, I guess I didn’t lose it after all.” Then, look her straight in the eye, hold at your hand and say “do you mind?” Once you have the bling in your pocket, drive straight to your favorite jeweler and trade it in for something pretty, shiny and new. On your way home, stop and celebrate with your girlfriends that you are no longer married to a thief!
What say you, folks? Do you think a woman is obligated to give back her wedding ring once the divorce papers are signed? Should Diamond in Distress dismiss her ex-husbands character flaws and let his new girlfriend live in ignorance? Or do you think she has the right to know that her boyfriend is a loser?
On 10/1/08 at 7:28 pm
Trista said:
Wow…and I thought I had won the best ex-husband in the world door prize. Apparently not…I must concede to the champion!
I think I would ask him, within ear shot of her, if that was my wedding ring on her finger. And as he fumbled for the words I would then tell him I’d like it back as soon as he can find a way to ask her for it…that ought to start the ball rolling on fun and good times for him.
She may be naive, but he’s an ass.
On 10/1/08 at 7:50 pm
Karri said:
I wouldn’t even give him the opportunity to stumble his way out of it with the new girl. He’ll just lie to her and she should know what a piece of crap he his. Not to mention…I’d thoroughly enjoy watching their faces when the bomb dropped. That’s just fun and good times right there!
Now I will go call Big K and thank him for letting me keep my sparkles…and for not being an ass!
CRIPES! What is wrong with people?
On 10/1/08 at 8:18 pm
Trista said:
I think he would have trouble stumbling out of it if she said something to him in front of the girl, but I do see your point.
On 10/1/08 at 8:45 pm
Karri said:
My sick and twisted deriving joy from others misfortunes point?
On 10/2/08 at 3:33 am
lisaq said:
What a jackass! First of all, it is absolutely her property. He has no rights to it whatsoever. She should absolutely let the g/f know what the hell’s up. Let’s just chicky doesn’t already know where it came from. That would make her almost a big a loser as the assclown.
On 10/2/08 at 6:02 am
Karri said:
I can’t imagine any self respecting woman would wear a wedding ring that her bf gave to another woman…would she?!
On 10/2/08 at 3:54 am
Elize said:
I was engaged, he broke it of, and I kept the ring. If I broke if off, I would have given him the ring back.
I think the partner that stays behind should keep the rings.
And yes, he is an ass for letting the new woman wear used goods.
On 10/2/08 at 6:07 am
Karri said:
Engagement’s are different. And I totally agree that if you’re the one whose heart gets broken, at the very least you get to keep something pretty to help mend the wounds.
On 10/2/08 at 6:09 am
Cassie said:
I would just ask for it back and if he didn’t oblige, there’d be a fight!!
On 10/2/08 at 6:18 am
Karri said:
But, would you tell the new girl?
On 10/2/08 at 6:22 am
Cassie said:
I’m pretty sure I would!
I do cuckoo, crazy things when I get REALLY pissed off!! lol
On 10/2/08 at 6:27 am
Karri said:
I wouldn’t tell her because I was mad so much as appalled, and she deserves to know. Plus, I think it would be fun to watch and I know you’re not going to judge me for that one!
On 10/2/08 at 6:50 am
Cassie said:
NOT I…I think it’d be funny as well!! LOL
On 10/2/08 at 6:18 am
Sarahh said:
Wow, that takes cajones!
The ring was a gift period. Now, if the ring is a “Family Heirloom” on the mans side then it should be given back. Other than that, it is yours to do what you want with. And how tacky to give it to the new girlfriend.
*Wretch*
On 10/2/08 at 6:29 am
~Lori~ said:
Wow! Tacky, doesn’t even come close to describing this man! If you could call him that! I would definitely approach the new s/o and do just as above, just so she knows that the man she is with, doesn’t consider her worthy enough to invest in a new ring meant specifically for her.
I have had three wedding rings from my ex-husband, still have the first, very inexpensive, we didn’t have much back then, the second to replace it, I just gave to my teen for her 18th b-day. I told her it represent everything her father and I had which created her and her sister and still do. (the engagement ring goes to the younger one when she is old enough, with the same sentiment), their father was there when I did it, and approved. My third one, was a family heirloom, his mothers, he got it back, but no-one else wheres it, it will be broken down between our daughters for their graduation day, (which recently, I was told by one of them, he wants to make something for me out of it too).
I can’t understand how anyone can re-gift something that is a symbol of love, to a new one. Shows no respect what-so-ever to the new woman or the previous one.
My sympathy to both these ladies, they deserve better.
On 10/2/08 at 6:41 am
Karri said:
AWE…I love what you’ve done with your rings and the fact that your ex wants to make you a new token is such a wonderful gesture! Sweet of him.
I do believe we all share your sympathies for these ladies.
On 10/2/08 at 6:30 am
Karri said:
I’d like to believe that if it were a family heirloom she would give it back on her own. But since he freakin’ stole it and she was shocked to see it on the new ladies hand I think he’s just an ass and it had nothing to do with honoring his family…PFFFFFT!
On 10/2/08 at 6:45 am
Sarahh said:
Not to mention, what woman wears a wedding band her boyfriend gave her without an engagement or a MARRAIGE? Two Tacky Birds sittin in a tree…
On 10/2/08 at 6:53 am
Karri said:
I was wondering the same thing, but maybe it’s not a traditional wedding set?
My last ring is one piece and looks nothing like a wedding ring, which means it makes the perfect right hand ring.
On 10/2/08 at 7:04 am
Sarahh said:
I used to wear my band and my engagement rings to bars after the divorce. I could fit it on my middle finger so when men would talk to me they would ask my status, I would hold up the finger and say, what do you think?
On 10/2/08 at 8:09 am
Karri said:
HA…nice way to execute some anger management!
On 10/2/08 at 6:20 am
AmyDame said:
I would ask for it back right in front of her. She probably doesn’t know (and if she does, and refuses to give it back, she would lose that finger as well) because what woman would wear another one’s wedding rings? And she deserves to know what a cheap bastard she is with.
On 10/2/08 at 6:32 am
Karri said:
Amen, Amy!
I would seriously pay money to be a fly on the wall for that confrontation.
On 10/2/08 at 6:23 am
Cassie said:
I’d ALSO want to know what else he may have conveniently helped himself to at my house!
On 10/2/08 at 6:34 am
Karri said:
No shit! That missing blender? Ya, he’s using it to make margaritas. Or something.
On 10/2/08 at 6:29 am
Carol said:
My guess would be that the girlfriend has to know the ring was not brand new. I remember mine had minor scratches on the band within a year of having it on my finger. But, she could just be that royally stupid,as well.
I guess if you wanted to be really evil, you could wait until your kids notice the ring and say “WHY are you wearing my MOMMY’s ring?” But, I’d opt for the direct route suggested. I would express some sympathy to the poor girl….”I can’t imagine you would know, or you wouldn’t want to wear it…but that is my wedding ring. I’m sure you can understand that despite the fact we are divorced, I would like to have my ring returned.”
On 10/2/08 at 6:36 am
Karri said:
She didn’t mention how old her boys are, and being as how they are boys…would they even notice that it’s Mommy’s ring?
On 10/2/08 at 7:42 am
Carol said:
I don’t know…ask Trista! My son would notice. He notices EVERY little detail of everything. Younger…maybe not so much.
If the gf didn’t believe her, I would be willing to bet there is an old wedding pic proving the ring is hers. If it was me, I would not have that potentially dramatic confrontation in front of the kids…at ANY age.
On 10/2/08 at 8:13 am
Karri said:
So if and when the whipper snappers were to ask, “WHY are you wearing my MOMMY’s ring?” Should Mommy just ignore their statement and confront her at a later time? I am by no means suggesting that she should have that conversation in front of them, but if they bring it up, then what?
On 10/2/08 at 12:59 pm
Carol said:
If my kids, for example, were to bring something like that up in the presence of others…I would address it immediately. Calmly. No confrontration. “Yes, honey, that is mommy’s ring. Thank you for noticing. I will talk to your dad and Miss Ring-Coveter about it later. It would let my kids know that I heard their concern and remind them that not every adult conversation is intended for their ears. More than that, it would set the tone for the ex and Ms. Ring-Coveter that it’s an issue to be discussed without the children around. They would both appear like total asshats to fight about it at that point.
On 10/2/08 at 1:22 pm
Karri said:
Sounds lovely, but can’t we just send the little ones out to play so we can watch him trip over himself trying to explain the errors of his ways?
On 10/2/08 at 4:43 pm
Carol said:
*giggle* My kids would not want to go outside to play if they knew something serious was being discussed! By the way, I just caught that this situation happened a MONTH ago. Either the kids only see the dad once a month or she is a major league procrastinator. Timing is everything.
On 10/2/08 at 6:40 am
Fiona said:
Wow. Legally the wedding band is hers. Emotionally, still hers. Seriously, what kind of shit would give a wedding band that his wife wore to the gf?
I knew a guy who recycled engagement rings too.
On 10/2/08 at 6:49 am
Karri said:
He recycled engagement rings? At some point shouldn’t he realize that perhaps their jinxed? That’s just bad mojo!
On 10/2/08 at 8:58 am
Fiona said:
He was the jinx, not the ring.
On 10/2/08 at 1:23 pm
Karri said:
I hope he comes with a warning label!
On 10/2/08 at 7:48 am
PJ said:
Oh, hell-motherfucking-no! This new girlfriend knows exactly what she’s doing. Never underestimate the intelligence of a woman when it comes down to bling. This dude swiped the ring back probably in a moment of convienence and left it laying around. When ol girl saw a shiney little token of dominance over this guy’s life before her sitting in a coffee can full of change, she jumped at the opportunity. The only way to resolve this situation is a kiddie pool, a few gallons of lime green jello, and me as a referee.
On 10/2/08 at 7:57 am
Tori said:
PJ, shut up. Green jello is disgusting.
On 10/2/08 at 8:02 am
PJ said:
I’ll let you pick whatever flavor you want.
On 10/2/08 at 8:28 am
Tori said:
Well I’m not going to be involved. I’m not the writer of the letter or the sad new girlfriend. I might be the ex-husband though - the jury’s still out on that.
On 10/2/08 at 8:34 am
PJ said:
Don’t be a stick in the mud.
On 10/2/08 at 8:58 am
Fiona said:
Cherry is so much better.
On 10/2/08 at 10:01 am
PJ said:
That’s what I’m talking about.
On 10/2/08 at 8:14 am
Karri said:
PJ, you really think the gf knows? My, you don’t have much faith in the estrogen, do you?
On 10/2/08 at 8:19 am
PJ said:
I think you’re the one who isn’t giving the estrogen enough credit here. You mean to tell me that a woman doesn’t know what a wedding band looks like, and that this guy came out of a divorce?
On 10/2/08 at 8:55 am
Meghan said:
Leaning Tower of Meghan towards PJ.
On 10/2/08 at 9:20 am
PJ said:
Smart gal
On 10/2/08 at 11:21 am
Proph said:
My philosophy has always been any problem that can be solved with jello wrestling…SHOULD be solved with jello wrestling.
And as a man who values justice above all else I must commend PJ on this most noble of solutions….besides he might need an extras set of eyes…y’know to make sure everythings fair and equal and what not. I’m all about ogling for equality… or justice…or whatever it was that i was saying before. Yea ogling!
On 10/2/08 at 11:45 am
PJ said:
Every good referee needs a line judge.
On 10/2/08 at 7:56 am
Tori said:
Holy lord. It’s hilarious, but also really, really sad. I would absolutely tell the new girlfriend. That guy is a pathetic piece of shit.
On 10/2/08 at 8:19 am
Karri said:
Mmmm Hmmmm…he’s a fine specimen that one. I have to wonder what kind of lessons he’s teaching the boys…ugh!!!
On 10/2/08 at 8:42 am
pecosa said:
I think the gf knows. I mean, she should be smart enough to put two and two together. Diamond In Distress should totally expose the slimeball and the girlfriend.
On 10/2/08 at 8:54 am
Meghan said:
I feel for this one…my engagement ring of Diamonds and Sapphires was given away to a family member by my ex because they liked it. Granted I didn’t want it…but so tacky to see it on someone else’s finger after I wore the fucker. And to add insult to injury, that relative HATED me, wore the ring though. That didn’t bother her.
I think I am leaning toward PJ here…well, first of all:
Agreed on the basics. He obviously had no right to take the ring, or re-gift it. How the ring came from her hand, into his possession we can’t be sure.
Maybe this girlfriend is as much an idiot as he is a jackass(possible)…but how could she not suspect the ring is a token from his divorce? By accepting it she might as well have pissed a ring around him for everyone to see she’s marked her territory.
Only way to find out is to absolutely ask for it back right in front of her to gauge her reaction. If I was so unaware about the ring on my finger I’d take it off that instant and throw it back at both of them.
On 10/2/08 at 1:25 pm
Karri said:
I am so disgusted by the notion that any woman would have such little self respect that I’m going to put my blinders on and pretend that she hasn’t a clue. It’s the only way I can live with it, really.
On 10/2/08 at 9:41 am
Razor said:
Once the deal is sealed, the wedding rings belong to those who wore them. Period. Hell yes, I’d make sure she knew it was stolen property and get the damn thing back. Then I would have the stones reset and sell the scrap gold. Oh wait…I DID do that to my old wedding set.
This reminds me of a friend whose fiance ran off shortly before the wedding and stole her wedding dress. He married a different woman soon thereafter and yes, she wore my friend’s wedding dress.
On 10/2/08 at 1:26 pm
Karri said:
“He married a different woman soon thereafter and yes, she wore my friend’s wedding dress.”
SHUT. UP! Please tell me you’re kidding…
On 10/2/08 at 9:49 am
Crumbie said:
Oh Hell to THE NO!
That bitch knows.
I’d probably make a scene. End up getting arrested….
But that’s just me.
On 10/2/08 at 10:13 am
troy said:
PERFECT answer!
I wish I could be there when this situation goes down!!!
On 10/2/08 at 1:27 pm
Karri said:
You and me both, m’friend. You and me both! And thank you, Troy for not making me feel alone in my sick and demented ways, I appreciate that!
On 10/2/08 at 11:12 am
Kevin said:
I’m going to give the new girl the benefit of the doubt and assume she doesn’t know it’s the exes, because there is no way in hell she should be wearing the exes ring or even have accepted it….and to the ex-girlfriend, go get your shit back, then pawn it and walk away. Never give your new love something that was your old loves, that screams of tacky.
On 10/2/08 at 1:29 pm
Karri said:
UMMMMM…my current right hand ring is a collection of rings of yesteryear. Is that tacky, too? I hope not, ’cause there’s no way in hell I’m giving it up…ha!
On 10/2/08 at 12:47 pm
Jody said:
I left my wedding ring on the kitchen table when I left my ex for 2 reasons.
1- It was a cheap piece of nothing gotten NOT when we married, but SEVEN years later that was a last straw to ‘keep’ me.
2- It was gotten ONLY as a physical token of his control over me and that I was his property.
Like I wanted to keep it? yeah right.
However. on topic? yeah it belongs to her and she should get it back. Definitely.
On 10/2/08 at 1:31 pm
Karri said:
I threw an engagement ring overboard once.
That was just dumb!
However I do agree that if it has a negative vibe to it, there’s no reason to keep it. But, Jody…you could have had a new trinket!
On 10/2/08 at 1:39 pm
Jody said:
hahahaha did you miss the first reason?
walmart sale for a whopping 20 bucks. yeah. seriously. gotten solely to publicly ‘claim’ me. i was starting college classes and he did NOT want any of the ‘young guys’ thinking i was anywhere near available. this same immature asshat took my college class notebooks and wrote all over them ‘claiming’ me. not even high school shit. middle school shit. pissed me off SO much.
On 10/2/08 at 3:25 pm
Matty said:
What an ass. I’m cheap, but that’s just Salvation Army cheap. All across the board.
On 10/2/08 at 3:42 pm
Ally said:
Wow, cheap doesnt even begin to tell what kind of guy this is lol First, do you give the ring back or no? I guess it depends, Im not married so I dont have a wedding ring, ive given back an engagement ring though. I just wanted him, and any reminders of him, gone. So i think thats purely a judgement call. As for telling her? Hell yes she should tell her, I like the way you played it out, sounds like a good plan to me! Re-gifting is bad, re-gifting wedding bands is something I thought only happened in movies. Thank your lucky stars you got out when you did!! Now go sell that sucker and have yourself some fun!