I gots no name
August 1, 2008 · Print This Article
Hi, kids! Happy Friday! Eve-101 does not have a show tonight, but your two favorite Ladies 0′ Inappropriateness couldn’t leave you sans entertainment. So we decided to get out our favorite book, the “All About Me” book, and answer a couple questions for you. Enjoy…
A newspaper headline you would like to read about yourself:
K: Woman Cures Cancer, Ends War, Poverty and Global Warming While Masturbating.
T: Woman finds diamonds valued at 17 million in pancakes at IHOP! What, it could happen…
A lie you tell yourself:
K: “Of course you don’t look fat in those jeans. Your ass is as hard and tight as a 20-year old bulimic supermodel!”
T: My vote counts! Hey, people say I’m a dreamer…but I’m not the only one…
The first time you discovered power:
K: Hands down, my first successful fellatio performance. I am woman hear my roar….as soon as I finish swallowing.
T: The first time I farted in front of a boy…during sex…and realized he wasn’t going to run away. Hell, he came back for seconds. My vagina be designa! And I like legumes, what?
A social behavior that should be banned:
K: Nose picking while driving!
Beep-Beep. “Hellllllo… I can see you! Please stop, I’m trying to eat a burger, talk on the phone and polish my nails and you’re distracting me.”
T: Caroling. It has got to be the CREEPIEST thing humans subject other humans to. I mean, I hate Christmas songs…and I hate people showing up on my doorstep unannounced…so when you combine the two, ::shudder:: Its enough to make me drive to the nearest shopping mall and kick a faux Santa in the nards.
Something someone said or did that you found frighteningly unattractive:
K: When my naked ex-boyfriend tucked his penis between his legs and ran around the house squealing “I’m a girl! I’m a girl!” No, no…you’re a closet homosexual is what you are!
T: When someone sexually propositions me…from the toilet…with the door open…and they are going number two…and they had a fiber boost in their Jamba Juice smoothie that day. Yes it’s happened to me, don’t let it happen to you!
We don’t have a show tonight, but hold on to your panties boys and girls because next week we’re bringing you a LIVE pajama party version of “He said/She said.” Trista and Karri will be donning their pj’s with two of the Internet’s hawtest, tattooed and pierced super studs.
Join us as we welcome our past two guest writers:
and
Now…your turn! What would your answers to these questions be? Share time, loves! And also do us a favor and throw up some questions or topics you would like to see the Fearsome Foursome (that would be Trista, Karri, Mitz and Frank for those of you not paying attention in class again…) tackle during next week’s live “He said/ She said” show!
And have a great weekend!!
T&K
On 08/1/08 at 1:24 am
Rex said:
A newspaper headline you would like to read about yourself:
MAN DONATES GENITALS TO SCIENCE WHILE ALIVE
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A lie you tell yourself:
“I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!”
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The first time you discovered power:
SEXUAL power? HA! … ahunno.
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A social behavior that should be banned:
Blowing one’s nose at the dinner table/seated in a restaurant. FUCK! Get up and excuse thyself to do that shit in the restroom! Nothing makes me not want to eat faster than hearing someone forcibly exhale air through their nasal cavities in order to dislodge mucus. ugh.
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Something someone said or did that you found frighteningly unattractive:
This happened fairly recently! A girl who claims to like me plenty (GuD, of course) calls me early Sunday morning to relay the nitty gritty details of her night with a dude she’s known all of six hours - that she met on the net - during her 100 mile drive home. After revealing all the dirty shit she did, she has the audacity to tell me “I can’t wait to see you so we can do it together!” uh, ew? Keep your nasty ass home, thanks.
On 08/1/08 at 7:41 am
Karri said:
“I can’t wait to see you so we can do it together!”
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SHUT UP!
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Was she the recipient of your genitalia??
On 08/1/08 at 8:20 am
Trista said:
You just loooooooooooove those classy ladies, don’t ya Rex? Jeez…
On 08/1/08 at 10:09 am
Rex said:
They appear classy until they open their damn mouths.
On 08/1/08 at 9:18 am
Charles Albert Green said:
Hey Rex, ask the woman that said that if she has relatives in Louisiana. I thought the one I met on Tuesday was bad….. wrong, wrong.
On 08/1/08 at 10:13 am
Rex said:
What can I write? I’M A CRAZY WOMAN MAGNET.
How else do you think I found this site?
On 08/1/08 at 5:30 am
Phoenix said:
A newspaper headline you would like to read about yourself:
Phoenix revolutionizes the child mental health system. What’s next? We say, The White House!
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A lie you tell yourself:
I don’t really want those things I can’t afford anyway.
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The first time you discovered power:
Probably when my friend and I got caught stealing from Target at the age of 15 and we totally lied to her dad about what happened so that he wouldn’t tell my mom.
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He picked us up, and on the drive back to my house I turned to my friend, both of crying, and said, “We are so stupid! We should have never taken that dare! Just because the other kids think we are geeks for being inducted into the National Honor Society last week doesn’t mean that we should have to prove anything to them! But we just wanted to fit in…”
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The only part of that story that was true was that we were inducted into NHS. He never told my mom. I never stole anything again.
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A social behavior that should be banned:
Getting in the U-scan line at the grocery store without having some kind certification in it’s use beforehand.
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Something someone said or did that you found frighteningly unattractive:
I was at a party once with a guy I was “dating”. But I’m not a clingy kinda person, and the guy valued his privacy, so we weren’t exactly broadcasting the fact that we were hooking up. I am also socially outgoing and talk to anyone about anything. Well, by the end of the party my guy and I had enough to drink that propriety took a back seat to kissing each other in front of others. Apparently one of the guys at the party had gotten the idea he was going to try to pick me up at the end of the night. The thing is, he could not have “picked me up” given the BEST of circumstances, but I digress.
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Anyway, when he saw the kiss he took it upon himself to come over to us and say something. He stood in between us, put is arms around our shoulders and said, “I’m sorry I didn’t know you two were together. I was going to try to get your phone number. (silence) Well, what about a threesome then? (looking at my guy) So, what do you think about a little anal action?”
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Smooth, real smoooooooooth.
On 08/1/08 at 7:48 am
Karri said:
“Phoenix revolutionizes the child mental health system. What’s next? We say, The White House!”
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Follow your dreams, girl!
On 08/1/08 at 8:23 am
Trista said:
:Well, what about a threesome then? (looking at my guy) So, what do you think about a little anal action?””
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~hahahahahahahahahahaaaaa! What a playa! =P
On 08/1/08 at 10:19 am
Rex said:
Sorry Phi… I know too much crap about you that it would completely and absolutely destroy your chances for the Big Chair.
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You better make me VP or National Intelligence Council Chairman or something if you want me to keep quiet…
On 08/1/08 at 7:41 am
Cassie said:
I’m leaving to go camping….just wanted to say HI and have a great weekend!!!
On 08/1/08 at 7:49 am
Karri said:
WHEEEEE! Have fun, Cass and skip a rock for us.
On 08/1/08 at 8:18 am
Trista said:
Lucky! I want to go camping so badly! Have fun!
On 08/1/08 at 8:01 am
Jime said:
A newspaper headline you would like to read about yourself:
NASCAR scout signs Area Man to racing contract due to his finely tuned and efficient commuter driving skills.
A lie you tell yourself:
I’ll burn off that second slice of carrot cake when I go running tonight.
The first time you discovered power:
It was kindergarten. I took cute little Melanie by the hand behind the chapel and kissed her softly, my first kiss. Aaah, the power of love. Followed IMMEDIATELY by Melanie whispering to every single person in class that I had kissed her and me following behind, frantically, denying ALL ALLEGATIONS. /sigh. Women.
A social behavior that should be banned:
The smacking sound peoples lips make when they eat with their mouths open. Shut your yaps, jackasses.
Something someone said or did that you found frighteningly unattractive:
After giving a girlfriend a big, fat cunnilingus orgasm, she sighs, looks over at the clock, calculates silently, and says while opening her legs, “Five minutes to Prison Break, let’s get this show on the road.”
On 08/1/08 at 8:06 am
Jime said:
But in retrospect, I guess five minutes of vag is better than zero minutes of vag.
On 08/1/08 at 8:13 am
Karri said:
“Five minutes to Prison Break, let’s get this show on the road.”
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BWAHAHAHHAAAA!!! I’m sorry, but that’s freakin’ funny!
On 08/1/08 at 8:17 am
Trista said:
A boy did that to me! Only it was, “Hurry it up, the Mavericks are on in 10 minutes!” At least he gave me 10 minutes…
On 08/1/08 at 9:37 am
Jime said:
Before I make a judgment here I need to know one very important fact: Was it Game 4?
On 08/1/08 at 9:45 am
Trista said:
It was game three…against Golden State…a couple years ago.
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As you can see, I remember it like it was yesterday.
On 08/1/08 at 9:53 am
Jime said:
Oooooh, Adam.
On 08/1/08 at 9:57 am
Jime said:
Game 3? Pfft. He could have given you at least fifteen minutes.
On 08/1/08 at 8:17 am
Jime said:
Hardy-har-har.
Closely related to the early morning: “Let’s gooooo. We’re killing daylight here!”
On 08/1/08 at 8:30 am
Karri said:
A cousin to: “If I give you a blowjob will you shut up and leave me alone?”
On 08/1/08 at 9:09 am
Jime said:
AAAAAAAUGH! Get out of my head!
On 08/1/08 at 8:07 am
Sarahh said:
“My vagina be designa”
I will use this phrase in coversation within a week. This I promise you.
Hahahahaha…
On 08/1/08 at 8:14 am
Karri said:
SARAHH!
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We’re your ears burning? You’ve been missed girlie!
On 08/1/08 at 8:16 am
Trista said:
Thank you, thank you! And Kare-bear ain’t kiddin’…we miss you, miss! Don’t make me call you!
On 08/1/08 at 9:52 am
Sarahh said:
Awwwwwwwww, thanks ladies!!
Yeah, work has been kicking my ass. Back has been out. Fights with Pizza Hut managers, just a mish mosh of gobbledy goop.
BUT this is August now, so all is good.
It makes no sense, but that is what is keeping me hopeful!
And I turn 31 in 11 days. Soooo, how can someone have a bad Birthday month?
Missed you guys!!
On 08/1/08 at 10:00 am
Trista said:
31 has been good to me so far, just so’s you knows.
On 08/1/08 at 10:49 am
Sarahh said:
I am kinda stoked about it.
I can now, with a straight face, tell people I am too old to go to “Da Club”. One should only have to endure Techo-Base for 9 years. I am going on 11. Cause I got a fake ID yo.
I prefer to get shit faced drunk at a pub like the rest of the 30+ year olds.
Hahahahaha…
On 08/1/08 at 9:10 am
Charles Albert Green said:
Hello everybody! Can I play today?
A newspaper headline you would like to read about yourself: A La Place resident holdss the sole winning 350 million dollar power ball ticket.(That’s right screw cancer paitients I want to be financially independant for life)
A lie you tell yourself: Who needs California, I’m the smartest person in a 200 block radius! And I’m technically in the real LA.
The first time you discovered power: I was about 13, walking down the street minding my business when a woman clutched her purse and crossed the street. Ah yes, I discovered the power to move people tha day. And would still be able to do it if I lived in a place that had sidewalks.
A social behavior that should be banned: I don’t know, beating your children for wanting candy, toys, video games and all the other goods aimed at them while in Wal Mart.
Something someone said or did that you found frighteningly unattractive: This one is funny!! This girl comes up and says; “I want to do this to you.” Shows me her phone and plays a video of her sucking the guanine outta some random guy. And seriously asked what my number was. Straight faced and everything.
On 08/1/08 at 9:31 am
Trista said:
yay! I have missed you!
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And no way…was she a hooker, attempting to sell her, ummmm…wares?
On 08/1/08 at 9:40 am
Karri said:
Welcome back, stranger!
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WOW! Trista and I should talk about all of the folks we’re missing more often. We have super powers I tell ya!
On 08/1/08 at 9:30 am
El Supremo said:
If there’s a follow up photograph to the one above in which Karri’s nip has actually slipped, then I’d like to cast my vote that you post it. Now. Like… right now.
One of you two hurry your ass to Oxnard and kill Jessica Simpson before that fucking bitch has a chance to get in Romo’s head. Hurry.
On 08/1/08 at 9:32 am
Trista said:
She’s in Oxnard? I’m on it.
On 08/1/08 at 9:34 am
El Supremo said:
Hurry up getting there but take your time offing her. She must have some kind of super-magical pussy because if she’s within 500 miles of Romo, the fucker forgets how to play football.
On 08/1/08 at 9:41 am
Trista said:
If she ruins Romo’s game she ruins my sex life. She must be stopped.
On 08/1/08 at 9:44 am
El Supremo said:
The entire DFW area has an open death threat on her if she ever makes another appearance at a game. She was up in one of the boxes last season in a pink Romo jersey, and that son of a bitch put on a stunning display of on-field incompetence. Romo is not physically capable of thinking about anything but Jessica’s pussy if she’s anywhere around.
It’s just pussy, Romo. Get your fucking head in the game!
On 08/1/08 at 9:39 am
Karri said:
How does Supremo know that we hang out in Oxnard? You can’t even see the illegals in that pic!
On 08/1/08 at 10:08 am
Rex said:
You’re RACIST. I hope you have a Mexican baby.
jajajaja
On 08/1/08 at 10:22 am
El Supremo said:
I fail to see how pointing out illegals is racist. Good try, though.
On 08/1/08 at 12:18 pm
Karri said:
And I even married a Mexican once. Cripes, Rex, is that not enough for you?
On 08/1/08 at 10:03 am
Sarahh said:
-A newspaper headline you would like to read about yourself:
Woman finds Dark Chocolate and Vodka is a cure for PMS. November 14th will now, and forever, be known as “Sarahh is a friggin Genius Day”
-A lie you tell yourself:
Smoking won’t make you feel better! Yes - Yes it will. Eventhough I don’t. Baaaaaaaah to nicotine!
-A social behavior that should be banned:
Grinding aka Dancing. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen a sexualy simulated action (known as dancing). People if you want to dry hump go out in the back behind the dumpsters like the rest of us.
-The first time you discovered power:
The first month I made it on my own with my son. I remember thinking, “Well this sucks, but hey, who cares, I don’t need anyone else helping my life suck any more!” I CAN DO IT!
-Something someone said or did that you found frighteningly unattractive:
I dated this guy when I was about ohh 18, and he was cute, a professional, charming, the works. Then he laughed. I shit you not, he sounded just like goofy. I thought, oh he must be kidding. Second date. Same thing. Never returned his calls…
Yay! I got to play!!!
On 08/1/08 at 12:20 pm
Karri said:
-The first time you discovered power:
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The first month I made it on my own with my son. I remember thinking, “Well this sucks, but hey, who cares, I don’t need anyone else helping my life suck any more!” I CAN DO IT!
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And let that be inspiration to us all!!!
On 08/1/08 at 4:52 pm
Vic said:
How about this for inspiration?: even I can get a girl like Sarah.
On 08/1/08 at 10:43 am
Meghan said:
A newspaper headline you would like to read about yourself:
~Local Woman Snaps Ann Coulter Like a Twig
A lie you tell yourself:
~Anything I purchase at Whole Foods is good for me…Yes even the Toasted Sesame Coconut Haagen Dazs.
The first time you discovered power:
~When I was 19 I made a grown man plow a loaded shopping cart into the back of his wife knocking her over and covering her with the eggs she was holding. It wasn’t his fault, I found out one aisle over my nipple was showing…
A social behavior that should be banned:
~Opening up the dishwasher and shoving every dirty utensil you use into the very first basket, assuring that NOTHING will get clean! I have such dishwasher OCD!
Something someone said or did that you found frighteningly unattractive:
~College roomie #1 talking about how college roomie #2’s room smelled:
“It smells like fromunda!.”
“What’s fromunda?”
“You know, like the parts fromunda body creases that don’t get any air all day!”
Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!
On 08/1/08 at 12:25 pm
Karri said:
“Toasted Sesame Coconut Haagen Dazs”
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I don’t understand this concoction…it sounds like my Gram’s “mustgo”. On Fridays everything in the fridge was made into a casserole, because it “must go.” Although it does sound more appetizing than fromunda!
On 08/1/08 at 3:59 pm
Meghan said:
Its like candy coated coconut Ice Cream…its divine…
On 08/1/08 at 11:22 am
Trunks Kirshner said:
A newspaper headline you would like to read about yourself~:
Trunks Kirshner, co-leader of the L State research team, and his co-leader Marisa make culture shattering discoveries with clones in the field of social and cognitive psychology as researchers at the University of Southern California!
They have found that clones replicate the data on experiments done on humans; they have fallen in love, shown similar measures of arousal and affectivity, and match humans on all emotional and cognitive levels.
Do clones in fact have a “soul”? If not, then humans have created a lifeform whose actions God isn’t capable of judging (they cannot go to Heaven of Hell). If they in fact do have a soul, then humans have created their own lifeforms whose actions God is forced to judge - there will be lifeforms in Heaven or Hell that God didn’t create herself. For this great research, Amnesty International is presenting the L State research team with free coupons to IHOP!!!!
On 08/1/08 at 11:35 am
Trunks Kirshner said:
A lie you tell yourself~:
I am skinny enough to be in the lolli-pop guild!!
And………….. I’m okay with losing my friendship with Carla.
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The first time you discovered power~:
Sometime between the age of 15 and 16 (when I started becoming self-generated and individualistic). It was sparked by my experience with “my 1st” and I tend to tell people I’m 6 years old - I spent 15 years as a vessel and 6 years as an individual mind
On 08/1/08 at 11:50 am
Trunks Kirshner said:
Apparently I can’t add a long line in my comments - I’ve learned something today lol
~~A social behavior that should be banned~:
As a social psychologist this is kind of hard; there’s plenty to choose from. I honestly can’t choose anything - but it’d be in the range of what my colleague and I call ‘vessels’ (i.e. the people you’ve encountered in your lifetime are not ‘people’ at all - especially the ones who, a significant portion of the time, fail to think for themselves).
~~Something someone said or did that I found frighteningly unattractive~:
A friend of mine chose to pick at herself (her face) as an alternative to cutting herself with her box-cutter again, or wrist banging.
On 08/1/08 at 12:58 pm
Karri said:
HOLY BEEJESUS! I know who I’m calling when I need a psych eval!
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I think Trista and I should buy you a couch for graduation.
On 08/1/08 at 3:52 pm
Chris said:
1:
That is an AWESOME picture of you two! You are sooooo gorgeous!
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2:
“…as soon as I finish swallowing.”
YES! You GO, girl! News Flash: Karri Stock Goes Up 50 Points On The CKSE!
On 08/1/08 at 4:15 pm
Chris said:
Newspaper Headline:
GreenTech Corp Makes $1 Million in First Three Months of Operation
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A Lie I Tell Myself:
Bush Brainwashees can be deprogrammed.
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First Discovery of Power:
When I peed in the electric socket… no, I’m kidding… when I gave my first all-over, erotic, full-body massage.
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Social Behavior that should be Banned:
Kids wearing their pants hanging from their hips. Pull your pants up, you moron! You look like a slob.
…or…
Parents who don’t take responsibility for raising their children. Take your crying baby OUT of the theater, give your child a spanking when he/she misbehaves, and for god’s sake, don’t fob off the responsibility for teaching your child manners and proper societal behavior to anyone else, ESPECIALLY your local schools or the government. It’s YOUR job, part of the responsibility you signed up for when you became a parent, man up and own it.
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Something Frighteningly Unattractive:
Lack of self esteem or lack of integrity.
On 08/1/08 at 4:50 pm
Vic said:
I love you Trista.
On 08/3/08 at 11:19 pm
Trista said:
Awww, I love you too, Vic.