Protecting and Serving The Vagina

I am not only flabbergasted, but outraged! My original intent of this “Confessions of a Single Girl” post was to maximize my self-deprecation through a rather embarrassing yet hilarious tale of my contraception method gone awry and the subsequent high cost of owning a vagina. Unfortunately, while researching the facts and figures to support my decision to use what many deem as an inconvenient, messy and archaic form of birth control, I’ve become privy to an issue that I thought was simply an isolated case of rare and unfortunate circumstances. Apparently, however, I am not alone and it seems as though the Hippocratic Oath has given way to compromising patient care in lieu of religious and moral beliefs.

Whilst making a late night trip to an E.R. that likened a Tijuana abortion clinic to have my diaphragm extricated (stop laughing!) I was subjected to what I’d chalked up to as an uncomfortable and unfortunate event. Awkward from the get-go, the experience was made even more painful by the lecture and inquisition being delivered below a paper sheet between my knees. I could hear her words, but only see her turban…a purple, silk paisley turban asking inappropriate questions and offering personal opinions while digging for my beloved cervical barrier with forceps and a flashlight. With conjured up memories of after school detention, I left feeling even more ashamed and horrified then when I’d walked through the doors.

A woman’s body is hers to do with as she pleases…or at least that’s my personal opinion. No state, government, church or physician has the right to delegate what’s appropriate and what is not. If I choose to utilize a 120 year old birth control device and risk getting it lodged in my hoo-ha as opposed to the vast array of modern day hormonal methods I shouldn’t be judged for it. And I most certainly should not be told to “abstain,” by Mr. Battkha, the pharmacist who wouldn’t refill my replacement diaphragm. Yep, after he lied and told me that my precious diaphragm had been taken off the market, I inquired as to my options. It was then that the religious zealot said, “Why don’t you abstain, Karri?” (I bit my tongue as to not tell him that I had a better idea that involved him screwing himself!)

Seriously, who knew that opting for passé pussy protection would come with a whorish stigma? Men aren’t being ostracized for purchasing condoms so why did a Doctor and a pharmacist feel it appropriate to condemn me for at the very least keeping my eggs unfertilized? Honestly, I don’t give a rat’s ass about their personal, moral or religious beliefs…I respect our differences. But this is my vajaja we’re talking about and I will not tolerate extremists telling me how to care for it. It is after all a very fragile environment and it must be protected…and who better to be in control of that than the woman who owns it?!

Apparently my circumstances aren’t the rarity that I’d assumed. Women all across this great and free country of ours are being held hostage by the personal beliefs of physicians and pharmacists. “There are pharmacists who will only dispense birth control pills to a woman if she’s married. There are physicians who mistakenly believe contraception is a form of abortion and refuse to prescribe it to anyone,” said Adam Sonfield of the Alan Guttmacher Institute in New York, which tracks reproductive issues.

Bottom line is this…sex and religion are two of the greatest debates in history and I would never be so naïve as to believe that someday we will all agree. BUT…for the love of all that is (un)holy, please save the sermons for the Synagogue and keep them out of medical practices! Thank you.

Bring it people…I can’t possibly be the only one who is livid with others spewing their personal propaganda under the guise of a professional title. Where are your boundaries? Do you believe that medical professionals have the right to discern a woman’s contraceptive choices?  And what about men, shouldn’t they be held to the same set of standards and lectures?