Do you care to share?
July 18, 2008 · Print This Article
Welcome to our very first edition of she said, she said. It’s a catfight, but with civil words and no clawing out of eyeballs. Sorry to disappoint.
Todays topic: Could you commit to a serious relationship with an escort?
K said:
Yes, actually I could. And I have.
Shocker, eh? Here’s a little fun fact, or odd fact depending on your point of view… I have become a master at compartmentalizing my life. Not every aspect or experience ebbs and flows together, but instead many bits and pieces construct the multiple facets that are each stored away in their own unlabeled box. How does a girl become such a chameleon, you ask? Oh, well, a few trips around the dating block with strippers, porn stars and escorts certainly taught me a few lesson in the art of looking the other way.
Anyone who has chosen to be an adult entertainer will be the first to say that it is nothing more than a job. It’s a job that has the potential to wreak havoc on their bodies and souls, but just a job nonetheless. (Not to mention that it is nearly impossible to sustain a viable relationship with someone outside of their industry.) I’ll be the first to admit that anyone who makes the decision to date someone who resides on the seedy side of the tracks will also be putting themselves in mental and physical danger. But sometimes the rewards are greater than the risks…and sometimes we simply can’t control who we fall in love with!
So ya, I’ve done it. I sold a bit of my soul and put my mental stability on the brink of destruction (on more than a few occasions) all in the name of loving someone who was at the time or had previously sold their body.
I must mention though, that amongst the plethora of men in my past who dropped their drawers for a dollar, the easiest one to contend with was the gay-for-pay escort/porn star/webcam boy. Simply put, he entertained men for money, and I couldn’t compete with that. Therefore, they weren’t a threat. I didn’t look at these men and wonder if they were prettier, smarter or had better boobs than I did. Those who entertained women on the other hand drove me absolutely batshitcrazy and no girl needs to be questioning and comparing herself more so than we already do.
Considering a sex worker as a lovah’? Sure, it can be done. Just date one that spends their day with the same sex, check your insecurities at the door and for the love of gawd…don’t ask how their day was!
T said:
No. Nope. Couldn’t do it. Now, I am not getting holier than thou on you, to each their own; how an individual chooses to earn their daily bread is their business, not mine. But this isn’t about them…it’s about me, and there are several key reasons why I personally could not share a bed with someone who is making their living hopping in and out of the beds of others.
Safety first, first of all. I do the STI check SEVERAL times a year. Not only when I get a new partner or lose an old one, but just periodically throughout the year. Yes, I am that girl. I love my vagina, a lot. So I could not handle the mental stress of having my partner have so many multiple partners. I would go insane with worry for my hoo-hah.
Secondly, I don’t feel I would be able to handle knowing that my partner was going on extravagant dates with others. Picture it: you are at home, watching old Sex in the City reruns and your man (or woman) is out having sex…in the city. Fancy dinners, extravagant trips, wild sex…and you aren’t a part of it. You’re just the one waiting at home in yoga pants. No thanks. My ugly green monster would grow so large I fear I could never get it back in it’s holding cell.
And speaking of the sex…there is a reason I don’t do open relationships. For me, that is one of the reasons what I have with a partner is so special. We share this connection that no one else has. We might have other close friendships and emotional bonds with family members, tight partnerships with co-workers, etc…but no one, NO ONE is getting that sexual intimacy but me. Or are they? And if your workin’ partner is able to compartmentalize sex and turn it off with the John or Janes…how are they able to turn it back on with me? I would worry about my partner’s ability to experience true intimacy, and that in turn would affect my own.
For me, dating an escort would feel like being in an open relationship that comes with a paycheck for my partner…and a price that I just couldn’t pay to my own sanity and well being.
What do you guys think? Could you date an escort? Would you be jealous? Worried? Or would you see it as just a job…a means to an end?
On 07/17/08 at 11:52 pm
Karri said:
Good morning class!
.
Trista and I were out late preparing for next week’s show. We had an overwhelming night and we don’t want to look like road kill for the return of Eve-101 on thestream.tv tonight. Soooo…leave us some love and we’ll be here as soon as we’re properly rested.
.
ps
We had a rough night, please be gentle…m’kay? Thanks!
.
KISSKISS
LOVELOVE
On 07/18/08 at 1:45 am
Meghan said:
I think I said I was psyched about the new Stream time so I could watch it live! Can’t wait for the show.
On 07/18/08 at 9:02 am
Trista said:
Yay! It will be nice to have you watching live, sister! Don’t forget to IM us!
On 07/18/08 at 1:43 am
Meghan said:
“For me, dating an escort would feel like being in an open relationship that comes with a paycheck for my partner…and a price that I just couldn’t pay to my own sanity and well being.”
EXACTLY! I don’t need that kind of bullshit in my life!
Ummm..it not even 6AM Massachusetts time and here I am, up all night, ALL NIGHT, on VACA! Damn baked stuffed lobster and beer!
On 07/18/08 at 9:03 am
Trista said:
Mmmm…baked, stuffed lobster? I need to take a vacation with you!
On 07/18/08 at 10:12 am
Meghan said:
Oh my god! And you take the ferry across the water by my house to get it. Its a dream. Baked, stuffed, buttered, breaded and with a side of more seafood!
On 07/18/08 at 11:09 am
Trista said:
I’m sorry…I have to go eat now. Blame Meghan!
On 07/18/08 at 6:06 am
Jime said:
While I respect Karri’s point of view I am more similar to Trista in this (for many of the same reasons). “Safety first, first of all. I do the STI check SEVERAL times a year. Not only when I get a new partner or lose an old one, but just periodically throughout the year.” Bravo to that. Every time one of my relationships end I get a full screen as well cause ya gotta be safe, yo. But beside the possibility of disease I just wouldn’t be able to maintain a relationship like that, the thought of my love out fucking somebody else (emotional attachment or no) would drive me nuts.
.
But, wow, Karri–what an open mind! I wish I could be that open minded, but know I’m not.
On 07/18/08 at 9:05 am
Trista said:
Yeah, she amazes me too…I just couldn’t. But I know it’s something in ME rather than an issue with them or their job.
On 07/18/08 at 9:33 am
Jime said:
Likewise. So…likewise.
On 07/18/08 at 9:36 am
Karri said:
It’s a blessing and a curse, I suppose. I’m not saying it was easy by any means, but I would never change those experiences…some of my greatest memories are tied up in them!
On 07/18/08 at 9:18 am
Phoenix said:
Well this is something that I never considered before. I guess the metro Detroit area isn’t rife with male adult entertainers. ;p And to my knowledge I have never even met any male escorts.
.
Closest thing would be a guy that was a slut, but he did it for free. :>
.
So, if I imagine the situation, I THINK I would be okay with it. I have been involved in all different kinds of non-tradtional relationships before, so this would just be another variation. Of course, the problem is you never really know when jealousy will take over. You know what they say about the best laid plans…
.
Btw, the argument that a person is “safe” because they get tested frequently is a fallacy. The test can only idicate that SOMETHING IS ALREADY WRONG. It can only prevent you from passing anything on to someone else, not make sure you don’t get anything. Oh, and they could be false negatives too. I’m not saying testing isn’t a good idea, just that it provides a false sense of security.
On 07/18/08 at 9:37 am
Jime said:
IDK about Trista but I get tested for the specific reason of knowing what I got and what I’m spreading around. I don’t really do it for my own safety per se (cause if I already have something then I can’t get rid of it so what does it matter?), I do it so I can be completely straightforward with future partners.
On 07/18/08 at 9:38 am
Karri said:
Trista just picked up the phone to schedule a testing appointment I’m sure of it!
On 07/18/08 at 9:51 am
Trista said:
No argument here, Phi…
.
However. Having the increased risk would drive me insane. And there can be no denying that being a sex worker would increase your risk by sheer exposure alone. We all know it just takes one, but I don’t want to increase my odds so much.
.
And testing to me is about protecting my partner’s (and I ask that they do the same for me) as well as potential early treatment if something DID arise.
On 07/18/08 at 9:25 am
PrincessQuello said:
I could NOT do it. No way. I mean, I respect Karri’s point but there is NO way. Hell, I’m having issues having an open relationship with my partner right now even though he DOESN’T sleep with anyone, the possibility that he might is alone to kill my nerves.
On 07/18/08 at 9:26 am
PrincessQuello said:
That should say “he might is ENOUGH to kill my nerves.”
On 07/18/08 at 9:41 am
Karri said:
Now see here’s where it gets a bit tricky…I would never have an open relationship with anyone.
.
There’s a distinct difference in someone who shares themselves emotionally with more than one person and someone who has the ability to put different aspects of their life in compartments. I don’t want to share my deep dark secrets and vulnerable moments with someone who’s sharing those with other people also. But sex can be just sex…ask any man.
On 07/18/08 at 9:50 am
PrincessQuello said:
Well, an open relationship doesn’t mean emotional involvement with the third party necessarily. I know that he isn’t sharing those things with anyone else BUT there is a “friend”…not someone he has sex with but someone who’s there for him to feed into his insecurities and make me out to be the bad guy whenever he feels like I’m not giving him enough attention.
That’s what bothers me the most. I mean, hell. He’s a DJ at a swinger’s club and sees more naked women and can have anyone he wants…and he chooses me. But someone who does it on a regular basis as an escort? Going on dates and stuff?
Yeah, no. LOL
On 07/18/08 at 9:57 am
Karri said:
PQ, I gotta tell ya sister, the “friend” would send me into oblivion…OY! The difference again is that just because an escort is listening and sharing moments with a client doesn’t mean they are sharing those parts of themselves.
On 07/18/08 at 10:39 am
PrincessQuello said:
Oh did I mention that friend used to be MY best friend but she totally backstabbed me and started sending him our IM convos to get him to hate me?
Didn’t work but still…She feeds into his ego when he needs it.
Maybe I should blog about this and submit it to you guys…LOL
On 07/18/08 at 9:51 am
Jime said:
Lol. I’ve had so many arguments over this in the past. In the end, for me, sex is not just sex. There must be love attached or it has no meaning for me. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m a bad person–but that’s the way it is and I don’t plan on changing that aspect of myself.
.
So–ask any man except me.
On 07/18/08 at 9:56 am
Trista said:
If I need the physical release, I can masturbate. For me, sex is a deep connection with another human being. I cannot compartmentalize. and I have tried…it’s just not me.
.
Of course, I am a female…but I don’t think it’s a gender issue. I think it’s about personal…values perhaps? Maybe as simple as beliefs. If I am going to let you in downstairs, I have to be able to let you in upstairs too.
.
I crave that intimacy…like a drug. THAT is what sex means to me.
On 07/18/08 at 9:59 am
Karri said:
And apparently I have issues, what?!
On 07/18/08 at 10:02 am
Jime said:
If you do, you’re not alone. It may be that Trista and I are the issue-laden ones. At least that’s what I’ve been told. Ah who am I kidding, we’re all fucked up. $300 an hour is the going rate these days, right? Ambien me.
On 07/18/08 at 10:16 am
Karri said:
For therapists or escorts?
On 07/18/08 at 10:17 am
Jime said:
Is there a difference? They both get inside and fuck things up.
On 07/18/08 at 11:05 am
Karri said:
That was beautiful!
On 07/18/08 at 10:01 am
Meghan said:
I’m sure some of this is my own insecure bullshit…but I had a hard enough time dating a musician. He was a loyal man, but for the sake of business had to go out, make appearances, yuk it up and get fans…and he came home every night alone. I just don’t think I could ever feel comfortable enough to date an escort. If you lie for a living, how can I ever trust you don’t bring your work home with you?
On 07/18/08 at 10:30 am
Trunks Kirshner said:
I dated a stripper my freshman - we were both psychology majors and in the same courses - but her job at that time impacted the intimacy of our relationship; however, the affects were mutually exclusive.
For her, she would sometimes become very closed and reserved and be reclusive in her room like it was a bomb shelter, but then in other instances she was overly sensual/ sexual - there was no median in this continuum.
For me on the other hand, I would sometimes just lose my raw attraction to her because, although she never told me where the place was and didn’t want me to come, I knew what was likely taking place at work. The only times I ever really considered letting her in my pants was when I felt our connection at a certain point transcended a sole physical lining.
On 07/18/08 at 10:34 am
Trunks Kirshner said:
Allow me to add that this woman and I are still friends as seniors - she’s doing better and is doing great scholastically with a 4.0 GPA
On 07/18/08 at 11:07 am
Trista said:
Lets here it for the 4.0 club! I myself am a proud member.
.
I can be proud, right? I do work my ass off for it after all.
On 07/18/08 at 11:26 am
Trunks Kirshner said:
You should be very very proud! I’m proud of my little 3.4 that I’m going to be putting on my grad school applications - I can hardly fathom all that must go into a 4.0 - I would trade ice cream and Peter Griffin for a 4.0 any day (yes, yes I went there; even my ice cream - I know, it’s shocking, I know)
On 07/18/08 at 11:38 am
Meghan said:
Sooo proud of my 4.0 semester! Years ago…but I took 18 credits, all classes were on T/Th. I went to class from 8am-10pm at night both days so I could work 11PM-7AM all night to pay for school. Holy shit that was rough. Plus I had to work in drinking cheap beer. Yeesh!
On 07/18/08 at 12:52 pm
PJ said:
Whoa Whoa Whoa. Listen to what you’re saying Man! Control yourself. Ice cream isn’t a negotiable.
On 07/18/08 at 1:05 pm
Meghan said:
Never trash your desserts! Says the gal off to the Cheesecake Factory!
On 07/18/08 at 10:05 am
Chris said:
My girlfriend can sleep with any woman she wants… as long as I approve the woman and I’m involved.
On 07/18/08 at 11:08 am
Trista said:
Ah…you’re one of THOSE…a woman would be okay…but not a man?
On 07/19/08 at 9:48 am
Chris said:
I’d rather not share my woman at all, but, if she wants me to share, I’ll share her with another woman. I’m crazy; not stupid.
On 07/18/08 at 10:52 am
Cassie said:
Can’t I just be the ‘other’ woman in these topic relationships and leave it at that?
On 07/18/08 at 11:53 am
PJ said:
Hell no. I’ve always wondered how porn stars come home from work everyday and still have the desire to be intimate with their partners. I was with a stripper once, and enjoyed it, but I wouldn’t exactly call it dating. Eventually, she proved to be off her rocker, which I expected to happen anyway.
On 07/18/08 at 12:16 pm
Meghan said:
Here’s a word you don’t hear too often…’Smarmy’. Thats what all this escort/stripper talk is making me think of. I wouldn’t be able to get over the initial turn off to look past it.
On 07/18/08 at 12:33 pm
PJ said:
Well, you obviously didn’t see this girl then.
On 07/18/08 at 12:45 pm
Meghan said:
She was smokin’, or smarmy?
On 07/18/08 at 12:49 pm
PJ said:
She was one of the hottest women I’d had even seen at the ripe old age of 19. (That was ten years ago?? Sigh) She’s still somewhere near the top, but I’ll admit that her smarmyness has knocked her down a little.
On 07/18/08 at 1:07 pm
Meghan said:
I had an at a glance crush on a perfect looking man once…until I caught him at work checking out his eyebrows in the back of a shiny spoon. Then he gave me the ‘Awww yeah!’ grin. Bastard.
On 07/18/08 at 1:25 pm
PJ said:
I bet the spoon had a better personality.
On 07/18/08 at 11:54 am
PJ said:
Oh, and was there a little server problem this morning?
On 07/18/08 at 12:30 pm
Jime said:
Hehe, I thought the same thing. I think the major server hub in NYC went down causing a bunch of sites to crash. The only thing that was working for me was Google, MSN, and Yahoo.
On 07/18/08 at 12:34 pm
PJ said:
That’s good. I thought it was just me for a minute.
On 07/18/08 at 1:17 pm
Jime said:
Yeah, I booted up my laptop to make sure it wasn’t my tower and double checked the router a couple times, too. After checking the DNS boards this morning I saw that NYC went down. What a fragile thing this internet is. Just think, my friend, one server goes ka-put and all that free downloadable porn goes bye-bye.
On 07/18/08 at 1:26 pm
PJ said:
First no ice cream, now no porn. The horror!What’s next?
On 07/18/08 at 3:22 pm
Trunks Kirshner said:
No porn and no ice cream… there is no more happiness in life - it’s going to take a live performance from Trista and Karri tonight to put a smile on my face - I’m too freaked out by botox to have that done
On 07/18/08 at 1:35 pm
Jime said:
Anal beads?
On 07/18/08 at 1:38 pm
PJ said:
Somehow I think I can live with that. Or without that.
On 07/18/08 at 1:57 pm
Jime said:
Hahaaaa.
On 07/18/08 at 7:55 pm
Trunks Kirshner said:
So during that first half our, what was Karri doing while Trista was viewing the instant messages? I wish I had a cupcake of my own right now *gives jealous eyes* - I need to see a medium about my cupcake desires lol
On 07/18/08 at 8:11 pm
Trunks Kirshner said:
“Thrown together in a couple of hours”? It was awesome in my opinion - my first time watching live, I’m not even bummed the escort didn’t show, I was having so much fun watching Trista and Karri in that first 30 minutes - I am now deflowered with interactive television lol
Can’t wait till next week!!!!
On 07/20/08 at 12:53 pm
Trista said:
yay, thank you! We are so glad you enjoyed, and grateful for the feedback.
On 07/18/08 at 8:31 pm
Mister Eh? said:
Those in the sex trade have a need to bleed.
The nature of the entertainment industry is that you must leave some part of you on stage.
Those who move into the sex trade as entertainment leave bleeding parts that don’t heal quick and can’t be closed off to the rest of the world. You may be able to negotiate for your privacy and security in the future (fame), I don’t know if you can hire soul cleaners.
You’ll have to hire carpet cleaners no matter what, ’cause you’ll be bleeding all over the carpet for a long time to come!
The sex trade takes a need to bleed and turns it into a blood fountain. There’s no telling who has a need to bleed - and at first it’s exciting, so it can become addicting!
Ask all those folks back in the day that used to go to bloodlettings! It was all good until you bled out!
The sex trade business is “all good” until you turn into a chronic. Chronic drug addict, chronic drinker, chronic disease holder… “on and on and on and on” is the name of the game.
The only saving grace is that there are a few people out there that are doctors and can slow the bleeding down, but once you start bleeding on stage, you never stop.
There’s a full look into the underworld, the places that people don’t admit to in their character. Unless you’re stable enough to handle the worst of humanity, you are best left ignorant…that’s why so many people don’t know that their girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse is involved in the sex trade! It just makes things “complicated,” because they’re not capable of handling the depths of people’s darkness - even second or third-hand!
I’ve had my issues with the trade, indirectly, and it is ripping me apart. Nobody gets anything real out of it except a waste of time that isn’t really all that worth it.
On 07/19/08 at 6:56 am
Blog Sponsor said:
Interested in earning from your blog? Please mail me back here datingsitesponsor@gmail.com.
On 07/21/08 at 5:12 pm
Carol said:
K, I fall in line with T on this one. If we are talking about relationship…NO pay for sex scenario is going to work for me. Now, if we are talking casual dating, why the hell not. No judgement from me..to each their own. But, like T, it’s about emotional and health concerns. I love my cookie…and want to know that someone is always hungry for me.