Letting the naughty in

The tragedy is when you’ve got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs. ~D.H. Lawrence

I have a girlfriend with a personal situation that absolutely breaks my heart. No, she’s not abused, or sick or anything like that. Her problem is one that I myself have never had to face; she cannot orgasm. Now I hear all of you out there laughing at me for thinking this is a heartbreaking tale, but hear me out. Can you orgasm? You take it for granted, don’t you? Pretend for a moment that you couldn’t. Imagine if you had no idea what that sensation was like. Imagine wanting to experience it, craving it, having to listen to all your friends talk about it, and never getting to understand the power and magnificence of it for yourself. Pretty awful, am I right?

My friend doesn’t have a physical problem. She experiences arousal just fine. Sex does not cause her any pain. She has sexual fantasies as well, (although she is NOT open to talk about them, what am I, a pervert??!). So all of our conversations together have led me to believe that perhaps my friend is suffering from a little something I am dubbing “good girl” syndrome.

Here in the good old US of A we have a bit of a puritanical hang over. Many females are taught to focus on behaving in a respectful and decent manner. To always be demure. They were encouraged to be proper in actions and words. We are brought up to be ladies.

The trouble is some of them took it to the bedroom. They thought that was a place to be quiet and genteel as well. They were there to make love, soft and discreet. Romance novels and the Lifetime channel had given them all these preconceived notions of simply falling into the arms of a lover in a heap of post coital bliss.

But sadly, it does not work that way. Unless you won the sexual partner lottery and found yourself someone whose patience is great and whose sexual prowess is greater, you are in for some problems. Because your sexual power is yours to find and harness, not someone else’s. You need to find your inner “naughty girl”.

You know the naughty girl. The one that loves sex and isn’t afraid to tell you about it? She has no shame, and why should she? She is proud of who she is. These women embrace their sexuality and they have no interest in hiding away something that they take delight in. They are brave enough to not only voice their desires, but also to act upon it. They understand that having a sexual appetite is NORMAL and HEALTHY.

So why does the world so often seem to frown upon these women? I believe it has a lot to do with misconceptions and preconceived notions. But like most stereotypes, the following fall far short of accurate. No, these women are not prostitutes or sluts. They are not home-wreckers. They are not alcoholics or drug addicts. They are not women with low self-esteem who have trouble forming the word no. Those are all descriptions of women with emotional issues that they are attempting to fix through sex. Being “naughty” isn’t about being reckless or unsafe, demeaning yourself, or being indiscriminate.

When I say “naughty girl” I am talking about a woman who takes care of herself, ALL of herself, including her sexuality. Yes, she loves sex and she isn’t ashamed to say it. She is confident in herself. She is uninhibited. She asserts herself, in the bedroom and out of it. She takes the time to get to know her body, because she knows that is a crucial step. She goes for the orgasm!

So are you still listening to your inner good girl? Is she really doing you any good? Or is she holding you back? Tell me, what’s so good about being a good girl? I have trouble seeing the positive here. You are giving up your sexual power; you are suppressing your sexual appetite. You are cheating yourself.

So…ready for a change?

Repeat after me:

I will not fake orgasms anymore.

I will not be ashamed of my sexual appetite anymore.

I will not be afraid to masturbate anymore.

I will not allow my partner to always be the one to dictate if, when and how we have sex anymore.

I will not be afraid to voice what I want and need sexually anymore.

My sexual desires are normal and natural and mine!

So, ladies, the time to take control is upon you. Decide to take control tonight and seduce your lover. No lover? Seduce yourself! Pledge allegiance to your vibrators. Fall in love with your fingers all over again. Go for that orgasm!

Are you suffering from good girl syndrome or have you embraced your inner naughty girl? Do you have any suggestions on how to be less inhibited in bed? Men, do you prefer your women to be virginal or vivacious in bed?