Kinda always knew she’d end up your ex-friend with benefits

Dear Eve,

I hooked up with this chick at work a few times, and it was completely a friends with benefits type thing. Now she is calling me 24/7, showing up everywhere she knows I hang out, and telling everyone we’re together. She is like a walking girlfriend trap. What do I do?

Signed, Avoiding the Trap

Dear Avoidance,

You seem to have gotten yourself involved with a perplexing breed of girl; the type who equate sex with love. She cannot help it, she is not evolved. She most likely believes it is her womanly duty to settle down and mate with you. You probably give great pheromone.

But wait…something tells me you are not so innocent yourself.  Were you honest and upfront from the very beginning with this little lass?  Did you tell her this was strictly a casual sex type thing? I bet you didn’t. I am willing to wager that you have you simply been hooking up with the wee miss without explaining the parameters of the affair. You either assumed she was down with stand alone sex because that is what you yourself wanted, or you just didn’t care. Tsk, tsk.

Look, I know it’s difficult to imagine, but some people still believe in that old fashioned relationship stuff. If you weren’t clear on the fact that you were just in this for sexual gratification, she may be thinking she’s going to win you over eventually.  And if you are hanging out with her, going places with her, etc, you are only further complicating the situation.  That’s just rude.

You two just aren’t in it for the same reasons. Therefore, to continue down the road with her at this point would be leading her on or worse, using her at the expense of her feelings.  Besides, it is also going to end up costing you…this is a co-worker! Do you want to set yourself up for chaos and drama in the workplace? I think even Abercrombie or Starbucks or wherever the hell your picking up your condom money is going to frown upon that kind of nonsense.  And most likely she IS going to grow more and more needy and attached as time goes on. The world does not need another rabbit boiler…you need to nip this.

If you are into casual dating and casual sex, more power to you. I am certainly not condemning you for that. But you and I both know that this girl is not. I don’t care how good the sex is, end it and go find yourself an easier going “friend”, one that you EXPLAIN the parameters to pre-sex! Do it now,  before this one burns you in effigy on your front lawn.

Love and Kisses,

Eve

When a friends with benefits scenario is one-sided, who is to blame?  Should he have explained?  Should she have not assumed?  Or is the guilty even shared, socialist style?  Have any of you been in a similar scenario?  How did you handle it?