Happy Endings
November 28, 2008 · Print This Article
Dear Eve,
I’m all for intimacy and cuddling after sex, but at what point do you get cleaned up? I’ve read a lot here about doing it, but there’s not much mention of the fact that after sex, you are both all sweaty and sticky. So, what do you do? Do you just lay there in it with jizz oozing down your leg? That’s REAL romantic! Does anyone go to sleep like that?
Personally, I like to head straight for the shower as soon as my boyfriend and I are finished, but he hates it. He wants me to lay and snuggle in our filth. I’m starting to feel guilty and like I’m not romantic enough for him, but I just feel gross afterwards and must clean myself immediately.
So, you guys, give me some insight.
Not So Dirty Girl
Dear Super Sanitary Girl,
Why must you go and turn a perfectly delightful experience into something foul? Would you rather be getting it on with your other half in a sterile environment like oh, say… a Gynecologist’s office? Mmmm…the fresh scent of antibacterial soap, that ought to get everyone in the mood. Although stirrups could come in handy, I doubt if you’re the kind of girl that would embrace such a naughty tryst. No offense, but you seem a little uptight and we can’t blame it on the fact that you need to get laid, now can we?
Seriously sweets, lighten up on the Germaphobia why don’t you? It’s not as if your boyfriend is asking you to engage in poop-play, he just wants to stroke your hair and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Sure post-coital snuggling and whatnot isn’t for everyone, but is it too much to ask that you compromise a wee bit and stop whining like a finicky little pain in the ass?
Now, while a little cuddle time is a priority for him, your health is also. So, I’m going to give you a hall pass of sorts. Before you start to resemble a frosted doughnut you need to get yourself to the potty to help prevent UTI’s and other germ related infections. Don’t worry your pretty little head…while the vajaja is a fragile environment, you aren’t going to start baking bread in the 5 minutes that you’ll spend getting spooned, so relax!
It’s time for you to put your big girl panties on and turn your ick-o-meter down a tad, m’kay? Albeit sometimes messy, sexy time should be fun and frivolous not something that makes you vomit in your mouth a little. So, rather than sprinting to the faucet while your bits are still tingly, why don’t you include the clean-up as part of your routine together? It’s a win-win…you’ll be clean and your beau will enjoy his happy ending with you by his side.
Perhaps store a box of vanilla scented Pleasure Wipes next to the bed for quick and easy cleansing. Or, if vanilla doesn’t suit your fancy simply use a towel. (I’d suggest a sock, but I’m certain that’s not an option for a spick ‘n span kinda’ gal like you.) If those suggestions just won’t work for you, invite him to join you in the shower… just make sure you pee first!
KISSKISS
LOVELOVE,
Eve
What say you…is getting a little messy part of the fun or is our girl a little on the prudish side? What’s your post-romp routine? Are you a crusty sleeper or a clean freak? And does boyfriend have the right to be upset or should he just accept her idiosyncrasy? Let’s hear it, folks…the jury is waiting.
On 11/28/08 at 1:44 am
Meghan said:
Oh get over yourself! If you absolutely must shower post coital maneuvers… you had better invite me too.
I’m a lay there and snuggle kind of gal-with the right guy…I would never order him off to the bathroom after a great time.
Sex isn’t THAT messy…don’t make it so technical!
On 11/28/08 at 6:43 am
Karri said:
“…you had better invite me too.”
You mean the guy you just banged not our gal up there, right?
Coffee. Where’s the coffee?
On 11/28/08 at 8:53 am
Meghan said:
Yes, let me be clear…I do not want to shower with this man’s woman.
But if my boyfriend hopped right up every time and had to shower and brush his teeth before he touched me I’d be a little offended.
Actually I think that’s one of the only downers to a morning before work quickie - you both have to usually shake it right off and move on to the shower and leave.
On 11/28/08 at 9:04 am
Karri said:
I have to wonder what’s actually going through the minds of those who need to sanitize themselves post bow-chica-bow-wow when their actually engaging in the act.
Is she lying there like a dead fish just going through the motions and counting germs in her head? In her words…that’s REAL romantic!
On 11/28/08 at 9:17 am
Meghan said:
Seriously!
There is a moment to share there, one you can’t get back. She’s going to miss those moments when he gets sick of her germophobia and leaves her for a dirtier girl!
On 11/28/08 at 6:17 am
lisaq said:
Sheesh! I’m with Meghan. Someone needs to get the hell over herself! Good God!
I have a friend who is like this and I just so do not understand! Perhaps some OCD treatment is order?
On 11/28/08 at 7:07 am
Karri said:
I guess whipped cream and syrup are out of the question for these ladies, eh?
On 11/28/08 at 8:55 am
Meghan said:
If you’re going to allow the whipped cream and syrup you’re probably not as uptight about a mess as this Not So Dirty Girl.
On 11/28/08 at 9:06 am
Karri said:
Just be careful where you stick the frozen banana whilst making a human sundae…I’m just sayin’
On 11/28/08 at 9:19 am
Meghan said:
Frozen banana! What?!
On 11/28/08 at 11:55 am
Karri said:
Oh, like you’ve never done it.
On 11/28/08 at 7:36 am
Rex said:
I had a girlfriend like this once upon a time. To her, sex was both exciting and icky. She knew where her attitudes came from: her mother who had the same attitude (did I mention her dad left before she was 1 year old).
Together we made a game of it. How nasty could we make it. God! Wasn’t nasty fun.
In time the need to get up immediately and wash faded. The underlying attitude never did. She had overlaid the unhealthy attitude of “sex is dirty” with a more healthy “but it’s fun” way of thinking.
Truth be known: I prefer a woman who relishes the juices of love and finds the feeling of jizz running down her leg and onto me, the sticky residue, the fragrance exciting in its own right. — I have one. She’s a keeper!
On 11/28/08 at 7:42 am
Karri said:
“I have one. She’s a keeper!”
WHOA! WHAT? When did this happen, and is this the reason for your obvious absence as of late?
On 11/28/08 at 7:52 am
Island Princess said:
I love getting messy! Your suggestion about helping to clean each other up is a fabulous one, and a very intimate act as well. It can be very sweet, or lead into another bout of nookie.
On a side note, there’s something extremely sexy and, well, not sure how to explain it exactly, about laying there “basking in the afterglow” and not rushing off.
Just cuz I’m not gettin’ any now doesn’t mean I don’t remember! =P
On 11/28/08 at 8:08 am
Karri said:
It’s just rude not to clean up together! I’m sure her bf is laying there wondering if boys really do have cooties.
On 11/28/08 at 7:54 am
Carol said:
I laughed so hard reading this one that my kiddos asked “what’s so funny, mom?” Ummm…yes, so not going to share!
I take care of what must be taken care of in the hygiene department. But, with the right person, I have no issue putting the shower off until the morning.
Great, now I will filthy, wonderful, sticky, yummy sex on the brain all day.
Your mission has been accomplished!
On 11/28/08 at 8:09 am
Karri said:
“Great, now I will filthy, wonderful, sticky, yummy sex on the brain all day.”
I know, I know. It’s contagious.
Sorry…?
On 11/28/08 at 7:58 am
Evan said:
Usually, I have to peel myself out of bed in the morning, and this is just me sleeping alone. (I have a very active solo sex-life; i.e. I am a wanker.)
Most of my partners have seemed content to fester in the aftermath.
There’s just something about peeling those little flakes of dried protein off of her arms and tummy in the morning.
I guess I have had a few post-sex showers, under her suggestion. I’d rather have a shot of vodka (sub for cigarette) and cuddle though.
I think I need to change my sheets.
On 11/28/08 at 8:12 am
Karri said:
Oh the joys of having an extra appendage…lucky you!
We girls aren’t so lucky. Unless of course a lass has a ‘gina made of steel and she’s immune to itching and burning.
On 11/28/08 at 8:18 am
Fiona said:
Wow….
As I was reading I was forming my “get some bounty, love” comment all ready and then you swooped in with the wipes. *sigh* Pipped at the post.
Now, I get the need to clean up after, I do, but it’s insulting to your lover if you shoot off to the loo after every round of hanky panky. Poor guy!
You know, if you are so against having cum running down your leg get him to wear a condom. So, unless you are a squirter, problem solved.
On 11/28/08 at 8:45 am
Karri said:
“The thicker picker-uper”…HAAHAAA!
On 11/28/08 at 10:26 am
E said:
I’m not picky about things either way, but my husband likes to clean up right away, then snuggle. Or not. We keep a box of tissues by the bed, which eliminates running to the bathroom, which is pretty unromantic under any circumstance. And needing a whole shower? Geez, get over it. If I showered that much, my skin would peel off.
(I just realized how that sounded. What I mean is, if I add an additional shower every day or every other day to my morning one, my skin would dry out really badly. The only solution for me would be pre-shower morning sex, and I’m kind of a bitch in the morning, if I’m conscious at all.)
On 11/28/08 at 11:43 am
Karri said:
Totally off topic, but this is the greatest invention on earth for dry skin…
http://skincarerx.com/review_box.html?pid=417
And if you don’t fancy oil, get the lotion. I promise you’ll love it!
On 11/28/08 at 11:52 am
Meghan said:
I refuse to click the link until you assure me it contains no baby foreskin or ass fat.
Well, I’m waiting
On 11/28/08 at 11:55 am
Karri said:
BWAHAHAAAHAA!
I swear it does not contain any of my “questionable” beauty regimens.
On 11/28/08 at 12:43 pm
l said:
I always have a box of Kleenex by the bed to wipe our juices off myself and him! It works just fine, and takes 3 seconds, so you can get back to the good stuff: after sex cuddles!
On 11/28/08 at 1:43 pm
Karri said:
I’m happy to see that everyone here seems to have a healthy attitude sans neurotic hang-ups!
On 11/28/08 at 1:13 pm
razor said:
…I was with this til the end…getting peed on by lil’ mischevious bitches while we take a post-coital shower together is one of my favorite things, not the favorite, but it makes the list, none the less…just to be lost in a blissful sudsing after an exhausting romp and hear that lil’ low breath giggle and know there is something more than just water running down my leg is, well, cute…and endearing, even…a lil’ get back for the girl…I admire it…so I would try to work the pee thing in, but I agrre with everything else, except, maybe, don’t ever use my sock as a cum rag…I wouldn’t want to touch too much stuff my grimy have touched, is all…
On 11/28/08 at 1:52 pm
Karri said:
I don’t know which I’m more in of, Razor. The fact that you just admitted to enjoying golden showers, or that I just read the longest sentence ever.
On 11/30/08 at 6:39 pm
razor said:
…pissing it away, whether it be virtue, knowledge or wealth, still brings a golden result…
On 11/30/08 at 10:17 pm
Karri said:
Indeed it does, sir.
On 11/28/08 at 4:24 pm
Brad K. said:
To Not So Dirty Girl - Try keeping a short stack of clean washcloths near the bed. Mop when needed, and do the Guy Thing - fling the used cloth at the closet door. Pick it up later when you do clean up.
A bit of sweat won’t hurt anything - it dries. If you are doing rain-forest workouts, you might need a humidifier in the bedroom, and fewer blankets during the Main Event. A sheet to keep the breezes from interfering may be enough, or may not be needed.
I agree with you - you have to be comfortable with loving. I do have to wonder, though - I guess your guy wants to cuddle, not “clean up” orally afterwards? With practice, you might find a balance between overflow and overstimulated afterglow.
On 11/29/08 at 8:27 am
Karri said:
…”fling the used cloth at the closet door.”
HA! But now I have to wonder why her fella isn’t taking the initiative to do this for her? Or were his attempts squashed as she fled for the soap and water?
These two are a messy-mess and absolutely need to find some balance. Good advice, Brad.
On 11/29/08 at 5:41 am
~Lori~ said:
My god! This gal needs to lighten up! The more the love making session is sweaty, intense, and messy the better! So what if he wants to cuddle for a little bit, she has no idea how women would kill for a man like that. She better check herself or he will move on to another that does appreciate ALL aspects of sex, etc.
On 11/29/08 at 8:31 am
Karri said:
Right?!
How often do we hear ladies complain about the men that just roll over and pass out before they even catch their breath?
She ought to appreciate what she has…a man that obviously cherishes and cares about more than just her hoo-ha. PFFFFT!
On 11/29/08 at 5:55 am
Matt. E. Warren said:
You had me at “sock”, which I guess means I read the entire post.
What if there is pulling and praying involved, Karri? Can’t just lie there while a river of gipe slowly makes it’s way down to the delta…
On 11/29/08 at 8:32 am
Karri said:
“Pulling and praying”…what?
On 11/30/08 at 7:19 am
Brad K. said:
I believe the term is “coitus interruptus”. The object is to disengage before risking pregnancy. Much less reliable than chastity or a vasectomy.
On 11/30/08 at 9:36 am
Karri said:
Oooooh!
Ha…silly me!
On 11/29/08 at 7:22 pm
ivi said:
cleaning up after sex instead of cuddle please!!! I’m with the cuddle there is nothing wrong with vaginal or sperm juice on ya, lol. No really just enjoy the togetherness its so natural.
Love the blog by the way
On 11/30/08 at 9:37 am
Karri said:
Thanks for joining us, Ivi!
And Eve agrees.
On 12/7/08 at 10:20 am
Shawn said:
This girl would have me headed for the door as she heads for the shower. She Obviously doesn’t know what she’s got.
On a slightly differet note, I had a lover who after I had bathed her (yes, you read that right), returned with me to the bedroom and said, “Now make me dirty again.” OMG, no one I’ve been with was hotter than this girl.
BTW sorry for the late post, I’ve been catching up on blogs.