Falling off the pedestal

“I’m disappointed in you.”

It’s been years since those words were seared into my subconscious like a hot knife through butter. Four simple words constructed a statement that left an indelible imprint on my psyche and my heart. In retrospect it was a seemingly harsh reaction to a rather uncomplicated situation, but who am I to judge anyone’s disappointment?

We each have our own concepts and ideals of how life should be, and when others fail to meet our expectations we in turn are left feeling disappointed. We place our friends, family and even strangers on a moral pedestal of our own creation; a platform single-handedly erected with our individual wants, needs and experiences that have shaped our thought processes and standards of acceptance.

To “relinquish expectations” sounds like a novel hypothesis… the less we expect, the higher the probability we will avoid resentment. With this in mind, I have to wonder why each and every one of us isn’t striving to make this our modus operandi. Control, fear, arrogance…pick your poison.

According to Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, it’s possible to attain personal freedom and true happiness by living a simple yet powerful code of conduct: (1) Be impeccable with your word; (2) Don’t take anything personally; (3) Don’t make assumptions; (4) Always do your best.

I am fairly certain that “always do your best” is included in The Four Agreements because we generally aren’t conditioned to adhere to, or even embrace the first three principals. Unfortunately, all too often we become so preoccupied with what we perceive to be the deficiencies of others that we negate to take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions. Blame is much easier than self-exploration.

A thought to ponder: Wouldn’t life be a little less nebulous if in the midst of our own realities (because they are solely our own) and subsequent palpable disappointments, we were able to conjure up empathy and compassion rather than succumbing to the egocentric martyr role?

Am I the only one who sometimes likes to pretend that life is a fairytale and that disappointments can actually be avoided? Or are you one of those realistic grounded types who knows that they’re inevitable? Just how high are your expectations?