Happy Trails
August 19, 2008 · Print This Article
I realized something last week when I made my second trip to the same mortuary in two years and that is…it’s not a very upbeat, joyful place to be. The lovely array of homemade cookies aside, its liken to an episode of the Twilight Zone where everyone speaks in slow motion with disturbing solemn looks on their faces, and quite frankly, that does nothing to boost my morale or my attempt at celebrating the lives of those I love.
Yes, I said celebrating, not mourning. We have two distinct choices when we lose a loved one…we can either be grateful for the time we had with them or we can curl up in the fetal position and feel sorry for ourselves. We can wallow in self-pity or we can find humor in the transplant team asking if our beloved “had or was ever exposed to mad cow disease.” We can walk slow and breathe deep or act like complete lunatics making others our emotional punching bags. Just like being happy is a choice, so is how we remember and honor those we love.
As I found myself surrounded by the same drama that tends to plague many families when they lose a loved one I was struck with a brilliant (if I do say so myself) idea…The Happy Trails Mortuary. Upon entering patrons will be greeted with a smile, (no hugs as they tend to cause emotional outbursts) a glass of champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. The staff will be cheerful, helpful and eager to assist with your party planning needs. Life, after all should always be celebrated!
The Happy Trails Mortuary will support you in creating the most memorable way to honor your departed with a wide variety of festivity choices. C’mon, who doesn’t love a good party where friends, family, colleagues and neighbors gather to eat, drink and be merry? We will also provide obituary services that will outshine the standard facts and figures and we will never, ever label your urn with the wrong name. Lastly, The Happy Trails Mortuary in conjunction with Happy Trails Vacations and Resorts will provide you and your support team with a complimentary 5 night stay at one of our luxury recuperation villas where you will be pampered by our full service staff 24-hours a day.
“Happy Trails Mortuary…until we meet again.”
What say you? Would you rather take stock in Kleenex and wear a black veil for months on end, or commemorate and rejuvenate after the passing of your loved one? Of course there is the third option that involves a padded room and a straight jacket, but that’s no fun alone!
On 08/19/08 at 3:39 am
Kiki said:
I wholeheartedly agree. Losing a loved one is obviously sad due to the loss of the physical presence of that person. But the remembrance (I hate the word funeral, it seems so final if you see what I mean?) should be a time where everyone whose life was touched by the person who has passed comes together and celebrates that person. It should be a time of laughing at memories, sharing stories, pulling together all of the threads of that persons life until a huge warm blanket has been woven. A person’s life is bigger than any one person within it can know. So the remembrance should be the time when everyone finds out what an amazing person was in their lives. And be thankful for being part of it. Cry yes, but laugh more.
On 08/19/08 at 6:26 am
Karri said:
I rather like the idea of putting the “fun” in funeral. I realize that we all must grieve in our own way, but yes, I agree, I’d much rather see more smiles than tears!
On 08/19/08 at 4:31 am
Cassie said:
I’ve ALWAYS said that there BETTER be a party at my memorial service(cause I’m getting burned after death). I say make it a kegger and fucking have a BLAST!!!!!
On 08/19/08 at 6:31 am
Karri said:
Cass, you’re so full of life that you’re party will most assuredly be one huge ass celebration!
If you could have one significant event happen during your service, what would it be?
On 08/19/08 at 7:22 am
Cassie said:
MALE STRIPPERS!!!
just saying!!!!
OK–maybe it would be cool for everyone to give up a favorite memory…AS LONG AS THERE IS NO CRYING!!!! NONE…it will NOT be allowed!!!!
On 08/19/08 at 7:28 am
Karri said:
HA!!! Of course you would. That’s awesome!
I don’t allow crying either. Or for people to hug me when they’re crying…stop it! Go pull yourself together and come back when you can share a happy thought with me. I actually hung up on a few people last week when they wouldn’t suck it up…whoopsie.
On 08/19/08 at 7:36 am
Cassie said:
I totally get that!
I think that people thought I was crazy at my best friend’s funeral in January b/c every time I would talk about her…I’d start laughing….mainly b/c we got into some CRAZY shit and THAT’s what I remembered about her!!!!!
OK, I’ve read the rest of the comments…didn’t know this was a tribute to your Dad!!! I’m sorry for your loss, but glad to see that you can see the ‘happy’(for lack of a better word) side of it!!!! {{{HUGS}}} to you!!!
On 08/19/08 at 8:04 am
Karri said:
Who gives a crap what other people think? They’re your memories and you have every right to giggle. If people don’t continue to laugh at me when I’m gone I will haunt them until they do.
Thanks, doll. Dad would like “Happy Trails” so it’s more than appropriate.
On 08/19/08 at 4:37 am
Carol said:
When I go,I pray The Happy Trails Mortuary will be franchised and operating successfully at whatever beach I call home. Nothing would please me more than to imagine those I love toasting with ice cold bevvies, laughter and joy for how they remember me.
Karri, this is a wonderful way to celebrate your dad. If it is this surreal for me, having met him the one weekend…I can not begin to imagine how surreal it must be for you.
Happy Trails, Mr.H….love, love, LOVE the legacy you have given us in Karri.
On 08/19/08 at 6:35 am
Karri said:
Woman, have you done your will yet?! I didn’t know it, but apparently I need to find a godparent for Lil and put it in writing…who knew.
Thank you for the very kind words. We had a spectacular party, including 71 new quail on the property. He’s loving that for sure, and that makes me happy!
On 08/19/08 at 7:55 am
Carol said:
You are my inspiration today. Will it somehow bring a giggle to you to know that my little gift to myself is arriving via UPS today?
71 new quail. That made ME smile, too.
And no, I have not redone my will. I know the most important details are covered…so I will deal with the rest later.
On 08/19/08 at 8:08 am
Karri said:
Wheeeee…enjoy!
The quail are beautiful, even if I have disturbed nature by introducing them to a new area. I hope they procreate with the ones already there and make a new breed. Who says I can’t play God?
On 08/19/08 at 9:06 am
Carol said:
He is not here, yet. Dammit.
Thank you for the images of quail doing the deed on the farm. Birds, bees….and me, once the UPS man arrives!
On 08/19/08 at 4:47 am
Sarahh said:
I have been lucky that the passing of a close loved one has been avoided for so long. I am frightened by what my reaction might be once it does happen.
All I can hope is that it can be like yours. Your strength moved me to tears this morning.
Beautiful. Absolutely Beautiful.
On 08/19/08 at 6:41 am
Karri said:
I’ve lost my parents, gram, sister in law, 3 friends, and my dog in less than 3 years. I can’t wait for the day when I can say it’s been a while. As much as I miss my Dad it’s really hard to be sad because he’s exactly where he wants to be.
Okay, Ms. Sarah, if you could plan your own service how would you want to be remembered? And being as you also have a little whipper snapper, have you done your will?
On 08/19/08 at 7:01 am
Sarahh said:
Sweetie, my Lord.. You have been through so much! And you are like friggin Gibraltar! You are one to be admired… Truly.
My Service would go as follows. It is a two-parter. First part is a traditional, mourning type of service. Just a gathering with a fabulous picture of me. No open anything. No group burial. With Otis Redding and Van Morrison playing in the background…
Most because people are going do be sad whether you want them to or not. They miss you and are made aware of their own life and how short it can be. It is understandable..
One week later…
Oyster Roast. Everyone is invited. BYOB, and nothing but fun for everyone. Everyone is to bring a covered dish of something I would have liked. I would like Horse Shoes to be played. And poker. Chat about me, but only fun and fond memories. This would be my last wish, that I would want all of my friends and family together one more time in celebration of life.
Nooooo, I haven’t done a will yet. I know. BUT my life insurance is all squared away!!! I know, I have to get on that…
On 08/19/08 at 7:13 am
Karri said:
I LOVELOVELOVE your party ideas! I’d like gunnysack races…don’t know why, it just sounds like fun.
Girl, I’m going to be on your ass to get that done. And while you’re at, write letters to the little one! I can honestly say those are moy most prized possessions. Seriously, don’t put it off.
On 08/19/08 at 7:05 pm
Chris said:
After Carla died, I kept hearing her voice in my mind’s ear, saying “Don’t cry. I’m with God, now. I’m where I always wanted to be.” But my tears weren’t for her; they were for me. Still, I agree… happiness is a choice, not a response. Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened. =)
On 08/19/08 at 7:14 pm
Karri said:
I know how difficult it was for you to lose her, but I’m also happy to know that she’s with you and reminding you to go on living. Life is short, and before you know it you’ll be seeing her again. Hopefully, not too soon of course!
On 08/19/08 at 9:14 pm
Chris said:
She keeps spiritually kicking me and telling me to date again… which I am doing… really! But you all know how… uh… selective… I am about who I date.
On 08/19/08 at 5:07 am
Meghan said:
As with Sarahh, it’s been some time since I have had to travel this path.
People always say, ‘They wouldn’t want us to be sad.’, and I think there is a great truth to that. Have the champagne, laugh, share the stories nobody else knows, and hear some yourself. Walk away feeling lucky, with a warmed heart.
You’ve said before that you were a fragile flower growing out of a brick wall…woman you ARE ALSO that brick wall. You are solid and strong.
Thank you for sharing this.
On 08/19/08 at 6:45 am
Karri said:
Sssshhhh…we can’t talk about my wall. Apparently, people are concerned about it. Pffffft!
Thank you…for everything!
On 08/19/08 at 5:18 am
~Lori~ said:
Funerals/wakes are meant for the living, not the deceased, to help give closure. Buried enough already in this life. When we mourn we feel sorry for ourselves, the fact the loved one has moved on and we have been left behind. I have told my children and friends for years, to cremate me, spread my ashes in places I love. I don’t want anyone viewing me after I’m dead, I always hate it when they say the deceased looks good, how good can you look when you are dead. They can have a memorial if they want, but celebrate my life, all the good times we have shared, big backyard bbq, keg, have blast and remember me with smiles and laughter.
On 08/19/08 at 6:52 am
Karri said:
I like the way you think, girl! It can be a bit of a challenge to get everyone on board with the Celebration of Life idea because we’re so conditioned to sit in the dark and be sad.
Since you have children, have you put your wishes in writing? That will ensure that you get to have the final word, so make sure to do it if you haven’t!
On 08/19/08 at 7:11 am
~Lori~ said:
No I haven’t done that as of yet, I would like to think they would follow my wishes, as I have done for my loved ones I have lost. But you are right, I really should put it in writing. I like the idea of the final word though ;p
On 08/19/08 at 7:17 am
Karri said:
Unfortunately, emotions can squander logic and one person can easily get out voted by the others. So, if that’s what you truly want, make it known and rest easy knowing that they have to do exactly what you wanted.
On 08/19/08 at 7:11 am
Cap'n Nina said:
Absolutely!! That’s one thing I’ve always been proud of my family for. When we lose someone, yes…we cry and we mourn, but we are also the ones sitting in the front at the funeral giggling and trying to hide it so we don’t look like idiots. We may go home and cry from time to time, but we try to remember them the way they were. It is so much healthier to do so.
I am sorry for your loss. ((HUGS))
On 08/19/08 at 7:22 am
Karri said:
That is exactly why I forgo the traditional funeral home service…they’re so depressing and they lack a sense of humor. It’s not a field trip to the library for goodness sake, lighten up people!
Thanks, Nina
On 08/19/08 at 8:12 am
SDGrrr(L) said:
I love the Happy Trails idea! As for Lil’s DOG-parent…ahem…
.
So, what day this week do you want me to come scrape you out of the closet and drag into the sunshine again? I’m in interviews all day today and again tomorrow morning, but otherwise I’m available…
.
No joke hon…
On 08/19/08 at 8:18 am
Karri said:
I think I’m going to have to put Lil on rotating visitations, I wouldn’t want her to miss all of her Aunties.
I’ve scheduled the melt down for later this week…I’m going back to hang with the parentals and have some alone time at the house.
There are no words to thank you for all you’ve done. A girl couldn’t possibly ask for a better friend, and I love you more than you could possibly know!
On 08/19/08 at 8:39 am
maggie said:
I love the Happy Trails Mortuary!
Since I too want to be cremated, I think it would be fitting to have my funeral as a big bonfire on the beach & scatter my ashes out to sea. Of course, the actualy cremation would be done beforehand so as not to gross people out-but you know how I love parties on the beach!
You are an amazing woman,karri –so strong & courageous. I only hope I can be half as strong as you when I am faced with these situations. Love you-
On 08/19/08 at 9:27 am
Karri said:
Okay, I don’t mean to laugh, but the fact that you actually pointed out that your cremation would happen prior to the party gave me an instant visual of you being roasted like a marshmallow over a bon fire. So totally wrong, I know. Sorry!
On 08/19/08 at 9:43 am
Tara said:
XOXOXO
I love you. You can find humor in any situation. ANY situation. I’m so lucky to call you a friend. And you are so lucky to be mine. Arentcha?
;P
On 08/19/08 at 9:48 am
Karri said:
Was it inappropriate for me to ask the funeral director “who is this man on top of my Mom?” when he gave me back the urn with some man’s name on it whom I don’t know?
And the mad cow disease question from the transplant team was funny…or at least I think it was.
Yes, yes I am!
XOXO right back atcha’
On 08/19/08 at 1:46 pm
Tara said:
The mad cow disease question was very humorous!
Again, I am so proud of you. You teach me how to be a better person every time we connect. You = the best.
On 08/19/08 at 3:33 pm
Karri said:
Awe, shucks.
On 08/19/08 at 10:02 am
Kevin said:
I’m really proud of you Karri. You’ve grown to be so strong. Grieving is normal and I’m sure that there will be some but it’s important to focus on the gift that your parents have been to you rather than the loss.
On 08/19/08 at 10:18 am
Karri said:
Coming from the person who nearly forced me to set my relationships with my parents straight, that means the world to me.
I wouldn’t be where I am today without you and I am eternally grateful!!!
Now, if I happen to go before you, please do me a favor and keep some of my secrets under wrap, m’kay?
On 08/19/08 at 10:23 am
Karl Rove said:
I wish your mortuary was already real. My grandfather died a couple of weeks ago. The funeral home experience wasn’t that bad though. Everyone was joking and telling stories about things my grandfather did. That’s just the kind of family I have. It was a tough time, and we’re still all trying to get through it, but celebrating my grandfather’s life is a lot easier than mourning our loss.
On 08/19/08 at 10:31 am
Karri said:
I am so happy to know that your family is celebrating your Grandfather’s life! We can’t speed up the time it takes our hearts to mend, but we can honor them with love and cheerful memories. And if you ever find yourself needing a Celebration of Life party planner, I’m your girl.
On 08/19/08 at 7:10 pm
Chris said:
And I can provide the Bounce House, 30 foot Colossal Slide… and Jumbo Naked Twister!
.
Oops… did I say Naked Twister? I meant Jumbo Twister.
.
My Freudian Slip is showing.
On 08/19/08 at 7:16 pm
Karri said:
WHEEEEEE!!! I’m going to have the best partay eva’!
On 08/19/08 at 3:10 pm
itsalwaysallaboutme said:
My family does that too. LOL we also tend to make fun of the OTHER ummmmm,shall we say, “less fortunate”, family members …..the ones who apparently got dressed in the dark or have no CLUE the appropriate dress. (umm Yes we should be Celebrating the deceased’s life, however We should ALSO be respectful and NOT show up in holey sweat pants!!!! and Stained Mickey Mouse T-Shirts!!!! )
When my Grandfather passed 10 yrs ago ……we followed his wishes. He was put in that UGLY Yellow Jacket he was SOO Proud of, (we all hated the color but were PROUD of HIM for it , it was an “honor” he received from a lodge he was once a Governor of many times) AND right there in the Chapel of the Funeral home we passed around the bottle of Jack Black starting with Grandma right on down to the youngest cousin. I HATE Jack Daniels BUT it was Grandpa’s wish so we Followed it.
On 08/19/08 at 3:31 pm
Karri said:
I hate Jack too, but for Grampa, I’d do it! How fabulous is that? What a great way to say good-bye. It truly brings a smile to my face that you had such a wonderful experience.
Oh, and yes, certain family members are always good for comic relief. I had everyone sneaking their alcohol out behind the barn so the drunken Aunt could stay sober….OY!
On 08/19/08 at 7:04 pm
itsalwaysallaboutme said:
we STILL pass that bottle around (well a new one we ended up KILLING that one , hmm bad choice in words??? the night of his first memorial ……..we had to have 3 of them for him )
When my sister got married 6 yrs ago…..she was in her PERFECT Princess Dress, we snuck out to the back porch of the Historical Home the reception was in, she had a glass of champagne in ONE hand and the bottle of jack still wrapped in the brown paper bag taking a swig out of the OTHER hand.
My brother ALSO walked my mother and grandmother down the isle giving Each one a Bright Yellow Rose……a sign of Grandpa being there too, (Sis got a bouquet of the when she graduated College and Police Academy for the same reason)
On 08/19/08 at 7:19 pm
Karri said:
I’m truly envious of your family traditions!
On 08/20/08 at 3:45 am
itsalwaysallaboutme said:
LOL weddings are a bit …..interesting…..as the “NEW” family isn’t fully aware (just the immediate family which is why we went out to the porch) when my BROTHER got married nobody brought a BOTTLE (my MOTHER was concerned because bro’s in laws are VERY STRICT Catholic, OLD school Catholic and mom was more concerned about “appearances” than tradition, my brother said SO?? this was OUR family too) but it was an open bar, my cousin went to the bartender and got a FULL Glass of Jack , the bartender just looked @ him, cousin had to explain LOL.
We couldn’t really go anywhere, and Sis in law backed out (at sis’s wedding bro in law was “inducted” into the family that way) so my brother had to do HER shot too. Other members of the family (my dad’s side) just sat there and smiled they KNEW why we were doing it , we don’t explain, we don’t make a HUGE production but we Celebrate and Honor him.
I still tease Sis In Law that she needs to do he shot still. (don’t blame her I REALLY wish grandpa drank something else…….but everytime I pour someone a Jack and Coke @ work I smile b/c for as LONG as I can remember grandpa would try to hand me HIS Jack & Coke telling me it was just coke…and I would tell HIM you could smell the Jack miles away !!!
)
I was angry with him for a LONG time, b/c he told me they moved to Fla to make it “easier” on us when they died……I was Very close to both grandparents, and even spent my summers with them. It was NOT easier. But as much as I HATE Jack I smile lovingly @ it and keep a bottle of it at home.
On 08/19/08 at 10:23 am
Chrissa said:
This touched me, but also made me smile.
I think it’s a very, very good idea.
Most people don’t realize how hard they make the transition for those whom have left us. They are in such an enormously beautiful place that the only thing still holding them here, is us. To see us doing something so glorious to honor them is a gift to them, perhaps even more than to ourselves.
I think of you holding that box…and not that it would diminish anything you endured in any capactity, but it sure would’ve hurt anything either
Love ya, K.
On 08/19/08 at 10:37 am
Karri said:
I absolutely believe those who’ve passed are happier than those of us left behind…I’ve been given too many signs to negate that fact.
Ahhh, yes, “the box.” Well, at least now I have matching book ends.
Thanks for stopping by, girl. It’s nice to see you here!
On 08/20/08 at 4:55 am
Chrissa said:
Anytime. I’ve been reading all of the Eve posts, I just don’t always say anything
I miss your giggle.
Loves to you
x
On 08/19/08 at 10:27 am
pecosa said:
Now that is a great idea! I wish I could be that strong, but I know that grieving also serves as a cleansing of the soul of some sort.
I love the champagne and chocolate covered strawberries part…what better way to celebrate memories!
On 08/19/08 at 10:40 am
Karri said:
I better get to trademarking that idea. I realize it’s not for everyone, but I rather fancy the idea that we could have more options than gloom and doom because no two people grieve in the same time or manner.
On 08/19/08 at 10:29 am
Karl Rove said:
Oh, and my wake/funeral will be awesome. First, I want to take all the money that would be used for a funeral home and throw a huge concert. Advertise it in the newspapers and on TV and everything, and get some big names to show up (if it was today, I’d go with Eric Clapton, Tom Waits, and maybe Rilo Kiley). Put my casket up on the stage, James Brown style, and rock on. That would be a funeral to remember. Of course I’m sure that all of that would cost way more than what a regular funeral would cost, but that’s still my fantasy funeral.
On 08/19/08 at 10:44 am
Karri said:
We celebrate more nonsense Hallmark holidays than should be legal, why not throw a huge party in our honor?
I think your fantasy funeral sounds absolutely delightful and would most certainly be one to remember!
Thanks for the smile, Karl.
On 08/19/08 at 12:24 pm
Trista said:
You are amazing…I don’t even have the words to tell you how impressed I was and still am in regards to this situation and how you have handled it. Such grace, such strength, such courage.
You do them proud, love.
On 08/19/08 at 3:05 pm
Karri said:
And I couldn’t have done it without my heterosexual life partner by side! Words can never express how grateful I am to have you in my life. Once upon a time I must’ve done something right to get you.
Do you think we can combine the Happy Trails Mortuary and the commune?
On 08/19/08 at 12:26 pm
Kevin said:
I like your saying, “put the word ‘fun’ back in funeral.” I’m not much of cryer, actually I can’t remember the last time I cried. I can get moved by things, but no tears. Everyone’s heads are down, wiping tears away, and one of my friends is like, “god kevin you’re such a cold bitch.” I’m all, “I’m sad. I feel. I just don’t need to fall down into weepy tears over something.” The strong body trying keep it together right.
In New Orleans it’s not uncommon to have picnics and parties in the Cemetary, it’s not considered disrespectful, it’s very peaceful. They view it as a celebration.
For my funeral I want everyone to have a party and no crying, just have fun. I always say that and of course I get, “Okay Kevin don’t make those kinds of jokes.” But it’s true, I think it should be a celebration of one’s life.
On 08/19/08 at 3:35 pm
Karri said:
I want to have a petting zoo, gunny sack races, pony rides and face painting. Yep, I’d like a carnival…because I can!
On 08/19/08 at 2:46 pm
lisaq said:
Ugh! Bring on the party girl! What better way to celebrate a life!
On 08/19/08 at 3:37 pm
Karri said:
We must also remember to celebrate every single day we’re here! All too often we get stuck in the crap of life and forget to pay homage to the fact that we’re breathing.
On 08/19/08 at 3:05 pm
itsalwaysallaboutme said:
Well that is where the original ideal of a “Wake” came from. We Irish are NEVER ones to turn down a reason for a good party ;). SO our ancestors would prop up the recently deceased upon a table in the main room and have a party celebrating their life, and many a drink was passed. Sure there was SOME lamenting about how they would be missed. but there was also lots of Singing, and Drinking.
On a more serious note. I AM sorry for your loss. Those words do seem so insignificant but they are true
On 08/19/08 at 3:39 pm
Karri said:
We played my Dad’s favorite Irish tunes on Saturday so I know where you’re coming from. If it’s in the genes you’ve just gotta’ do it.
You words are by no means insignificant, they are greatly appreciated!
On 08/19/08 at 4:54 pm
mike said:
I’d like to give you my condolences on your loss; you & your family will be in my thoughts & prayers.
While I was reading this blog, it reminded me of Wakes & Funerals that I’ve attended in my time…& how my family has dealt with them. Most of us will be respectful/dress appropriately, adn maintain a certain amount of decorum. Then, it starts…depending upon the individual that has passed, there will be either a) a little laughing; b)A LOT of laughing. To clarify, we’re not laughing AT the person….just enjoying memories of our lives that we’ve shared wit