Does he need to come clean?

Dear Eve,

I have an STD and I recently had unprotected sex. I really like the girl and I am afraid if I tell her she’ll never want to see me again. Should I just cut my losses now and never call her again or fess up to my dirty deed?

Signed,
Dirty Dan

Dear Dirty Deed,

First of all, I hope you’ve learned a lesson, and I’m happy to see that your conscience has gotten the better of you. Far too late if you ask me, but better late than never I suppose.

Let’s state the obvious, hmmmm? You clearly have an issue with not only protecting yourself, but protecting those whom you engage in sexual activity with or you wouldn’t be in this predicament. Let me ask you, do you have a death wish? If not, I highly suggest you rethink your ability to act like an adult and start protecting the peen (and the puss) each and every time! If you can’t do that, you need to take a vow of celibacy from the bow-chica-bow-wow until you are mature enough to handle the responsibility. No Glove. No Love!

Secondly, your decision to tell someone about your STD status shouldn’t be contingent on whether you like her or not. Again, it is your responsibility to let the other person be privy of your status so they can make an educated and informed decision. I understand the fear and anxiety of being rejected, however, don’t you wish someone had told you?

Lastly, Mr. Dirty Deed, it is imperative that you immediately notify the innocent young lady that you’ve put in harms way. I’d start the conversation with a sincere apology and offer to not only take her, but pay for her Doctor appointment and testing.  It is highly likely that since she’s been exposed she may unknowingly be a contaminating others.

Man-Up, make the call, and for the love of gawd - wear a condom. Seriously!

KISSKISS,
LOVELOVE,

Eve

Anyone willing to share an STD scare, or worse…? Any condom-free confessions, anyone? Do you think Mr. Dirty Deed should just bide his time and see if the girl he banged becomes symptomatic, or should he find his balls and divulge the errors of his ways?

Protecting and Serving The Vagina

I am not only flabbergasted, but outraged! My original intent of this “Confessions of a Single Girl” post was to maximize my self-deprecation through a rather embarrassing yet hilarious tale of my contraception method gone awry and the subsequent high cost of owning a vagina. Unfortunately, while researching the facts and figures to support my decision to use what many deem as an inconvenient, messy and archaic form of birth control, I’ve become privy to an issue that I thought was simply an isolated case of rare and unfortunate circumstances. Apparently, however, I am not alone and it seems as though the Hippocratic Oath has given way to compromising patient care in lieu of religious and moral beliefs.

Whilst making a late night trip to an E.R. that likened a Tijuana abortion clinic to have my diaphragm extricated (stop laughing!) I was subjected to what I’d chalked up to as an uncomfortable and unfortunate event. Awkward from the get-go, the experience was made even more painful by the lecture and inquisition being delivered below a paper sheet between my knees. I could hear her words, but only see her turban…a purple, silk paisley turban asking inappropriate questions and offering personal opinions while digging for my beloved cervical barrier with forceps and a flashlight. With conjured up memories of after school detention, I left feeling even more ashamed and horrified then when I’d walked through the doors.

A woman’s body is hers to do with as she pleases…or at least that’s my personal opinion. No state, government, church or physician has the right to delegate what’s appropriate and what is not. If I choose to utilize a 120 year old birth control device and risk getting it lodged in my hoo-ha as opposed to the vast array of modern day hormonal methods I shouldn’t be judged for it. And I most certainly should not be told to “abstain,” by Mr. Battkha, the pharmacist who wouldn’t refill my replacement diaphragm. Yep, after he lied and told me that my precious diaphragm had been taken off the market, I inquired as to my options. It was then that the religious zealot said, “Why don’t you abstain, Karri?” (I bit my tongue as to not tell him that I had a better idea that involved him screwing himself!)

Seriously, who knew that opting for passé pussy protection would come with a whorish stigma? Men aren’t being ostracized for purchasing condoms so why did a Doctor and a pharmacist feel it appropriate to condemn me for at the very least keeping my eggs unfertilized? Honestly, I don’t give a rat’s ass about their personal, moral or religious beliefs…I respect our differences. But this is my vajaja we’re talking about and I will not tolerate extremists telling me how to care for it. It is after all a very fragile environment and it must be protected…and who better to be in control of that than the woman who owns it?!

Apparently my circumstances aren’t the rarity that I’d assumed. Women all across this great and free country of ours are being held hostage by the personal beliefs of physicians and pharmacists. “There are pharmacists who will only dispense birth control pills to a woman if she’s married. There are physicians who mistakenly believe contraception is a form of abortion and refuse to prescribe it to anyone,” said Adam Sonfield of the Alan Guttmacher Institute in New York, which tracks reproductive issues.

Bottom line is this…sex and religion are two of the greatest debates in history and I would never be so naïve as to believe that someday we will all agree. BUT…for the love of all that is (un)holy, please save the sermons for the Synagogue and keep them out of medical practices! Thank you.

Bring it people…I can’t possibly be the only one who is livid with others spewing their personal propaganda under the guise of a professional title. Where are your boundaries? Do you believe that medical professionals have the right to discern a woman’s contraceptive choices?  And what about men, shouldn’t they be held to the same set of standards and lectures?