Divide and Conquer
March 27, 2008 · Print This Article
Welcome to “He said, She said,” where we take a common question or topic and see if members of the opposite sex can get on the same page, or if they’ll have to agree to disagree. Today’s topic:
Is it possible to have a successful no-strings-attached relationship?
He Said:
NSA…kind of like, NASA but not really. In all seriousness (at least as much as can be permitted in such a topic) is a “No Strings Attached” relationship possible? This guy says, yes and here is both why and more importantly how to have a successful NSA relationship.
The “why” a NSA relationship is possible is simply because women will allow them to be possible given the right conditions. Let’s start from the top. Where did you meet said girl? Chances are the following: Bar/Club, Internet, work place, gym etc. Now for each of these environments there is a different angle in the approach to achieve a NSA. Unfortunately I’m not allotted the word count nor the experience to go into each and all of them but I will use one of which I’m familiar with.
Bar/Club: Considering that the majority of those going to bars and clubs are actually “looking” for some kind of chemical romance, I think it’s fair for us to assume that the hypothetical one night stand that happens more often than not and can be a great place to start a no strings attached relationship. Why? Because it is here that a casual incident has led to what can easily be interpreted as the beginnings of a delicate relationship. Now to avoid the relationship from “growing” (ughhhh) one must attempt to keep that relationship relatively stagnant. Not to say boring but rather the same on an emotional level.
This can be (but not always) achieved by a few of the following suggestions:
- 1. Limit your availability. If you’ve been with said girl more than once, plan a boys’ trip for three days minimum and DO NOT respond to text messages immediately. She’ll expect it from then on.
- 2. Out of the bedroom try not to use nicknames. i.e.: Baby and Sweets, but Sugar-Tits seems to be fine in my personal experience.
- 3. Be honest. Be a man and don’t be scared to say where you are in YOUR life that keeps you from having a GFE…and that’s a whole other topic.
She Said:
Firstly, let’s get one thing straight…NSA is not a relationship; it’s an arrangement of convenience for horny, emotionally unavailable, commitment-phobes. Sure, it sounds lovely on the surface, but personally, I think it’s a big freakin’ copout! Essentially what’s being said (more often by actions rather than words) is, “listen I think you’re hot and fun, but I don’t think you’re worth closing the door on the options that may come my way.”
Unless you’ve managed to land yourself a knock-knock-bang-bang-and hit the road situation you’re more than likely investing time and energy hanging out, going to dinner or watching the occasional movie before exchanging body fluids. If you’re willing to put forth that much effort, then you should be able to stomach the potential unpleasantries that may come with human interaction. What, it’s okay to drunk dial at 2:00 a.m. for a booty-call, but don’t dare think that you’ll have a shoulder to cry on if your dog runs away? Hogwash!
We all go through states of change when our wants and needs take on different priorities. Some days we may desire companionship and others we just want to get off with someone else in the room. However, when we attempt to merge the two worlds of sex and emotion without a commitment, eventually someone is going to crash and burn; it’s a holding pattern that simply cannot be sustained indefinitely.
The most dangerous culprits are the perpetual puppeteers; those who string others along and simply can’t bring themselves to blurt out the brutal truth. Instead they make it look, walk and talk like a duck when in reality it’s a bloody chicken. A fearful coward who prefaces their selfish desires with a disclaimer: “I’m not looking for anything serious.” Or, “I don’t want a commitment.” Nice safety net, jackass.
If you aren’t willing to sacrifice your freedom (or whatever excuse it is that keeps you flailing about in singledom) then you should either put your libido on hold or buy a gallon of lube and subscribe to the spice channel. Oh! Better yet…solicit a professional, ask for the “The Girlfriend Experience,” and for the low, low price a few hundred bucks you can have your sexy time with a little hand holding minus the casualties.
What do you think, is a “no-strings-attached” arrangement possible or is it a recipe for disaster?
When our guest writer R.N.O isn’t gracing center stage he’s hopping continents in order to avoid his latest conquest.
Don’t forget…we have a show tonight! Get the details about “working out the kink” here.
On 03/27/08 at 5:04 am
Cassie said:
“horny, emotionally unavailable, commitment-phobes.”<————you saying something ‘bought me? lol
I really don’t see a NSA ‘relationship’ working out for me…I get jealous and it eats at me!
On 03/27/08 at 5:10 am
Karri said:
I hear ya sista’, I hear ya! And I think no matter how hard we try to keep our…dare I say it…feelings out of it, inevitably someone is going to get hurt.
On 03/27/08 at 6:04 am
Trista said:
You mention dog, hog, duck and chicken up there…have them animals on the mind, my friend??
On 03/27/08 at 6:09 am
Karri said:
AHHHH! The zoophiles have imbeded themselves deep in my psyche!
On 03/27/08 at 8:45 am
Hater of the Year! said:
Again with the animal sex! That’s my cue to go to bed. Damn cable guy never showed and I worked overnight. Good luck on the show tonight. Alas I’ll miss it while at work trying to explain(in vain) that no I didn’t go to private school, and yes EVERYONE in California has a “proper” accent. Oh FYI, people from Mississippi are DUMB AS ROCKS!!!
On 03/27/08 at 9:15 am
Karri said:
Does this mean you’ve already started that second job to keep yourself from boredom? What us Eve-101 gals aren’t enough for you? hmmmmph!
On 03/27/08 at 6:16 am
Kevin said:
Both he and she are correct on almost all points. Problem is, the question asks if a NSA relationship can work. And OF COURSE it can. Given that the two involved are ok with it, want it, aren’t secretly looking for or expecting more out of it… then SURE it can work. But… for how long??
Cassie brings up the bain of the NSA relationship… “jealousy”. Whether it’s just a little, or a whole heapin’ spoonful, jealousy will eventually be the end of most NSA’s no matter how much you try to ignore it. We can’t help it. Sooner or later, our inherent need to want what we can’t have, or just our desire to want more of what we like, WILL overpower that innocent little fantasy we had going there, called the NSA. And at that point, we ruin the groundwork… and the house crumbles… forcing you to start checking out the next neighborhood. Lol.
On 03/27/08 at 6:39 am
Karri said:
I don’t believe that NSA is a fantasy, I think it’s the ultimate act of selfishness and the fallout is generally much greater than the rewards. Try and try as we may…expectations are inevitable.
On 03/27/08 at 8:08 am
Kevin said:
Yeah… sorry… by “fantasy”, in that sentence, I meant “bullshit dream”, “farce”, etc. Lol.
But, do you mean “selfish” as in, “want your cake and eat it, too?”. ‘Cause you could also say it’s completely UNselfish, if both people are completely ok with the whole NSA agreement.
Granted, we agree that it eventually ends, and usually not well. Your “expectations” = my “jealousy”.
On 03/27/08 at 8:24 am
Karri said:
How is that UNselfish? It’s not like we’re banging someone so they’ll derive pleasure out of it. Expectations suck! I try not to have them, but they keep comin’ back like, oh, I don’t know…rabbits that multiply. HA!
On 03/27/08 at 7:17 pm
Kevin said:
I guess I see it as UNselfish ’cause… if the both people are ok with the arrangement, which means allowing each other to be with others, that means they’re NOT keeping the person to themselves, and sharing with others… therefore… UNselfish. I dunno. That’s merely on the surface, anyway.
On 03/27/08 at 8:27 pm
Karri said:
You NSA promoters are all a bunch of circle talkers…what did you just say?
On 03/27/08 at 8:41 pm
Kevin said:
Wait… I’m not promoting that shit. I was just trying to make sense of it all. Totally not my bag, though, baby. I need some substance in my relationships.
On 03/27/08 at 8:47 pm
Karri said:
That’s obvious by your blatant disregard for rule #2
On 03/27/08 at 8:50 pm
Kevin said:
Who’s rule #2? Yours… or mine? I don’t believe I mentioned mine… so, um…. are you spying on me?
On 03/27/08 at 8:53 pm
Karri said:
R.N.O’s how to have a successful N.S.A…did you even read the blog? We have to put out a lot of favors to get men to write with us, you should be paying attention.
On 03/27/08 at 9:12 pm
Kevin said:
Ok… first of all, Sugar Tits… those are CLEARLY labeled as “suggestions”… not “rules”. Did YOU even read the blog?? Lol.
Secondly… are you saying you and I have a “relationship”??
On 03/27/08 at 9:25 pm
Karri said:
Don’t look at me, I didn’t use the “R” or the “B” word. And I’m pretty sure that Sugar Tits is off the table too.
On 03/27/08 at 9:31 pm
Kevin said:
… but, but…. but… he even said “…but Sugar-Tits seems to be fine in my personal experience.”
Whodathunkit? A woman saying one thing and doing another… 
On 03/27/08 at 11:18 am
Chris said:
The First Rule of Nature: To every rule, there will be at least one exception.
On 03/27/08 at 12:16 pm
Karri said:
This is true…there are no guarantees. *sigh*
On 03/27/08 at 6:32 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
I do know a few people who have had successful NSA fun. One friend has had his going on for almost 6 years. His girlfriend, who is actually a 34 year old virgin, is OK with him continuing the relationship until they get married next year. He talked to her about needing sexual release other than masturbation, and she understands but isn’t willing to be part of it until later. The NSA knows that it will end when he gets married, and has told me herself that it is fine, when it’s over she will find someone else.
It wouldn’t work out for me, I am too emotionally involved in things to even be willing to try this for a long term thing, so I don’t.
On 03/27/08 at 6:41 am
Karri said:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Now there’s an “Ask Eve” just begging to be discovered. Good for her…I guess. And no offense, but your friend’s a jackass!
On 03/27/08 at 7:30 am
Tori said:
My thoughts exactly. No way would I ever put the person I wanted to marry through that. And if I was a virgin and my fiance couldn’t/wouldn’t respect that, I would figure he wasn’t the right person for me.
On 03/27/08 at 8:22 am
Karri said:
I’m still bewildered by that one! WTF?
On 03/27/08 at 6:51 am
PJ said:
There’s stings attached to everything in life. Everything. Basically, I think the “nsa” relationship is like walking into a theater and looking for the nearest exit before the show even starts. Which, if you’re going to see an Owen Wilson movie, isn’t such a bad idea.
On 03/27/08 at 7:05 am
PJ said:
Anybody have an extra “r” I can borrow?
On 03/27/08 at 7:29 am
Tori said:
No. I think stings fits too.
On 03/27/08 at 7:42 am
Karri said:
Strings = Stings.
Excellent Freudian slip!
On 03/27/08 at 7:58 am
PJ said:
Rope burns maybe?
On 03/27/08 at 8:08 am
Karri said:
I prefer fur lined handcuffs, they leave less of a mark. Make that faux fur…just in case we have any PETA members lurking about. Geezus! What is with me and the damn animals?!
On 03/27/08 at 10:02 am
PJ said:
I’ve seen too many sitcoms and movies where somebody loses the key to a set of handcuffs to trust them.
On 03/27/08 at 10:27 am
Karri said:
I have one word for you: Velcro.
On 03/27/08 at 10:55 am
PJ said:
Obviously, you are more versed in this than I. Lessons?
On 03/27/08 at 11:00 am
Karri said:
Of course! Tonight, 10:00 p.m. Pacific on TheStream.tv bring your notepad and pencil.
On 03/27/08 at 11:27 am
Chris said:
PETA… People for the Eating of Tasty Animals?
On 03/27/08 at 11:28 am
PJ said:
Yeah. That’s midnight to us Chicagoans. Looks like I’ll be streaming it sometime afterwards. Break a leg though.
On 03/27/08 at 12:17 pm
Karri said:
Thanks PJ! We’ll post the link first thing in the morning so you can enjoy us over coffee and a muffin. Or bacon and eggs.
On 03/27/08 at 7:21 pm
Kevin said:
Mmmmm… now ya got me thinkin’ “breakfast with Eve”. I have off tomorrow… so not only will I be staying up to watch you guys live… I think I’ll be whipping up a big breakfast tomorrow. Maybe something like waffles… and eggs Benedict, or something.
On 03/27/08 at 7:39 pm
Karri said:
Go count some sheep darlin’, we’ve been postponed. Don’t fret, we’ll be back next week same time, same bat channel.
On 03/27/08 at 8:08 pm
Kevin said:
WTF??
On 03/27/08 at 8:18 pm
Karri said:
I’m having chocolate milk, Nutter Butters and Cheez-It’s for dinner…any more questions?
On 03/27/08 at 8:39 pm
Kevin said:
Haha! YOU’RE a fucking nutter butter.
Oh… and what do you want in your omelette?
On 03/27/08 at 8:50 pm
Karri said:
HA! It took you this long to figure that out?No eggs thank you, just a pot of coffee and a bottle of coffee mate - vanilla cream. No, really, it wasn’t an innuendo.
On 03/27/08 at 8:58 pm
Kevin said:
Oh come ON! You gotta have SOMETHING more than that! That’s not breakfast. I mean, there’s gotta be SOME kinda meat in there, somewhere. Otherwise… no vanilla cream for you!
On 03/27/08 at 9:10 pm
Karri said:
OK, before another one of my posts gets tagged “porn” by the stumble police, I’m tapping out…you win. Enjoy it, moments like these are few and far between.
On 03/27/08 at 9:13 pm
Kevin said:
Woo hoo! Another victory for the Captain!
On 03/27/08 at 9:15 pm
Kevin said:
… wait…. does that mean you’ll be here before breakfast?
On 03/27/08 at 11:25 am
Chris said:
No, but I can trade you an “re” for that “s”
On 03/27/08 at 7:40 am
Karri said:
And unfortunately we all sell-out at some point whether we intend to or not.
On 03/27/08 at 7:29 am
Tori said:
I will never say something is impossible, because I’m sure there are people who can do it. I used to be able to, but the guys always ended up getting attached and then I felt guilty. I definitely can’t and won’t do it now. I realized that I don’t like being alone and I need companionship just as much, if not more, than I need sex.
I don’t think anything that’s nsa can be successful in the long term. Eventually it will end because someone gets attached, or the people get bored or whatever.
On 03/27/08 at 8:13 am
Karri said:
We all have our priorities, and sometimes those change. I think what lacks most is the honesty factor; I have so much more respect for someone who’s willing and able to call a spade a spade.
On 03/27/08 at 7:24 pm
Kevin said:
Absolutely! That’s one of my two MANDATORY rules in a relationship: Honesty/Don’t lie to me.
On 03/27/08 at 7:56 am
Sarahh said:
It can be done. But it is only when the moon and the sun align and become one with the house of venus. Or something like that.
I have done it, but I have found the key to a sucessful NSA tryst is to keep it short. If it drags out someone is going to get hurt. And it sure as hell wasn’t going to be me.
If you are in a position where you just need minimal companionship sexual or not or both then it should be temporary. No one should walk through life like that as a “Way of living”
But when I had it, it served its purpose and we are still friends. Maybe I am one of the lucky ones?
Oh, and ladies and gents. Make sure if you are going to embark on one of these you are being honest with yourself about it. Cause if you like them, it won’t work. And they WON’T learn to like you just because you are screwing them under false pretenses.
Just sayin.
On 03/27/08 at 8:21 am
Karri said:
I think my Mercury got stuck in retrograde. Or something like that.
I’ve been on both sides of the fence also, and I honestly believe that those who can come out of it unscathed are truly fortunate and not the norm.Great advice, chickie! Yep, another farm animal reference…I can’t stop!
On 03/27/08 at 9:04 am
Sarahh said:
I am so glad I bring out the barn in people. *Giggles*
I have been on the other side too. Too bad he never mentioned there were no strings. I thought there were strings. There were no strings.
Never made that mistake again. Live and learn!
On 03/27/08 at 9:10 am
Karri said:
I can trump that one…I thought there were no strings, then he had strings that had no strings. When you decipher that one, please explain it to me because I’m still flabbergasted!
On 03/27/08 at 12:24 pm
Rex said:
My translation: He could still play but you had to be the dedicated one.
But what do I know? I’m a Blasian re-virgin.
On 03/27/08 at 12:28 pm
Karri said:
Eh. I chose to be, but you’re definitely in the ballpark. Damn, you’re good!!!
On 03/27/08 at 12:34 pm
Rex said:
You chose to have no strings OR you chose to latch (or buttonhook, lady’s preference) strings onto him?
Now I’M flabbergasted! oy vey.
Either way, it’s apparent the man didn’t deserve your
love…like?On 03/27/08 at 12:43 pm
Karri said:
Let’s just say that I gave away The Girlfriend Experience for free.
On 03/27/08 at 12:46 pm
Rex, ever the patsy said:
Well shit.
Whereas I pay for expensive dinners and give $500 birthday presents for nothing in return.
…what’s wrong with us?
On 03/27/08 at 8:40 am
Hater's String Theory said:
I think that the NSA relationship can work for those with the emotional developement of a ten year old. I’ve seen many a friend start a “meaningless” relationship only to one day find themselves, for lack of a better term, fuct! One friend had a kid and married his NSA threesome throwing girl. Only to divorce her when he found out that while he was working two jobs to support her and junior, she was recording herself giving fellatio to someone else. Took him checking her phone to see if she got a text to find this out. Then he whined about it being better when there were “No Strings Attached”!? This girl I knew was actually the other woman. I laughed hard when she decided “to take it to the next level”. Only to find out to her dispair that she “crossed the boundaries” in their “relationship”. Me, I’ve never been, nor would want to be in a NSAR. I’m emotionally ditached enough already. And I’ve always tooken to psychology. I know how the human brain works(theoretically), last thing I’d do is ruin someone’s future relationship/emotional well being for the sake of a quickie. Besides, RNO must have never heard of STDs.
On 03/27/08 at 8:48 am
Hater of the Year! said:
tooken, taken, it’s all the same when you haven’t slept in over 24 hours.
On 03/27/08 at 9:13 am
Karri said:
Tomatoe - Tomato
On 03/27/08 at 9:13 am
Karri said:
WHO are these friends of yours? Seriously, I want to put them all in the same room and just watch the show. I think I could be entertained for hours! And let me just thank you for having the balls to never want to ruin someone’s well-being..I heart you!
On 03/27/08 at 5:46 pm
Hater of the Year! said:
my friends are a great group of degenerates. We count bank robbers, a schizophrenic, murderers, lushes, a deacon, burnouts, bipolars, intellectuals, drug dealers, a millionare, and a few of us “normals” amungst our ranks. And no I’m not joking. Like I said, I’ve always taken to psychology. You need to add spice to your life, and stick by those who truly need you. Besides, reality is nothing more then mass delusion. I heart you right back.
On 03/27/08 at 9:19 pm
Karri said:
OK, really, when’s the dinner party? I’ll bring pigs in a blanket and caviar - something for everyone. I call ranks the “inner circle” and life wouldn’t be the same without them…mutual admiration and respect!