Oh yeah I want to see you…but not in MY underwear!
March 26, 2008 · Print This Article
Dear Eve,
My husband and I are in our early 30’s and our one year wedding anniversary was early this month. My husband recently confessed to me that he has been obsessed with wearing women’s lingerie since he was 8 years old. He said that he thought he could get over it, but ended up giving into temptation about a month ago and felt guilty about keeping it from me. Is this a fetish or does he have gay tendencies? He tells me that he is not sexually attracted to men and still wants to be with me, but I don’t know what to believe. He also told me that his ultimate fantasy is to dress as a woman and go out, in public. What do I do?
Sincerely, Wants to wear the panties in the family
Dear panties in a wad,
Oh, honey. You should not be freaking over this, hell you should be doing cartwheels out of pure joy and excitement. Your lovin’ man had a deep, dark secret…harbored since childhood…and he spilled it to you within your first year of marriage. That is amazing! Believe me, I know a couple in a similar situation and it took 20 years for the secret to come out in that marriage. Clearly your husband loves and trusts you a lot, which is a good thing last time I checked.
So, the question is, what are you going to do with that love and trust? He tells you he is not gay, and personally I believe him. Transvestitism, or cross-dressing, is not about sexual orientation, it is about sexual fantasy. The guy just wants to put on a dress and go out for a nice dinner…what’s the harm in that?
But seriously, your marriage is most likely only in danger if this is something that you simply cannot stand by. The subject may make you uncomfortable and let’s face it, you are never going to understand it (he probably doesn’t even understand it himself), but it isn’t going to go away now that it’s out in the open. You can tell him it makes you uncomfortable and you would rather he only pull out the wigs and teddies while you are out (at therapy most likely) but you will still have to be able to stomach the fact that you know he was doing his best Liza impersonation all over the house while you were gone.
Clearly the choice is yours; he has confessed not only his fetish but also his desire to still be with you. Now that does not mean you have to stick around and share the contents of your Victoria’s Secret drawer with him. If you are certain that you will never be comfortable in this marriage again, now that you have the knowledge that your husband may or may not be wearing fishnets and garters underneath his khakis when you two go out to the Red Lobster, then it really is best that you get out now.
However, if you are down to share a home, bed and your MAC makeup with this guy, keep on keeping on.
Love and Kisses,
Eve
Psssst! We have a show tomorrow night! Get the details by clicking here.
On 03/26/08 at 5:29 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
Damn! I don’t even have a joke for this. Poor guy, he should’ve kept it to himself. Or maybe he should have informed the Mrs. while he was courting her.
On 03/26/08 at 5:35 am
Trista said:
I of course get cheeky up there, but personally I have known someone in this very situation. And it really did take him 20 years to tell his wife. It’s a tough situation…if you keep it a secret, you are hiding something rather large from the person you love. If you tell them too early, they are going to bail on you for sure. There is really no simple solution in a situation like this.
So I am assuming you don’t like to wear the bustiers?
On 03/26/08 at 5:55 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
No, I’ve never worn womens under garments, but I’m liberal minded. I can’t knock a guy for doing what he wants. You’re right that there is no simple solution for this. I think our society is too prudish when it comes to this.
I’ve actually worn a girl’s halter top once, for like 15 minutes, while wearing makeup but that’s a long boring story you don’t want to hear.
On 03/26/08 at 5:58 am
Trista said:
I went to the story with my man in MY halter top…pink and purple snake skin print. t
He lost a bet, and fair is fair.
But yeah, in our Victorian hangover society this sort of thing is simply not accepted more often than not.
And I want to hear the story. It can’t be boring if it involves you in makeup.
On 03/26/08 at 6:29 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
Trust me it is. But if you MUST hear it. I had a pretty big fro in highschool. Me and my friend Terrence did these televised anouncements senior year twice a week. These two gurls did it twice and the fifth day we rotated. I made it a point to get school colored picks, kelly green and blue(I remember because it took me a 2 weeks to find the right colors). Me and terrence LOVED SNL so we had a certain comedic flair in our broadcast. I’d always pause and pick my fro for effect. One day the gurls got clowned by some people for being dry and just looking good(like that’s a bad thing). So they dressed up in hoodies put on fake fros and basically killed it, while clowning us. So the next day, Terrence and I got all gussied up. Put on make up, wigs and halter tops. Blew up some balloons to represent oversized breasts and valley gurled it up. It like totally worked too. We’d bend forward all the time and made doe eyes for the camera. To end it off we sung the opening theme for The Wayans brothers. “We’re Brothers, we’re happy and we’re singing plus we’re colored; Give me a high five!!” LMFAO!!! Happy days Hawkins, happy days.
On 03/26/08 at 6:38 am
Trista said:
hahahaa! That wasn’t boring, it’s a great story!
In fact, I wish you had video of that shit.
On 03/26/08 at 6:44 am
Karri said:
Did someone say video? It’s an old one, but it makes me giggle!
Eve-101.com Battle of the sexes_2
On 03/26/08 at 6:52 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
That was WRONG!!! Why did you gals have to publically emasculate those two!? LMFAO!!!
On 03/26/08 at 6:54 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
Speaking of video. I’d have to go back to San Diego but I’m sure there’s a archive for video productions.
On 03/26/08 at 7:49 am
Trista said:
I’ll keep my fingers crossed.
On 03/26/08 at 5:37 am
Cassie said:
I might be a bit uncomfortable going out on the town with a guy in drag, but I’m sure I could do it, just as long as that not how he would ALWAYS have to dress.
On 03/26/08 at 6:03 am
Trista said:
Most cross dressers don’t want to dress like this all the time…but they have a innate need to do it some of the time. (Just like I have a need to have it rough sometimes but not all the time…ehm) But when you suppress things like this it leads to unhealthy thoughts and behaviors.
And by the way, your open-mindedness is awesome, Cassie. =)
On 03/26/08 at 6:26 am
Cassie said:
you can thank my best friends for that….one is a lesbian and the other couple is BI. TRUST me when I say I haven’t always been that way!
I just learned that having great friends is much better than hanging on to any pre-conceived notions I might have about a person’s sexuality!!!
Have a great day!!!
On 03/26/08 at 6:37 am
Trista said:
Send em over and I’ll thank em! =)
You have a great day too, lovely.
On 03/26/08 at 6:12 am
SweetNess! said:
I’d let him get all dressed up, take his ass out on the town and expect some pretty hot & heavy sex when i got him home!
On 03/26/08 at 6:19 am
Trista said:
This is why I love the people that read over here…all so open and non judgmental.
But the question remains…would you let him wear your favorite pair??
On 03/26/08 at 1:38 pm
SweetNess! said:
But, of course i would… i’d even buy him some sexy one’s in his own size!
On 03/26/08 at 6:31 am
Sarahh said:
No one. And I mean NO ONE uses my MAC Lip Glass.
Boundries. Got.to.have.em.
The rest is kosher. I mean I wouldn’t be THRILLED. But everyone has to feel free to be themselves. And if she can’t stand it, get out of the lingerie drawer and file for divorce.
On 03/26/08 at 6:36 am
Trista said:
EXACTLY.
We all have our weird kinks after all, like you…and goats! =P
On 03/26/08 at 6:49 am
Sarahh said:
Baaaaaa…..
Hey, the get rid of all your trash. Who could ask for more???
On 03/26/08 at 6:53 am
Karri said:
Sarahh, I just want you to know that you’ve inspired our Bozo of the week. Everything you ever…errrr…never wanted to know about farm animal fun. *shudder!*
On 03/26/08 at 7:33 am
sarahh said:
Hahahaha…
On 03/26/08 at 7:48 am
Trista said:
Laugh now, vomit later.
On 03/26/08 at 9:32 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
animal sex!? I’m taking my ball and going home! Have a nice day.
On 03/26/08 at 9:47 am
Trista said:
its not like we’re condoning it!!
On 03/26/08 at 10:19 am
Rex... Not Spam? said:
…only that they wanna roleplay, Uno.
fyi, Trista has a fantasy of her own called THE FARMER IN THE DELL. Take that for what you will.
On 03/26/08 at 10:33 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
LOL! That reminds me of a funny movie quote: “What are you doing in a monks habit? I thought you said we wouldn’t play the priest and the choir boy anymore! How many costums do you expect me to pack!!!!”
On 03/26/08 at 10:55 am
Rex is NOT spam anymore! said:
heh. I wish I had a girlfriend like Andy’s from 40 Year Old Virgin… “You want me to dress up as Thor? I’ll dress up like Thor! You want me to dress up like Iron Man, I’ll dress up like Iron Man!”
Not that I want my woman to dress up as a male superhero, but damned if it wouldn’t be cool to have my own personal Mystique or Supergirl or Storm or Wonder Woman…
On 03/26/08 at 10:56 am
Trista said:
You promised you’d never tell! No more late night confessions for you, Rex.
On 03/26/08 at 10:59 am
Trista said:
Batman / Catwoman could be hot…
On 03/26/08 at 11:04 am
Rex is NOT spam anymore! said:
‘late night confessions’ Sheeeeeeeeeeeit.
Like you have enough brain power to form sentences after Happy Diddle Time.
Rex: Hey, T. Catch you at a bad time?
Trista: blahahghslkghahbballalug…
Rex: Just came, huh? My bad. I’ll call you earlier tomorrow. Night!
On 03/26/08 at 11:22 am
Trista said:
Alright, you totally have me there.
On 03/26/08 at 11:30 am
As right as REX said:
Damn right, Catwoman. Damn right.
On 03/26/08 at 11:41 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
If any woman can name the movie I quoted I’d marry her. But the whole dress like a comic book character would work! As for Trista Batman/catwoman is SO vanilla. You want a Cyclops/Emma Frost or a Ultra Girl/ Justice. For you, maybe rouge/gambit.
On 03/26/08 at 11:42 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
did I just expose my geekiness?
On 03/26/08 at 12:05 pm
Trista said:
Gene Wilder…can’t place the title…
And Rogue is hot, I’d be her.
On 03/26/08 at 12:10 pm
Rex rhymes with sex. said:
Yeah, you did. FUCKING FANBOY!
…going to the San Diego Comic Con? haha
On 03/26/08 at 12:19 pm
Hater Numero Uno said:
Don’t Start The Revolution Without Me. My favorite movie EVER!! I actually got so faded and mad I told some dumbass who was talking trash about San Diego: “To pull the tail of a lion is to open the mouth of trouble and reveal the teeth of revenge biting the tongue of deceit!!” Then I slapped the taste out of his mouth!
And no Rex, I can’t go. I live in Louisiana right now. Damn, thanx for reminding me I’ll miss that FREAKFEST!! I’m a big star wars fan, but never until I attended have I wanted to dig out a twi’lek!!
On 03/26/08 at 12:24 pm
The Force is strong with Rex said:
Louisiana, Schmouisiana!
I lived there for a while myself (Lake Charles & Jennings) …didn’t mean to bring you down. HOWEVER. You can always imagine you’re living in Dagobah…
On 03/26/08 at 12:51 pm
Hater Won Kanobi said:
right you are. that, i will do.
On 03/26/08 at 1:16 pm
Trista said:
Geeks are hawt! Keep talking to each other like that…mmm…
On 03/26/08 at 1:22 pm
The Force is strong with Rex said:
Open your blast doors, your Worshipfulness! My hyperdrive motivator is powered up and the navicomp has charted my course!
All I gotta say is “Punch it, Chewie!” and in two shakes of an Ewok’s ear, you’ll be at a state of rapture higher than Cloud City.
On 03/26/08 at 2:12 pm
Hater Won Kanobi said:
Now that Rex has lowered your shields, allow me to leave you wetter then the surface of Kamino. They say my tongoue is thicker then a Hutt’s yet as long and agile as a gungan.
On 03/26/08 at 2:22 pm
Hater Won Kanobi said:
or would you prefer R2D2 “interfaceing” his hardware with your wetware?
On 03/26/08 at 2:28 pm
The Force is strong with Rex said:
In another life… we were Sith, I swear.
‘Come to the Dark Side’, indeed.
On 03/26/08 at 7:02 am
PJ said:
Oh hell no. This guy is the kid that ate the paste in kindergarten. He’s turning his lack of lunch money as a child into a lack of respect for his penis as an adult. A penis is a wonderful thing to have. It’s like a little flag you get to salute every morning. It gives you that extra bit of swagger to get through the day. It’s a friend when you’re lonely, and the best wingman you’ll ever have. It’s the yang to vagina’s yin, and the reason some women can overlook ugly. Now why, just why, would you want to wrap it up in pink bows and lace?
On 03/26/08 at 7:48 am
Trista said:
Snort.
I think it’s like any fetish…not to be understood.
On 03/26/08 at 7:48 am
Tori said:
PJ! My lord, could you be just a little more judgmental?
On 03/26/08 at 7:50 am
Trista said:
I think he is standing up for penises everywhere…
On 03/26/08 at 7:51 am
Tori said:
No pun intended?
On 03/26/08 at 7:57 am
PJ said:
There’s a big difference between being judgmental towards someone with validity and being judgmental towards a man who closets a fetish for wearing women’s undies. Why can’t the world have whack-jobs anymore?
On 03/26/08 at 7:54 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
Yeah right, penises don’t care what there wrapped in. And PJ news flash; men wear pink all the time.
On 03/26/08 at 8:08 am
PJ said:
Pink bows ≠ pink.
On 03/26/08 at 8:10 am
Trista said:
I don’t even like bows most of the time…and I’m a girl.
On 03/26/08 at 8:26 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
are you jealous of this guy or samething? I only ask because you seem really fixated on the pink bows thing and after rereading, it never states that is his preference.
On 03/26/08 at 8:32 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
maybe he likes granny panties!?
On 03/26/08 at 8:39 am
Trista said:
No one really likes granny panties. Some just…succumb to them.
On 03/26/08 at 9:08 am
PJ said:
I just assume he’s into the cute lacey type. If he’s into the granny panties, this problem is larger (rimshot) than we thought.
On 03/26/08 at 1:23 pm
Hater Won Kanobi said:
What man doesn’t like the cute lacey type?
On 03/26/08 at 7:50 am
Tori said:
I don’t think it would bother me. Ok, so it might weird me out a little, but if I marry someone, it’s because I love them for whoever they are (unless they harmed someone). I wouldn’t share my underwear, but I’d help him shop for his own.
I think I would be happy that my marriage had that level of trust and honesty, really.
On 03/26/08 at 8:09 am
Trista said:
Yeah, that was my first reaction… he told her a year in, that is pretty huge considering he has been hiding it since 8 years old.
But would you go out with him while he was cross dressed.
On 03/26/08 at 8:18 am
Tori said:
I can’t think of a reason why not. I’d just make damn sure he looked like a really hot girl first.
On 03/26/08 at 8:23 am
PJ said:
Wearing a Hannah Montana Shirt?
On 03/26/08 at 11:34 am
Tori said:
No. That would ruin it because no girl over the age of about 12 would really wear one.
On 03/26/08 at 11:41 am
Trista said:
Yeah, gender-bending is one thing, let’s role play pedophilia is another…*shudder*
On 03/26/08 at 12:02 pm
PJ said:
Hey. It was from her blog not mine.
On 03/26/08 at 8:28 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
will you force him to get cosmetic surgery? get a brazillian wax maybe?
On 03/26/08 at 11:33 am
Tori said:
Nope. I won’t even get a brazilian. That shit hurts. I’m a big fan of loving people how they are or how they chose to be.
On 03/26/08 at 1:25 pm
Hater Won Kanobi said:
accepting of other’s flaws, star of your own homemade porn, have you ever seen start the revolution without me?
On 03/27/08 at 6:51 am
Tori said:
No, I haven’t. Should I?
On 03/26/08 at 10:11 am
Rex... Not Spam? said:
One random day when I was dragged into a TJ MAXX, I saw a dude in complete drag. And he certainly wasn’t hiding the fact that he was all man.
Imagine if you will a male in his mid 40s… of average build… around 6′2″… five o’ clock shadow… hairy arms and legs… wearing fucking LEGGINGS, a dark purple dress with black pumps and matching purse. Oh yeah, and a rat’s nest that was obviously a wig.
No one laughed. They simply STARED. Probably because he was the most ugliest transvestite anyone in the Bay Area had ever seen.
On 03/26/08 at 10:20 am
Trista said:
when I worked as a 411 operator back in the day there was a nice man by the name of Candy working with me there. Gnarliest man hands you have ever seen because, well, she was a man. I had no problem with Candy other than the fact that he insisted on using the ladies room, quite unnerving.
On 03/26/08 at 11:10 am
Rex is NOT spam anymore! said:
Why do I associate a gravely voice with Candy… to match her gnarly hands? “HELLO 411, HOW MAY I BE OF ASSISTANCE?!” Kinda like Cookie Monster.
On 03/26/08 at 11:39 am
Trista said:
“Hi I’m Candy, what city please?”
I still hear it sometimes…in my nightmares.
It reminded me of Buffalo Bill a la Silence of the Lambs.