Phallically Challenged?
April 17, 2008 · Print This Article
Dear Eve,
A couple months ago I was out with some friends and their friends. One of the guys was super cute, smart and funny, we hit it off immediately. Since then we’ve been spending a lot of time together hanging out and getting to know each other. I really think I’m starting to fall for this guy, but he’s bisexual, and I’m afraid that he’ll end up leaving me for another guy. I like him a lot, and I don’t know what to do.
Eve, what would you do?
Sincerely,
Penis Envy Penny
Dear Penis Envy,
Firstly, why in the world would you have penis envy? Do you honestly think that if you had said penis it would ensure that your potential new love interest wouldn’t stray? Listen sister, if he’s truly bisexual and you decide to move forward with him you’re going to have to accept the harsh reality that he has the ability to swing both ways. Now, if he’s straight-up gay and hiding under the bi umbrella you don’t have a chance. But let’s stay focused on the facts as you know them and your dilemma.
Straight, gay or somewhere in between, sexual orientation has nothing to do with someone’s moral character…a cheaters a cheater, period. Unfortunately your odds are doubled that he may find someone else attractive. It’s one thing to have your only concern be a random hawt chick with perky breasts and an ass that you could bounce a quarter off of, but with a bi in tow you can also add six pack abs and Ambercrombie wannabes to the list. (Unless of course he fancies grizzly men then you just have to steer clear of biker rallies and lumberjack competitions.)
Eve’s suggestions for a successful relationship with a bi fella? Learn to enjoy gay porn (for those days when he’s feeling especially swishy), hide your Duracell operated devices under lock and key, get familiar with doing it doggy style…from behind of course. And lastly, love who you’re going to love and enjoy it while it lasts!
KISS KISS,
LOVE LOVE,
Eve
On 04/17/08 at 4:05 am
Kevin said:
Is it possible for someone to be “bisexual” AND “faithful”? Monogamously faithful, that is…
Seems to me the answer is no.
On 04/17/08 at 4:15 am
The Hater said:
How so? It just means you are attracted to and have been sexually active with both sexes. Monogamy is just being in a commited relationship. Duh.
On 04/17/08 at 4:59 am
Kevin said:
If someone is actively attracted to both sexes, he/she will only be faithful or monogamous if they oppress and never act on those feelings. And while this is of course quite possible, why in the hell would you want to be in a “committed relationship” with someone who is basically stifling their feelings?
While my original statement wasn’t an all-inclusive rule or anything… I guess I was trying to imply the reality of such a situation.
And um… don’t “duh” me, dude.
On 04/17/08 at 5:40 am
Trista said:
Bisexual is the potential to be with either sex, it isn’t an innate need to be sexually involved with both sexes at the same time. In other words a bisexual doesn’t choose who they find attractive or fall in love with based upon sex.
We are all going to face the potential of being attracted to people other than our mates.
So any of us in monogamous relationships must walk around “stifling” feelings…
By your logic, none of us could be faithful.
On 04/17/08 at 5:49 am
Kevin said:
For the most part, you are very correct, T. However, I get ALL what I desire, physically, from my girlfriend… even if I “stifle” my attraction to other women.
However, if I were bisexual, I’d only be getting half, give or take, of what I am attracted to. Right? So is there not much more going on, when you consider that a male or a female can only provide PART of what you’re into?
On 04/17/08 at 6:00 am
Karri said:
“I’d only be getting half, give or take, of what I am attracted to. Right?”
Wrong! Think of bisexuality as a pendulum that can swing both ways…literally. That doesn’t mean that it always does. What keeps us monogamous? Love, commitment, attraction etc…When someone who is bisexual is in a monogamous relationship there’s no reason for them to actively look for someone else no matter the gender. They’re happy and content just like someone who is solely straight or gay. Now, if said person has the ability to cheat, that is an entirely different story all together.
On 04/17/08 at 6:11 am
Kevin said:
Ok… I guess I way simplified my original statement. One does NOT mean the other. I was assuming that this person was ACTIVELY bisexual. Now, to me that means they are interested, and actively seeking the opposite sex. And therefore, they could not be faithful to one. However, I absolutely see that someone COULD be labeled “bisexual” and yet have no interest in being with or actively pursuing someone from that other sex.
As I said above, I was implying too much… and made a rather basic and simple statement off of a lot of what was going on in MY head.
Apologies for the confusion.
On 04/17/08 at 6:13 am
Trista said:
No apologies, that was a great discussion.
On 04/17/08 at 6:14 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
Thanks Karri. I don’t seek out people to be attracted to whether they be men or women. I have been monogamous for 14 years now. She knows I am bi, and never questions my fidelity. Fortunately, when I do find someone attractive, she takes care of my needs no matter what their gender was.
On 04/17/08 at 6:20 am
Karri said:
No, thank you for proving my point!
I WIN! And, congratulations! A 14 year commitment to anyone is quite extraordinary these days…unfortunately.
On 04/17/08 at 5:24 pm
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
I do try… her patience every day! I am rather proud of the accomplishment, and remind myself every day why I’m with her. Since I know you are looking and not looking at the same time, still want to come be our 3rd? Polyamorous relationships are the most fun!
On 04/17/08 at 3:31 pm
deltabob said:
I think the basic point you are missing is that bisexuality doesn’t equal a need for both sexes to be complete.
Bisexuality runs the gammut from simple fantasy about being with people of either gender to simply having no preference of man over woman or vice versa.
My bisexuality simply means that I don’t use a physical characteristic as my first criteria for a potential partner.
I am a woman, and I have been happily married for twelve years to a man. I’m not ’stifling’ a part of myself. Just as I would have had to decide to be with a single man or woman if I was monosexual, I made the same decision as a bisexual.
On 04/17/08 at 3:55 pm
Karri said:
I do believe we finally got him straightened out a little further along in our discussion. And thank you for pointing out that making a choice over one gender or the other isn’t a sacrafice.
I believe you may be new here, welcome to Eve-101!
On 04/17/08 at 6:02 am
The Hater said:
why can’t I duh you dude? the statement you made seems counterintuitive to me. Bisexuality refers to sexual orientation. Monogamy is staying faithful to your partner. So, like I said Duh, you can be bisexual and still not cheat on your partner.
On 04/17/08 at 6:13 am
Kevin said:
See above.
I assumed she mentioned him being bisexual because he was currently interested in men. I completely ignored the fact that he could have told her guys turn him on, and yet not be interested in the slightest.
Sorry I took this topic in a whole new direction. It was supposed to be about he insecurities and doubts.
On 04/17/08 at 10:07 am
Chris said:
“why can’t I duh you”
.
A) It’s rude, insulting, and disrespectful.
B) Counterintuitive does not, necessarily, mean incorrect.
.
While neither of these mean you are incapable of “duhing” someone, both of them mean you shouldn’t.
On 04/17/08 at 11:38 am
Kevin said:
How ’bout a little “w00t w00t!” on Chris!
SOMEONE’S gotta have my back around here. Lol.
On 04/17/08 at 11:49 am
Karri said:
At the end of the day, there’s nothin’ but love around Eve-101!
On 04/17/08 at 4:21 am
The Hater said:
I personally wouldn’t know how to answer this question. She didn’t even indicate if the guy WANTED to be in a monogamous relationship with her. Just because you think you are starting to “hit it off” with someone doesn’t make it so. I have gay and lesbian friends and they are more monogamous then most of my straight friends. So I feel sexual orientation little to no effect on being prone to cheat.
I totally agree with you that the guy might be gay and halfway out of the closet. She needs to resolve that issue before she even worries if the guy can be trusted.
On 04/17/08 at 5:03 am
Kevin said:
No one mentioned gay or lesbian orientations. I just feel that if you accept the label of “bisexual”, then by definition you are attracted to, enjoy and/or actively are involved with both sexes. And being that “both” means “more than one”, either you’re bound to cheat, oppress one half of your desires, or are in an open relationship that allows as such.
So while sexual orientation, FOR THE MOST PART, does not determine faithfulness… one-third of the sexual orientation category, bisexualism, CERTAINLY increases those odds dramatically. Wouldn’t you agree?
On 04/17/08 at 6:09 am
Karri said:
To be faithful you must make a commitment to do so. I know that if someone falls into the bi category and chooses to only live in the world of heterosexuality it can be done, it’s a choice. Just because they may have the ability to find both sexes attractive, doesn’t mean they’re going to act on it.
On 04/17/08 at 6:25 am
El Supremo said:
You’re treading dangerous waters with that statement. That statement says straight out that sexual orientation is a conscious decision, not something you’re born with. What are you, a fucking Republican?
On 04/17/08 at 6:39 am
Karri said:
Dear Gawd no, just raised by one. Bi’s can make a decision as to which gender they choose to be with, gays don’t have a choice. Whether it be genetic or social circumstances that created their desires, they are intrinsically attracted to the same sex; bi’s get both…lucky bastards!
On 04/17/08 at 6:12 am
Trista said:
I just don’t agree with you. I know plenty of people who are actively bisexual, and when they get into exclusive relationships they take them just as seriously as their homosexual and heterosexual counterparts. Morality…integrity…faithfulness…these have nothing to do with sexual orientation.
There are those who like to be with both sexes all the time…they don’t get into these one on one monogamous relationships. Just like their are heterosexual swingers and what not. Again, people who cannot or will not commit to one come from all sexual orientations.
The key is to know yourself.
On 04/17/08 at 6:17 am
Kevin said:
No… we agree. I was just stuck on the “actively bisexual” thought. After re-reading the article, I realize that she never said that. I assumed it. Shoot me. Lol.
I agree with everything you and Karri are saying. I, too, know several bisexual people who are, just as you say, very loyal and DO become very monogamous once in a relationship. It’s the ones that are actively exercising their bipartisan desires that I was referring to.
On 04/17/08 at 6:18 am
The Hater said:
YOU say;”No one mentioned gay or lesbian orientations.”
And I qoute from the above blog;”Now, if he’s straight-up gay and hiding under the bi umbrella you don’t have a chance.”
You see I wasn’t even refering to what you wrote. As odd as it may seem, the sun doesn’t revolve around the world.
As for being attracted to both sexes increasing the chances you cheat, I must disagree. If you are a faithfull person you just won’t cheat. I’ve never cheated on a woman. No amount of attractiveness nor money could have made me cheat.
On 04/17/08 at 6:33 am
The Hater said:
Um, I’m sorry for even posting this. I was eating and didn’t read your humble concession.
On 04/17/08 at 6:52 am
Karri said:
Kumbaya my lord…Kum ba ya.
On 04/17/08 at 6:56 am
The Hater said:
some one’s crying lord… kum ba ya.
On 04/17/08 at 7:01 am
Karri said:
Trista’s going to hang us both for that!
On 04/17/08 at 8:46 am
Kevin said:
It’s cool. I think this has all just been first, a idiotic assumption on my part… and second, a battle of semantics. No harm, no foul.
Although (dare I risk rekindling this?)… whether you WILL cheat or not means nothing when you’re figuring odds. By the simple fact of your potential pool of options being doubled, you are therefore “more likely”. However slight a chance that is, the numbers don’t lie.
But yeah, I agree with you to the point of… I’ve never cheated (well, technically, once… but we just hadn’t broken up OFFICIALLY, yet. I still felt like shit… but it was long over at that point anyway. So… it doesn’t count…. right? Lol.) … but it wouldn’t matter if there were 8 billion women on the planet instead of 4, it still wouldn’t force me to commit the act. So yeah, doesn’t change our final decision, even though “the odds” are greatly increased.
Cool?
On 04/17/08 at 9:18 am
Karri said:
You should have stopped while you were ahead! Doubling the odds does NOT mean that you are more likely to cheat! It means if you’re a lying, cheating piece of crap you have more options but not “more likely.”
On 04/17/08 at 11:43 am
Kevin said:
LMAO! No, no, no. I said the ODDS are more likely. And, in fact, they ARE. But if you, by choice, still have the decisive power, no amount of ODDS will make you cheat. But it IS still a numbers game. 300 to 1 is still better than 600 to 1. Doesn’t matter what your final decision is. You’re thinking odds are “how likely” you are to cheat. Totally different.
Btw… what are the odds of me getting my book in the next month, dammit?? And then… what is the LIKELIHOOD that I’ll get it at all??
On 04/17/08 at 11:53 am
Karri said:
HAHAHAHAAAA!!!
Better than 300 to 1.
On 04/17/08 at 12:09 pm
Kevin said:
*snicker* I was just picking random numbers to explain the concept.
Stop fuckin’ with me. Lol.
On 04/17/08 at 12:12 pm
Karri said:
Sorry, I’m on my second pot of coffee.
On 04/17/08 at 12:22 pm
Kevin said:
Ooo! So you’re giddy and full of excess energy?? Wanna cyber?
On 04/17/08 at 6:03 am
Karri said:
I have a feeling she’s nervous to even “test the waters” if you will. She seems to be a bit naive in her knowledge about bisexuality, therefore afraid to move forward and share her feelings. I mean she thinks she needs to have a penis to keep him around, which isn’t true! Gay, straight or bi, if someone chooses to be monogamous, they will be.
On 04/17/08 at 6:54 am
The Hater said:
She seems like the type to buy in to stereotypes for sure. But why have penis envy? I’d never want to have breasts or a vagina. Fuck how “super cute” the person I like is. Why does it seem like you guys answer the tweenagers questions every week?
On 04/17/08 at 7:03 am
Karri said:
Trust me, I don’t want a penis any more than you want a vajaja! Apparently the “tweenies” look up to us for guidance. Be afraid!
On 04/17/08 at 6:13 am
El Supremo said:
Fucking California.
On 04/17/08 at 6:16 am
Karri said:
That’s all you’ve got? I was certain there’d be mention of shotguns and such. I’m rather disappointed.
On 04/17/08 at 6:22 am
El Supremo said:
Bisexuals should be killed. I haven’t an issue in the world with homosexuals. If you want to be gay, be gay. Cool. No problem. Suck a dick. Wear some flannel. Assless chaps are all the rage. Whatevs. Bisexuals, on the other hand, are simply gluttons. I’ve never met a bisexual in my life who wasn’t a complete a total imbecile with a trainwreck of a life.
And a dude who switches back and forth between the cock and the puss is to be avoided at all costs. That is one unstable individual right there. Would you, as a (sort of) self-respecting woman enjoy wondering whose cock you’re tasting every time you go in for a kiss on your boyfriend? Odds are… not so much. Would any self-respecting man befriend a guy who could, at any given moment, just up and decide to chase a cock around the room while you’re out drinking? Hell no. If you’ve got gay friends, then the expectation is always there. But if the dude’s bi, that’s like having a grenade sitting on the bar with the pin pulled. It’s just not advisable.
These letters y’all get crack me straight the fuck up, though. There are some monumentally stupid people out there.
On 04/17/08 at 6:26 am
Trista said:
Your comment seems to be aimed entirely at bisexual men. What about the women?
On 04/17/08 at 6:28 am
El Supremo said:
It’s kind of like the old saying about gay marriage - I support it if both chicks are hot.
On 04/17/08 at 6:35 am
El Supremo said:
See also: my comment on gluttony above. That applies to men and women. Bisexual people are a special kind of insane. They actually DO choose their sexuality, which doesn’t do the genuine homosexual community any favors. By actively flaunting the fact that they fuck whoever, whenever, and for no other reason than that they enjoy fucking, they undermine the premise that sexuality is something you are born with, a cornerstone of the arguments the gay community uses to achieve equality. Bisexuality takes that argument and beats it to death with a freewheeling cock.
On 04/17/08 at 6:45 am
Karri said:
And here’s where I’m going to agree with you…”they undermine the premise that sexuality is something you are born with, a cornerstone of the arguments the gay community uses to achieve equality.”
It is not uncommon amongst the gay community for the bi’s to be discriminated against. Taking the middle road doesn’t do the gay rights movement any favors.
On 04/17/08 at 6:56 am
El Supremo said:
Cool, other than Pottery Barn being totally kick ass, haranguing bisexuals is another thing me and teh gayz can agree on.
On 04/17/08 at 7:01 am
Trista said:
If sexual orientation is something we are born with, what makes you think that bisexuals have any more control over it than gays or straights? How are they undermining anything?? Do you really think they are choosing a life that brings them discrimination from homosexuals and heterosexuals alike? Come on! It’s not “taking the middle road,” it’s being true to who they are.
On 04/17/08 at 7:20 am
Karri said:
It’s simply another case of people being ostracized for what others don’t understand.
Signed,
Trista and Karri via phone conversation while she’s taking the whipper snappers to school.
On 04/17/08 at 6:30 am
The Hater said:
You sure you don’t channel Andrew Dice Clay? Or is it Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force? I mean, you could realy do standup in front of an Iroc.
On 04/17/08 at 8:51 am
Tori said:
Not that you really know my life or anything, but I’d prefer if you didn’t recommend killing me. I also have to take issue with the “complete a (sic) total imbecile with a trainwreck of a life” comment. I find both genders mentally and physically attractive and I also (gasp) have a good job and good friends and I’m healthy and happy. Stereotypes are not a particularly good way to examine this issue.
I never chose to find women attractive. They just are, and I’m sure you’d agree. I prefer to think of bisexuality as being particularly appreciative of human beauty (inside and out). I happen to be in love with a man, but I never closed myself off to the possibility of a long-term relationship with a woman. I don’t think that’s any more selfish (or “gluttonous”) than anyone else who is, god forbid, trying to find someone who makes them happy.
Also, I think a self-respecting man would realize that his self-respect doesn’t have to be compromised by the behavior of his friends. There’s just a lot that I find wrong with your comment. And maybe Bryce is right, and I am a hippie, but I’d rather not waste time disliking other people for things that have no effect on my life.
On 04/17/08 at 11:47 am
Kevin said:
I would personally like to buy and then share a slice of Chocolate Utopia cake for/with you, if that’s ok. You deserve it.
On 04/17/08 at 12:47 pm
Tori said:
Mmm caaaaaake. I would totally allow that.
On 04/17/08 at 1:30 pm
Karri said:
Just remember you two…we don’t force feed chocolate cake around here, that’d just take all the fun right out of it. Carry on…
On 04/17/08 at 2:52 pm
Kevin said:
Haha! No need to force THIS cake. Once in the room, it’d be all I could do to keep you guys off it.
On 04/17/08 at 3:41 pm
Tori said:
Get between me and cake. See what happens.
On 04/17/08 at 3:53 pm
Kevin said:
Oh don’t worry. I wouldn’t dare! Although, I may stand beside it and start launching spoonfuls of fresh-whipped cream at you as you rip through the cake like a buzzsaw. Lol!
On 04/17/08 at 1:24 pm
El Supremo said:
Nice strap-on… hippie.
On 04/17/08 at 3:44 pm
Tori said:
God, I wish you and Bryce would just admit that you’re the same person already.
And don’t be stupid. If I want a phallus involved, I’ll sleep with a guy. If I’m with a girl, it’s because a) I like her and b) we both have vaginas. Which can be used together. Very effectively.
On 04/17/08 at 3:51 pm
Karri said:
Good girl, Tori!
On 04/17/08 at 6:22 am
The Hater said:
I never even thought of that. We(Trista, Karri and I) are all californians. Go figure.
On 04/17/08 at 6:26 am
Cassie said:
I’m just dropping by to say hello today…can’t put my opinion into words right now!!
On 04/17/08 at 6:42 am
Karri said:
Nice to see your shadow. Thanks for stopping by!
On 04/17/08 at 6:38 am
romano said:
dated a bisexual girl once…the whole sexuality thing wasn’t really an issue in comparison to the fact that she was insane
On 04/17/08 at 6:42 am
Trista said:
But were the two things mutually exclusive…that is the question.
On 04/17/08 at 7:41 am
El Supremo said:
Absolutely not. They are one and the same.
On 04/17/08 at 8:26 am
Karri said:
Bisexuality causes insanity? OY!
On 04/17/08 at 6:42 am
Meghan said:
Although being bi-sexual is not a defining piece of your moral character, some people do broadcast their bi-sexuality as an excuse to be promiscuous. Doesn’t matter if it’s your guy, or your girl. Are they trying to be honest with you about who they fell for in the past - or are they trying to tell you that they are some kind of hyper-sexual beast that will nail anything within dick-shot.