Lessons Learned From Thing One and Thing Two
May 12, 2008 · Print This Article
Some (of the many) things my children have taught me:
1. Unconditional love does exist outside of Hollywood movies. And its completely worth the hype.
2. They are ALWAYS listening and they will repeat what you say (i.e. mom wants a quiet vibrator for her birthday) to an inappropriate person (i.e. your father) at an inopportune time (i.e. the family 4th of July BBQ).
3. When you hear “oops” come from behind a closed bathroom door a mere second after the flush…it’s too late. Just get the plunger. And the mop.
4. When a room containing a six year old and a four year old boy goes completely silent the eye of the tornado is passing over you. Prepare for a major cleanup operation. I hope you have an emergency preparedness kit.
5. Every day can be “the best day ever, mom!” if you learn to just let loose and have fun with them, even if it’s for just 20 minutes. That’s all they really want sometimes.
6. Washable paint will wash out of your dog’s fur, but it is going to take the entire bottle of Pantene. And the dog might be walking around wearing a blue tint and a look of distain for awhile. Your bathtub might never recover.
7. The police cease to be amused by even the most charming of three year olds around the third “accidental” call to 911.
8. Having pieces of your heart walking around in the world is an oddly wonderful and terrifying experience. Roller coasters got nothing on this!
9. There are few things more challenging in life than attempting to remove melted crayons from your car’s cloth upholstery.
10. Nature is more wondrous if you are looking through the eyes of a child. Slowing down and enjoying it with them will change your perspective…try it.
11. Dried beans shoved up a little nose will expand and get stuck.
12. A Band-Aid, a Popsicle and some laughter can cure almost any ailment.
13. Mud is a good time, as long as it remains outside instead of inside and ground into your rug, on your bedsheets, all over the fresh pile of laundry you just put down to fold…you get the idea.
14. Children are drawn to Sharpies the way moths are drawn to a flame. Best to hide them away before your TV ends up with a mustache where Sponge Bob’s face used to be.
15. Most of all though, my boys have taught me to live in the present. I regret nothing and I don’t spend so much time worrying about tomorrow that I forget to enjoy today. This magical moment of their youth is now, and I am going to bask in it.
I hope you all had a wonderful day yesterday. I hope you remembered to love and honor a mom in your life.
And please! Share a life lesson (or two) of your own…be it from mothers or children!
On 05/11/08 at 9:01 pm
Karri said:
I laughed. I cried. And you know how jealous I am every time I hear you say “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!” They are amazing little creatures those two!
Just remember when the day comes…cat flea and tick spray will not dislodge a blood sucker from your child’s head.
On 05/12/08 at 6:32 am
Trista said:
Most heard expressions in a day time phone conversation with me:
“(insert oldest’s name here), where are your glasses?!”
“(insert youngest’s name here), where are your pants?!”
“What was that sound?”
“What is that smell?!”
On 05/12/08 at 9:39 am
chomsky at the bit said:
What about “You’d better not be doing what I think you’re doing.”
and the obligatory “cuuurses”.
On 05/12/08 at 10:10 am
Trista said:
obligatory because they are ALWAYS doing what I think they are doing that they shouldn’t be doing.
On 05/12/08 at 1:07 pm
Chris said:
That’s what lard (or you can substitute Crisco, if you’re one of those health-conscious moms) is for. Cover the tick with it and wait a few minutes; it will let go. When they’re covered with lard, they can’t breathe, so they back out… that’s when you grab them.
On 05/12/08 at 1:17 pm
Trista said:
Excellent tip, thank you. That is so much better than the old hot needle trick.
On 05/12/08 at 1:45 pm
Chris said:
You’re quite welcome… one more thing I learned in Boy Scouts.
On 05/12/08 at 2:10 pm
Trista said:
I shoulda been a Girl Scout…
On 05/12/08 at 3:05 pm
Kevin M. said:
Word on the street is you have the best cookies, anyway.
On 05/12/08 at 3:21 pm
Trista said:
Well…I didn’t want to brag, but…
On 05/12/08 at 3:38 pm
Karri said:
*AHEM*
On 05/12/08 at 3:44 pm
Trista said:
You don’t OWN him Karri, so whatevs.
On 05/12/08 at 3:57 pm
Carol said:
Kevin and his love of cookies. And temples.
On 05/12/08 at 4:08 pm
Chris said:
I bake a pretty mean chocolate chip, too… not to mention my lemon meringue pie. I know, I know… I’m a tease.
On 05/12/08 at 4:11 pm
Trista said:
Ooooo, Lemon Meringue is GOOOOOD!
On 05/12/08 at 4:17 pm
Chris said:
And mine… made from scratch, by the by, is way better than Marie Callender’s!
On 05/12/08 at 4:19 pm
Kevin M. said:
Hey T… last I checked, Karri GAVE me to you, anyway. Just sayin’.
On 05/12/08 at 4:27 pm
Trista said:
Ha! Now THAT was a zing! =P
On 05/12/08 at 7:51 pm
Kevin M. said:
It’s the least a “pet” can do for its owner. No?
On 05/12/08 at 1:30 am
Carol said:
I did NOT expect this this morning. Damn you, T, you just proved K’s point that the best stuff happens when you have zero expectations. Yesterday, I learned that a seven-year-old boy can often be the biggest man possible. Instead of buying a new DS game, he used his Tooth Fairy money to buy me a hanging plant. Moreso, he credited his sister, too.
On 05/12/08 at 6:35 am
Trista said:
I like to keep you guys on your toes. =)
Your little man has become quite the big man, hasn’t he? But how could he not, with such a bad-ass mama?
On 05/12/08 at 6:39 am
Carol said:
You succeeded. My kiddos are more bad-ass than I am. Why am I hearing “baaaaa” in my head and thinking of goats?
On 05/12/08 at 6:39 am
Trista said:
You have Sarah-itis. I am sorry. There is no known cure.
On 05/12/08 at 11:21 am
Sarahh aka THE SHADOW said:
I swear, when I first read that I thought it said,
“You have Sarah-tits.”
I was thinking, how does she know???
I just gained at least a day on my life for laughing THAT hard…
Hahahahaha….
On 05/12/08 at 12:02 pm
Trista said:
okay, from the pictures I have seen, having Sarah-tits would NOT be a bad thing…just saying.
On 05/12/08 at 3:04 pm
Kevin M. said:
Hmmm, yes. Please Sarah… do share.
On 05/12/08 at 3:58 pm
Carol said:
Ha ha…she is in my top friends. But, you would have to ADD her to see her photos. We all know your policy on such things.
On 05/12/08 at 4:18 pm
Kevin M. said:
You people are the devil. Is NOTHING sacred??
On 05/12/08 at 5:06 pm
Carol said:
Yes, my temple.
On 05/12/08 at 8:11 pm
Kevin M. said:
My dear…. ALL temples are sacred, in my opinion!
On 05/12/08 at 9:29 am
Neal said:
How much are your kid’s teeth worth?! He’d need to lose the lot to buy a DS game, no?!
On 05/12/08 at 10:12 am
Trista said:
well he did lose quite a few… 4, Carol?
On 05/12/08 at 1:46 pm
Carol said:
Yep..he lost four, plus had money left from his birthday and helping his dad. Five bucks per tooth, seven each on the front two.
On 05/12/08 at 3:03 pm
Kevin M. said:
HOLY CRAP! Either mom-flation has skyrocketed…. or I am REALLY old.
On 05/12/08 at 4:00 pm
Carol said:
I guess I am lucky he lost them at his daddy’s house! Dadflation can afford that stuff, Mom-flation would have told him the Tooth Fairy insisted I bake his favorite cookies instead of give him money.
On 05/12/08 at 4:18 pm
Kevin M. said:
Haha. Nice. Here I was thinking I would want my teeth knocked out… while sleeping over your house. There’s a HUGE rumor in there somewhere.
On 05/12/08 at 5:09 pm
Carol said:
If you were to ever sleep over at my house, there would be shittons of rumors.
On 05/12/08 at 5:52 pm
Trista said:
Heck yeah, I’d start a few myself! =P
On 05/12/08 at 3:28 am
~Lori~ said:
Wonderful blog, our children our hearts on the outside. No matter what kind of heartache you may experience when it comes to them they can erase it when they do something so totally unexpected and it comes from the heart. As for sharing,two things I can think of: I got a text message from my teen, we went through a real rough time for two years, she is doing great now, but she saw a friend fight with their son, and she told me it was terrible, reminded her of our bad experiences, what I receive was, “I’m sorry I treated you so bad, I love you Mommy.”…brought tears to my eyes, thing is I don’t hold against her the bad times, love her too much, but to know she appreciates me as a mom goes so far. The other thing, which made me laugh so hard is my 12 year old, noticed I was down, (relationship split), told me, “Mom, everyone deserves someone, have you ever thought of becoming a lesbian?”, which I informed her through my laughter and smiles, no, but the fact that all she wants is for her Mom to be happy goes so darn far. Happy Mom’s day to all, cherish them, through good and bad, there will never be a dull moment, I promise.
On 05/12/08 at 6:39 am
Trista said:
“Mom, everyone deserves someone, have you ever thought of becoming a lesbian?”
~I can’t stop laughing!
This is why moms don’t need to go to comedy shows. We have our own, right at home.
And I am glad to know the warm and tender won’t screech to a complete halt during the teenage years…I can handle A dry spell, (I think!) but no famine!
Happy Belated Mom’s Day, Lori!
On 05/12/08 at 5:17 am
Meghan said:
That was so sweet! I can’t wait to experience those moments.
I was nanny to 2 boys who are about to turn 10 and 7 this year. Ive known both of them since they were hours old and they just melt my heart.
Funniest moment of my life:
Potty Training one of them and he is learning to stand up and pee…
He is sort of exploring his body and asks me “What are the squishy things under my penis??”. Before I can come up with an answer he looks at me directly and asks “Do YOU have squishy things under YOUR penis????”.
Little boys…I just don’t get embarrassed about anything anymore!!
On 05/12/08 at 6:07 am
Carol said:
That is hilarious. I have a son (7) and a daughter (5 1/2). Up until a year and a half ago,I would still let them take a bath together. Once your daughter starts telling EVERYONE who will listen, “I WANT A PENIS!”, you start defining more boundaries and making them bathe separately.
On 05/12/08 at 6:25 am
Trista said:
At my old apartment there was no lock on the bathroom door in my bedroom. So one morning my then 2 year old came busting in, took one look at me there on the toilet and screamed, “Mommy! Your penis has fallen off!” I tried to tell him no, but he was in full panic mode for me and my assumed lost member. “It’s in the toilet, it’s in the toilet, check!”
So yes, we had a long talk as we sat down with “The Body Book.”
And i still think he pities me and my lack of phallus to this day.
On 05/12/08 at 8:23 am
Meghan said:
Too funny! Ahh, yes “The Body Book”. I remember going through the anatomy conversation and the 3 year old saying - ‘Daddy has one of those. It’s his naked squirt gun’.
Then, the other day I walked in on the now 6 yr watching the dog lick herself. He was on the floor trying to get his leg over his head saying ‘Why does she always do that, it’s so uncomfortable!’. Comedy Show indeed.
On 05/12/08 at 8:27 am
Trista said:
“Naked squirt guy!”
bwahahahahahahaaaa…I cannot breathe!
On 05/12/08 at 9:10 am
Karri said:
‘Why does she always do that, it’s so uncomfortable!’
If I could perform those acrobatic skills, I’d never leave the house!!!
On 05/12/08 at 10:17 am
Trista said:
I second that!
On 05/12/08 at 11:08 am
Kevin said:
Who are you guys kidding? If humans could do THAT… there’d be no wars, no divorce, and well… ZERO productivity. Lol.
On 05/12/08 at 2:12 pm
Trista said:
Awwwwww, hell!
yeah, you are totally right. Even those that wouldn’t admit to it would still be doing it!
On 05/12/08 at 6:30 am
Sarahh said:
My Noah Bug gave me a coupon book. For free hugs and kisses, and for him to clean up the house.
Then he made a card showing mommy on the couch napping while Noah cleaned.
See a pattern here??? Mommy likes to nap, but can’t because she is always cleaning… lol
He told me, “Mommy, next year I have the biggest surprise for you for mothers day, you won’t even believe it”
This was the first year he really got the day, and it was more than my heart could take!
On 05/12/08 at 6:44 am
Trista said:
Awwww…my little one picked all the new flowers growing in the yard of our neighbors’ (vacant because they are trying to sell, hence the new flowers) house.
It was difficult to scold through the tears.
Darn kids. Always making our hearts explode and stuff.
On 05/12/08 at 6:52 am
Karri said:
That’s just great, go ahead, rub it in. What do I get…a self installed doggie door…pfffft!
On 05/12/08 at 6:56 am
Trista said:
I can bring him over to pick your neighbors flowers for you, Auntie Karri! Just say the word!
On 05/12/08 at 7:03 am
Karri said:
Okay, Mom lesson flashback…I was so proud to bring her home California Poppies that I picked on my walk home. She promptly informed me that they are our state flower and it’s illegal to pick them. I never walked on that side of the road again for fear that I’d go to jail if someone found out about my mishap…thanks Mom…ha!
On 05/12/08 at 7:06 am
Trista said:
Oh no! Ha! That’s like my dad telling me I had “stolen hermit crab houses” when I brought shells home from the beach after a field trip once. Thanks for the dose of reality, guys!
On 05/12/08 at 7:02 am
Sarahh aka THE SHADOW... said:
Noah brings me things ALL the time. Bugs, rocks, leaves, flowers, other peoples things…
He looks up at me with this look like “Look at this wonderful thing I have brought you from deep in my heart!”
I have a whole basket of rocks, dead flowers, you name it…
On 05/12/08 at 7:05 am
Trista said:
Ha! Yes, rocks and broken seas shells have a special shelf at my house.
And quite honestly I love them more than I could ever love some expensive, dust catching knick knack.
On 05/12/08 at 6:37 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
Good & Evil took the time to clean the livingroom yesterday morning, then went and woke mom up so Good could set off at the ungodly early hour of 6am for a bowling tournament in Redlands. I love to take her, and so does The Hawaiian, but seriously, leaving at 6 so she can check in my 7:30?!? She better make enough scholarship money before she turns 18 to make this worth it! Other than that, we took my aunt & grandma out to dinner last night, and Good decided to follow Evil’s example. It was 3 hours of pure hell! Glad yours was good.
On 05/12/08 at 6:38 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
Oh yeah, the other half of that bowling thing is that we got to my aunts house just in time to leave for dinner.
On 05/12/08 at 6:48 am
Trista said:
Aww, your daughter is a little bowling stud? How awesome is that?!
And I need to see this “Evil” you speak of…you make the child sound like Rosemary’s Baby for crying out loud!
On 05/12/08 at 6:51 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
She is that… she took 5th place, and was the only child under 13 to make it past qualifying. Evil is just that… she attempts daily to cause mom and dad heart attacks, and has been attempting to have her first beer since she was a year and a half old!
On 05/12/08 at 6:57 am
Trista said:
I need to study her…so I can write a book about her…perhaps even a screenplay…
On 05/12/08 at 7:37 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
We can always get together and let the things play with Good & Evil… It would be pure hell on us though..
On 05/12/08 at 7:58 am
Trista said:
I think I need to observe her in the wild a bit before I can decide whether or not and I can expose thing one and thing 2 to her…
On 05/12/08 at 8:17 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
Are you insinuating that she might not be the proper influence on the Things? She does try…. my patience, but she does try. She is just naturally a disaster looking for a place to strike.
On 05/12/08 at 8:21 am
Trista said:
Well…my two are a bit…ummm, free spirited as well. We might just end up on the evening news if we get them all together…cataclysmic event and all that.
On 05/12/08 at 10:43 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
We know both know that the only way we will ever put them together is if we have the option of being in another state when it happens, and I don’t think that’s very likely.
On 05/12/08 at 12:41 pm
Trista said:
hahahahaa…now that’s funny. Good and thing one would probably play well together, actually.
It’s the other two that might blow shit up. Literally.
On 05/12/08 at 6:43 am
PrincessQ said:
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
*sniff*
I was still a kid when my brother was born but not really because I had to grow up quick so I lived childhood through his eyes.
Loved this post. Happy Mother’s Day!! (Though I texted you yesterday so pfft)
xoxo
On 05/12/08 at 6:49 am
Trista said:
Living childhood through a child is fantastic, but I am genuinely sorry yours got cut short, sweetie. =(
On 05/12/08 at 7:05 am
PrincessQ said:
No worries…
I make up for it now