Oh, Marvelous Semen!
April 21, 2008 · Print This Article
Whilst cruising around the World Wide Web Sunday morning I came across a scientific discovery so astounding I just had to share it with all of you. Brace yourselves, my friends and loved ones, because this is going to change your life. Ready?
Are you sure?
Okay…
Semen can be used medicinally in the treatment of depression!
She looks pleased with this remarkable discovery!
But don’t take my word; take the word of Gordon G. Gallup Jr. PHD, head of the study and all around smart guy. Here is the abstract for the study:
“In a sample of sexually active college females, condom use, as an indirect measure of the presence of semen in the reproductive tract, was related to scores on the Beck Depression Inventory. Not only were females who were having sex without condoms less depressed, but depressive symptoms and suicide attempts among females who used condoms were proportional to the consistency of condom use. For females who did not use condoms, depression scores went up as the amount of time since their last sexual encounter increased. These data are consistent with the possibility that semen may antagonize depressive symptoms and evidence which shows that the vagina absorbs a number of components of semen that can be detected in the bloodstream within a few hours of administration.”
So what is Dr. G up there trying to tell us? Semen staves off depression! Put down the Prozac ladies, and pick yourself up a penis! No more condoms, no more diaphragms, no more rhythm method…we need our happy jizz!
The makers of hormonal birth control methods should be using this study in their marketing campaigns! I am throwing out my entire supply of condoms and getting on the pill ASAP!
We don’t need no stinking condoms!
Oh…but wait.
What about HIV, HPV, Herpes…those bastards are all for life and bring to you many depressing things to think about, including but not limited to lifelong discomfort, Cancer, death…fun stuff like that. When weighing my options; feeling a little blue versus going code blue, I am inclined to go with choice A. Curses to those pesky H diseases…always bringing us down!
But for those of you out there with a 100% trustworthy life partner and a birth control method for preventing any unwanted, unexpected or unprepared for little bitty ones, try it out, let me know how it goes. If you levels of euphoria go through the roof I might consider going out and picking myself up a virgin…
What?? Like you weren’t thinking the same thing…
FYI… this is a legitimate study:
Gallup, G.G. Jr., Burch, R.L., & Platek, S.M. (2002). Does semen have antidepressant properties? Archives of Sexual Behavior. (31) 3, p. 289
So kids…whatcha think? Who volunteers to try this out and report back to me?
On 04/21/08 at 1:24 am
Rex... five years ahead of EVERYONE said:
I’ve been saying this shit since FOREVER.
Only problem is I’m not accredited. And no one listens to a 20-something in the first place! I’m certain this research didn’t cover oral ingestion. Yet I don’t see how absorption of the baby batter through the gob or cooze would be any different. Of course, there’s that pesky taste ordeal…
Nothing a little celery, strawberries, blueberries, cranberries, mango, pineapple, dates, wheatgrass and rice milk can’t improve!
Thanks for confirming my personal findings and beliefs on the matter with legit research. Bareback with me is not only exciting, but it keeps a woman sane!
On 04/21/08 at 6:09 am
Trista said:
Nope. Didn’t talk about oral AT ALL. And if science guy didn’t say it, how can it be true?
On 04/21/08 at 9:37 am
Dr. Rex said:
Considering ALL the biology books I’ve read since I was 6… I SAY it’s possible. I mean c’mon! It’s the mouth. It’s a very sensitive and receptive area within the body. Taste buds make contact and translate different tastes in nanoseconds. Although it doesn’t have the same absorption rate as the olfactory nodes… That’s why people snort coke rather than consume it!
On 04/21/08 at 10:24 am
Trista said:
so what you are telling me is I should snort semen.
On 04/21/08 at 10:37 am
Rex said:
I CALL DIBS ON BEING THE FIRST SUBJECT/MATERIAL PROVIDER FOR THAT EXPERIMENT.
On 04/21/08 at 4:52 pm
Dr. Vic said:
Seriously, Rex? SERIOUSLY??? How much cum do you swallow?
On 04/21/08 at 6:08 pm
Rex said:
Not as much as you.
On 04/21/08 at 4:50 pm
El Vico Mas Fino said:
Is anyone else noticing how Rex knows how to tweak the taste of semen in his mouth???
On 04/21/08 at 5:00 pm
Trista said:
He’s been talking to me about this for YEARS, Vic. Frankly, I am concerned.
On 04/21/08 at 6:24 pm
Rex said:
Get me a goddamn escort for my birthday.
Problem: SOLVED
On 04/21/08 at 1:38 am
Rex: Untapped Reusable Resource said:
p.s. It’s old but WHAT THE FUCK. Human isn’t good enough? I bet mine could give a nice sheen and leave one’s locks looking voluminous! meh.
On 04/21/08 at 7:51 am
Trista said:
Load of bull. Heh.
On 04/21/08 at 9:39 am
Rex said:
I’m adding this to the list.
“I’m saving you money, babe. Now hold still so I can get it right down the part…”
On 04/21/08 at 5:45 am
CableGirl said:
Who knew? And here I thought it was my own kick ass orgasms that put me in a better mood….
On 04/21/08 at 6:08 am
Trista said:
Yeah, same here…
This has sent my mind spinning. Are they going to start harvesting “clean sperm” for women to take as treatment soon??!
On 04/21/08 at 5:51 am
Sarahh said:
Meh comment was eated.
On 04/21/08 at 5:56 am
Fiona said:
*clings to the condoms*
Fuck that, if I wanna be happier I’ll eat more chocolate. And have more sex…. using condoms… after all, active sex releases good endorphins. No?
On 04/21/08 at 6:06 am
Trista said:
That’s what I’ve always heard. I had never heard it was actually contact with semen making us happy before I read that study yesterday.
On 04/21/08 at 9:15 am
Rex, know-it-all (about sex) said:
You gotta read between the lines… semen doesn’t make you “happier”, per se. In fact, protected sex vs. unprotected sex is likely to garner the same results. It’s the DEPRESSIVE QUALITY of semen that gives women a more distinct reaction.
“…semen may antagonize depressive symptoms…”
Semen makes you more depressed if you don’t get your regular dose of man-yogurt. Combine that with a good hard fucking every time it’s launched and women will equate his cocksmanship and his nut mustard as the miracle cure to all her troubles.
OR!!!
I could be completely wrong. God, I hope I am. ‘Cause these balls wouldn’t mind being drained.
On 04/21/08 at 10:38 am
Trista said:
no, read the study…he is definitely saying that it is vagina /sperm contact that is combating depression.
On 04/21/08 at 10:55 am
Rex said:
Well shit.
Can’t argue with the doc. I have new goals now!
- Get an entire battery of tests conducted to insure cleanliness and potency.
- Eat even MORE fruit to sweeten myself up.
- Entice a woman with Thai food and convince her afterwards to snort my load.
On 04/21/08 at 6:02 am
Sarahh said:
Ok, trying this again…
It seems to me that men will say that Semen cures anything. Next thing you know we will hear;
Scientists conducting a study of 500 women found that semen cures…
Depression
Anxiety
Acne
Gout
Restless Leg Syndrome
Eye Goo
Insomnia
Perspiration
Morning Breath
Narcolepsy
Paper cuts
Split Ends
Allergies
We get it guys. You want sex. We hear you. G3 doesn’t have to do experiments to help him and his bretheren get laid.
Oh what gal is depressed when they are getting laid anyway??
Gonna give that a big 8 on the DUH SCALE.
On 04/21/08 at 6:04 am
Trista said:
“Oh what gal is depressed when they are getting laid anyway??”
~According to science man up there, the ones using condoms are!
On 04/21/08 at 6:51 am
Sarahh said:
That is a might bit irresponsible to say. I mean, saying that there is a benefit to NOT using condoms isn’t really the way we want to go.
Depression/ the HIV
Depression/ the HIV
I will take the depression any day.
On 04/21/08 at 6:53 am
Trista said:
Like I said…feeling blue versus code blue? Pass me the Prozac…and a condom.
On 04/21/08 at 9:22 am
Rex said:
OK ladies…
Why the shit would you fuck around with a man if you’re so worried he might have HIV? Are you that impulsive and irrational?
“He’s sooooooo cute! But I hear he’s a bit of a man-whore. OH WELL!”
eh. Get fucking tested. I’d rather wait a bit and be certain than dive head first into uncertainty. I know if the woman’s considerate and serious about it, the sex is an eventuality.
On 04/21/08 at 10:27 am
Trista said:
it only takes one precious partner to contract an sti, chief. I worry about everyone.
On 04/21/08 at 10:32 am
Sarahh said:
Why the shit would you fuck around with a man if you’re so worried he might have HIV?
Um, cause ANYONE could have it. Even if they aren’t a man whore.
And great, both folks get tested. What if one cheats???
Gotta be on the ball to avoid the HIV and any other diseases that make green frothy stuff come out a woman’s no-no hole.
(What you learn when you work in a year for an OBGYN)
On 04/21/08 at 10:41 am
Rex said:
“What if one cheats???”
Apparently, you need to do more Kegels.
SERIOUSLY NOW! I know I’m not having sex with anyone until we’re both in the clear. No compromises. Problem is, I don’t know how to suggest it, tactfully.
On 04/21/08 at 4:12 pm
Trista said:
“Hey, you tested? Recently? No? Well then you can’t ride my rocket to pleasure planet.”
It’s really that simple.
On 04/21/08 at 4:32 pm
Rex said:
I LOL ferreals.
Now I gotta use a different analogy, since I’ve linked people here and I can’t mention any sexy rocket science to anyone…
On 04/21/08 at 8:40 am
Jason said:
Hahahaha! Eye Goo…. soo many bad jokes to follow that example!
On 04/21/08 at 3:08 pm
Kevin said:
Lol. Yeah… I’m thinking you got that backwards. Semen CAUSES eye goo… not prevents it. I mean… if you aim right.
On 04/21/08 at 4:54 pm
Vic the... (you have a dirty mind!) said:
I want sex.
On 05/3/08 at 9:39 am
Shawon said:
Website of Bangladesh Astronomical Association
Please visit the new website of Bangladesh Astronomical Association at http://www.astronomybangla.com/
On 04/21/08 at 6:22 am
Tori said:
omg LMAO I think the cure for depression was reading this!
TY!!!
I agree with Sarahh … what wont men say to get laid?
as for depression there are so many other factors to take in consideration …
wow I’m still laughing… you made my day
On 04/21/08 at 6:26 am
Trista said:
Putting together the entire thing had me rolling yesterday, so I am glad you enjoyed it.
All I kept thinking was: “this jerk-off has a PHD! Someone gave him research and grant money…for this?!”
On 04/21/08 at 6:29 am
Tori said:
I am soo sharing the link
and that’s a good question …also how was the testing conducted and how were the results calculated?
OMG I cant stop laughing!
On 04/21/08 at 6:36 am
Trista said:
Share away! Spread me like a virus! That would be apropos, no?
On 04/21/08 at 6:53 am
Tori said:
infection sent LOL!
On 04/21/08 at 7:05 am
Karri said:
The “Magnum” (P.I.) in me just had to know what this brilliant Dr. looked like…Now I’m just a little more than creeped out.
On 04/21/08 at 7:06 am
Karri said:
DAMN IT! COPY AND PASTE. I’M LINKING CHALLENGED.
http://www.albany.edu/psy/images/faculty/gallup.jpg
On 04/21/08 at 7:49 am
Trista said:
Rawr.
On 04/21/08 at 8:03 am
Sarahh said:
Yeah I would totally forgo condoms and risk disease and infection for that hottie.
On 04/21/08 at 9:24 am
Rex said:
Don’t forget the potential of carrying his bastard children!
On 04/21/08 at 7:28 am
Carol said:
*giggles*
Hard to believe a PhD would give an argument for unsafe sex, in any form.
That being said, I have to admit the freedom of safe sex, sans condoms, with both parties tested and healthy and in a committed, long term relationship (sheesh, how many more disclaimers do I need here?) does somehow improve the overall euphoria I have experienced in my life. I am not a doctor, nor do I condone unsafe sex…but I do see where some truth lies in the benefits of semen.
On 04/21/08 at 7:50 am
Trista said:
I hate condoms, I am not going to lie. But I also love life and want to have a long and healthy one…so, yeah.
On 04/21/08 at 3:13 pm
Kevin said:
If your man’s “package” is big enough… and his “wrapping” is Sensitive, he AND you will feel MUCH more warmth, form, veins, aka each other.
Trust me… it’s worth the extra “research” to find the right ones.
I mean, yeah… NOTHING beats bareback. But if ya gotta stay alive, and you DON’T want to give up the pleasure, this is a viable plan B.
On 04/21/08 at 5:01 pm
Trista said:
What’s your make and model of choice?
On 04/21/08 at 10:02 pm
Kevin said:
Magnum - Warming
On 04/21/08 at 8:04 am
Cassie said:
YEAH, OK…but I’m gonna have to say ummmmmmmm, NO condom, NO entry…..I’d rather be depressed than pregnant or sick…just sayin!!! LOL
On 04/21/08 at 8:11 am
Trista said:
I’m with you, sister.
On 04/21/08 at 1:42 pm
Carol said:
Ma always puts things into perspective. Or condoms. Before putting them anywhere else.
Love the comments PJ made about healthy relationships maybe playing a role, too. And the latex comments. Just the comments, in general. I’ve learned more about sperm today than I ever thought possible.
On 04/21/08 at 6:12 pm
Trista said:
Eve-101: A place for learning…about semen.
On 04/21/08 at 7:53 pm
Karri said:
Please don’t tell me this is our new tag line…hahaahaa!
On 04/21/08 at 8:07 am
Captain Avenger said:
So… pulling out won’t help? I’ve got to make an actual deposit?
On 04/21/08 at 8:11 am
Trista said:
Indeed, you do.
I wonder if it still works if the man is shooting blanks…? Is it the sperm or some other component, I wonder. This study just left me with questions, dammit!
On 04/21/08 at 9:29 am
Dr. Rex said:
There are more components in the sperm than in the within the fluid it’s transported in. Iron, Protein, Potassium, etc… the essentials. But there’s also Sodium and Alcohol. But the liquid itself is essentially GLUCOSE.
Yep.
Sugar.
It ain’t chocolate… but it IS edible!
On 04/21/08 at 9:41 am
Karri said:
I gotta say darlin’ I’m impressed and a wee bit disturbed by your extensive knowledge of sperm. What gives?
On 04/21/08 at 9:46 am
Rex said:
I know EVERYTHING. Don’t get me started about your cervix…
On 04/21/08 at 10:16 am
Karri said:
Got it.
Note to self: keep Rex away from my cervix.
On 04/21/08 at 10:35 am
Rex said:
I know better. That note is for show.
Besides, wouldn’t you want someone who’s knowledgeable on the ins and outs (PUN INTENDED) of the female body? Certainly if I was a woman, I wouldn’t mind having a young, moderately attractive smartass of a mid 20-something almost-doctor “examine” my goods with great enthusiasm!
Furthermore, I’ve always wanted to plead with a woman and say “C’monnn baby! Allow me to prompt your clitoral glans into engorgement with expert lingual technique, whilst the dorsal phalanges of my index and middle fingers respectively excite a physiological reaction to your labium…”
On 04/21/08 at 9:26 am
Meghan said:
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!?!
Up next - ‘Women Who Swallow vs Women Who Spit’ - An in depth study of the Frontal Lobe!!!!
On 04/21/08 at 9:28 am
Meghan said:
What if it’s the latex??? Hmmmm, Mr Doctor who likes to go bare back?!?!?
On 04/21/08 at 11:38 am
Tori said:
Yeah, I’m allergic to latex, so I know that having sex with condoms makes me *very* depressed.
On 04/21/08 at 3:18 pm
Kevin said:
You’re using the wrong ones.
On 04/21/08 at 9:40 am
Meghan said:
Ewww - I just followed the link to his picture! He’s like - orgy guy!!!! Straight from the decade free lovin’ in muddy fields. I wouldn’t fuck him with or without a condom even if he had someone else’s dick.
**shivers**
On 04/21/08 at 10:07 am
Karri said:
BRAVO!!!
On 04/21/08 at 9:48 am
Meghan said:
GLUCOSE - LOL! This really changes my view on the phrase ‘A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down’. Those sick fucks over at Disney…
On 04/21/08 at 9:56 am
Rex said:
I’m gonna call my jizz “medicine” from now on. heh
THANKS MEGHAN. You officially made any potential females I see fearful when I play Doctor.
And check the very first comment again to see what makes the medicine go down easier. It works, I assure you. Takes about three days before you taste the results however.
On 04/21/08 at 10:09 am
Meghan said:
Loved your comments. On the flip side, I’m guessing MEN with a higher semen count are MORE depressed than men who just lowered their semen count into a women so depressed she fucked him!
Where’s MY Ph.D?
On 04/21/08 at 10:19 am
Rex said:
There is some merit to that argument.
Unfortunately, I can’t recall the name of the researcher (I know his articles aren’t available online for free), but he postulated that men who have sex frequently live happier lives (DUH) …but! Here’s the clincher: that happiness is based on the number of sex partners he has at the same time.
According to him, men actually produce more sperm when having sex with multiple partners on account of the uh, varying stimuli each woman (or male if you roll that way) gives him.
On 04/21/08 at 10:21 am
Meghan said:
That’s why my promiscuous gay friends are so happy. It’s all cumming together.