Dick Speaks
September 17, 2008 · Print This Article
We are going to try something new around these parts today, kids! Are you excited? Well, you should be. This shall be the very first addition of something we are going to call “The Minute Man.” Basically we have decided to let the men speak, because, well, we can all acknowledge that it was getting a little estrogen-y around here. So without further ado, I shall give the man the floor…
Today he will speak on whether you need to win over a woman’s friends in order to win her heart.
First of all, I want to thank my hosts here at Eve-101 for letting my penis floppin’ male self give you some testosterone-laced opinions mixed in with oodles of foul-mouthed diatribes usually reserved for Sailor “wanna-hump-hump bars” in Panama. Or The View. Take your pick.
And the fact that I just used the term “oodles” alone qualifies me as a writer on here, because that reeks of Estrogen and, hey, I’m comfortable in my own sexuality so I can admit that I might have a slight womanly side, like, say 1%. Whatever.
Now, I was asked to give some male perspective on the field of dating. There are lots of things that I can give you from the male perspective, and dating just happens to be number 94 on the list. So, you are in luck. I have a lot of chick friends that love to discuss their problems with me, like I am a goddamned relationship therapist who loves to listen to insipid shit ad nauseum.
Anywho.
The question in play here is simple: “Does a guy have to win over a woman’s friends in order to win at love?”
My answer: “What is love?” (And I don’t mean that 1993 Haddaway song that was the entire plot from the movie A Night At The Roxbury either.) I kid…I kid.
Seriously. In my opinion, not at all. Is it a good idea to get in the good graces of a woman’s friends? Sure. Is it absolutely necessary to have them in your favor to complete the sale? Nope.
We’ve all seen it time and again, ladies. That one friend of yours that is dating a total asshat with a tricked out ‘87 Escort and a penchant for douchebaggery (see: hat worn sideways, MySpace profile picture of himself in a mirror showing off his abs, etc.) Your friends cannot stand this dude, and with good reason. He is a dick. We all see it. Your friend does not. Yet she still continues to date him. Why? Because, when it comes to her heart and feelings, your opinion doesn’t mean diddly-poo. If anything, (especially amongst the scientific fact that 98.2% of a woman’s friends are actually nothing more than vicious, backstabbing pieces of used tampon matter), your disapproval of said doorknob is a signal in the eyes of your friend that you are jealous of the relationship and want a piece of that tiny crank and weak wallet. SHE is in love and SHE can change him. Stay the fuck out of it, bitch! *snap*
The 2% of her real friends may have an opinion, may even say “get out”, but will defer to the judgment of their friends to make the right call.
Us guys know this fact, and we therefore know that the only thing that matters in winning the heart of a woman is them. Doting on them. Loving on them. Trying to fuck…them. There is no need to worry about her friends, because in the end, her opinion only counts for useless shit above.
There you go, people. True pearls given to you in the form of an interweb Pearl Necklace, by a guy that has only been tolerated by a handful of women in his lifetime. Which goes to show you, I don’t really know dick.
But, I have one. And that means you already know I don’t know anything, right ladies?
Want to track Minute Man Matt down? You can find him HERE.
On 09/16/08 at 9:38 pm
Trista said:
I stopped having catty, mean girls as friends/enemies in high school. I now have a fantastic group of women that I am proud to call friends and guess what? Their opinions do matter. If they really don’t think a guy is right for me, I listen to what they have to say. Because I know they have my best interests at heart and I know they can see clearly whereas I may not be able to, being in the throes of early love-lust and all.
Just saying.
On 09/17/08 at 3:08 am
Matty said:
Trista, you clearly are in the minority I feel. Are there “true” friends in the inner circle that might need some coaxing (or cocking…hehehe)? Sure. Not the majority though. And as a guy, my top priority is wooing the woman first. If she is smitten, her friends can’t do anything about it.
And shouldn’t it be that way in the first place?
On 09/17/08 at 6:25 am
Trista said:
Oh, the girl you are dating should absolutely be top priority…but if her friends hate you, you have a difficult road ahead of you. Especially if you are looking to have a long term and serious thing with her.
On 09/17/08 at 2:28 pm
Matty said:
I cna agree with you to a certain extent. But in my experience, I have just seen way too many d-bags land the ladies and the friends (myself included in some cases) couldn’t do a thing about it, that’s all.
On 09/17/08 at 3:14 am
lisaq said:
I’m with you Trista. I take my friends’ opinions very seriously. And, furthermore, what I have learned is that girls who don’t, who stay with a dumbfuck despite the obvious truths and observations over their friends, are girls who have issues. Big ones. Most of the time they know their friends are right but need some weird ass kind of abuse and validation. And guess who they’ll call when the shit hits the fan? Yep, the very friends who tried to tell ‘em…
On 09/17/08 at 7:54 am
Dr. Joker said:
When I am dating someone, I like to slip her friends a $20 here and there.
It gets a little expensive, but if they say good things about me…and wash my car every once in awhile…it is totally worth it.
On 09/17/08 at 2:29 pm
Matty said:
I can concur with this too. I did hang out with a bunch of mental cases.
On 09/17/08 at 4:10 am
~Lori~ said:
When it comes to my friends I listen, I will give my opinion, hopefully they will take it into consideration. Because I’m on the outside looking in. Yet, in the long run the final decision is theirs, they know I love them, and I will be there for them no matter what. Yet, there are times, I have to really bite my tongue to keep the peace, at how they are treated out respect for them and their “relationship”, even if I want to take the guy’s head off for not treating them right and yes it has worked the same way in reverse.
On 09/17/08 at 8:02 am
Dr. Joker said:
I do take my friends’ opinions into consideration. But first impressions can be off AND they don’t spend as much time with her as I do. However, FAMILY opinion means a lot to me. So, if I am dating someone…short term I win over the friends…if I see long term plans, then family is the focus.
On 09/17/08 at 2:30 pm
Matty said:
Best reply ever. Although anyone that remotely comes close to agreeing with me I hold in high regard.
And if this is the Lori I know, then you know damn well how high in regard I hold you.
On 09/17/08 at 5:11 am
Cassie said:
I really don’t have an opinion on this one…have never really dated anyone long enough to worry about friend’s approvals, although I will say that I have had to tell more than one friend that their new friend is an ass/bitch!! I’ll let them know how I feel, then let it go, it’s their decision on whether or not to stay with him/her!! LOL
On 09/17/08 at 8:16 am
Trista said:
NEVER? Wow, woman…just wow. You are determined not to be tied down, aren’t you? =)
On 09/17/08 at 8:27 am
Cassie said:
Tied UP? MAYBE
Tied down? NEVER!!!!!
On 09/17/08 at 2:31 pm
Matty said:
…hello. Rope or cuffs?
On 09/17/08 at 6:20 am
Gracie said:
I don’t have any friends. =(
On 09/17/08 at 7:45 am
Trista said:
That can’t be true!
On 09/17/08 at 6:28 am
Meghan said:
I’ve had the boyfriend nobody likes, AND the friend no boyfriend likes. I don’t choose to be associated with an army of carbon copied ‘me’ junkies. My friends are different and varied and may not have one thing in common with the next.
The common like mindedness that we do share is that we all want the best for our little circle. Is he kind and polite to them? Does he make an effort? Will he join in if I invite him to? That’s what matters.
I lived the days of having my boyfriend in one world, and my friends on the side and it did me zero good. Anyone dating me has to make an effort to date me and my life - that includes my circle.
On 09/17/08 at 7:44 am
Trista said:
Exactly. I don’t want to compartmentalize my life. I need a man who can merge in a way. Of course we will have separate interests, but separate lives? What’s the point?
On 09/17/08 at 2:33 pm
Matty said:
Allow me to ask you this. Does marriage change all of this? I’ve noticed that men have to lose their friends drastically when marriage approaches, the old “I need to call for permission joke). Does it apply the same way? I’m curious.
On 09/17/08 at 7:05 am
pecosa said:
I have a friend who tells me “I can tell you all day what an asshole he is and how you deserve better, but at the end of the day, I get to go home and be with my man and you get to go home and either a) be alone or b) keep him around for compliments and sex…my opinion shouldn’t matter” I loves her.
On 09/17/08 at 7:57 am
Dr. Joker said:
I think there should be a 3rd option….something preferrably involving chips and salsa.
That’s caliente.
On 09/17/08 at 7:59 am
Karri said:
WOW, I’m actually at a loss for words!
Matt you clearly can’t be referring to real women, but rather insecure little girls! This type of behavior is absurd and I guarantee would never happen in my inner circle. My girlfriends have excellent idiot radar, and if I choose to ignore their opinions well then I’m the dumb, ’cause they’re always spot on!
On 09/17/08 at 8:06 am
Trista said:
You seem to have recovered the words quickly, and I am glad of that.
And I agree. There have been times when my friends politely and frankly let me know what they thought of a man, and I chose to ignore the message, and then looked back and wanted to kick myself because they were so spot on and I was so blinded by my hormones.
On 09/17/08 at 8:12 am
Karri said:
Karo calls that being under the spell…the spell of good orgasms. Why do you think I kept “Short Bus” around for so long? A man finds your G-Spot and all rational thoughts go by the wayside.
On 09/17/08 at 8:12 am
Trista said:
I thought it was his wit…no? It was the tiny peen…who knew?
On 09/17/08 at 8:14 am
Karri said:
The Little Penis That Could!
On 09/17/08 at 9:34 am
Carol said:
*laughing so hard I disrupted my office*
On 09/17/08 at 8:06 am
Dr. Joker said:
One of my best friends was dating a girl no one approved of. We knew she was sneaking around behind his back so myself and 2 other friends had an intervention. We sat him down and talked to him about it and shared what we knew and our opinions. It was a risk, but we didn’t want to see our friend get hurt.
He chose to forgive her and basically cut off contact with us (because she wanted him to). So, we basically lost a friend…which sucks. We know his insecurity and the fact he needed to grow a pair caused the post events to unfold…but if we had to do it all over again…we would have done the same thing.
I think it would have been worse if he found out on his own and found out we knew about it and never mentioned it.
On 09/17/08 at 8:11 am
Trista said:
That is sad. But the folks that lose themselves in the relationships…well, you just can’t help them.
But you are still a better friend for trying.
On 09/17/08 at 10:47 am
Dr. Joker said:
But certainly not a better friend for crying shamelessly and saying “Why don’t you love me no mo’?”
On 09/17/08 at 2:35 pm
Matty said:
Karri, you’d be amazed at the “strong” women that fall prey to ignoring their inner circle. In fact, this occurred as recently as a few years ago and I am in my 30’s. Of course I generalized greatly to support my point of view, but like I said, you’d be amazed.
On 09/17/08 at 8:11 am
Fiona said:
Eh. I married the guy no one liked.
I would like to think I would listen now though.
On 09/17/08 at 8:13 am
Trista said:
You were young. You would definitely listen now. =)
On 09/18/08 at 4:11 am
Sarahh said:
See, I wonder about that. I married the guy no one liked too. But, I think if no one liked my next husband I would marry him anyway. If that is what I believed in.
I can listen to others advice, take it in, process it, then do with it what I like.
It may not be what they like, but it is what I want. Now, that may not always turn out well, but someone has to feed those poor divorce lawyers…
On 09/17/08 at 9:17 am
Tori said:
My sister hates everyone I date unless she picks them, which is why she’s all happy I’m dating the current boy. She keeps trying to make it more serious than it is though. It’s making me crazy because there’s a part of me that isn’t totally over Dylan and I’m sick of playing serial monogamist. So basically, I kind of ignore her opinion because she’s insane and wants to beat any of my boyfriends up if we get into a fight.
But my other friends - yes, I listen to them. A guy needs to be nice to them (but the same behavior is expected of my friends too). I can’t be with someone if it’s going to cause conflict. My girls are not the type to warn me about a guy for no reason, so if they feel off, I take it seriously.
On 09/17/08 at 9:30 am
Trista said:
Family is an entirely different thing, I think. Because they are so insanely protective, and they are most always going to take your side. Oh, and when you forgive and forget, they don’t…so be careful about bitching to them. I had to learn that lesson the hard way with my parents.
On 09/17/08 at 2:37 pm
Matty said:
Family is always ape-shit crazy.
On 09/18/08 at 4:10 am
Sarahh said:
Yeah, I don’t chat with my mom every time I have a fight anymore. Or my friends either. For the same reason. We may forgive and forget but they don’t. Why? Because they aren’t dating, in love, having sex with them!
So clearly they wouldn’t be AS forgiving…
On 09/17/08 at 10:49 am
Dr. Joker said:
“It’s making me crazy because there’s a part of me that isn’t totally over Dylan and I’m sick of playing serial monogamist.”
I think there is that part in everyone. The other part simply says “Whoa. I don’t think you should have eaten that last taco.”
On 09/17/08 at 9:50 am
Carol said:
More than 1% with “oodles, diddly poo and tampon matter” in your vocabulary!
As for me, I like those important in my life to meet each other. I like to share the love, see the dynamics between others and to include them in my WHOLE life, not just segmented bits of it. But, this doesn’t just apply to men, it applies to introducing female friends to each other, as well.
On 09/17/08 at 2:38 pm
Matty said:
Not much more than 1%, Carol. As a matter of fact, I think I am going to rent some excellent Asian porn to make sure that it doesn’t creep higher than 1%.
On 09/17/08 at 1:20 pm
Jeremy said:
What about the flip side? When all of her friends like you, but she dumps you anyways?
On 09/17/08 at 2:40 pm
Matty said:
Start dating her friends. Blatantly stick your tongue in her friends’ ears in front of her. Tell her that having sex with her is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway in front of them too. That will easily earn their respect and love.
So I’m told.
On 09/17/08 at 7:04 pm
Kiki said:
I’ve said it recently that I trust my friends more than I trust my fella, until he’s proven himself to be a rung above them on the commitment ladder. Friends are a permanent fixture and guys generally aren’t until the relationship moves beyond merely dating. As such, if my friends brought information/opinions to my attention that the guy I was seeing was, in fact, a complete douche I would give them the benefit of the doubt. As all my friends pass a series of tests to judge their trustworthiness and character, and longevity in my life. I trust my friends to think of my welfare/wellbeing, just as I do theirs. After all love is blind and sometimes, just sometimes, they are completely right and I am completely insanely wrong. Okay maybe more than sometimes.
So in a nutshell (no pun intended) I do trust my friends to give an honest opinion on my dates, and I would hope to do the same for them. If it’s a positive opinion fabulous, but if and when it’s negative I listen to them, and I will bear what they say in mind before taking any further action. If they are just being catty and jealous I can usually tell. But for the most part, especially of my adult life, I have steered well clear of that kind of damaging and hurtful immaturity in the first place.
My friends, in particular my inner circle, inner sanctum, know me better than I know myself so when they make judgement calls I trust that it’s in my own best interest and will act accordingly. I own my mistakes, just as I own my successes, but it’s a comfort in todays busy world to know that I have people out there watching my back.
On 09/18/08 at 4:08 am
Sarahh said:
I don’t think it is required, but it helps! When it comes down to it, people are going to be with who they want. Regardless of what anyone says.
BUT, I must say there is nothing worse than the friend who doesn’t like your man. And makes no bones about it. I mean, yes, tell me if he seems like a serial killer. But if you don’t like how he dresses…. LET IT GO.
Anyway, this is a rant for me, so I will leave it here and agree with My man up top. She decides the useless shit. *Eyes rolled COMPLETELY in the back of my head*