Jones-ing For Happiness
August 18, 2008 · Print This Article
“Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I read somewhere that the average human thinks somewhere between 20,000 - 60,000 thoughts per day. That right there is a whole lot of thinking. As a person who probably leans towards the larger number, I am finally starting to recognize the power my thoughts…and their ability to shape my world. Now, now…stop rolling your eyes at me, people…I used to be a doubter too…but I have recently seen the error of my ways. So hear (read?) me out, and allow me to share some of my recently fostered, get happy habits.
- Happiness isn’t really about what is happening at all…it’s about how we are reacting to what is happening. Drop your ice cream on the sidewalk? Well shit, your thighs probably didn’t need that Jamocha Almond Crunch anyway. Stuck in traffic? Clearly you could benefit from some “alone” time (buzz, buzz). Positive reframing is vital.
- When you are calm on the inside, things seem a little more serene outside too. Of course there is always going to be some chaos…because, well, that’s life. But be smart, be like a scientist, and subscribe to the Chaos Theory. There is order in the chaos…learn to see yours. And soon you will realize that though the morning routine of get up, get washed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, pack lunch, grab things, get to the car and get going may be a bit hectic, there is a natural rhythm to it too. Find it, own it, and be calm within it. It’ll save your voice, your sanity, and your disposition.
- You are what you think…so be careful. When I was still married and miserable, I went to see my doctor, and told her I couldn’t sleep. She told me I was depressed…I was anxious…I had a sleeping disorder…and she gave me a wad of prescriptions. And I thought, “Oh my gawd, she must be right, I must be depressed and anxious and harboring a sleeping disorder!” I thought about it and I thought about it…and I felt worse and worse. I took more pills, and stronger ones at that. But I didn’t feel better, not really, until I got out of my marriage and off the pills. I couldn’t be happy until I got out of the situation and thought process that was causing my misery. No pill was going to do that for me.
- Like attracts like. This is why I think of myself as, say…a boomerang juggler. Yes, it’s weird but just go with it. See, I am constantly throwing these thought boomerangs out there, and what I launch out is coming right back at me. This is why you want to make sure you are throwing out love and positivism, rather than thoughts of debt or disappointment or dismemberment. Really…nobody likes a surprise visit from the dismemberment fairy.
- When guilt dissolves you can finally evolve! Seriously…guilt is like plaque; nasty, yellow gooey stuff, clogging up your life. Because my sister died at 16, I had trouble enjoying all of life’s little milestones that should have been pure joy. Even the birth of my children was bittersweet; because I got to do something my big sis was not afforded. But then I realized that my sister would be completely pissed at me for this bullshit behavior. In a way I was cheating her all over again by allowing guilt to steal the joy. I have since apologized, and let go. I feel like I am moving forward, and oddly enough my cholesterol levels are better…coincidence?
I am far from perfect on this positive thinking stuff, but practice is definitely helping me to get closer to my more perfect self. Today I might only have 797 of those 60,000 thoughts end up negative…and tomorrow will be even less. I have faith in this the way I have faith that Jesus Jones will never, ever make a comeback. And the way I have faith that right here, right now, there is no other place I want to be…
Now what say you kids? Is happiness something that you work at does it just come naturally? Do you struggle with negativity? Do you think I am becoming cheesy in my old age? Do you think Jesus Jones will actually ever make a comeback?
On 08/18/08 at 3:41 am
lisaq said:
I completely agree! Life is what you make it and happiness is found within you. I too was diagnosed with depression and put on meds for that and insomnia. Ugh! When I began focusing on being happiness and realized it was up to me, I threw the meds away. Best damn day of my life!
On 08/18/08 at 6:23 am
Trista said:
Exactly. I don’t want to discount the legitimacy of mental illness here, but I absolutely think that sometimes doctors are entirely too quick to throw pills at people.
On 08/18/08 at 4:55 pm
Vic said:
Then those dumbasses should duck.
Sadly, our society fosters the “quick-fix” approach. “Take this pill,” instead of forcing someone to look inward and change the things that cause them problems…
Granted, some physical ailments are treated very well by pharmacology, but we tend to medicate ourselves to emotional death.
On 08/18/08 at 5:32 pm
Trista said:
No argument here.
You know what one of the best cures for mild depression is? Nope, not Prozac…exercise. Plain and simple blood-pumping activity.
Lazy Americans…
On 08/18/08 at 3:46 am
Carol said:
I think happiness is a choice. Over time, it becomes a more natural, subconscious choice. But, there are always going to be days we have to make it an exercise. Thank Jesus Jones, it does not have to be one of futility.
Trista, you are not anywhere near cheesy. Love is bug spray…and whatever is bugging you in life, love is the answer. It kills negativity and all kinds of other gooey messes, like guilt. Yeah, the person who wrote those words might be cheesy!
On 08/18/08 at 6:29 am
Trista said:
I know in my newly happy little heart that it is a choice. One that I fought against for so long. It’s new to me, so I still find myself having to “practice” at it, but it is becoming more and more natural every day.
PS: I am kinda enjoying my journey towards cheeseball-dom.
On 08/18/08 at 8:51 am
Carol said:
T, it’s a pretty cool place. And, the good news is that wine goes really well with cheese! Not WHINE, but wine…vino!!!
On 08/18/08 at 9:11 am
Trista said:
Whine doesn’t go with anything! I much prefer a nice Pinot Grigio.
On 08/18/08 at 4:19 am
Jacqueline said:
Lotta wisdom for one so young!…and I’m stealing the Emerson quote!
On 08/18/08 at 6:30 am
Trista said:
Thank you! And steal away…I stole it first.
On 08/18/08 at 4:52 am
Sarahh said:
Who says I am not the dismemberment fairy? Oh that’s right, I just like to set things on fire.
This was an excellent piece. And I say that because I am currently unable to flush out my inner Woody Allen and just stop worrying! Stop the guilt! Stop any of it. I am working on it though.
Gonna do some yoga. Going to start ohmmmming some more, going to breathe more… Because, unfortunately, wanax has to be replaced with a natural coping ability. As much as I hate to admit that. Cause momma needs her nerve pills.
But really, this was a great look in how to start “Lettingitgooo” something I need to work on BADLY.
On 08/18/08 at 6:34 am
Trista said:
I am getting you two flame retardant for Christmas. Cuz I is worried.
Positive thought is a process for me, and I am far from perfect at it. But having it remain on the surface is definitely helped me in monumental ways.
Besides, I had to do something…couldn’t afford the happy pills anymore… =P
On 08/18/08 at 9:20 am
Sarahh said:
Exactly! Those things are pricey.
I don’t like them because until they are able to show me a chemical issue, why are we treating it with chemicals??
I think you are right, docs are way to quick to hand out pills to fix ANYTHING. How about we fix the problem, not the symptom?
*You bring the flame retardant and I will bring the marshmallows. Hahahahahaha…
On 08/18/08 at 9:30 am
Trista said:
Shhhhh…the drug companies will hear you and come take out the website!
On 08/18/08 at 9:17 am
DEBBIE said:
Me and you both Sarah girl…..letting go is hard at times, I’m much better at preaching it than practicing it but I’m working on it. I’ve been letting it all get me down lately and friends have mentioned going to the doctor but I’m not up for being loaded down with meds either….although sometimes I think living in a non reality based world would be fun..just for a minute..just to see how it feels..lol.
On 08/18/08 at 10:24 am
Sarahh said:
Trista hit the nail on the head!
That is my biggest problem is not stressing over every little thing. I think that letting go of the small things is one heck of a step in the right directions.
I don’t like the meds. Side effects are never worth the result. But, that being said, there are cases where they are truly needed… I personally would like to explore ALL of my options before going on something long term that may have long term side effects!
I AM SO Glad you stopped by!!
On 08/18/08 at 10:39 am
Trista said:
exploring all the options, yes…and exploring the problem more in depth as well. For example, I had a doctor tell me I had a chemical imbalance…without running one damn test! Oh, you can tell that from out 10 minute consult? Wow! Ugh…as you can see, sore subject.
And allow me to echo Sarah’s sentiments, thanks for stopping by, Debbie. Any friend of Sarah’s is a friend of mine. =)
On 08/18/08 at 4:57 pm
Vic said:
You two are fucking insensitive cunts!!! You should call it “flame mentally challenged spray.”
On 08/18/08 at 5:31 pm
Trista said:
Oh no you didn’t just call us cunts up in here!
Sarah, hit him.
On 08/18/08 at 6:01 pm
Meghan said:
Yeah, but that was f-ing funny! HAHAHAHHA!
On 08/18/08 at 6:56 pm
Trista said:
Oh sure, laugh it up, chuckles! He’ll get you too…eventually.
On 08/18/08 at 6:59 pm
Meghan said:
I don’t doubt it…and I’ve been called worse.
‘Forget ya troubles, come on, get HAPPY!’.
On 08/18/08 at 7:01 pm
Trista said:
If you’re happy and you know it slap-a-Vic!
Wheeeee! I feel GOOD now!
On 08/18/08 at 7:56 pm
Meghan said:
It might be good we are on separate coasts! We might get arrested for something or other!
Shenanigans!
On 08/18/08 at 6:31 am
Dillon said:
I agree with the whole “positive thoughts” stuff. It’s something I definitely have to work on myself, though. I fall back on my thought that each experience in life is a part of the greatest gift ever: the opportunity to experience the world, to be alive, and to know the amazing people who surround me.
On 08/18/08 at 6:44 am
Trista said:
That is a great thought to fall back on. I use the whole, even the bad stuff is a lesson thing, which works most of the time. I still struggle with the really tough stuff though.
Life is seriously a great gift…it would be good for each and every one of us to remember that.
On 08/18/08 at 5:17 pm
Meghan said:
That’s lovely, Dillon. Being so disconnected from my family (they are 800 miles away), I lose sight of this. But on the days I come home and there is a new pic of my niece or nephew in my email…that’s a treasure that brings me all back.
On 08/18/08 at 7:54 am
Kevin said:
It’s the laws of attraction. When I think back at the good things that have happened with me, I realize that I had envisioned them, thought them up continuously in abundance prior to them happening. I know that probably sounds like bullshit or magic or whatever, but I truly believe that we have the power to create our own destiny, because thoughts produce things. I also realized I had a hand at the bad things too. Any negative thoughts can negate and cancel out the positive. I thrive in chaos, the calm inside the storm, it’s a balance I’m comfortable with. The pills I’ve done them too, became obsessed. I’m with my doctor and I sneeze and he’s asking if I need a prescription. Whoa Daddy-O. I laughed when I heard someone say the side effects are worse than the disease.
I watch and listen to the people around me and the negatives they’re battling with daily, and I think, wow it seems the majority of that is behind me now (knock on wood), I can focus on completely them. It’s a trait I continue to practice and hopefully per-fect knowing that I can contribute to my own happiness by how I perceive things.
On 08/18/08 at 8:11 am
Trista said:
No, it’s no “secret”(heh)to my friends that I too am a new recruit to the laws of attraction bit.
I read a stat yesterday that said that close to 70% of people that come into urgent care facilities with non-injury issues have symptoms that have no detectable cause. Psychosomatic nausea, headaches, what have you.
I think we all need to recognize the power of our minds, and I think it is unfortunate that so many of us do not.
On 08/18/08 at 8:48 am
Karri said:
It truly amazes me how often we don’t even recognize the negativity that surrounds us until we’re inadvertently thrown into the muck of it all. That being said, we can’t control others thoughts or actions but only be responsible for our own.
Searching for the silver lining is often easier said than done, but at the end of the day if we can find some tiny bit of hope, a spin of positivism and relinquish guilt our lives will be richer and fuller for it.
AMAZING words of wisdom, grasshopper…thank you!
And remember, “lead, follow or go sit on the porch!”
On 08/18/08 at 8:51 am
Trista said:
You are my hero…just so you know. Your strength amazes me more and more every day.
Ahhhhhh…it feels right again around here…we have missed your face, pretty.
On 08/18/08 at 9:05 am
Karri said:
There is nothing heroic about embracing those whom provide us a safe place to let go. Did I seriously just say that?!
Thanks for holding down the fort and holding my hand!
On 08/18/08 at 9:07 am
Trista said:
Letting go can be VERY heroic!
On 08/18/08 at 9:17 am
Karri said:
If you say so. But I think the real heros are those who stand by your side in battle.
On 08/18/08 at 9:37 am
Trista said:
Absolutely. But knowing when to let go…and being brave enough to do it even though it’s scary…that’s good shit, sister!
And I will stand by you until we are in wheelchairs, and then I will roll with you…in other words you are stuck with me!
On 08/18/08 at 10:16 am
Prophet said:
Unfortunately karri, this means I will also be right beside you…. but don’t worry I won’t make you hold my hand.
On 08/18/08 at 10:33 am
Trista said:
And we can leave him in the house parked in front of Sports Center…he won’t even notice we are gone.
Eve-101…the senior years!
On 08/18/08 at 1:10 pm
Karri said:
A two for one? Sweet!
What I want to know is, will the Prophet do our chores and move farm equipment?
On 08/18/08 at 1:27 pm
Trista said:
What man doesn’t like playing with heavy machinery??
On 08/18/08 at 5:43 pm
Prophet said:
<— this guy right, here.
On 08/18/08 at 5:58 pm
Trista said:
Come on! No tractors in our future unless I drive them?
On 08/18/08 at 7:40 pm
Prophet said:
I’LL DRIVE…YOU FIX.
On 08/18/08 at 7:41 pm
Trista said:
You mean you’ll get it stuck and I’ll pull it out?
That sounds dirty…I gotta go…lay down…and stuff.
On 08/18/08 at 4:59 pm
Vic said:
I missed her face because I aimed for… Oops! Sorry! Thought I was reading Penthouse Forum for a second.
On 08/18/08 at 8:53 am
Jime said:
Naw, I’d much rather be stressed and angry all day. I LOVE reliving arguments and worries in my head all day long. Remember that Sound of Music song? Well, tension headaches and Ambien induced slumber are two of my favorite things. Positivity is for suckers.
On 08/18/08 at 8:59 am
Trista said:
hahahahahahaha!
I
Call
Bullshit! =)
On 08/18/08 at 9:26 am
Jime said:
Ok, ok, ya got me. Beautiful article, Trista. Keep it up
On 08/18/08 at 9:38 am
Trista said:
thank you, my friend. Any words of wisdom to share with the peanut gallery?
On 08/18/08 at 12:45 pm
Jime said:
Whew, I’ve been a busy-bee today. And, actually that ties in excellently with my advice. Stay busy. Continually have something firing on the afterburner to keep the brain fresh and healthy, and make sure that at least one of those activities is something you love. Stagnation is the killer.
Though (to the contrary) I am also 100% in support of naps and sleep. Downtime helps put together all the pieces your activity will scatter into orbit around you.
On 08/18/08 at 2:24 pm
Trista said:
I can relate. Also, for me, I cannot function very efficiently without goals. I focus on one, doggedly, determined, until I achieve. But then I MUST have the next one lined up or I spin my wheels.
On 08/18/08 at 10:01 am
Shiplap said:
Jesus Jones will not be coming back…as it seems that the band was shrouded in mystery. It seems as though once the band was done turine the band crawled behind a rock and died. Or did they…dun dun dun??
On 08/18/08 at 10:10 am
Trista said:
Perhaps they are simply busy watching the world wake up from history?
On 08/18/08 at 10:01 am
kiki said:
I loved this article
I too have recently started trying to think more positively about both myself and my life. Its really tough to snap out of bad habits, like thinking I’m not living up to ridiculous expectations (my own as well as other peoples) or not being satisfied with my lot when really I have enough good stuff in my life to be satisfied with. I have moments every now and then where I shiver and look around and cannot believe how good my life is. Then I have darker moments where I am just waiting for the inevitable rug to be pulled out from under me. I often believe that I don’t deserve the good stuff. I’ve had some things happen in my life that have taken their toll on my heart and spirit. But I am trying to move onwards and upwards and learn to love myself more so I can envision more of the good things coming into my life, rather than just sitting back and accepting the shit as inevitable.
I love the theory that good thoughts bring good things.
On 08/18/08 at 10:11 am
Shiplap said:
Good thoughts do bring good things…epecially when you learn to use the power of the mind to plow through the dark times. Fact is you’re still standing…that should let you know you’re already in decent stead…you seem educated(added bonus)… and you seem well adjusted… now ask yourself…so how in the world can anyone pull the rug out from under you without you’re emotional consent?
On 08/18/08 at 10:45 am
kiki said:
Thats a wonderful way of looking at life shiplap. I guess my problem is that I do tend to give people permission to pull the rug out. I almost expect it! Its a lack of trust in others, combined with a deliberate distance that I put between myself and anyone (everyone) as a self defense mechanism. I am trying to get past this, and like you say Trista, its a day to day thing.
So going back to the whole laws of attraction. What happens when you think you want a specific good thing to come into your life but are too scared to actually do anything about it? There have been times when I’ve let opportunities pass me by as I was a cowardly custard and didn’t want to risk it and never believed that I really deserved it anyway. How do you get over the hurdle of yourself preventing the good thing happening? Self sabotage if you will. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy and it drives me bonkers!!!
On 08/18/08 at 10:59 am
Meghan said:
Self Sabotage is a game I think we all play at one time or, you know, a 100 times. I think my theory is that I have to stop saying to myself ‘I never really deserved that anyway’, and start TELLING MYSELF ‘Why shouldn’t I have that?’
Using the word ‘deserve’ is the first mistake with me because then I am making an assessment of my own worth. And probably slighting myself.
On 08/18/08 at 11:02 am
Trista said:
I like to keep things in the affirmative, so I say: “I CAN have that!” It’s a nice and easy way to redirect my self-doubt.
On 08/18/08 at 7:57 pm
Meghan said:
Yes, that’s what I meant!
On 08/18/08 at 11:02 am
Prophet said:
You acknowledge the fear …much as you’ve just done. And then the next time something comes around you don’t let the fear stop you from doing what it is that you want to do. Look, anything worth doing is going to have a few hurldes or maybe even a few large walls…the trick is to take the first step..and keep moving. Sometimes you’ll move straight ahead, sometimes you’ll have to re-tread some of the same steps…but you keep the goal in mind and keep moving until you’ve persevered. If you desire something pursue it in whatever way you are now capable of… and have faith in yourself to deal with what comes next. Like I said you’ve already survied…now it’s up to you to thrive. No-one, no thing, no circumstance is a good excuse. You have to practice that thought until it is true… You are capable of achieving only what you can imagine. Imagine better and better things…the sharper the detail in your mind…the more likely you are to figure out ways to accomplish it. It’s not magic…it’s practice…you’ll get it.
On 08/18/08 at 11:05 am
Shiplap said:
what he said.
On 08/18/08 at 11:16 am
Meghan said:
Like…totally.
On 08/18/08 at 1:12 pm
Karri said:
Now I know why my heterosexual life partner loves you so!
On 08/18/08 at 1:24 pm
Trista said:
He’s dreamy. =P
On 08/18/08 at 10:12 am
Trista said:
Thank you! It’s such a day by day journey for me, and I wanted to share it so that others that also struggle know that they are most assuredly not alone in it.
On 08/18/08 at 10:55 am
Carol said:
You deserve ALL good things…Never diminish yourself for any reason!
On 08/18/08 at 10:59 am
Trista said:
Carol is right, Kiki…you just need to turn that mindset of yours around. It’s about reprogramming…tell yourself over and over that you DO deserve to be happy, you DO deserve great things…and you WILL start to believe it. Be patient, be persistent, and don’t ever give up on yourself!
Now lets all sing Kumbaya!
On 08/18/08 at 11:17 am
Meghan said:
Sorry, I’m singing Right Here Right Now.
On 08/18/08 at 11:22 am
Trista said:
Yeah…me too.