Giving birth to control

Dear Eve,

My 17 year old son has recently started dating a girl his own age and I found out the other day (in quite an awkward way) they are sexually active. I requested that both of them come out to the living room immediately and sat down and talked w/ them about the responsibilities of sex, about the risks they are taking, about what having a baby would do to their lives as they know it, etc. I stated to my son that he needs to make sure he’s wrapping his junk and I told her she needs to get on birth control. She said that she tried talking to her own parents about getting birth control but they refused. I told her that she could go through planned parenting w/out parental consent and they would be discreet about it. She then asked if I would be willing to take her to get it. I said yes.

Is this out of line? My concern for BOTH of them is to keep them from making a mistake that they will regret later in life. I would rather they WEREN’T having sex, but I know I can’t stop them… if they want to, they will find ways to do so. I also realize she’s not my daughter, but he is my son and should a baby be conceived, I would be a grandparent of this child. Should I take her as promised?  Should I call her parents?  Should I tell her to find her own way to the clinic?

Thank you,

Not ready to be a grandma

Dear Lack of Control,

I am torn here…I have my response based upon my opinions on sex education, but I also have my gut feelings as a parent.

First of all, I feel I should commend you for your ability to communicate with your teenage son about sex.  So many parents don’t do this, and I really do believe that this is too important of a subject to leave to the schools alone.  I hope that you provide your son with all the condoms he needs to “wrap his junk” whilst in your care.  And personally I think it was very good of you to provide some good info for the young lady as well.

That said you did not cross a line…yet.  But if you DO take her, behind her parents’ backs, you will be more than crossing a line. You will be shitting aaaaalllllll over that line, and rubbing her parents’ noses in it too.  The girl is a minor, and she is SOMEONE ELSE’S child!  Even if you do not agree with the choice they have made to deny their daughter birth control (as I do not), it was their choice to make, not yours. Telling her where she could go to get pills on her own was enough.  If your son and daughter are grown enough to be having sex they should be grown enough to hitch a ride from friends or take a bus down to that clinic, period.

So no, I do not think you should give her that ride.  I think you should apologize to her, and tell her you feel that even though you support her desire for birth control, you cannot step on her parents’ toes like that.  Because really, think about how you would feel if this was your child…having someone else undermine your parental authority would be pretty infuriating, no?  As far as speaking with her parents goes, you might want to, and you might not.  You have given me no indication as to the type of people they are.  Did they deny her because of religious beliefs?  Or are they abusive?  Or maybe they just misinformed, and think this will stop her from having sex?  You are probably closer to the answers than I.  If they seem like good people, perhaps talk to them.  Maybe if they knew how serious she was about becoming sexually active they might reconsider.  And if not you would certainly feel better, knowing you did the best you could.

But do you want to know what I really think? You need to shift your focus.  You seem to be VERY concerned about pregnancy, probably because that is the threat you can relate to. But there are STI’s to think about as well.  And the child that IS your responsibility, your son, is now at risk.  So rather than focusing on how to stop his girlfriend from getting pregnant, you need to focus on how to keep your son safe.  This means you need to educate him on the risks of not just pregnancy, but also the diseases that could harm, or even kill him.  And this also means that you need to really put some serious emphasis on the condom usage.  He isn’t going to like wearing them because, well, no one does.  But I assure you, he will like being a teenage parent, having a scabby, oozing penis, or being dead even less.

Love and kisses,

Eve

Well, all…what do you think?  Does she have every right to take her son’s minor girlfriend to get birth control when her own parents refused to allow it?  Or it that crossing a line of respect in the land of parenting?  Should she focus on her own child, or should she get that girl on the pill?  What would you do?

Oh, Marvelous Semen!

Whilst cruising around the World Wide Web Sunday morning I came across a scientific discovery so astounding I just had to share it with all of you. Brace yourselves, my friends and loved ones, because this is going to change your life. Ready?

Are you sure?

Okay…

Semen can be used medicinally in the treatment of depression!

She looks pleased with this remarkable discovery!

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