Leashing the Beast

Good morning, gang! Have you walked your toddler today?

No, never really had to deal with the meddling business thank goodness. I did, however, leash my youngest for a short time when she was 2 or 3. Like your little guy, girlfriend was fast! If I hadn’t leashed her, I’d have lost her I’m sure. It didn’t take long for her to figure out that if she didn’t take off and hide in a rack of clothes or wander over to talk to the nice man, she didn’t have to wear the leash so it didn’t last long. We lived on a Navy base then which was actually an island. I just knew if I didn’t do something, she was going to end up fish bait in Puget Sound. Not good.

Don’t have kids, so can’t say about the leash one way or another.

BUT I would tell the sister in law to mind her own bidness! SERIOUSLY!

When I had my first child, I use to get frustrated with what the in-law-grandparents wanted to feed her, had to ask the husband to step in. I even remember his grandmother coming over telling me the baby’s feet were freezing, yet she had socks and shoes on, WTF? I know I was NEW mom, but aren’t we all, if anything I was doing everything by the literal book and the pediatrician, *sigh*. Sometimes you have to let spouse step in, to keep the peace. If not then talk to them directly, politely, through gritted teeth, while biting your tongue, and just say, “I appreciate your concern and thoughtfulness regarding our child, but I do have my own parenting methods I prefer to follow, but I will take it into consideration.” and HOPE no drops of blood show on the corner of your mouth. ;p (usually being overly polite and conveying that it is not up for discussion, gets the point across).

As for the “leash” thing. I am guilty of it briefly on the first child, it was the kind that attached to her wrist and mine, her dad hated it. She wander off from her Granny when we were shopping, and ended up half way across the store, we were looking at clothes *rolls eyes*, she was only two, gave me a heart attack. Once I was sure the wandering thing stopped, which didn’t take long I threw it out. To each their own.

As far as the leash thing goes, yeah, to each his own. Honestly if a child is prone to taking off then I’ve used something along those lines. Not for long, and only in extremely crowded places. What I used most tho, since I’m short I always wore jeans when the oldest were young, and if I needed a hand free, I had them grab a pocket. They’d reach up and grab hold of one of the pockets of my jeans. I could feel their hands and be aware of them and still do what I needed to do, at the same time be able to react and reach them the second a little hand ’slipped’ out. They loved it. Gave them a tad of freedom to look around, but still stay with me.
As far as meddling in-laws go. Make it known that while you appreciate their concern… you’ve made a decision and would like to not be pressured.. yadayadayada.. it makes a person uncomfortable and no one wants that between family… Hope things work out for ya!

As with Free Mommy, something about the leash leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t regard them as a sign of a lazy, crazy or daft parent - but still doesn’t sit well with me.

If you are leasing a child in a public place like a fair with lots of opportunities for social interaction, how much of your own fears are you going to then project onto the child? If I strapped Bean in, she would most certainly ask ‘WHY’ 30 times. Will she then feel unsafe without the leash? Are large crowds going to feel that much less comfortable to her? I don’t know.

I seem to subscribe more to your school of thought about teaching them some of the safety basics that ensure strapping them in no longer necessary. The 10 yr old I still see doesn’t need to take my hand anymore…but he knows to stop look back and wait for me. Often times he instructs his little bro to hold my hand.

They can BE safe, but do they FEEL safe?

I used it once. It was immediately after my ex left and I had two very young, active kids. Eleven months and 2 1/2. We were at a local outdoor event with too many distractions. I bought one from One Step Ahead (supposed to be premier parenting supply company).

Bottom line. I decided I would rather invite a friend to go with me to help with the kids rather than use the “approved” and “safe” item.

For me, it’s the positive or negative energy I feel from the parents who use them. Some seem to use them because they don’t want to think of other ways to handle the situation…they are too lazy to TEACH their kids. Some are obviously being proactive with active children. To each their own…but I would send that leash back to her with a simple, thanks, but no thanks.

*Sigh*

Until I became a parent I thought tot leashes were disturbing and well horrible!

Then I became a parent and my son walked off. Out of no where, he was RIGHT there, then POOF. Everything turned out ok, but I remember saying, “I get the kid leash thing now. I totally get it.” It is a choice. I don’t think people are wrong for doing it or not doing it.

What I didn’t like was that she sent you one knowing your feelings about it. It was very Rude and Pushy.

I agree with eve here. Send the leash back wrapped around a book of manners. If that doesn’t send a message I don’t know what does!

I call shenanigans and bullshit here. Disneyland, monkey backpack, what was in the monkey backpack? A leash… Who ripped on you for taking that jump….

Oh how soon we forget.

They also have “Kid Beepers”

Example http://www.mypreciouskid.com/child-locator.html

This makes more sense to me. You as a parent have piece of mind that you can find them when they run off all of a sudden to eat the gum someone just threw on the floor.

And the kid doesn’t feel like they are the same as the dog being taken for a walk.

I don’t think it is a matter of lazy parenting either. Probably more towards the over protective (of which I am one)…

I get it, but how is your bundle of joy going to feel at 10,15,25 when they look at family pics to the park and he is wearing a cotton candy blue body harness? Just thoughts…

We leashed the little buggers, at least, when we remembered to bring them along with us, even when two of us were shopping at the same time. Our first one loved to hide from us in department stores (diving into clothes racks, backrooms, changing rooms, leaving through the cool automatically opening doors, up the elevator, down the elevator…you get it). Our second one was simply interested in everything. We didn’t buy anything special, just used old cat and puppy leashes attached to belt loops, button holes or straps.

Anyone who hasn’t done this has a preternaturally calm (drugged?) toddler or doesn’t have a life outside the kids. You can’t do two things at once: pay attention to the kids and shop efficiently, and sometimes the kids have to come along (rather than be left with a sitter or spouse).

What I don’t understand is how single parents do it. At this stage, one kid whupped two of us chasing him around all day. Two, well….we didn’t know what whupped was.

The sister was just trying to be helpful. Sounds like “Freedom Mommy” has unresolved sibling issues that go beyond this simple exchange.

I had a friend that had a very active son. The first 6 years of his life they lived in the country, so the boy could run and no one worried too much about strangers and cars and such.

Then they moved back to the city. She never had to teach him about these things or leash him in the country, and she was (in my opinion) sort of at a loss as to how to handle his hyperactivity and keep him safe without stigmatizing him or scaring the crap out of him.

So she just sort of yelled sometimes, but didn’t really do a lot. He was a very lucky boy and barely avoided get ran over more than once. But had I been a big meddler (cuz I can’t deny I am a little meddler :p) or passive-aggressive like this sister in law, I may have suggested she use a leash. Because even though I never understood them for myself, I think that looking back on it, a leash would have been better than nothing at all at the time.

Now, with that being said, had she picked up a leash on her own, I probably would have thought (at the time) that she was taking the “lazy way out”. Ahhh, when we are young and think we know what’s best for every one else.

Just an update, the boy survived just fine without any injuries and is now a teenager, even with her “lenient” parenting style, so I have learned to be on the “to each his/her own” bandwagon in my old age.

Haha, your idea of the muzzle is priceless!

Seriously though, I would be livid too. At the sister for imposing, at the husband for not standing by me, and I would take it straight to the source. Parenting is not a “one size fits all” thing.

I personally don’t agree with the leashes. Would you like to be leashed when you want to explore your surroundings? Teaching your kids to not dart off and run into traffic and that are a parent’s responsability and how and at what age they teach that is their business. I do know mothers who use them because they are too lazy to run with their kids at the park and that angers me to no end, but again, not my kids.

Kid leashes are just one more symptom of the generation of whining pussies being raised in America right now.

Ok, I agree with your advice Trista, but I disagree when you say that, “Your sister-in-law is doing exactly what I think we should all resist doing as best we ca…telling other parents how to parent.” This statement is backward. The sister-in-law did not draw first blood here–Freedom Mother did. This is because Freedom Mother was meddling. She is a meddler.

Most people seem to think that if something is true it can or should be spoken out loud with impunity. Well, then, “Your thighs are chunky,” “Your kid’s a brat,” and “Your husbands’s dick is tiny.”

Some folks used the their opinion as a weapon to hurt or feel superior. You must always ask yourself, “What benefit is it to the person to know…whatever?” Freedom-Mother made the mistake of criticizing Leash-Mother’s mothering habits.

What I suggest Freedom-Mother do is politely apologize for meddling and reinforce this by telling Leash-Mother that she has every right to raise her child exactly as she sees fit.

I am definitely with the OP on just griping to the family so that it gets back to the offender. What would you achieve by having a confrontation with someone you are (hopefully) going to have to deal with for life? Families don’t automatically get along, and I reckon quiet roundabout messages help to round off spiky corners. I hope I would summon up the grace to thank her for the gift, possibly with a little dig about using it if I had to take the tot somewhere really, really dangerous

If you personally enjoy being a drama queen, then go ahead, but you have to live with the consequences. I would be reluctant to ever go to the county fair again or anywhere with you, which would be tough on the kids.

It might be different if she was making continual efforts to interfere with your management of your family, but that is not mentioned here. Just the OP having started the argument.

i think leashing your children is indeed bad parenting and indicative of being fucking lazy… also it is creepy and just plain weird. were talking children, small humans, not pets. just my two cents.

I leashed my kid. Yup, and I would again. She was 10 months old, DETERMINED to walk, and refused to be strapped into the push chair. So, the best option for our sanity was a leash. She got to walk and I got to go about day to day business without the insanity screaming tots bring on. As soon as she was old enough to understand that she had to hold hands, follow mommy, and sit when told to the leash was gone.

The leash lasted for about a month. Mom used to leash me when we went into town. It was crowded, dirty and always a crush of people on narrow streets, after loosing me and my brother at 1 1/2 and 3 respectively, she whipped those bad boys out.

I think they are a useful tool and a personal choice, but they should NEVER be forced on another parent, nor should they be ridiculed by others. You’re parenting style is yours alone and you have NO idea why someone is doing what they do. Don’t judge, ask.

Anyway, as for meddling relitives, my sis-in-law tried to push her beliefs onto my child the other day. I blew a fuse. Not only where they COMPLETLY removed from my own, but actually ignorant and misinformed. I didn’t handle it well. At least the cow is alive to moo another day though.