Labels are for food and prescription drugs
May 27, 2008 · Print This Article
Not once or twice, but three times yesterday I was asked, “soooo, how’s your love life?” in that inquisitive yet sympathetic way that married women pose the question to single ladies. (Ugh! I got it. You’re married, I’m not. Get off your pedestal!)
The multiple Spanish Inquisitions left me to wonder… since when is my love life (or lack there of) the major topic of discussion? Don’t we have other far more pressing issues to discuss like the war, the election or the economy? Apparently those subjects are too depressing and others would rather discuss my unlabeled current state of affairs.
Labels: Boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, life partner, significant other. Oh, and let’s not forget gay, straight, bi, transgender, transsexual, republican, democrat, Catholic and Taoist. Sheesh! Sex, politics and religion all differentiated with some sort of label…categorized and neatly put into the Dewey Decimal System of life. Conglomerations of individuals that we unequivocally identify with, and often judge, based merely on their label.
I began to wonder, what’s in a name? Do all of our titles truly encompass each and every part our beings? How can one word fully embody all that we are and all that we do? And, what happens when we identify so strongly with a label only to have it evolve into something else? Does that mean we are no longer what we once were, or are we just a newer version? Do we suddenly become the new and improved upgraded, fully functional 7.0 versions?
There was a time when I wholeheartedly subscribed to the concept that “labels are for food and prescription drugs.” Not only did I believe it, but I convinced others to believe my gospel also. I was so caught up in the now of then and hell bent on the fact that “it is what it is,” and there wasn’t a suitable label in existence. I wasn’t about to have my REAL-ity confined by a singular classification.
Certainly some labels come without much forethought, they’re easily obtained and we’re able to gain some identity through them. But, what happens when we find ourselves “unidentified?” Do we really need a label to justify or signify who we are, or is it possible to negate the ideology that we must be something to be someone?
Label me this… who are you?
___________________________________________________________________________________________
*Don’t forget kids…Trista and I will be embarking on Orgasmathon ‘08 next week!
Want to support us? No, not like that…get your minds out of the gutter!
Rather than simply request that you bet on our final…errr… out come, we’ve devised a lovely way for everyone to not only show their support, but also give back to your favorite charity and have the opportunity to pad your bank account too…Wheeeeeee!
Here’s the low-down…
* Purchase however many of whatever it is that suits your fancy.
* For every 5 bucks that you spend you will receive 1 entry into the final drawing. For example if you were to purchase:
1 Magnet - $ 5.00
1 Journal - $ 10.00
1 T-shirt - $ 30.00
That would entitle you to 9 entries in our final drawing.
On 05/27/08 at 3:04 am
~Lori~ said:
Labels happening no matter what, whether good or bad. I remember when my ex lived in my state, he used to say that here I can be whomever I want to be, my past reputation/label doesn’t define me. At the same time, I think about when I was married, rarely did anyone call me by name, it was always “”"” old lady, or wife. Somehow I had lost who I was along the way, and I allowed that, I’m still working on who I am on a daily basis, fact is I’m just me, all the labels, they are all me, the sum of everything that has been my life, as long as I can accept it, why can’t everyone else? Does it really need a label, except just the fact you are you?
On 05/27/08 at 6:09 am
Karri said:
Losing your identity and becoming someone else’s “this or that” can be terrifying. You just keep working on being you…all of you, whoever and whatever you are!
On 05/27/08 at 7:06 am
Trista said:
“I’m still working on who I am on a daily basis…”
~And this, my friend, is the best that any of us can do.
On 05/27/08 at 12:46 pm
Jeremy said:
This all just sounds like yet another excuse for Karri (and Trista to an extent) to avoid a real relationship…
On 05/27/08 at 1:05 pm
Karri said:
WHAT THE…?!
On 05/27/08 at 11:59 pm
Trista said:
Yes, what the…?
On 05/27/08 at 6:02 am
Cassie said:
I can’t say I HATE labels, cause there are tons of people that NEED them….like the label RAPIST or MURDERER…those people need to be singled out so we can try to keep harm away from us and our loved ones.
As far as ’social’ labels, I try not prejudge people, but it doesn’t always work out!!!
On 05/27/08 at 6:12 am
Karri said:
Good point, Cass! Those who rape and murder should be labeled…with a big flashing “warning” sign!
On 05/27/08 at 6:30 am
Carol said:
Label me this…who am I? Sheesh, that’s too long of an answer…and it would only scratch the surface. You know me. YOU label me. Then, the next person who knows me can label me their way. It will change nothing, really. I’m just a damn good human being struggling to become a better one. Every.Single. Day.
On 05/27/08 at 6:36 am
Karri said:
“I’m just a damn good human being struggling to become a better one. Every.Single. Day.” And that’s the best any of us can do!
I’ve just been a wee bit agitated by labels as of late. For example, did you know that Eve-101 is considered the “show about sex” over at thestream? That shallow definition annoys me! We’re more than that, damnittohell!
*Stepping off soapbox*
On 05/27/08 at 7:03 am
Carol said:
Soapboxes…are for….soap!
Love you. We must catch up soon. I’m sorry I missed your call yesterday.
On 05/27/08 at 7:17 am
Karri said:
And soap is for washing out the mouths of those who utter complete nonsense…I’m just sayin’
Yes, catch up…today!
On 05/27/08 at 9:51 am
Carol said:
Note to self: look in to those individual packets of soap and see about keeping a few in my purse to hand out, accordingly. Each time someone says something to label me, I will kindly (with love) ask them to wash out their dirty mouth.
On 05/27/08 at 10:15 am
Karri said:
HAHAHAA! DO IT!!!
I would.
On 05/27/08 at 7:09 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
Too many people use labels as a means of identifying they group they “need to belong to,” and others use those same labels as a way to persecute members of the same group. Over the years, I have had a lot of friends with different sexual orientations, tastes in music, athletic abilities and what have you. I don’t judge people by their abilities or choices, so why should they judge me for mine? People who know me well have information about me that others don’t, hell, even Trista has some that I don’t regularly share. What I can tell you is that I refuse to be labeled, and I sure as hell am not going to label someone else.
On 05/27/08 at 7:27 am
Karri said:
Trista has dirt? Ohhh, Trista…
Here’s a question for you…if you had to pick one word to describe yourself which one would it be?
On 05/27/08 at 9:01 am
Jason said:
Ah Karri… I ask that question of people all the time. Though I usually not only ask them to not only describe themselves, but also to describe me in one word. Its always an interesting question because it allows you to see how others percieve themselves and you.
As for me though I always have the same answer to that question….. T’m the “exception”.
On 05/27/08 at 9:16 am
Karri said:
Ooooh…nice answer, Jason!
Once upon a time I had my friends help me write my bio and one of the questions I asked them was to describe me in 3 words. Their answers were interesting to say the least!
On 05/28/08 at 6:28 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
For myself, misunderstood, for you, unfulfilled and for Trista, uncontrollable.
On 05/27/08 at 7:18 am
Connie said:
It was a liberating day for me when I realized that every single person who knows me has their own unique individual perspective on who they think I am, filtered through their own lenses and issues, and in many cases the labels they give me have more to do with who they are than who I am. Thus there are as many different versions of “me” out there as there are people who know me. Since I can’t do much to control the perspectives that other people have based on their own personal realities (which I may or may not share), that frees me up to just concentrate on being the best “me” that I can be, for myself! Love what you gals do here, btw. Keep up the good work! :o)
Oh, and the next time a married person asks “So how’s your love life?” just say “Faaabulous!” with a wink that implies you had hot sweaty sex with a gorgeous new stud last night. They’re just jealous that you still CAN! ;o)
On 05/27/08 at 7:43 am
Karri said:
Connie, I LOOOOOOVE that bit of advice! However, I fear that will only spur them on to delve deeper into my vortex. YIKES!
On 05/27/08 at 8:32 am
Kevin M. said:
Labels are here to stay… whether you like or not. It’s in our nature to use the quickest descriptive word we can to explain to someone who you’re talking about, etc. Look at Lori’s post… first of the day… second line, “I remember when my ex..” BOOM! Label.
Now, that said, we can all CERTAINLY do without the type of label that someone intentionally, or sometimes lazily or even ignorantly uses over and over again as a literal substitute for your actual name. THOSE are the labels I think we all hate the most. Because they usually have some sort of hurtful connotation. Or are meant to get a point across in some way… whether that be that person’s religious or racial beliefs… or maybe she’s just a jealous neighborhood bitch. Oops!! Damn label! >.<
On 05/27/08 at 9:05 am
Karri said:
I was most disturbed by the “I can’t believe you’re still Single!” Like I have an incurable disease or something. Since when is “single” so horrific? Except of course when one is sick and doesn’t have a Significant Other to make them chicken noodle soup. *sigh*
On 05/27/08 at 9:41 am
Kevin M. said:
C’mon now… you have to start seeing that bowl of chicken soup as half full! I read what you wrote and I think, “Exactly. She is definitely a catch. How has she slipped through the right man’s fingers?” Meanwhile… you read, “OMG. You’re… *gulp*.. SINGLE???”
On 05/27/08 at 11:09 am
Carol said:
Exactly why people should say what they really think instead of half-assing conversation. That “your STILL single?” has everything to do with HOW others say it….and how they say it tends to direct how it is received.
On 05/27/08 at 11:17 am
Karri said:
RIGHT?!
Thank you for properly articulating my point.
On 05/27/08 at 8:35 am
Kevin M. said:
Oh… and Connie’s right. Married people aren’t asking you how your love life is to rub it in or make fun of you in some way. They trying to live THROUGH you. Remember… THEY’RE NOT HAVING ANY. THEY’RE MARRIED! Lol!
And all you married folks just relax. I know that’s not true for ALL married people. But the percentages are staggering, unfortunately.
On 05/27/08 at 9:11 am
Karri said:
*sigh*
I wish I could disagree with that statement.
On 05/27/08 at 9:38 am
Kevin M. said:
So you’re in a rut. Big deal. You WILL cum… er, I mean, come out of it.
On 05/27/08 at 9:42 am
Karri said:
If by “rut” you mean in the middle of the freakin’ Sahara Desert, then yes, I am in a rut!
On 05/27/08 at 9:53 am
Carol said:
Focus on the mirage. A good man…a mutually positive relationship. The desert serves a purpose too, yes?
On 05/27/08 at 10:01 am
Kevin M. said:
Plus… a “desert” doesn’t have countless puddles, ponds and lakes of water that you just don’t necessarily find “tasty” or “quenching”. Your fountain is out there, chica. Just keep splashing around in puddles ’til you find it.
On 05/27/08 at 10:14 am
Karri said:
You two are so damn cute! I’m FINE, really! I only have the momentary pity party when I’m sick and without a babysitter. I’m already back to embracing the fact that I was able to sit in my stinky pj’s for 3 days and not have to worry about someone else. Hello, teeter-totter for one.
On 05/27/08 at 10:24 am
Kevin M. said:
Aha! See? You got a little taste of “veg time”. Don’t fight it, m’dear. Our bodies, and minds, NEED the recharge time.
On 05/27/08 at 10:40 am
Karri said:
Don’t you “aha” me! I didn’t have a choice and I didn’t particularly enjoy it either. So there…hmmmph!
On 05/27/08 at 10:49 am
Kevin M. said:
Ok, Pissy Patty.
On 05/27/08 at 10:56 am
Karri said:
*SNORT*
That’s lovely, thank you. You’re so good to me.
On 05/27/08 at 11:10 am
Carol said:
I bet he gets asked all the time why he is still single, too!
On 05/27/08 at 12:36 pm
Kevin M. said:
Not so much. Hmm.. maybe it’s blatantly obvious or something.
On 05/27/08 at 1:06 pm
Karri said:
I wasn’t going to mention that thing on the end of your nose, but since you brought it up.
On 05/27/08 at 2:43 pm
Kevin M. said:
Um… that’s not my nose. :whistling:
On 05/27/08 at 9:16 am
kroll said:
I dread every meeting with my mom. I know that at some point during our time together she will ask me one or both of the following questions.
“So, are you seeing anyone?” This is always answered with a firm no even if it’s not the truth. I only tell her small bits of information after it’s over.
Second (and even worse) comes, “Am I every going to have any real grandchildren?” Apparently, granddog and grandcats aren’t enough. Friends tell me to just tell her that I’m a lesbian as if that would get me off the hook. Please, she would start looking into adoption options for me. It’s not about me; it’s about her becoming a grandmother.
It’s not just dear old mom who questions me about unborn children; it’s friends and coworkers too. I wouldn’t understand because I don’t have children or I should be expected to work late or every weekend because I don’t have kids. Also, I’m obviously selfish and less of a woman.
I guess I’ll keep working hard and save my money so I can afford to buy that house at the end of the street and fill it with cats.
On 05/27/08 at 9:23 am
Karri said:
You totally nailed …”It’s not about me; it’s about her becoming a grandmother.” Your Mom wants the “Gram” title. This is a really hard one for me to be objective about, because if I were to have any regret in life, it would be that I didn’t get to share that with my Mom. Sorry! Label me a party pooper!
On 05/27/08 at 9:16 am
Chris said:
Well… socially, I’m a liberal… but fiscally, I’m a conservative.
.
I didn’t identify with any established religion, so I created my own.
.
In a few ways, I’m a typical man… but in others, I’m much more feminine.
.
I’m unmarried and unattached. There is one person to whom I find myself quite attracted, but it’s a bit too early to know, for sure, where it’s going… I have my hopes, though.
.
There is really only one label that fits me to a “T” in all areas… and it fits everyone else just as well…
.
I’m ME.
On 05/27/08 at 9:24 am
Karri said:
BRAVO!
I like the way you’re thinking!
On 05/27/08 at 9:18 am
Charles Albert Green said:
Karri you wrote a great blog today. It’s like you read my mind. The labels that have been placed on me in the last few months alone is rediculous!! I’m Cali Nugga all day long now to most dudes I work with. Hell even overnight. One guy calls me “The Professor” because I wear glasses and read books! One guy thinks I’m conservative because I’m “educated”. I have a nineteen year old girl that thinks I’m her boyfriend. They call her my shadow she follows me so much. And the worst part is I’m single and completely unlike any other guy down here. I have been hit on so many times I stopped counting. Oh and apparently I’m a gangbanger because I’m from california.
On 05/27/08 at 9:29 am
Karri said:
Thank you, I’m glad you likey!
I find it interesting that although you’re still “you” your labels have changed with your new surroundings. I suppose it all comes down to the life experiences of others in which their perceptions are based upon.
On 05/27/08 at 9:39 am
Sarahh said:
My label consists of…
Sarah -
To be taken with excess Vodka until sane. May be mixed with Vicodin, Xanax, and Dark Chocolate. Not all at once. May cause actual sleep.
Please do not mix with any of the following…
Sarahh, Sarah-bear, Schmoopie, Mom, Worker Bee, Crazy Bitch, Kick ass Friend, Lover of all things GOAT, woman.
As these are all in the same. And may cause overdose if taken in excess. And an OD of Sarahh may cause insanity and dementia in some.
On 05/27/08 at 9:49 am
Karri said:
Schmoopie always cracks me up!
Let’s just call you, “unique”!
On 05/27/08 at 9:55 am
Sarahh said:
I don’t like labels either. When I was single, I got the sooo how is your love life, you seeing anyone, and if I was dating, so when are you getting engaged?
I get that all the time now. Why aren’t you engaged? When you guys going to take it to the next level?
I respond by, “What is wrong with the level we are at now? Or Why should I change to fit a mold of people I don’t care for??”
I don’t understand what allows people to be so personal with someone. I mean people don’t walk up to me and say wow, so when you gonna take off that extra 15lbs you been carrying around?
Or, wow your hair looks like shit, when are you going to get it cut again?
But they have no problem questioning my place in life or my love life.
On 05/27/08 at 10:16 am
Karri said:
Next time just ask them, “sooooo when’s your funeral?”
Whoopsie. Did I just cross the line?
On 05/27/08 at 11:13 am
Sarahh said:
Exactly. When I got divorced and everyone found out my ex cheated, I would get the sympathetic head tilt.
*Tilt head to side* You doing ok?? You NEED anything?
And that is great and all, but from the chick I had 10th grade geometry with, whom I haven’t seen since. Come on now… When I put K.I.T on the year book, this wasn’t what I meant.
On 05/27/08 at 11:20 am
Karri said:
When I wrote, “have a rad summer!” I really meant, “lose my phone number.”
I was just watching the Eve pilot episode last night (what? don’t judge me!)and I said the exact same thing about being single on V-day. *Tilt head insert sympathy* BLECH!!!
On 05/27/08 at 10:38 am
Rex Version 8.104 said:
I constantly get asked about getting any yet.
A-fucking-nnoying.
I would go into it more, but bleh.
On 05/27/08 at 10:46 am
Karri said:
What about your label(s), Mister?
On 05/27/08 at 11:33 am
Rex Version 8.104 said:
“Nice”… Good Friend… “Difficult”… and of course, Gay.
On 05/27/08 at 11:42 am
Karri said:
Really, you get “gay”? hmmmm…
Now, the million dollar question…which label would you use if you could only pick one?
On 05/27/08 at 12:00 pm
Rex said:
I’ve had the “gay” label since high school. I guess not making moves on every woman I run into and being considerate and receptive to them makes me gay. Doesn’t help that I’m super selective about who I have sex with. People see all the female friends I have and that I don’t get tail on the regular… so there you go.
I hate all my labels. “Nice” and Good Friend are given to me by women I’ve dated or ones I’ve had interest in. They’re positive on paper, but not said in good will, usually. So now whenever I hear either one… bleh.
On 05/27/08 at 1:06 pm
Karri said:
Okay, skipping the gayness…you didn’t answer my question!
On 05/27/08 at 1:23 pm
Rex said:
I don’t like any of them.
If I had to choose I guess “difficult”.
Difficult to get to.
Difficult to read.
Difficult to settle down.
Difficult to find occasionally.
Difficult to please.
Difficult to shop for the birthday and holidays.
…etc and so forth…
On 05/27/08 at 1:26 pm
Karri said:
PICK. YOUR. OWN!
On 05/27/08 at 1:54 pm
Rex said:
Oh.
um…
Loner.
On 05/27/08 at 2:23 pm
Karri said:
I had to practically pull your teeth for that? *sigh*
On 05/27/08 at 12:44 pm
PJ said:
um, is perfect a label?
On 05/27/08 at 1:07 pm
Karri said:
If you believe it, it will come true!
On 05/27/08 at 1:20 pm
PJ said:
Well, you know how it is. If people are constantly saying it to you, you start to believe it after awhile.
On 05/27/08 at 1:28 pm
Karri said:
This is perfect…that means its really not my fault that I’m crazy, everyone else created it.
Thanks PJ, I feel so much better now!