Lies, lies, lies… yeah?

Welcome to “He said, She said”, where we take a common question or topic and see if members of the opposite sex can get on the same page, or if they’ll have to agree to disagree. Today’s topic:

In relationships is it ok to white lie your sweetie pie?

He said: Honesty? Heck yeah.

Like Immanuel Kant said: “lying is wrong… and stuff”. That’s a quasi-accurate quote from the man that believed morality was an uber- righteous quality.

Ok so feelings can get hurt… blah, blah, blah. Boo-freaking-hoo!

Look, the truth is you’re screwed either way…a woman only asks for your “honest” opinion as an excuse to trap, and eventually argue…with you. Maybe not all woman, but enough of them to fill up 3/4 of Asia. Logic dictates that any request for an “honest” opinion be met with an “honest” reply. But unfortunately we’re not dealing with a logical creature, we’re dealing with women. There is no right answer…unless of course you have ESP to combat her PMS.

You can’t avoid the issue, and rapidly changing the subject doesn’t work on these crafty animals. So, you have to pick between two equally treacherous paths.

If you give in to the temptation of white lies you are working against your end goal. (Sustainable sex). You will eventually earn the scorn of your chosen one if you choose this route. Why? Because eventually your crafty girlie is going to accuse you of not having an opinion…or not caring, or lying.

Ladies will cling to their need for validation as the reason behind their argumentative quest…but rest assured, once you’ve given your approval to them, they will still complain about the manner in which you’ve delivered it; or tweak your words until they appear slanderous.

One thing will lead to another and you’ll wind up on the defensive. Once weakness is sensed …women will be unmerciful. An argument will ensue as you are left to wrestle with the age old question: “What did I do?” If this happens enough times you will be written off as spineless (that’s bad).

If you tell the truth…well, you’re still screwed, and not in a good way. Again, an argument will ensue; “yadda, yadda, yadda…” “What did I do?!” You’ll probably end up on the couch; but as long as you’re in the house there are numerous ways to win back the bed. And as an added bonus you won’t have lost your “Honest Joe” status nor have jeopardized your immortal soul.

Look, girls think guys are insensitive jerks anyways… this label applies to nearly all of us. Very few girls think guys are honest. Prove that you are and she’ll deal with all the other BS.

But then again, I haven’t slept in a bed in nary a week? Baby have I told you how beautiful you…too late? Well can I get a pillow at least?

She said: In a world where 8 out of 10 online dating profiles list “honest” as an essential quality in a potential mate, complete and total honesty is the only way to go, right? Wrong. In a relationship the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth does ANYTHING but set you free. In reality the truth often gets you a one way ticket to sofa city.

The truth is… women want to be lied to. We expect it of you. We want you to do it, and do it well. It’s a sign of unconditional love. No, really. Conditional lying equates to unconditional love. Before you all crucify me on a cross of condemnation in the name of sacred and holy relationships everywhere, allow me to explain…

There are many, many kinds of lies out there and in this girl’s opinion, not all lies are created equal. There are many that have no place in a committed relationship. For example all those lies told that hurt, harm, or maliciously deceive. Yeah those are bad, folks. The only kind of lying I am condoning is the white lie variety.

White lie: a lie perceived or intended not to harm. A lie told in order to avoid distress or embarrassment. A harmless lie.

Women are experts in the art of the white lie. We learn this little survival trick at a young age; it’s passed down generation to generation like a meatloaf recipe. We lie because we care. We lie because we are the empathetic gender.

Of course we don’t want brutal honesty because, well, it’s…brutal! To hear a man tell us the cold hard truth is to hear him telling us that HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT OUR FEELINGS! Not making an effort to spare my feelings means you don’t care about ME. You’ve got to understand, if there is one thing we ladies care about, it’s our feelings. Do you really think I want to hear that my outfit makes me look like Tara Reid or that I sound like a dying seagull when I sing? Telling a girl that kind of stuff is cruel…not to mention suicidal.

Look, intimacy and complete honesty do not go hand in hand. When your girlfriend is completely premenstrual and feeling insecure you make a point of looking her in the eye and saying with the utmost sincerity, “Baby, the way your dress brings out your eyes is amazing…you look gorgeous…” because that is your JOB. You want to keep this job, right?

My (you look perfect in those jeans) bottom line? Love is all about softening life’s little blows for each other. It is your boyfriend-ly duty to lift us up, to make us feel special. That is why we keep you around! Well, for that and for unclogging toilets and whatnot. White lies are the grease of your relationship’s axles, without it, you are in for one bumpy ride, fellahs.

Our male guest writer B is currently pursuing life, love and happiness in Hell, TX. You can visit him by clicking here

So what’s your thoughts on this matter? Her confidence must be bolstered or you’ll sleep on the couch that’s upholstered? Or honesty at all costs to the ego?