Sleepless in the Saddle

When you have insomnia, you’re never really asleep… and you’re never really awake. - Tyler Durden “Fight Club”

Does this look like a man who gets good sleep?

Lack of sleep.  You know that feeling.  You stayed up too late watching a movie, or maybe getting some nookie.  Up for hours talking on the phone talking to that amazing girl you have a second date with on Friday night maybe?  Whatever reason you may have slacked in the sleep department you will probably be OK. You may be groggy, not as On Point as usual.  You may even be a bit grouchy.

Drink some coffee, down some espresso, drink a soda, get home and crash out for a glorious fourteen hour Zzzz fest of wonderful R.E.M.  Remember we heal when we sleep!  Make up for it and try and at least get 7 hours. Easy Peasy George & Wheezy!

Aside from the serial partiers or bar hoppers, when lack of sleep hits a 3 month mark, things can get pretty interesting.  Especially when it isn’t something you are causing.  If you get off work, shower, meet the boys/girls and have one or six drinks at your local watering hole and don’t come home most nights until 3am, I don’t have any sympathy for your yawniness.  Nada.  Self imposed doesn’t count.

What I want to talk about today is the kind of sleep deprivation that just Happens.  Not sure why, or who caused this mess but all you know is, is that you have been getting on average 4 hours of sleep per night.

IF you are lucky.
Sleep Deprivation is defined by Ferring as  - A shortage of quality, undisturbed sleep that results in detrimental effects on physical and mental well-being.

What?  So let me get this straight.  Insomnia can affect me outside of just being tired?  Oh yes sleep deprivation can throw a wrench into your life in the following ways:

• Diabetes
• Adversely affects brain function
• Suppress Growth Hormones
• Can impair ability to drive, think, operate machinery
• Obesity

Um, I am sorry.  Did I just say that a lack of sleep can cause me to become Obese??  I don’t want the Diabeetus or to gain weight!  If I can’t gain my weight by diving into a large vat of Ben & Jerry’s Creme Brulee Ice Cream (of which I highly recommend by the way) and eating my way out, then I don’t want any part of it!

Heaven called.  It wants its Ice Cream back.

So, with all of those fun facts in tow I began to mentally finger count my Sleepy time this week.  From Sunday night to Wednesday night I have had a whopping 18 hours sleep.  Yikes!  After going through months of bad or no sleep I have tried it all.

I tried Ambien, Benadryl, Xanax, Liquor Caffeine, and that first night was fun, but still good sleep evaded me.

Note - Just kidding about the meds.  I did try them all separately and to no avail.  I would sleep with some but feel so groggy the next day it wasn’t worth it.  Don’t try all that at home kids.  Do I have to bring up the guy who did that recently.  No Joke.

But then tonight on the way home something odd happened.

Nothing felt right.  It felt like I was driving stoned or drunk.  I rarely drive at night but that wasn’t it.  Everything had a halo.  The green light and the blinking light down the road made a smiley face that kept winking at me.  The oncoming headlights looked like they were coming straight for me.  Nothing felt right.  Everything felt blurry. I was exhausted.  Going 23 hours yesterday getting 3 hours of sleep, getting up and doing it again for 14 hours had done me in.

I cranked up the Digital Underground turned up the air conditioner, and hoped for the best.  I believe that driving as tired as I was is comparable to driving intoxicated, if not worse.

That my friends is where we have a problem.  A BIG one.  So, I have decided to go back to the doctor and shun their pretty pearly pills and Wiley ways and see if they can recommend something a little less, well Pharmaceutical.

Has anyone suffered from Insomnia or any form of sleep deprivation?  And if so, what did you do about it?  Outside of medication that is.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with taking something, just not the road I want to go down.  I have tried exercise, video games, pretending warm orange liquid was filling my body starting with my finger tips.  Just about everything short of trying to fall asleep upside down dipped in Blue Cheese.

How do you count your sheep??

Caf-fanatic

A person can develop a deeply personal relationship with their addictions. I’m talking legal addictions here. The over the counter kind that truthfully are just as unhealthy or detrimental to our lives if they were outlawed. There are plenty of things in this world I can live without. Unfortunately, at this moment in my life caffeine does not appear to be one of them.

I haven’t always been a junkie, but I have always been an insomniac. Sleep is known as a necessary evil around these parts and over the years I had to find ways to accommodate my hectic schedules to remain functional. In college I had it made. I worked the night shift while at school, succumbing to the insomnia and getting my homework done at the same time. It was then I started with Vivarin, caffeine pills they handed out in our welcome bags each new semester (nice modeling). I once took an exam after an all-nighter and 4 Vivarin on an empty stomach and thought I was going to die a shaky legged death. I’ve been building up my tolerance ever since.

Ten years later, I have no choice but to admit to my addiction. I once watched a documentary about recovering alcoholics and how they cope with their healing. One man redesigned his driving pattern to avoid passing any liquor stores to avoid temptation. I can relate. If I pass a Starbucks…you best believe I’m stopping, even if I have a ½ full coffee in the cup holder. My regular order, even in the winter, is a large iced coffee with a shot of espresso; knowing they make the shots 2 at a time and hoping they offer me the 2^nd shot for free. Sometimes, most of the time, I order 2 so I have one to drink on the way home, and the chaser to savor later before bedtime. A night cap if you will.

My coffee addiction is supplemented by my Energy Drink Addiction. Nowadays I can wake up, chug 2 Red Bulls as if they are a palate cleanser and still long for an early nap. This isn’t good. I somehow have talked myself into the idea that Sugar Free Energy Drink is GOOD for me! It’s not just caffeine, I say. It has B vitamins and Niacin! Niacin, (what the hell is Niacin?) never hurt anybody! I’ll buy it by the case. At some point, my body has got to feel the effects of this caffeine overload. Can you say ‘stomach ulcer’?

I imagine that the boozy homeless man, who forages through my recycling bin for returns, sees my pile of sugar free energy drink cans and old plastic coffee cups and says to himself, “and they think I have a problem!” I’ve tried to cut down, lessen my intake; switch evils. I had a great month on Green Tea and water, but it still doesn’t appease my need for the hard stuff.

I’m not a choc-o-holic. I don’t NEED pasta. I can stop at just one potato chip. T.V. for me has pretty much become background noise. Drinks are for Friday nights and friends, but caffeine…I indulge every day, and I don’t know how or why I should stop. Nor am I prepared for the headaches, body aches and overall displeasure that accompany denying me my lifeblood. Until I figure it out, I will be first in line crossing my fingers for that free extra shot of espresso.

Please give a warm welcome to our brand spanking new writer, Meghan! I think you all know her, yes? She was kind enough to step in while Karri had to be away, dealing with a family emergency. So give the new girl some loves…in the form of comments and accolades.

Losing My Fear of the Storm

Fear is a slinking cat I find beneath the lilacs of my mind. ~Sophie Tunnell

For a very long time I thought that love meant surrender. It was the same scenario time and time again. I would be living my happy, single existence. Content with myself, pleased with the direction I was headed.

Enter stage left; “him.”

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