Soul Deep
September 15, 2008 · Print This Article
Striving to better, oft we mar what’s well. ~William Shakespeare
“Beauty,” or rather our perception of it, can be such a superficial thing. We strive to make ourselves more marketable in a world of fierce competition and high stakes. But do we want to be loved for how we have been altered or “improved” rather than for who we actually are?
The drive within some of us to achieve physical perfection seems futile to me. For what is perfect, really? Who is the judge? Feeling good about one’s self must first come from the things we carry inside. These things are what will aid us on the road to self-realization; a journey which cannot truly be completed without embracing ourselves, so-called flaws and all. For no matter how many times you may try, confidence cannot be achieved through a surgeon’s knife alone.
To me beauty exists within all the senses. The smell of your lover lingering upon your pillow after they have left your side. The sound of laughter at a family gathering. The touch of a hand tracing your face before they lean in for a kiss. The taste of a homemade meal cooked with love and care. The sight of a pair of eyes that look not at you, but into you. These are the kinds of beauty I seek.
A woman who is comfortable in her own skin is the essence of beauty. She knows that her body in all of its natural glory is an amazing thing to behold. It can be so very perfect in its imperfections. Strength and vulnerability, serenity and raw energy; a woman who is not afraid to simply be herself is phenomenal indeed.
For me, the most breathtakingly gorgeous thing of all is living your life with purpose. And my purpose is not to cling desperately to my youth, nor is it to attempt to achieve a standard of beauty that the media powers that be purposely make unattainable. Instead I will age with grace. I will place value on who I am and how I feel inside. I will focus on doing what I can to make this world a better place than it was when I got here. Because really, what could be more beautiful than that?
Please understand, I am not coming down on any of you that chose a different path than I. But I do want you all to think about the energy you are directing and what exactly it yields for you. When you look back on it all, what will make you proud? What will leave you feeling satisfied? When you are nearing the end of your life’s journey, will you be happier having gotten to see far away places, or having had your tummy tucked?
Within us all is the capacity to be a work of art. Why spend a lifetime seeking out what you have carried deep inside of you, all along?
What is beautiful to you? Are you harboring any ill feelings towards a “flaw” of yours…something that you think you need to cut away in order to be a more perfect you? Or do you relish in those little imperfections that make you…you? Share, gang!
On 09/14/08 at 6:02 pm
Trista said:
I’m all teeth, ears, legs, laughter and love and you know what? I am BEAUTIFUL!
=)
What makes you guys beautiful?
On 09/15/08 at 7:03 am
MetaGawd said:
As you know, I blogged about this ages back. I’m not a fan of augmentation; I’m a fan of aging gracefully, so much so that I don’t bother to avoid being Mr. Grey at 35. If it costs me socially, then so be it.
I like who I am, and yes, to be honest, there’s nothing sexier to me than a woman comfortable in who she is.
By no means is that an indictment of those who don’t agree, but it is pertinent to me as the father of a little girl, to make sure any woman potentially in her life echoes what we’ve been working to instill her with.
On 09/15/08 at 7:04 am
MetaGawd said:
…and stuff.
On 09/15/08 at 7:42 am
Trista said:
Well put, my friend. I have a feeling your little girl has an amazing head on her shoulders. =)
On 09/14/08 at 9:47 pm
Karri said:
How absolutely beautiful and noble you are, T! Truly, you are one in a million, and even more rare in this concrete jungle that we inhabit.
Sadly, more often than not, we are all judged on our outwardly appearance before we are ever given the opportunity to show the true essence of our souls. So, for me personally, having the means to help those who suffer from self-esteem issues due to the perceived imperfections in which other judge them upon, is one of my greatest joys!
Bringing a smile to someone’s face is one of the most beautiful gifts we can give and get!
On 09/14/08 at 10:32 pm
Trista said:
That’s why I am leaving the jungle…it doesn’t suit me. =)
And yes, the first thing anyone sees is our outsides, of course. But I like to believe that we stay and forge bonds and relationships with others based about who they are, not what they look like. I know that isn’t the case all of the time, but it certainly is quite a bit of the time.
I am not condemning your industry. I just think it can be like applying a band-aid to a bullet hole in some cases. Without working on more what is going on inside, how are we ever going to be satisfied with what we are showing on the outside?
You and I have been through this discussion once, live and uncensored. I think there are cases when plastic surgery and the like are very valuable. I just also happen to think that they are overused. And I think the addictive quality of them really should be addressed.
On 09/15/08 at 6:26 am
Karri said:
I absolutely agree!
I actually wasn’t referring to those who over-indulge or abuse surgery in order to hide from themselves. I meant those who suffer from things like chronic cystic acne, scarring or skin disorders. Helping them is what makes my days worthwhile.
On 09/15/08 at 6:28 am
Trista said:
Oh, I know what you are talking about. But I also think that people can overdo it even in your industry.
Anal bleaching…really? =)
On 09/15/08 at 6:42 am
Karri said:
As you know, I do not nor would I ever perform anal bleaching on a client…eeeewwww! Acne and asses aren’t even a comparable.
So where’s the line? What’s acceptable and what’s not? I really am curious.
On 09/15/08 at 6:46 am
Trista said:
Everyone has their own line and this is not a judgement piece, please understand.
I simply think entirely too much of a woman’s (and at times a man’s too) self-worth is wrapped up in chasing their fleeting youth and beauty. There are more worthwhile pursuits, don’t you think?
I saw a woman on tv last week, her family was thousands and thousands of dollars in debt. She had been paying her rent with credit cards. Her kids needed clothes. And she was still getting her Botox shots.
That. Is. Insane.
On 09/15/08 at 7:53 am
Karri said:
I don’t know that it’s even about chasing youth so much as it is trying to fix something that feels amiss. People get addicted and their priorities become skewed, just like any other addict.
I definitely think cosmetic surgery counseling should be mandated in some way. But the fact is if were made a prerequisite people would opt for the back alley doctors as opposed to board certified surgeons. And that too, is just insane!
On 09/15/08 at 8:01 am
Trista said:
If it wasn’t often about chasing youth there would be no Botox…there would be no face lifts. How can that be seen as anything but youth-chasing?
And I see your point with the back alley docs. But I think it might give some women pause…not everyone is so desperate for a skinnier ass that they are willing to go to Dr. Death and his Vac-u-fat machine in South Central.
On 09/15/08 at 3:17 am
lisaq said:
I think it’s the motive. If the surgery you are having is for you, to help you feel better about yourself, then I’m all for it. If you are doing it to attract men or make yourself beautiful for the rest of the world to look it, then no. I wear sculptured acrylic nails on fingers and toes. One guy, when I made a comment about needing a new set of toenails, said, “Ha. I don’t care about your toes.” My response, “I’m not getting them for you dumbass. I’m getting them for me! I care about my toes. I could give a shit what you think!” Not as extreme as surgery but you get my point. Even at almost 46, if the funds became available, I would go under the knife for some boobies in a heartbeat for the same reason.
On the other hand, no tummy tuck for this girl. Why? God gave me what I need to take care of my own tummy. I have the means to exercise and eat right. It’s up to me to work on the tummy…not a surgeon.
On 09/15/08 at 6:20 am
Trista said:
I agree to a point. But I also think that elective surgery can be addictive and that people who claim to be doing it for themselves can be doing it for the wrong reasons. And I do not know how this situation can be fixed. More rigorous psychological screening perhaps?
I mean to put it in perspective, I am sure Michael Jackson thought he was doing it for himself too… =P
On 09/15/08 at 7:01 am
El Supremo said:
I only date blondes with fake cans. I cannot tolerate bad tits. Can’t even look at them.
On 09/15/08 at 7:38 am
Trista said:
You sir…are special.
On 09/15/08 at 7:55 am
Trista said:
Wait…so real breasts = bad? Is that what you are saying here?
On 09/15/08 at 8:00 am
El Supremo said:
For the most part, yes. There are not a lot of remarkable real breasts running around out there. You know I have the experience base to make that statement, too. On the whole, real breasts will suffer from one or a number of problems. The biggest issue I’ve seen with them is firmness - a lot of real breasts have all the firmness and appeal of a partially filled sandbag.
On 09/15/08 at 8:01 am
El Supremo said:
Put another way, I look at natural boobs as a stock engine. Sure, what you got from the factory is okay, but with a little time and effort, you can make it a whole lot better.
On 09/15/08 at 8:05 am
Trista said:
hahahahaha.
And you are planning on breaking this news to your daughters when, after their 18 birthdays? Will this perhaps be a graduation gift that keeps on giving?
On 09/15/08 at 8:43 am
El Supremo said:
Don’t go there.
On 09/15/08 at 10:32 am
Meghan said:
Don’t mean to interrupt and toot my own horns, but my boobs are real and I think I have a great rack…
A-ooohh-gah, a-ooohh-gah.
On 09/15/08 at 1:42 pm
El Supremo said:
All chicks think they have great racks, in much the same way they all think they are beautiful, charming and witty. Delusions run deep.
None the less, if you’d care to post photos, I’d be hppy to be today’s bewbjudge.
On 09/15/08 at 4:05 pm
Meghan said:
Never said I was charming, it’s part of my charm.
On 09/15/08 at 4:33 pm
Trista said:
I find you incredibly charming.
Of course I am a delusional female, so I cannot be trusted.
A-ooooh-ga!
On 09/15/08 at 5:10 pm
Sarahh said:
I have a fabulous rack and will be saying A-ooooh-ga, constantly for days…
And I have fabulous gams.
On 09/15/08 at 5:19 pm
Meghan said:
Honk-ah Honk-ah!
On 09/15/08 at 7:09 am
BriGuy said:
I just think it’s important for people to do whatever makes them happy. Some individuals get a huge confidence boost from cosmetically enhancing their looks. Often, it’s not because they feel uncomfortable with their appearance, but perhaps they are just making tiny improvements.
Granted, it can turn into an addiction, and become a serious illness.
Personally I wish I could say I’d never go down the road of altering my body for vanity’s sake, however I’m still young. So who knows how I’ll feel down the road.
On 09/15/08 at 7:41 am
Trista said:
It’s the people that don’t stop at one “tiny” improvement that I worry about.
We need to treat the disease, not the symptom…and I think often times this kind of thing does not begin to do that.
On 09/15/08 at 8:00 am
Carol said:
I don’t harbor any ill will toward my body. In don’t always like it very much, but I do embrace all of me. I can’t see ever having surgery to correct my flaws. My flaws are mine…I actually like most of them!
My kids think stretch marks are cool. I don’t have a lot, but I have the lower tummy marks, for sure. I explained to my kids that when my belly was carrying them…the skin HAD to stretch. I told them I like my stretch marks because they remind me of the best things I’ve ever done in my life.
A week later, my girl tells me her favorite part of her body is her super-flat tummy. I asked why…she said it could carry babies someday.
On 09/15/08 at 8:10 am
Trista said:
I’m with you…I wear my scars like a badge of honor.
On 09/15/08 at 8:37 am
E said:
I’m a little too fat, and I have some scarring from skin cancer I’m not nuts about, but nothing I’d run off to the doctor to get fixed. No matter how thin I get, I’m always going to have a belly “pooch.” I could certainly get off my ass and take the weight off, and the scars are just vanity.
One form of improvement I’m completely behind is cosmetic dentistry. Teeth, and the way they look, are important.
On 09/15/08 at 9:03 am
Carol said:
Have to agree with you on the teeth comment. THen again, mine started shifting at about age 35. The first thing I did was get a consult for braces. I love MY smile and wanted to protect it.
That being said, I wonder if I would have been so hellbent on the braces if I had known my ex would leave me within four months of having them put on. At that time, I doubt I would have been strong enough in myself to just do it for me, regardless.
On 09/15/08 at 8:38 am
Jime said:
Wow. This article is so pertinent for me today. It’s the perfect article to compliment the situation I find myself in.
A couple days ago I applied a new skin cream to my face. I usually never do shit like this, but I wanted softer skin! Lol. So I apply this creme and the next day my face is reddening and burning. Today I woke up with a freaking balloon head! I’m NOT exaggerating. I went to the ER and he wanted to pump me up with steroids, but asked that I go to a dermatologist for an expert opinion.
Turns out its an allergic reaction, but not serious because I caught it early. The derm gave me a topical creme and said the swelling should go down in a couple days, but that I’ll have this balloon head for another three weeks before its healed completely.
To be honest I didn’t know that I was vain or attached to my face until it was taken away. Seriously. You don’t know what it’s like to wake up, feel completely fine physically, and then look in the mirror and see a hideous reflection looking back at you.
It scares me how connected I am to my appearance and body.
On 09/15/08 at 11:36 am
Trista said:
“It scares me how connected I am to my appearance and body.”
I can absolutely relate to this…I know that I feel better when I am happy with how I look. However, I tend to focus on the things I have control over. Am I healthy? Am I taking care of myself? These are the things I can and do work on, to feel better.
On 09/15/08 at 8:47 am
cricket lee said:
everything from my neck down makes me afraid to meet new people. I’m fortunate enough to be cute and have a quick wit, but I’m still TERRIFIED to meet men and can’t even tell when they really ARE attracted to me.
On 09/15/08 at 11:39 am
Trista said:
You are an incredibly beautiful person, inside and out…and don’t you tell yourself otherwise!
On 09/15/08 at 9:44 am
Phoenix said:
What is beautiful to me?
Well, confidence for starters. Several years ago I was out at a club and a random guy told me he liked my dress. I said thank you, but it’s not the dress, it’s the attitude. :p
I’m sure we’ve all seen the pretty girl that stands with her shoulders slumped. Or the attractive boy who walks around with is eyes averted. If you lack confidence it hides your true beauty.
On 09/15/08 at 11:42 am
Trista said:
I couldn’t agree with you more. =)
On 09/15/08 at 9:57 am
Sarahh said:
My stomach and my ears. Those two things have ALWAYS bugged me. And the worst part is, it doesn’t matter. In the grand scheme of things, who really cares?? No one who truly loves me, that much I know.
I loved this and the extraordinary, rarely heard, message.
Love Thy Self.
And that is what attracts me the most to someone. Confidence in themselves… Knowing that they love who they are.
Easy on the eyes is always nice too though. I can’t lie.
On 09/15/08 at 11:45 am
Trista said:
Confidence is a beautiful thing.
Easy on the eyes is nice too…but it is also so subjective. For example, I don’t find large, fake boobs all that attractive. But many, many out there do.
To each their own…
On 09/15/08 at 2:13 pm
Sarahh said:
I have been asked if mine are fake. I just tell them “A good push up bra does wonders for the cleavage.”
On 09/15/08 at 10:16 am
Meghan said:
This is so funny…I was so going to tackle this along with my cleanse/obsession with the Whole Foods Body Products.
I love my eyes, smile, and the chompers that make it up. I lost all of my baby teeth early, so I looked awkward with this huge adult grin. To this day I actually get compliments on my teeth.
As far as surgical procedures, I’m not against them; but we all see when and where it goes to far. I don’t know if it’s always youth chasing. I’ve seen some women just create this obsession with their outer self, especially if they have the means to ‘correct’ it.
Some woman told me…no ASKED me, if I ever considered Botox for my laugh lines this very weekend. Of course I couldn’t tell how she meant it because her face didn’t move much towards any particular intent.
On 09/15/08 at 11:48 am
Trista said:
I agree, it isn’t always youth chasing. I think different women get into it for different reasons. The women who get into it to fix shattered self-esteem worry me more, honestly, because I don’t think new boobs or a flatter tummy are going to fix their root issues.
And I have some serious laugh lines, friend. I like them. They show what a happy life I have had.
On 09/15/08 at 4:17 pm
Meghan said:
No, my laugh can stay…and I smile and laugh enough you barely notice their intensity. My 6th grade teacher wrote in my yearbook ‘To a girl who smiles so much her face is going to crack!’, Mr. Vance was dead on.
No, root issue do indeed run deeep. <–I’ll leave that typo because it works!
Different issue…but I read an article a year or so ago about how many Korean girls ask for eye surgery as young as 14 to get wider, less Korean looking eyes (not my words). They cut a crescent shaped piece of skin and then suture them to create the artificial eyelid. Apparently it had been a tremendously popular graduation for Korean daughters.
On 09/15/08 at 4:23 pm
Trista said:
That makes me so incredibly sad. The eye surgery part, not your face cracking. Cuz I will be right there with you. =)
On 09/15/08 at 2:10 pm
ChaosInFlux said:
Perfection is what is inside. It is what we truly are and what we strive to become, not on the outside. The shell we call our bodies are meant to degrade over time. It is not who we are. Physical beauty is in the eye of the beholder as an individual and does not change our true being. However, no matter how “beautiful” we may be on the outside, our inner being can always change the views of people seeing us. Beauty on the outside can never mask who we are on the inside. Striving for inner perfection will always win out over improving the shell. “A mask is just that, what happens to a person when the mask is removed? Just something else to contemplate.
On 09/15/08 at 4:25 pm
Trista said:
“Beauty on the outside can never mask who we are on the inside. Striving for inner perfection will always win out over improving the shell.”
I love that…so very much.
And I love that you came over! Thank you. Don’t be a stranger.
On 09/15/08 at 3:05 pm
Dillon said:
Today I rediscovered something I had lost a long time ago: I remembered that the beauty of life is simply in the ability to experience the everyday occurrences. While I could say the words and even know that they were true, I had forgotten their meaning.
Recapturing such a realization is as beautiful to me as anything.
On 09/15/08 at 4:27 pm
Trista said:
That IS amazingly beautiful. I find that being able to find the ordinary extraordinary is one of the greatest skills a person can acquire. I had lost it for awhile, and have gotten it back, thanks my kids.
On 09/15/08 at 4:54 pm
Karl Rove said:
I’ve learned that beauty doesn’t depend on the material things. Just because someone can buy a “new body”, a nice house, and expensive possessions doesn’t mean that they’re a good person (I’m not saying that all people that have nice things and some plastic surgery are bad; I’m saying that those things don’t make a person good).
Don’t worry, be happy is my attitude toward life. If someone can follow that general guideline then they’re beautiful in my eyes.
On 09/15/08 at 8:09 pm
Trista said:
That is a nice philosophy to have, my friend.
On 09/15/08 at 4:59 pm
Meghan said:
I had this thought earlier today…
Ever been with a small child and they’re drawing a picture? No matter how skilled they are, no matter if the horse is green or it’s a page pull of scribbles; when they hold it up with swelling pride, what do we say? ‘It’s Beautiful, I love it!’, and you absolutely mean it.
Do they question you? Or do they take the compliment because at that age they believe in what they just created. They think ‘it IS beautiful!’ They’re proud of having made something, done something. That’s what makes it beautiful, that’s what makes it ‘art’, and everyone is happy to show it off.
I think we need to all to learn how embrace our beauty, scribbles or not.
On 09/15/08 at 8:14 pm
Trista said:
My oldest is so into drawing, and has been since he was old enough to grab a pen. So yes, I completely appreciate the metaphor. =)
On 09/15/08 at 7:14 pm
Kiki said:
“People are like stained-glass windows. They might sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
This quote from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross pretty much sums up my view on beauty.
On 09/15/08 at 8:06 pm
Trista said:
LOOOOOOVE IT!
Thanks, Kiki! =)
On 09/17/08 at 1:57 am
The other Tori said:
I love myself as perfectly imperfect as i am
no matter how my body changes. Although I still try to fight the aging process and its effects (lol), i opt for more natural ways …
perhaps it’s because I watched my grandmother and her sister constantly argue about this subject
My grandmother chose to age gracefully (with the exeption of dying her hair lol) whereas her younger sister chose to have a face lift at about age 45 (keep in mind she is currently over 80 ~ think of how plastic surgery has since evolved!)
perhaps as I continue to age my thoughts on plastic surgery will also change…time will tell
However, I have seen someone get so tied up in her “re-creation” of her body that she lost sight of anything else ( a childhood friend’s sister) …she went from close to 400 lbs,married with 2 children,always cheery,alwasy smiling and laughing … (she had always been considered overweight/obses all her life) ..When she hit about 35 she decided to have gastric bypass surgery her major weight loss led to her plastic surgery (orignally required to rid herself of the extreme excess loose skin) ..eventually she had other procedures..not caring about the household finances, or her husband or the children’s needs …divorce ensued, the children requested to live with daddy, …and she became a newly divorced, beautiful shaped body person with a bitter and selfish personality! she even cut off her family ties because she felt they “weren’t supportive of her and her decisions”
Sometimes doing it “just for me” really does affect other people around us one way or another