Brownie Points

Relationships shouldn’t come with score cards but inevitably we either rack up brownie points or suffer the consequences of being kicked to the curb. Let’s be honest, chicks can be psycho and crazy just isn’t cute! (Unless of course your fantasies include a straight jacket and ball gag…but that’s an entirely different subject all together.) So how about we try and minimize the insanity factor, shall we? I’m talking to you, men!

We all know that men and women simply aren’t wired the same…Mars and Venus ring a bell? If you happen to be a card carrying member of the penis club there are a few things you ought to know about the *ahem* fairer sex, if you’d like to keep your relationship balance in the black.

Gentlemen, please do us a favor and keep in mind that we ladies live by a different set of rules that are governed by our hormones. Sorry, it’s not an excuse just a fact. And one that I’m sure you’re already aware of…unless you live in a cave. What you may not know however is how to navigate our fragile environments in such a way that will keep us swooning rather than devising our exit strategies.

Let us help you…it is after all our predisposed genetic tendency. Pay attention guys, because those little things you may be doing that you think are winning her over could very well be causing her to fantasize about smothering you in your sleep.

Here are a few helpful hints to keep your sweetheart confident in the decision that she’s made you her one and only…

Fix her stuff, not her troubles.
Although your gal may be perfectly capable of changing a light bulb or checking the oil in her car, those pesky tasks are not always high on her priority list. Taking the initiative to do those little things lets her know that you’re concerned with her safety and well-being.  Trying to solve her workplace woes on the other hand will more than likely be met with resistance…steer clear of that in which you cannot change!

Control your green eyed monster.
Women want to know that the man in her life finds her attractive and desirable, but that doesn’t mean she wants to break up a bar room brawl. Rather than threatening to kick some dudes ass for checking out your woman, just smile, nod and appreciate the fact that you’re the one she’s going home with…and going down on.

“Good Night, Sugar”
Although silence is often a virtue, women connect through communication. Taking the time to say “Good Night” is a simple and very effective way to ensure that she sleeps peacefully. Two seconds of effort will provide hours of joy…where else can you get a return on your investment like that?

Lost and Found
Don’t lose your lovely…she is after all your most prized possession. A quick wink from across a crowded  room tells her that you’re paying attention and ready to whisk her away at the slightest inkling that Aunt Betsy’s stories are starting to drone on.

Jekyll and Hyde
If you wouldn’t do it in front of her, don’t do it behind her back. Remember, the walls have eyes…and ears. If you misbehave, she will find out. So mind your P’s and Q’s and don’t do anything you wouldn’t want her doing. I really didn’t need to mention this, did I?

Pushing Buttons
Sure it was cute when you pulled our ponytails on the playground, but it’s time to grow up. Incessant teasing is adorable for about the first two minutes, after that we want to punch you right in the smacker! If you must “get a reaction” out of your lovah try inducing a smile/head tilt. You’ll enjoy the rewards much more than a black eye.

“Bitch!”
Name calling in the midst of an argument is disrespectful and never acceptable! If your sweetie has irritated you in ways that only your Mother can, take your frustrations out on her cooter not her eardrums. If you must mutter obscenities in the heat of the moment, do it between the sheets.

Believe it or not, those of us who own vajajas really are simple creatures; although we can make things more complicated than need be. We will over-analyze and interpret your every word and action; again, my apologies. Remember however, that it isn’t all that difficult to keep your lady enthralled and enthusiastic it just takes a wee bit of effort. So run, be free, and be kind to the one who greets your morning breath with a smile.

Oh, and p.s.
“Don’t be a dick!”

Okay girls, these were just a few of the many things men can do to make our hearts go pitter-patter. What are your relationship do’s and don’ts? Guys, do you have a secret weapon when it comes to making the woman in your life pleased to see your face? Or are you struggling to stay afloat in the dating pool?

Giving new meaning to “till death do us part?”

Dear Eve,

I am dating the sweetest, funniest, greatest guy in the world. I have seriously never been more into a guy. But there is a major problem in our relationship. He is married, and lives with his wife. It’s not what it sounds like, they aren’t together anymore, and she is dating too, and she knows about me. He says they haven’t separated or divorced for financial reasons. I have never been comfortable with it, but now that we have been together for six months and there is still no change in sight I am getting a little upset. It is hard for me to take it all seriously when he doesn’t seem to be putting getting away from the wife seriously! I try to talk to him and he says to be patient with him. Well, I think my patience is running out. I want to marry him, and he says he does me too…but can take it all seriously? What should I do? I hate this situation but I am afraid to lose him.

Sincerely,

Polly-anonymous

Dear Polly-non-polygamy,

Can you take talk of marriage from a guy who is still married and LIVING WITH THE WIFE seriously? That question is so ridiculous that I am going to pretend you didn’t ask it. Let’s move on to the rest of your issue.

If this guy is the “greatest guy in the world” I worry about the dating pool in your area. He may be sweet, and he may be funny, but you have been dating him for six months…six months in which he has still not moved out of the home he shares with a woman who is STILL his wife. Honey, unless this guy is jobless and broke (which brings on a different set of reasons why he might not be “the greatest”) there is no reason why they should not be at least legally separated…and living apart. He is either lazy or moving on is just not a top priority. Neither of these scenarios bode well for your future with him.

I don’t know the guy, so I cannot begin to try and accurately assess whether or not he is truly over his wife and ready to be in a serious relationship with you. But honestly, marriages aren’t usually something you get over in a rapid fashion. And I find it difficult to imagine that he is getting over it completely while still sharing the old marital home with the woman he took to be his lawfully wedded wife. Perhaps they are just friends helping each other out in a mutual financial bind. But here’s the thing, cookie. A new relationship is a challenge in the best of circumstances. Do you really want to start one with this massive of a handicap?

Look, you wrote here…so you have your doubts already. He keeps telling you to be patient but like you said, the fortitude well hath run dry. So if you wish, give him one more chance to do right by you and tell him you need a date set in which he can be moved out and separated from his wife. Tell him you to see him taking steps in that direction. Because otherwise you could be setting yourself up for an indefinite amount of time spent engaging in a threesome…and this kind of threesome just isn’t sexy or fun. Do you want to spend the next six months trying to have sex down the hall from the woman your boyfriend promised to love and cherish as long as they both shall live?

Bottom line? If it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t. This scenario might not bother some, but it does you. Be honest with him, be honest with yourself, and walk away if you need to. There are other sweet, funny great guys out there, ones with much less complicated living situations.

Love and kisses,

Eve

What do you all think? Should she stay and wait for the reluctant-to-divorce fella? Is he too good to let go, or should she be strong and move on? What is a reasonable amount of time to stay married and living together when your marriage is over? Should you seriously date (and drop marriage proposals?!) during that time?

Saying so long to one of our babies…

Eve-101 - Best in Show

Watch This Episode on www.theStream.tv

The women of Eve-101 have prepared a special treat for you, the viewing audience. We are proud to present a smorgasbord of fun and good times clips and behind the scene stories that give you the very best of the life and times of Eve. All your favorite segments will be represented, all our most outrageous moments will be remembered. Join us, for a blast as we remember our past.

Go watch the episode…and say so long to the show.

Thanks!

Cheating Dreams

Yo Eve,

Not too many dudes asking about chicks around here, what’s up with that? The way I see it “Eve” knows more than a swinging dick in the locker room (which I’d lose my pass to if the word got out that I did this). But here’s how it went down.

My lady and I had a killer night out at the club. After getting our drink and groove on we went back to my pad and I rocked her world until she begged me stop. A few hours after she passed out she wakes me yelling out, “oh, Steve!” (That’s the dude’s name that banged her a couple of years ago.) I shook her and asked, “what the hell?” She said she didn’t know what I was talking about. I couldn’t get it out of my head so I slept on the couch. That was a month ago and I don’t even look at her the same, I think she’s lying about everything.

Eve, is my woman getting down with this other dude again?

Later,
Crashed on the couch

[Read more]

Smitten…or smashed?

Dear Eve,

For the past year I have had a crazy crush for a guy I met in college. He and I seemed to get along at first, then we argued, stopped talking to one another, and then come Christmas break he sends me “Merry Christmas” wishes and we started talking again (with lots of heavy flirting). We ended up in his room one night having a very sexy experience (never amounted to sex, but it’s what people would call “close enough”). Since then, we seem to be on a very vicious cycle of “we flirt, we make out, we fight, we stop talking, HE CALLS ME UP, repeat cycle.” I’m feeling as if I’m just some booty call for him since he said that he’s not romantically interested in me, only sexually. Should I try to stay away from him? –possibly switch colleges if I need to?

Please help,

Crazy confused

[Read more]