Protecting and Serving The Vagina
October 9, 2008 · Print This Article
I am not only flabbergasted, but outraged! My original intent of this “Confessions of a Single Girl” post was to maximize my self-deprecation through a rather embarrassing yet hilarious tale of my contraception method gone awry and the subsequent high cost of owning a vagina. Unfortunately, while researching the facts and figures to support my decision to use what many deem as an inconvenient, messy and archaic form of birth control, I’ve become privy to an issue that I thought was simply an isolated case of rare and unfortunate circumstances. Apparently, however, I am not alone and it seems as though the Hippocratic Oath has given way to compromising patient care in lieu of religious and moral beliefs.
Whilst making a late night trip to an E.R. that likened a Tijuana abortion clinic to have my diaphragm extricated (stop laughing!) I was subjected to what I’d chalked up to as an uncomfortable and unfortunate event. Awkward from the get-go, the experience was made even more painful by the lecture and inquisition being delivered below a paper sheet between my knees. I could hear her words, but only see her turban…a purple, silk paisley turban asking inappropriate questions and offering personal opinions while digging for my beloved cervical barrier with forceps and a flashlight. With conjured up memories of after school detention, I left feeling even more ashamed and horrified then when I’d walked through the doors.
A woman’s body is hers to do with as she pleases…or at least that’s my personal opinion. No state, government, church or physician has the right to delegate what’s appropriate and what is not. If I choose to utilize a 120 year old birth control device and risk getting it lodged in my hoo-ha as opposed to the vast array of modern day hormonal methods I shouldn’t be judged for it. And I most certainly should not be told to “abstain,” by Mr. Battkha, the pharmacist who wouldn’t refill my replacement diaphragm. Yep, after he lied and told me that my precious diaphragm had been taken off the market, I inquired as to my options. It was then that the religious zealot said, “Why don’t you abstain, Karri?” (I bit my tongue as to not tell him that I had a better idea that involved him screwing himself!)
Seriously, who knew that opting for passé pussy protection would come with a whorish stigma? Men aren’t being ostracized for purchasing condoms so why did a Doctor and a pharmacist feel it appropriate to condemn me for at the very least keeping my eggs unfertilized? Honestly, I don’t give a rat’s ass about their personal, moral or religious beliefs…I respect our differences. But this is my vajaja we’re talking about and I will not tolerate extremists telling me how to care for it. It is after all a very fragile environment and it must be protected…and who better to be in control of that than the woman who owns it?!
Apparently my circumstances aren’t the rarity that I’d assumed. Women all across this great and free country of ours are being held hostage by the personal beliefs of physicians and pharmacists. “There are pharmacists who will only dispense birth control pills to a woman if she’s married. There are physicians who mistakenly believe contraception is a form of abortion and refuse to prescribe it to anyone,” said Adam Sonfield of the Alan Guttmacher Institute in New York, which tracks reproductive issues.
Bottom line is this…sex and religion are two of the greatest debates in history and I would never be so naïve as to believe that someday we will all agree. BUT…for the love of all that is (un)holy, please save the sermons for the Synagogue and keep them out of medical practices! Thank you.
Bring it people…I can’t possibly be the only one who is livid with others spewing their personal propaganda under the guise of a professional title. Where are your boundaries? Do you believe that medical professionals have the right to discern a woman’s contraceptive choices? And what about men, shouldn’t they be held to the same set of standards and lectures?
On 10/8/08 at 6:47 pm
Trista said:
Thankfully I have never had any experience like that.
I once had a Dr. make me cry when I was pregnant because she didn’t like how much weight I had gained or how much juice I had drank…but that’s not really the same thing.
Damn, she was mean though…
On 10/8/08 at 6:59 pm
Karri said:
No woman should have an experience like that…or man for that matter, but I don’t think they’d be losing their diaphragms.
I swear “compassion” is in the Hippocratic Oath somewhere and if it’s not, it should be! Giving a patient the proper information and instructions is one thing, scolding them like a child is entirely another.
On 10/9/08 at 8:04 am
Vile Kyle appoves this NONSENSE said:
umm…i’m just here for the budlight.
On 10/9/08 at 8:25 am
Karri said:
Actually, it’s Coors out of a keg, thank you very much.
On 10/9/08 at 8:27 am
Vile Kyle appoves this NONSENSE said:
if that’s all we got i guess i’ll settle. It’s a good thing i brought plenty of PCP.
On 10/9/08 at 8:42 am
Karri said:
Oh good, you can be our entertainment. We’ll just stick you in a padded room with windows so we can laugh and point at you hallucinating. Awesome.
On 10/9/08 at 8:48 am
Vile Kyle appoves this NONSENSE said:
they don’t call me clinically insane for nutt’n. But what i didn’t tell you is i put some in all of ya’lls morning coffee. We’re together on this ride baby.
On 10/9/08 at 8:50 am
PJ said:
PCP? People still do that?
On 10/9/08 at 8:58 am
Karri said:
It appears as if the clinically insane ones do.
On 10/9/08 at 9:24 am
PJ said:
Oh yeah. I also meant, Diaphragms? People still use those?
On 10/9/08 at 9:30 am
Karri said:
DOH…I was waiting for that!
And again, apparently the clinically insane ones do.
On 10/9/08 at 9:48 am
Vile Kyle appoves this NONSENSE said:
only on easter weekend.
On 10/9/08 at 9:05 am
Vile Kyle appoves this NONSENSE said:
lol…i dunno that’s a good question.
On 10/9/08 at 7:18 pm
Missygail said:
Trista even though we are many miles apart, I believe somehow we had the same obgyn. Just before receiving my FIRST c-section I had my evil doctor take my hand and say, “With the next baby, we aren’t going to gain so much weight are we, Melissa?” Stupid little Nazi.
On 10/9/08 at 3:12 am
lisaq said:
WTF??? Are you kidding me right now? What the hell gives them the right? I had no idea this kind of crap was going on. This isn’t 1808 for God’s sake! Your parts are your parts. What you do with them is your own business. Period.
On 10/9/08 at 5:46 am
Karri said:
I was shocked also and damn it they took the funny right outta’ my mishap!
On 10/9/08 at 3:41 am
~Lori~ said:
This is such bs. I have never had this experience. I hope I never do. I don’t see how in the medical profession they think they can force their personal beliefs on a patient, I consider that so unethical, besides intrusive and rude. So they think they can guilt you into abstaining? Give me a break. The worse thing that ever happened to me is when I moved to TX and was pregnant, had to go to the local clinic for checkups, they initially tried to talk me into giving my kid up for adoption? I was “excuse me”, just because I’m not married? If I was going to do that do you really think I would move half way across the country with the father of my child? That was my first experience of the “bible belt”, left a bad taste in mouth to say the least.
On 10/9/08 at 5:50 am
Karri said:
Are you kidding me?! That boggles my mind! Were you ever given an explanation or did they simply say “you’re unmarried, you should give your babe away”? WHAT?
Religion = guilt = abstinence. Been there done that…never again!
On 10/9/08 at 6:07 am
~Lori~ said:
I guess unmarried women in that area was a epidemic, that’s all I can figure, I was highly offended and told them so. Otherwise no, they didn’t give me an explanation, and the fact I was 22, and with the father of of my kid even made less sense to me. If I was young teen, I could maybe understand the thought, but seriously, the woman that did the advising was NOT gently suggesting this option, she was EXTREMELY PUSHY. Needless to say I layed into her something fierce.
On 10/9/08 at 6:27 am
Karri said:
I was terrified by the number of stories that I read while preparing for this little ditty. I had no idea how many physicians are doling out their personal opinions rather than honoring the patients wishes.
Talk about a god complex…PFFFFT!
On 10/9/08 at 6:23 am
Loree said:
Ever feel like we’re going backwards??
On 10/9/08 at 6:31 am
Karri said:
More and more so by the day! There’s a reason our country separates church and state…apparently some of those in lab coats missed that lesson.
On another note… I LOVE your latest piece Loree!
http://www.loreeharrell.com/large-view/Newest%20Work/173424-1-0-14350/Drawing/Abstract.html
On 10/9/08 at 6:34 am
Cassie said:
No…it DIDN’T take the funny out of your situation….hahhahahahaahah
The shit you get into woman!!! LOL
But I do agree that doctors SHOULD be alot more ‘clinical’ about the whole situation. If I wanna be a whore, that’s my business, DAMMIT!!!!
On 10/9/08 at 6:40 am
Karri said:
YAY…I’m glad you got some funny!
I’m just going to say that for 8 hours I put Gumby to shame in an attempt to get that thing out of my hoo-ha…and it wasn’t pretty m’friend!
The worst part…I mock girls who do shit like that. I have been deeply humbled by a diaphragm!
On 10/9/08 at 6:45 am
Carol said:
I have never had any such issues. Now, I have certainly purchased some *ahem* products in drug stores which have raised an eyebrow or two from clerks and pharmacists. However, if they were to ever made their negative opinions verbal, I would be all too happy to take them down the path whereby they would never share their UNREQUESTED opinions with me!
On 10/9/08 at 6:51 am
Karri said:
Discovering a rare fossil would have been easier than getting my prescription refilled! Pharmacy #2 suggested that I use the ring, #3 laughed at my request, and the final pharmacist actually winked at me and told me to “have a good night” when he handed over my goods. WTF?! Who are these people?
On 10/9/08 at 7:31 am
Phoenix said:
Bwahahahaha!
Winked?!? I’m surprised he didn’t try to pick you up! WTF?
Where the heck did all this happen anyway?
On 10/9/08 at 7:44 am
Karri said:
Mmmm Hmmmm…he winked, the little bastard. Hello, I’m not a whore, I’m just trying to be responsible here! After 2 trips to see Docs and 4 pharmacies later I was so happy to finally have my pink box in a bag that I just shook my head and scampered out as quick as I could.
On 10/9/08 at 6:50 am
Razor said:
I’ve been pretty fired up about this as well. Then I talked to my aunt, who is a former theology professor about my pharmacist uncle, who just happens to be Catholic. She brought up some excellent points about how if a person has serious moral objections, they shouldn’t be forced to go against their beliefs. As she mentioned, unless you live in a tiny town, you probably have other provider options. That is not so say a provider has the right to preach to their customers. I would file a formal complaint. Anybody who tries to come between me and my birth control is not going to like the outcome.
Here’s something I have been pondering, though. If you have a Catholic doctor who refuses to write prescriptions for contraceptives, will it get to the point where they have to post a sign on their door indicating they are Catholic so people like me would know better than to visit their practice? That idea makes me very nervous. On the one hand, we shouldn’t feel compelled to choose our medical providers based on their religions. On the other, we shouldn’t have to endure hostility and refusal of services based on their religions. I don’t want to ask an office manager if there are any doctors in a particular practice who WILL allow me my right to choose.
On 10/9/08 at 7:00 am
Karri said:
I couldn’t agree with you more! I would hate for this to be our future…”We have the right to refuse service based on our religion.” I don’t think that anyone should be forced to go against their beliefs, but perhaps they should consider a profession where they won’t be put in the situation to make those decisions.
Even if someone lives in highly populated area, during an emergency who has the time or forethought to call ahead and be certain that the attending physician doesn’t have a moral or religious obligation to treat the person in need? Or who would even think that’s necessary? I certainly didn’t!
On 10/9/08 at 6:55 am
Tori said:
I go to a county run clinic near my house, mostly because it’s so expensive and impossible to get in with the regular gyno. But at the clinic they’re all about trying to prevent pregnancy because they see so many dirt poor women with 3 kids and teen moms, etc. They’re like “here let us give you 13 months of pills right now, and do you need any condoms while you’re here?”
The couple of times I went to the gyno, I got a lecture about how many partners I’ve had (apparently 2 in a year is too many, because that’s what it was at the time). All the staff at the clinic is female and they just promote safe sex, but I’ve never felt judged.
On 10/9/08 at 7:05 am
Karri said:
I seriously can’t believe how many woman have experienced similar situations. Even if you had 20 partners in a year, as long as you’re being responsible, not harming yourself or anyone else, it’s none of their business!
Geezus…owning a vagina is a pain in the ass! Not only is it expensive and takes a great amount of care and responsibility but what pisses me off even more is that men aren’t subjected to this nonsense. No offense to the peen of course, but c’mon!
On 10/9/08 at 9:41 am
PJ said:
Actually, for men, if the number of partners goes up from visit to visit we get a high five and a lollipop.
On 10/9/08 at 9:51 am
Karri said:
Power to the peen…its cheap, easy and praised for just showing up to the party.
On 10/9/08 at 9:55 am
PJ said:
Just showing up? My dear, I think I’ve found your problem.
On 10/9/08 at 10:02 am
Karri said:
Its an appendage, like a finger or a toe…it doesn’t count. The success (or failure) is reliant on owner operation. Right?
On 10/9/08 at 10:11 am
PJ said:
It’s an appendage? An appendage? Like a finger or toe? It doesn’t count? Are you fucking kidding me?
On 10/9/08 at 10:14 am
Karri said:
HAHAHAHAAA!
That’ll teach you for making fun of my diaphragm!
On 10/9/08 at 10:49 am
PJ said:
That’s it. My goal now is to make you think of me next time you’re putting it in.
On 10/9/08 at 11:00 am
Karri said:
You’re an evil man, PJ!
On 10/9/08 at 11:55 am
PJ said:
That’s because I just learned how to let the naughty in the other day.
On 10/9/08 at 12:48 pm
Karri said:
So, I should blame my heterosexual life partner for this new found behavior of yours?
On 10/9/08 at 7:13 am
Fiona said:
Wow…. as backwards as this island is sometimes I have NEVER had any of those issues here. When I got pregnant my Catholic doctor looked me in the eye and asked me if I wanted her to make any appointments for me.
The type of pill I’m on I no longer have a prescription for, and yet any pharmacy will sell it to me. I guess they think anyone willing to prevent an unwanted pregnancy on an island with a booming birthrate, mainly teenage mothers, is the lesser of the two evils.
The odd thing is that this country is VERY religious.
I’m sorry you went through that.
On 10/9/08 at 7:28 am
Karri said:
The Plan B pill is also dispensed over-the-counter, but apparently those in dire need of it are being turned away. I read about a couple who already had 4 kids, their condom broke and they couldn’t get a pharmacist to give them the pill. That’s insanity to me!
I didn’t know that BC pills could be obtained without a prescription…interesting.
On 10/9/08 at 7:44 am
Fiona said:
They can’t really, and I’m sure they shouldn’t be doing it.
It’s sad to know there are people who would use their profession as a way of forcing their beliefs on others. Sad.
On 10/9/08 at 7:51 am
Karri said:
I have mixed feelings about dispensing hormones without an exam. Certainly there are risks if a gal has the potential for complications, but on the other hand prevention is key because really, who’s going to abstain?
On 10/9/08 at 7:28 am
Phoenix said:
No! Medical professionals do not have a right to try to dictate (or keep you from) any form of birth control you please. This is so ridiculous!!!!
The only related experience I have had was when I decided in my mid-twenties (single, and with one child) that I wanted to be sterilized, so as not to have anymore babies. The first doctor I asked lied to me and told me NO ONE would be willing to do it for me (even though my insurance covered it as an elective procedure 100%) because of my age and the fact that I only have one kid. I believed him too until I found out a few years later that someone my age in a similiar situation seemed to find someone to do it for her.
So I changed docs and went in with my request. I got the “what ifs” and a guilt trip. Fear mongering, actually. The doctor asked me all the traditional ‘what if you meet Mr. Right and he wants to have kids?’ ‘what if you change your mind’ sort of questions, to which I answered, I will not change my mind and if I meet Mr. Right he will also be Mr. Rich and we can artifically inseminate me. I mean the procedure does not take away my ability to carry a child, after all.
And then he hit me with the fear mongering. He asked me what I would do if the one child have DIED. Uh…was I supposed to have been thinking about that??? Cuz I didn’t have an answer. Well, at least not a black and white one. I told him I had never considered that before, and after a moment I said, I don’t know what I would want. Some women could never imagine having another child to “replace” one that was lost, and some feel that is the only way to heal. How am I supposed to know which kind I was at the age of 29?!?
He finished explaining the procedure (which even though it is ‘new’ sounded barbaric to me), and he left the room to give me some time to think about it. The door was slightly ajar and across the hall was the ultra sound room, door also ajar. As I sat there thinking about my child dying and what that would do to me, I could hear the happy couple in the other room ohhing and awwing over their little baby. I heard it’s little heart beat on the monitor. And I began to cry.
I chickened out in the end and got an IUD instead. But I still think it was wrong of the doctor to treat me like that instead of respecting my choice for my body.
On 10/9/08 at 7:33 am
Karri said:
OH. MY. GAWD!!!
Who in the fuck asks what you would do if your child died? P, I don’t even know what to say! How do you even compare birth and death? None of us know how we’re going to think or feel when a loved one dies, especially your own child.
Have you ever wondered if that Dr. left the two doors ajar intentionally?
On 10/9/08 at 7:45 am
Phoenix said:
Honestly, I don’t think so.
I took it as the universe telling me to acknowledge that there was something that I longed for that I didn’t have, which was the whole joyful 2-parent pregnancy experience. Since I had mine as a single 18/19 year old, it wasn’t that kind of experience.
Now, that doesn’t mean that I want to get pregnant, because I still don’t (hence the IUD), but part of me still longs for that type of love, and I havent tried to go back and ask to be steralized again.
Also, the procedure really sounds barbaric to me. The preferred method is no longer to ‘cut’ the tubes(and although they CAN use that method, my doctor said he wouldn’t because the newer way was more reliable). What they do is insert metal coils into your fallopian tubes so that scar tissue engulfs them and nothing can get through.
To this day I wonder if I’d set off the metal detectors at the airport and have to explain myself. :p
On 10/9/08 at 7:55 am
Karri said:
Metal coils in the fallopian tubes, what?
Like Loree said, ever feel like we’re going backwards?
On 10/9/08 at 7:46 am
pecosa said:
I’ve heard that’s a common question. Doctors rarely want to close up shop for women in their twenties and only one kid. A kid is irreplaceable. Period. It’s not like “Oh, I lost my black pumps, let me go get new ones”.
As for the judging, I live in the Tip of Texas, teen pregnancy rates are up the roof and I guess people have finally realized that giving them birth control options works better than religious guilt trips.
Plus if I ever need a Plan B pill I can walk across the border and get it for under $10.
On 10/9/08 at 7:58 am
Karri said:
Do you find it as ridiculous as I do that a woman would have to cross a border rather than having the option to go to her neighborhood pharmacy?
*sigh*
On 10/9/08 at 8:07 am
pecosa said:
Yes. I really do. Most women around here opt for it though because it’s so much more affordable. Plus you can go eat tacos after buying your bc stuff. lol
On 10/9/08 at 8:30 am
Karri said:
Wait, they’re opting for Plan B as opposed to regular daily BC pills? That’s not the answer either. OY!
On 10/9/08 at 11:16 am
pecosa said:
Oh, no! My bad…should have been clearer on that. They opt to buy regular birth control like the pill, the ring, the depo or get IUD’s in Mexico because it’s waaay more affordable and it’s the same exact brand.
On 10/9/08 at 1:06 pm
Karri said:
Gotcha! The Tijuana border isn’t far from here and many have been known to make the jaunt for affordable drugs. Go figure. Health care reform anyone?
On 10/9/08 at 7:29 am
Meghan said:
In college I went to Planned parenthood to re-fill my birth control pills after just fighting with my boyfriend. Went in fuming mad.
Doc took my blood pressure which she said was slightly elevated. I didn’t know what the numbers meant at the time, but turns out it was barely even elevated…but what he suggested to me was it was elevated because I felt guilty about coming in for my birth control pills, and maybe I should speak to my priest!!!!
That was Planned Parenthood!! You know…I’m 19, Planning on not having a baby?!? I couldn’t f-ing believe it. I freaked the fuck out - should have taken my blood pressure after that little exchange.
On 10/9/08 at 7:39 am
Karri said:
All of these stories are making my BP go up right now!
Call me crazy, but isn’t Planned Parenthood the poster child for preventing pregnancy? I thought they didn’t have religious affiliations?
This is making my hair hurt!
On 10/9/08 at 8:12 am
Meghan said:
Exactly…this doc went way overboard. Gave me the religious stink eye and I was none too pleased. Plus, he refused my prescription!!!
Surprisingly, my local Family Doctor in the small town practice was far more understanding and gave me the pills after my experience. He was horrified. I’ll never forget what he said…
‘Your blood pressure was elevated? You were naked on a table and some creepy Jesus freak walked into the room. No wonder it was elevated!’
On 10/9/08 at 8:34 am
Karri said:
‘Your blood pressure was elevated? You were naked on a table and some creepy Jesus freak walked into the room. No wonder it was elevated!’
BWAHAHAHAAHA! That’s classic, and I totally sympathize!
On 10/9/08 at 7:50 am
Rex said:
I don’t have sex because they told me if I have too much fun and shoot the Happy Juice outside of marriage, I’ll create little demons instead of babies.
On 10/9/08 at 8:04 am
Karri said:
And here I thought it was a sin to spill the seed.
On 10/9/08 at 8:11 am
Rex said:
It still is, but that can be pardoned with a confession. Spilling on things like the ground or shower floor or office desk or the backseat of a Geo Prism is when one gets in trouble.
Tagging on any part of the woman, however? NO WORRIES.
You may not have achieved the main objective, yet you still established contact with the intended target.
On 10/9/08 at 8:37 am
Karri said:
I do believe the Rabbi’s state that withdrawal is a no-no, no?
On 10/9/08 at 8:45 am
Rex said:
Who’s writing about withdrawal? This scenario is all about the horse before it’s even in the gate, miss! haha
See, if they doled out sex penalties like a FOOTBALL GAME, guys would be able to relate a lot better. Hell, you don’t have to change much of the terminology…
False Start.
Encroachment.
Delay of Game.
Unnecessary Roughness.
…you get my drift.
On 10/9/08 at 9:01 am
Karri said:
Ohhhhh!
Got it.
But you still can’t fumble the juice.