Geographically (un)Desirable
July 8, 2008 · Print This Article
In our current state of high-tech devices and be anywhere - anytime modern conveniences, dating pools are no longer confined to our neighbors and strangers at the grocery store. Rather now we have the options to explore uncharted dating territories as far and vast as our hearts desire.
Being geographically challenged is just that, a challenge; it doesn’t have to be a non-negotiable. Granted, long-distance relationships aren’t for everyone and conversely there are those of us who embrace them. As with any everyday run of the mill commitment, challenges arise. But GUD doesn’t have to be…undesirable that is. Instead it can provide both parties with the freedom and independence to grow individually while maintaining the comfort and stability of a partner. How can anyone negate those pros?
Keep in mind there are three distinct levels to take into consideration when venturing into the realm of long-distance dating: low, mid and high range (un) availability; the greater the span of distance between you and your honey the lower the availability.
If you happen to fall into the category of the “perpetual commitment-phobe”, your target dating audience should be no closer than 3 time zones and a large body of water. If you’re truly fearful of shipping-up, opt for those on the other side of the International dateline. Skype, frequent flyer miles and an abundance of vacation time will be of the utmost importance in order to sustain your foreign lovah… improbable, but not impossible.
The mid-range, “ooops, how’d we get here and what do we do now?” is boarding at gate C47. Purely be accident, coincidence or fate, (pick your poison) bow-chicka-bow-wow is a four hour flight away. Across thousands of miles your hearts long for one another, sustained by love notes, surprise gifts, text messages and unlimited calling plans. The two of you are enraptured in long weekend getaways that put honeymoons to shame. Completely void of reasonable and rational thought processes this arrangement is the inspiration for great prose.
And finally, my personal favorite, “I love spending time with you…Friday night, Saturday and Sunday morning.” This is the Pièce de résistance of long-distance relationships. Your sweetie is close enough to drive to, but not to do a drive-by. You can share your favorite haunts and still enjoy them without the accidental post break-up run-in. If you live at the beach and they’re in the city, you get the best of both worlds. You can call anytime without having to count on your fingers. And lastly, (back me up on this one ladies) you can be a disgusting, unshowered, unshaven, chipped polish, tranny mess 4 days out of the week!
Still have your doubts? How many times have you crossed paths with an ex, or wondered if you saw them? How often would you like to go to your favorite coffee shop or bar but don’t because he or she might be there? Or the awkward “hi, how are you?” with their friends, who used to be your friends also, but now they’ve taken sides since hearing all of your dirty little secrets. Mmmmm…ya, no thanks!
Change it up, venture out and embrace the lay of the land. Give yourself a 50-mile buffer, and you can safely avoid any and all of those torturous situations while having your cake and eating it too.
On 07/8/08 at 4:32 am
PrincessQ said:
Good morning ladies…Guess who’s back
I’ll be back to comment as soon as I finish reading
xo
On 07/8/08 at 4:37 am
PrincessQ said:
I’m all about the long distance relationship…to a point. The “relationship” that I’ve sorta had on and off for the last 3 years has been LIKE long distance even though he works and lives in my area…it’s only because we WOULDN’T run into each other on a normal day. I do like the buffers of not running into an ex on a normal day…But if/when I want a serious relationship, I don’t think I’d have the patience for it to be long distance.
On 07/8/08 at 4:52 am
Karri said:
Welcome back girl!
.
We all have our boundaries…how far is too far for you to go for love?
On 07/8/08 at 4:58 am
PrincessQuello said:
International…If it’s across an ocean and more than 3 time zones away, than it won’t work for me.
I had a guy propose to me and he was in Turkey…I told him that there was no way I could do that relationship…simply because there is too much room for speculation…and I wouldn’t want to hold a guy back nor be held back from meeting someone local.
The only exception is if my significant other is serving in the military. Then I’d wait for him, without a doubt.
On 07/8/08 at 5:15 am
Karri said:
Turkey just sounds too far, good choice m’dear!
On 07/8/08 at 4:43 am
Cassie said:
What is this relationship you are speaking of? lol
Long distance would prolly be the BEST thing for me, should I ever fall for a guy. I can’t be having someone all up in my space 24/7. I’ve always said a offshore worker would be my ideal guy….one of those that does 21 on and 7 off. Of course for 4 or 5 days out of that 7, he’d had to find something else to do besides me!!! hahahahaha
On 07/8/08 at 5:04 am
Karri said:
I’m right there with ya, woman! Don’t forget, traveling salesmen, firemen, military, musicians and pilots. The list of those who are gone more than they’re home is endless.
On 07/8/08 at 5:17 am
Cassie said:
Yeah, the fireman, and military guy might cut it, but I’m not too sure I’d like too many salesmen or pilots (rugged men are more my ‘type’), but I see what you are saying!! LOL
On 07/8/08 at 6:34 am
Carol said:
<–giggling at big hoses and big guns….
On 07/8/08 at 6:39 am
Cassie said:
how come I KNEW you’d get it?
hahahahahahaha
On 07/8/08 at 7:04 am
Carol said:
Because I am brilliant? LOL…I just know you, Ma.
On 07/8/08 at 3:50 pm
Karri said:
And a really good mirror too!
On 07/8/08 at 6:13 pm
Carol said:
So I have been told…lol.
On 07/8/08 at 12:07 pm
Kevin M. said:
“one of those that does 21 on and 7 off. Of course for 4 or 5 days out of that 7, he’d had to find something else to do besides me!!!”
.
Wait… so you’d only want him “doing you” for 2 or 3 days… out of every 28??? WTF? O.o
.
Make me go 21 without and you’ll be lucky to walk after those 7 are up!
On 07/8/08 at 1:27 pm
Karri said:
Its all about quality not quantity. Or something.
On 07/8/08 at 3:38 pm
Kevin M. said:
Puhlease. Some men won’t make you choose between those two.
On 07/8/08 at 4:37 pm
Karri said:
I don’t think it’s choice so much as a preference for Ms. Cass
On 07/8/08 at 5:05 pm
Kevin M. said:
Ahh… point taken.
On 07/8/08 at 6:08 am
lisaq said:
Lord knows geographically challenged describes me in Map Dot. I run into an ex damn near every time I go out. Not that I can’t handle that. I just kick ‘em in the shins and go about my business, but it does get annoying.
Though my recent journey into drive-for-a-date didn’t really go as hoped, I am no quitter. Have another DFAD planned tomorrow night only this time I’m keeping it a little closer to home…70 miles. I can’t afford the gas and blown tires, the 6-8 DFAD cost me.
On 07/8/08 at 6:38 am
Karri said:
I just caught up on your DFAD, and I’ll just say this…the greater the investment whether it be your time, finances, emotions or otherwise the greater the potential for disappointment. Here’s hoping tomorrow fares better!
On 07/8/08 at 7:33 am
lisaq said:
Thanks girl! I appreciate that. We live, we learn.
On 07/8/08 at 8:35 am
Karri said:
It’s not the destination, but the journey…just be sure to take scenic route!
On 07/8/08 at 6:33 am
Carol said:
“bow-chicka-bow-wow is a four hour flight away.” made me laugh. OUTLOUD. I dig the Friday,Saturday and Sunday morning combo. But, I prefer a Tuesday or Wednesday night thrown in, too. It blows your whole tranny-chipped polish four day break, but I’d rather keep EVERYTHING “up”!!
On 07/8/08 at 6:55 am
Karri said:
A mid-week night plus polish? You are simply a far better woman than I am!
On 07/8/08 at 7:08 am
Carol said:
My toes and feet pretty much stay pretty. I do that for me…not for a man. Now, if they look good behind his ears or mine, all the better. As for the mid-week night, not a better woman…perhaps just a bit hornier. I totally dig the mid-week explulsion of energy. When actively involved, it keeps me balanced. I can’t believe you passed right over the keeping EVERYTHING “up”!!!
On 07/8/08 at 7:19 am
Karri said:
Oh, I got it…what I don’t have is my wit as of yet this morning. And don’t think for a second that “behind the ears” went unnoticed either.
.
Five year rule comin’ your way…
On 07/8/08 at 8:21 am
Carol said:
*snort* Just call me SOON! Trust me, when your toes are *this*close to your own eyes or someone else’s ears, you NOTICE things like your own chipped polish. I just don’t want to be distracted!!!
<—loves Five year rule convos
On 07/8/08 at 8:26 am
Karri said:
Cripes, woman! Not only can I not touch my toes, I can’t see that far either. I quit!
On 07/8/08 at 12:11 pm
Kevin M. said:
Damn… and all this time I thought loving her just as much in her natural state… or hell, polishing her toenails FOR her was supposed to be my goal. Find someone like that and you’d WANT them in your “time zone”… or “up close and personal” 6 or 7 days a week.
On 07/8/08 at 2:44 pm
Carol said:
The only man who has EVER polished my toes for me is this little oriental man who could not speak any English other than “petty feet” . Yeah, he couldn’t say his “r”s. I also think a man shaving my legs for me would be kind of sexy…heaven knows, I think shaving a man is a very sexy thing. It’s been ages since I’ve been able to do it, too.
On 07/8/08 at 7:05 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
Personally, I like the geographically close, but not in my county situation. Karri, and and Trista are both the perfect distance from me. Oh wait, and I’m gone as much as home anymore because of work.
On 07/8/08 at 7:32 am
Karri said:
But the question is…does The Hawaiian prefer geographically close?
On 07/8/08 at 8:06 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
You tell me. We lived an hour apart 14 years ago. Oh wait, and I lived closer than anyone else ever had. And I still have this opening on the left side of a king sized bed for you Karri. Three people fit oh so well…
On 07/8/08 at 8:41 am
Karri said:
I don’t even want to share a bed with one person, two might cause me to break out into hives.
On 07/8/08 at 12:13 pm
Kevin M. said:
Those aren’t hives.
.
What? You Cali people are dirty. Lol.
On 07/8/08 at 12:18 pm
Karri said:
Or a rash that I’ll need antibiotics for…?
On 07/8/08 at 9:32 am
Fiona said:
Heh. I did the LDR bit for 2 1/2 years with an ocean between us. It was great! We weren’t together long enough to hate eachother and the sex was always amazing because you never completely learnt the others tricks. Aside from the fact that airfare and phone calls took a huge chunk out of my pocket…. I had a blast. AND, my kid was never anything less than the center of my attention with some dude jockeying for position. The fact I didn’t have to shave my legs was wonderful too.
On 07/8/08 at 9:37 am
Karri said:
Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! You get to have your own life, your own priorities and share what you can when you can.
.
Eeeewwwww…did that just sound horribly selfish? YIKES!
On 07/8/08 at 9:54 am
Phoenix said:
Sure the LDR SOUNDS nice (and actually is), until you want more. Then it sucks.
I’ve been doing a 200 mile LDR for over 2 years now. I got into it “by accident”, but I’m sure underneath it all a fear of commitment is what pushed me to even consider getting into it with a guy that far away in the first place.
There are many benefits, and I especially like the ones where I don’t have to shave for weeks on end, the sex IS always good (absence makes the *ahem* -heart- grow fonder, etc, etc), and my kid doesn’t get attached (or even exposed if I don’t want that) to my love interest.
Problem is, I got attached to the love interest. And he did the same, but due to “circumstances”, neither one of us is in a position to relocate for several years.
Thats the part that sucks. Every time you part and say good-bye after the fun, happy, sex-filled weekend it’s like you’re losing him. The pain can be overwhelming. And it’s repeated over and over.
I think there is only so much LDR anyone can take. But it still beats any NDR(no distance relationship) that I’ve had, so there ya go.
On 07/8/08 at 12:23 pm
Karri said:
I always went through cycles after our time together. The first few days I’d be fine basking in the after glow. Days 4 and 5 sucked ass!! And then I’d get back into my routine again. Rinse and repeat every 2 weeks.
.
Its not always easy, but the good times are the best ever!
On 07/8/08 at 9:58 am
Meghan said:
I like the weekend combo. One, two unbuckle my pants…Three, four I’m out the door.
Although 50 miles might be a bit too far from me. I live right near the heart of Boston, so I always have to add up to 10-15 minutes to walk to my car, and up to 40 minutes getting out the city depending on the hour of the day. That’s just extra time taken away from that last minute pre-chicka-bow-bow pedicure I’ll need.
Maybe 30/35 miles out. That puts him in the proper range for weekend trips, and not too far away if I feel the need to dash over mid week (as if I’ll get out of my cozy pants to dash over mid week, cheee-yah!).
On 07/8/08 at 12:17 pm
Kevin M. said:
30 mins would probably be my limit. I mean… I make it a point to NEVER live more than 30 mins from work. So I sure as hell don’t want to sit in traffic for that long just to get my, and her, fix.
On 07/8/08 at 1:14 pm
Karri said:
I refuse to drive more than 3 miles to work, but I’ll drive hours for some bow-chicka-bow-wow. I have priorities!
On 07/8/08 at 4:29 pm
Meghan said:
Plus - what if you get there and the weekend doesn’t work out - then you are stuck with an hour plus drive home?? No way.
I had a boyfriend years ago that lived 1 and 1/2 hours north, and instead of dealing with his entourage all weekend I left early and stayed in a hotel rather than drive home in Holiday Traffic.
On 07/8/08 at 4:44 pm
Karri said:
I suppose living in LaLa Land makes us impervious to traffic. An hour drive is nothing…even at midnight when you’re pissed off ’cause he did something stupid. Hypothetically of course.
On 07/8/08 at 6:26 pm
Meghan said:
Yes yes - La la is way different. I can drive an hour or so and be in Shitsville, Vermont, Maine, Connecticut, Rhode Island or New Hampshire. Not as exciting territory, and doubtful I will get cell reception in any of the above places.
On 07/8/08 at 10:06 am
Therussiann said:
30 minutes away is the perfect distance ( not including traffic ) i could have my space but if i needed a little loving it was only a car ride away! Being able to have my personal space and my own town is a nice.
PLUS, if the break up is nasty i can do my errands with out a care.
LOVE IT
On 07/8/08 at 10:14 am
Meghan said:
YES!!! Errands without care - I just had to agree with you there! It’s so annoying to have to drive out of your way for a new retail store just because of the proximity it is to your ex.
On 07/8/08 at 12:04 pm
Therussiann said:
nothing can ruin my trip to the local target dammit!!
On 07/8/08 at 11:29 am
Carol said:
Thirty minutes is golden!
On 07/8/08 at 11:09 am
Kevin said:
Sometimes you can both be in the same city and it can feel more like long distance than being states away. Over the weekend in heavy discussion with someone he goes, “yeah, well whenever I call you Kevin I get your ‘very distant’ voice mail.” So I guess I’m the bad guy in this one. : (
On 07/8/08 at 12:19 pm
Karri said:
Mmmm hmmmm…I know that voicemail, it’s the one that’s always full…guilty.
On 07/8/08 at 8:31 pm
Missygail said:
Eh, I might do long distance, if it was an open relationship. I couldn’t just be with that one man if he was many states away… Plus you have to be able to afford long distances, those get expensive.
.
I’d love the comfort of having someone in your life, but the freedom to do what you want. I’ve had some slightly long distance relationships and the guy would call all the time. He would want to know where I was, but then he’d complain when he came to my state about how expensive it was…
.
I dunno I like my relationships (real relationships) to be close.
On 07/9/08 at 7:15 am
Karri said:
Long distance relationships aren’t for everyone and it seems as though your guy couldn’t handle the challenge. Perhaps he just wanted/needed more of you to fulfill his idea of a REAL-ationship.
On 07/12/08 at 9:13 am
~Lori~ said:
I did the LDR for almost two years, was wonderful getting to know the person, without the sex in the way, then that was just the cherry on top when you do get to be together. ;p It is a hard one to do, when you want more, or time schedules conflict. Even if you do trust that person beyond measure, you always wonder if it just gets too hard for them, that someone else that is closer/more convenient comes along. I don’t regret my LDR, but I do miss my best friend. LDR are a catch 22, during the wonderful parts of it, and after a breakup. Can be a blessing and a major heartbreakup intenified more than necessary. That double-edged sword will get you everytime. I don’t think I want to roll that route again though anytime soon.