Shut Your Mouth!
October 21, 2008 · Print This Article
We’ve all suffered from a good case of foot-in-mouth on occasion…it happens and hopefully without irreversible damage. But what are we to do when those we’re surrounded by are unaware of their verbal blunders? At every turn yet another confidant is attempting to remove a size 24 Shaquille O’Neal sneaker from their trap while we sit on the sidelines and watch the catastrophe unfold. I don’t get it…is it a brain to mouth malfunction that needs repairing? And if so, exactly who do we call for this service?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ll be the first to admit that I have the ability to carry on a conversation with just about anyone or anything that’ll listen. I could yammer on and on to a tree for an hour and be just fine with it. Actually, once in a while I even prefer it. Nevertheless, there comes a time for each and every one of us when we should stop flapping our gums just for the sake of spewing saliva on the nearest unsuspecting passerby!
Somewhere in the midst of “change your ways or we’re not getting married,” (the last marriage - not the first) I discovered the goldmine that lies in the art of silence. I immediately coined it “The 24-Hour Rule” and it’s simple enough that a simian could do it. Pay attention and you can thank me later…
Next time you find yourself caught up in confusion, hurt, anger or just plain stupidity all you have to do is: SHUT. YOUR. MOUTH! Even better yet, shut-it for 24-hours. Stop the outbursts, name calling and irrational thought process long enough to call a time out. Imagine if you will, how trading your personal opinions, emotional baggage and propaganda for an insightful, intelligent and sane conversation is far more likely to suit everyone’s needs and actually garner a positive response. Not to mention the time and effort of banging your head against the proverbial wall is worth walking away long enough to gather your senses.
Thinking before we speak isn’t a novel concept, but certainly one that should hold credence. Our actions and reactions are often dictated by those we communicate with. When we forego rational for emotional we create a chain reaction. In the blink of an eye a snowball transforms into an avalanche, leaving a wave of destruction in its path that no search and rescue team can salvage.
If you aren’t certain if a woman is actually pregnant, for the love of gawd, don’t ask her when she’s due! When your beloved inadvertently makes a quip that cuts you to the core…don’t retaliate with a barrage of insults, but retreat and collect yourself instead. And lastly, don’t make a fool of yourself with a poor attempt at mimicking an accent…its just not good for foreign relations.
Be embarrassed for me…those examples up there were my slip-ups! What’re yours? Does your mouth have a mind of its own, or are you in control of your oral functions? Have you ever had a slip of the tongue that left you wishing for the power to be invisible, or do you battle it out till the bitter end? Misery loves company…share, won’t you?
On 10/21/08 at 4:19 am
Cassie said:
HAHAHAHA
OK..I HAD to do this…”or are you in control of your oral functions?”<—-why YES I AM!!! hahahahaha
OK…I do tend to get loud about CERTAIN things and will certain people. I’m usually pretty calm about things, but some days all it takes is a look to set me off!!!
On 10/21/08 at 4:20 am
Cassie said:
“and will FOR certain people.”
It’s what I get for typing before coffee!!
On 10/21/08 at 5:57 am
Karri said:
Loud is one thing…obnoxious is entirely another, no?
On 10/21/08 at 6:07 am
Cassie said:
They can be different, or they can be the same…I guess it all depends on who you ask in that ‘equation’. lol
I’m sure most of the people I have yelled at would consider me really obnoxious!!! hahahaha
On 10/21/08 at 6:19 am
Karri said:
True…I just think loud is often due to being passionate about a topic. Whereas obnoxious is just well…exactly that.
Then again, perhaps I too need more coffee
On 10/21/08 at 12:03 pm
Dr. Joker said:
I think some people wear obnoxious clothing.
I wish to God they would stop.
On 10/21/08 at 6:11 am
Meghan said:
I’ve been known to jam a few sensible shoes into my mouth out at dinner with friends. Mostly I let the words fly because if I think of something witty or observe something ridiculous I can’t contain myself, appropriate or not.
I’ve gotten better at it. I was at a table with a guy friend, the waitress brinks our drinks and I have this huge draft and he has a itty bitty bottle of lite beer and I said to her
‘Penis Envy, I had to have the biggest beer at the table’.
Why did I say that?! Rude!
On 10/21/08 at 6:23 am
Karri said:
Uh ya…I most certainly do not have a filter when it comes what some may deem as inappropriate comments. C’mon funny trumps all, right?
On 10/21/08 at 6:31 am
Meghan said:
Oh I got someone good in a grocery store recently. What I said was just plain FOUL! FOUL! And he gasped so hard he almost choked on his gum and died.
‘Last time I ask to go shopping with you!’
But the 24 Hour rule…we could all benefit from that, some of us don’t even have a 15 minute rule. Dead Horse Alert.
On 10/21/08 at 6:35 am
Karri said:
Ummmm…Meghan, you can’t mention it and not spill the goods! That’s like calling someone and leaving the message, “I really need to talk to you” and then not answering the phone when they call you back.
On 10/21/08 at 6:46 am
Meghan said:
Alright…
He wanted to go grocery shopping with me and I hate going grocery shopping with people; you have to aisle stalk them, wait while they read labels, BLAH!
So a nun happened to walk by us and I pointed at her and said:
“You think she goes from ass to mouth?”
It’s possible she heard us. He literally started to gasp and choke on a piece of gum, that I insisted he take (garlic breath).
I’m awful!
On 10/21/08 at 6:57 am
Karri said:
OHHHHH NO!
I can’t even imagine how your brain went from Nun to ass…to mouth. What?!
On 10/21/08 at 12:05 pm
Dr. Joker said:
She’s going to hell….I could smell the fire and brimstone after I read that “ass to mouth” comment.
Which makes me think…if someone offered ass to mouth, would the proper response be “Nun for me, thanks?”
On 10/21/08 at 1:09 pm
PJ said:
Three nuns are standing in line for Heaven. The first nun steps up and St. Peter asks her if she has anything to confess, to which she says, “Well, I’m embarrassed to say it, but I once gave Father O’Neill a handjob.” St. Peter points to a fountain of holy water, tells her to go wash her hands, and then afterward she would be admitted entry. As she begins to head over, the other two nuns start pushing and shoving each other. St. Peter sees this and scolds the nuns by saying, “All God’s children will have a chance to enter Heaven. There’s no need to argue.” The third nun then replies, “rightly so, St. Peter, but I still think that I should be allowed to gargle the holy water before Sister Mary Constance puts her ass in it.”
On 10/21/08 at 2:22 pm
Karri said:
I’m keeping my distance from all three of you…lightening is sure to strike any moment!
On 10/21/08 at 3:49 pm
Meghan said:
My mission to never go grocery shopping with him again was accomplished.
Told you it was bad!
On 10/21/08 at 6:34 am
Fiona said:
I come from a family of foot in mouthers. I’ve watched them blabber on, offend someone and then walk away going “gee, I hope that wasn’t taken the wrong way”. I do it too, this is why I try to turn everything into a joke….. you can’t offend with a joke, right?!? RIGHT?!?
On 10/21/08 at 6:43 am
Karri said:
Truth in jest, anyone?
The key is knowing who can take it and who can’t. Some feelers are just too sensitive and timing is everything. The PMS days for example…not a good time to make someone the topic of fodder. Right?
On 10/21/08 at 8:26 am
Sarahh said:
Ah, but what about the folk who throw truth darts and disguise them as jokes?
That is a whole other blog…
On 10/21/08 at 11:05 am
Carol said:
That WAS a whole other blog! I think it had some mention of grannie panties in it, right?
On 10/21/08 at 11:46 am
Karri said:
Are you referring to MY panties?
GRRRRRR! I just got mad all over again…whata’ dick!
On 10/21/08 at 12:08 pm
Dr. Joker said:
I have always told people that ALL jokes owe their roots to truth, no matter how small. It is so easy to throw out a dart and say “just kidding” if that dart breaks the “thin skin.”
I always call people out on that.
“Why did you say that?”
“I was just kidding.”
“Yes, but you were kidding about something you felt was true. If you didn’t see it that way, you wouldn’t have joked about it.”
“NO..I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Shut up, bitch, and go make me a turkey pot pie.”
See?
On 10/21/08 at 1:38 pm
Carol said:
that is just beautiful….lol
chicken pot pies are better.
On 10/21/08 at 2:14 pm
Karri said:
You two are ruining my Slim Fast, string cheese feast!
On 10/21/08 at 2:49 pm
Dr. Joker said:
If you keep eating that crap, then you will be subscribing to the “string cheese in, string cheese out” theory.
On 10/21/08 at 3:11 pm
Karri said:
Really, you’re going to ruin my lunch with pot pie and poop talk?
Thanks, man. I owe ya.
On 10/22/08 at 8:25 am
Sarahh said:
Breakfast Club.
On 10/21/08 at 7:06 am
Matty said:
While playing baseball in college, we went on a road trip to Florida. We had this kid on our team, I’ll call him “Chunky Bar” and he was a rather large person. About 15 of us stuffed ourselves in an elevator and someone made the comment, “Geez, I hope we can move, it’s stuffed.” and I quickly replied, “No worries, Chunky Bar isn’t on here, we’ll be fine.”
He was on that elevator. In the back. I felt like shite.
Open mouth, insert foot…and he wanted to kick my ass. I’m skinny you know? I’d be dead!
On 10/21/08 at 11:41 am
Karri said:
Poor Chunky Bar…that’s just not a name anyone wants!
On 10/21/08 at 12:09 pm
Dr. Joker said:
It must be hard having all that chocolatey goodness inside with no one to savor it.
I’m just sayin’.
On 10/21/08 at 8:16 am
Sarahh said:
Have I not told you guys about how when I put on 15lbs everyone and their brother asked when I was due? It was horrible… I just kept patting my belly,”NOPE JUST FAT, but thanks for bringing it to light!!”
I learned A LONG TIME AGO to think before you speak or shut your hole. It is way too easy to have word vomit slip through when you are just running off at the mouth about randomness… There isn’t a word that escapes these lips that hasn’t already gone through the ringer in my noggin.
On 10/21/08 at 11:42 am
Karri said:
I’ve actually patted a woman’s belly and asked her when she was due…twice! One would think I would’ve learned my lesson the first time, but nooooooooo!
On 10/21/08 at 12:12 pm
Dr. Joker said:
I think placing your ear to a pregnant woman’s belly and saying “What’s that, Tonto? The buffalo are headed this way?” is wrong, no matter who you are.
On 10/21/08 at 2:15 pm
Karri said:
There’s one line I haven’t crossed. Thank goodness for small favors.
On 10/22/08 at 8:26 am
Sarahh said:
Better than Head to belly “What is that Lassie?? Timmie is in the well???”
On 10/21/08 at 11:07 am
Carol said:
Oh, I suffer bouts of foot-in-mouth-itis. I also TRY to subscibe the THR. I try….sometimes I am more successful than others.
On 10/21/08 at 11:44 am
Karri said:
The one downfall of the 24-hour rule is that if you don’t do it quick enough it’s really difficult to back peddle. A little foresight goes a long way!
On 10/21/08 at 1:37 pm
Carol said:
I have been known to offer those around me the option of using duct tape. Once my mouth opens, it does not know when to stop. It’s almost as if I fell off the wagon of keeping my mouth shut and just go for being a bit “drunk” on my own stupidity.
On 10/21/08 at 2:15 pm
Karri said:
Do I need to get you a ball gag for Christmas?
On 10/21/08 at 11:37 am
kroll said:
I heard a noise from the cat ward one evening and said (loudly to a coworker, “Jesus Christ that sounds like a 90 year old smoker’s cough!”. Unfortunately, it WAS a 90 year old smoker’s cough. It was an owner visiting his cat in the hospital, not a cat coughing up a hair ball. Oops!
On 10/21/08 at 11:45 am
Karri said:
At 90 they’ve probably heard worse…or not depending on their hearing aid.
On 10/21/08 at 12:52 pm
PJ said:
Here’s just one of my many uncouth adventures:
Many moons ago, while I was stocking the shelves in the liquor store one night, and talking to a co-worker, a girl walked in. Of course, we both had to go over and check her out. It was a store policy, or something. As we walked back to where we had been working, I stupidly spit out my assessment of “she’s a little chubby, but I’d fuck her.” I then turned into the next aisle to find that the now none-too-pleased customer had beaten us back. Thinking I might still be able to get away with it, I asked her if she needed help finding anything. Not surprisingly, she just shot me a harumph and walked out of the store.
On 10/21/08 at 2:17 pm
Karri said:
Were you sippin’ the liquor, PJ?
On 10/21/08 at 1:13 pm
Kevin said:
I’m as guilty as charged on this offense. I’m either stone cold quiet which speaks loud for some, or I’m giving you the gettysburg address (as you gather from my comments here)
Imagine in person I don’t shut up.
There was one incident that stands out on this issue when I was asked if I liked my job. I said, “Hell it beats waiting tables.” Then the guy said nervously, uncomfortable in response, “oh, I-uh-I wait tables, but it’s a good job for now as I….” I didn’t hear anything else. I wanted to shoot myself. I had attempted a bad joke and as he spoke, the words in my head were, “oh god take me now. Right now. Fuuuck.” You try to save it and reverse it, but it comes out wrong and you’re thinking, “okay shut-up-shut-up no more talking. That’s it you’re done.”
There have been much worse incidents at the hands of my mouth, but I just grin and bear it. I also do my best to observe your 24 hour rule especially when I get angry. That rock hard silence suddenly comes at you from different directions and I say things I shouldn’t and always regret. The next day I seem to have a miraculous turn around so I cling to that motto of letting it go, you’ll be fine about it tomorrow.
However, I’ve heard things fly out of others mouths, that clearly their brain and mouth did not communicate. I have a tendency to respond hypercritically when I hear it, and rarely regret what comes out of my mouth then. There are advantages to that, I’ll defend a poor prince or princess that is on the receiving end and I’m there, then I’m jumping in, “Excuse me what did you say to her?”
On 10/21/08 at 2:20 pm
Karri said:
“I have a tendency to respond hypercritically when I hear it, and rarely regret what comes out of my mouth then.”
It’s like criticizing your family or beloved…it’s okay for us to do it, but how dare someone else even think about! I’m with ya on that one…and would that be hypercritical or hypocritical? hmmmmm?
On 10/21/08 at 2:19 pm
WickedCourtni said:
about 5 minutes ago i yelled out at work in front of my boss “MY ORAL IS BROKEN”.
oops. I meant to say OraCle.
On 10/21/08 at 2:25 pm
Karri said:
Either way you look at it, it’s a slip of the tongue!
On 10/21/08 at 2:36 pm
WickedCourtni said:
What a wonderful way to look at it.
On 10/21/08 at 3:16 pm
Karri said:
Maybe not so much wonderful as much as currently pent up…OY!!!
On 10/21/08 at 4:35 pm
Kiki said:
I put my foot/feet in my mouth regularly. The way I see it, it keeps me supple and flexible.
But the point you made about copying accents. Well everyone I know copies mine. I seem to have acquired a tag line (said in an appallingly over-exxagerated British accent) “I caaaaaaaan’t be bothered!”
I used to be flattered.
On 10/21/08 at 4:59 pm
Karri said:
KIKI!
Where’ve you been, girl?
Okay, so I’m the one that after consuming a few cocktails inadvertently did my best (which was REALLY bad) ‘Ello! to an innocent British tourist in the bar. Needless to say her “hi” response told me that she was not amused with my antics. Sadly, for me, it didn’t stop there and even continued on for a week or so.
OOOPSIE!!!
My apologies to our friends across the pond…we have no manners as I’m sure you’re very well aware of.
On 10/21/08 at 5:13 pm
Kiki said:
Hello there
I’ve had a few other commitments time-wise, such as school and work and the New Fella! There really aren’t enough hours in the day.
You know, after a few cocktails, I am completely fluent in French!!!
On 10/21/08 at 5:47 pm
Karri said:
Well thanks for squeezing in some Eve time…you’ve been missed!
I’m sorry, New Fella…what?
Oh yes, proper English is only one of many talents after alcohol consumption…ha!
On 10/21/08 at 6:09 pm
Meghan said:
And when do we meet him, hmmm…
On 10/21/08 at 6:21 pm
Kiki said:
Good question. Hopefully this weekend
On 10/21/08 at 6:10 pm
Kiki said:
The guy I was talking about a couple of blogs back I am now dating!!!! He’s a rugby playing, book reading, mountain climbing, Swedish fish eating geek. I love him already!
And yes. Alcohol-induced talents are often the best don’t you think???!!!