Orgasmathon Recapped

Well, kids…we did it again. Well, I did it again…Karri did it for the first (and last!) time. We went for the gold and we achieved it! Ah…but at what a cost. Our sanity, our sex drives, our reproductive organs…all were put to the test during Orgasmathon 08.

(In more innocent times…)

Because it was three hours of pain and suffering the likes of which you don’t want to hear about in great detail (you DO?? Sickos! I am going to pretend I didn’t hear that…) we are going to give you a brief rundown of our individual experiences. I’ll let Karri go first, since she started first and all.

Karri:

Can any of you possibly fathom the challenge that had been laid before me? Not only is my co-conspirator 10-years younger than myself, but for the love of gawd, she invented Orgasmathon! The rumor-mill was churning and I was clearly the underdog, which made me even more determined to succeed! Three weeks of hard-core training and an amazing support team whose pep-talks resonated over the hum of a multitude of appliances just when I thought I couldn’t withstand another minute of torture…err…pleasure.

With my plan of attack clearly mapped out, I purchased the essential batteries, fluids and snacks, strategically placing them in various locations throughout my house alongside my inanimate bundles of joy. I had my notebook ready to jot down my delirious thoughts that in my wildest imagination I could have never predicted.

• The first stop was easy, go with what you know, and for me it’s my bathtub. Forty gallons of hot water and 11 quick O’s later I moved to my bedroom where I had a fabulous array of friends and lube waiting for me. Although the infamous Rabbit was a bit too loud and complicated for my taste it got my where I needed to go, and fast! Coupled with the Pocket Rocket and I was off to a fabulous start!
• Less than an hour into the marathon madness and I was already half way to my goal…WHEEEEE! I strutted throughout my house chugging a Slim Fast certain that I was unstoppable… I was on fire! Unfortunately, shortly thereafter so was my hoo-ha thanks to the Viva cream. Note to self: more is not always better!
• German porn and the Viva Cream were having a counter effect on my libido and my fiery bits needed to be extinguished, so back to the tub I went. Whew…five in a row was just what I needed, until I sat up and puked down the drain. Hawt, hu? A wet, naked, masturbating, puking girl, who doesn’t want a piece of that?
• Fifteen to go and the numbness was starting to set in. If there was ever a time that I needed to find my G-spot it was then and there. And that I did, five times; and then I puked…again!
• Two hours down, ten orgasms to go and one long talk in the mirror… “you can do this! Focus, focus.” I was nauseous, dehydrated and could barely move, but there was no way I’d come this far to give up. After repeating every pre-planned scenario with tears in my eyes, I was nearing my breaking point. It was time to pull out all the stops and bring in The Thumper for the final three.

In complete and utter exhaustion I sent Trista a text announcing that I’d reached the goal, 40 orgasms in three hours. To my horror she’d just started to ramp up and told me to continue going for my final 15 minutes. Surely, she was not only insane but a far better woman than me. I concede to the Champion.

Trista:

I knew two things going into this contest. One: I had to live up to and even exceed my previous orgasmathon results and Two: Karri was going to kill herself trying to beat me. And Trista no likey losing, kids, hence the three plus weeks of daily training leading up to this ridiculousness.

So I gathered my arsenal of whizzing, whirling, flashing, vibrating, gyrating pink and purple silicon, glass, and cyber-skinned bandits and got ready to get to work. I also purchased a case, yes a case, of Vitamin Water because no one likes to dehydrate.

And then the next three hours were a blur.

• In the beginning there was a shower, multiple orgasms, and THIS bad boy . I had 13 orgasms in 17 minutes and I felt like a rock star. At least I think it was 13…its difficult to count when you have been reduced to a quivering pile of mush at the bottom of your shower.
• I crawled out of the shower and managed to get myself to the bed. I applied the mysterious Viva Cream (the stuff Karri ordered and only shared with me out of guilt) Thank gawd she did share it, because this magical elixir played a large part in getting me almost a dozen more oh-oh-ohs! in rapid succession.
• These next three are under review by the judges…since they were achieved with backdoor and nipple play. But I don’t recall any rule excluding this type of joy, so I say they are a go. One hour in, and a whopping 27 down.
• Here is where things started to get tricky. The little man in the boat was putting in for early retirement. Time for some more g-spot lovin’ from this a one . My hero, six more, although this time it took 20 minutes and left me feeling like I had rearranged my ovaries. Ugh.
• The next seven were achieved by sheer willpower alone. I actually used Lamaze breathing to get past the pain…kinda creepy, but it worked. This little guy worked too…But FYI people, tears DO NOT make the best lubricant.
• At 40 I was supposed to stop…as per the rules Karri and I set. But I still had about an hour of time left and so I decided to see if I could get further. Since the competition was technically over I decided to bring in some help…the oh my bod vibrator that syncs up to your cell phone and some sexy text messages outta do me…and they did.
• One last shot at the g-spot and I was rewarded with one lone orgasm…but I also made myself throw up in the process…and I decided that was my body’s way of saying, “Bitch, knock it off!” I listened.

Game over, grand total:49

And there you have it, friends. We puked, we cried but we also conquered. And though we are both convinced that we did semi permanent damage to our innards and we are both sure we are NEVER doing this again, but we are also wildly impressed with ourselves and our miraculous bodies.

And I am calling this contest a draw, since we DID originally say that there was a cap at 40 and I (Trista) kept going anyway AND I did sorta use an outside source when I accepted dirty text messages during the final round. So…we are both victorious…and not certain as to whether or not we will ever masturbate again!

So…who’s up for trying to top us? Come on…

And don’t forget…we have a show tonight!