I seem to have misplaced my holiday cheer…

Will you love me in December as you do in May,
Will you love me in the good old fashioned way?
When my hair has all turned gray,
Will you kiss me then and say,
That you love me in December as you do in May?
~James J. Walker

Winter gets me down…

First, I get all mentally exhausted by the stress of finals. And then I get sick juuuuuuust in time to take said finals. Then I have to resort to taking medicine which makes me feel like I am on very poor quality uppers. Lastly you add in the fact that cold weather and Trista is a baaaaad combo, because it makes me mopey and moody and altogether unpleasant.

In short, I am a grumpy, sneezy-weezy, zippity without any doodah Tristasicle.

I do have one happy thought though:

These are on there way to my house…to be delivered by a hunky man in brown….mmmmm.

Zappos and UPS = my happy thoughts.  But I digress.  Lets get back to my not-so-happy-thoughts.

My main problem with this most wonderful time of the year? I never can get into the whole holiday bliss thing…because it seems so contrived to me.  I think I have issues with holidays in general…if you love me all year why can you only show it when the calendar tells you so, hmmm? And to me, Christmas is the biggest perpetrator of phony goodwill.

First the stores start blasting their “Christmas cheer” the day after Thanksgiving.  We-wish-you-a-rudolph-the-red nosed-little-drummer-boy-jingle-bells all up in my face, everywhere I go.  I suppose it is to remind all you good capitalists to SPEND SPEND SPEND your hard earned paycheck on their over priced goods .

Spend, cattle!!!

Next my mailbox begins to be flooded by Christmas cards and letter from people that couldn’t be bothered to talk to me all year long, but now they just HAAAAVE to tell me about little Johnny’s winning baseball season or their record-breaking year at Mary Kay.  This is something I will NEVER understand.  Is it a contest??  He who has the most people in the address book to send Christmas cards out to wins?  Where were you people when it was warm and I was in a good mood, hmm??

Bah to the Christmas Card Army, I say!  Baaaaaah!

Then there is all the damn food everywhere.  Just what a moody girl needs to give her a manic sugar rush and then a big ol’ comatose crash afterward. Cookies!  Fudge!  Banana bread!  Chocolates!  It’s a fatty foods extravaganza and I am an easy mark.

Just what I wanted for Christmas…cellulite!

And then…there’s shopping.
Now don’t get me wrong…normally I love shopping.  What I don’t love?  Pressure.  See, I am a ridiculous perfectionist, and I refuse, REFUSE to get people just any old present.  I want it be personal, heartfelt, and also something this person would want or need.  Simple, right?  Uh huh.  So I usually end up spending those last 10 days between finals and Christmas out at the retail torture chambers aka malls, on my impossible task for the Christmas present equivalents of the holy grail. And my reward for my hard work?

And now the entire family knows thinks I am a feminazi…greeeeat.

It’s not that I do not appreciate the book, it does actually qualify under the personal, usable criterion I set above.  I even WANTED the book. …but it probably wasn’t wise to let me open it in front of grandma.  I’m pretty sure I am out of the will for bringing the c-word into my grandparent’s realm of thought.

But seriously folks, maybe the problem is that we live in a society that drives us to consume until we are overstuffed, both literally and figuratively.  Perhaps with all this technology we are losing all of our personal bonds and we are just too disconnected from each other to know any better.  Or it could be that we are morally lost…and have become cold and selfish and out of touch with what really matters in life…and our love and spirituality have been crowded out by materialism and greed.  Ah, humanity!

But I am going to go make an amazon.com wish list…you know, just in case.

Bah Humbug, lovers.

How do you fare during the holiday season?  Tis the season to be jolly, or would you rather curl up in your bath tub with your mattress on top, waiting for January second to arrive?

And have you done all your shopping yet??!

While the cat’s away…

Ssshhhh! Since my oh-so-fabulous co-conspirator is away on vacation I’ve made an executive decision to have a little play date with all of you…with gifts and everything! Okay-Okay, truth be known, I was feeling quite indecisive. I couldn’t decide on whether or not I should remind all of you to be grateful, give thanks on Thursday and do a random act of kindness or entertain you with a riveting Ask Eve. Ultimately I opted for neither and to simply thank all of you instead. Wheeeeee!

Since you’re all grown-ups and you know right from wrong (you do, don’t you?) the last thing you need to read is an inspirational message from me about all of the things you should be appreciative for. Instead let’s purge all of our pre-holiday frustrations about the things we aren’t so thrilled about, m’kay?

It’s a win-win…by the time you face Aunt Sue on Thursday, not only will you be lighthearted, but perhaps you’ll even be the owner of some Eve-101 paraphernalia.

• Quick and easy…choose one (or more if it suits your fancy) of the questions below.
• Answer it in the comments.
  (Be sure to include your e-mail address in case you’re a winner)
• Be original.
• Have fun.
• Oh, and give thanks!

Let the games begin…

1)    Your family’s quirkiest tradition is what?

2)    You would do anything to not have to sit next to whom at dinner, and why?

3)    The one thing you aren’t grateful for this year?

4)    You’re most grateful for what?

5)    You’re most outrageous Thanksgiving memory is?

I’m sure you’re wondering what precious gift I will bestow upon you for throwing yourselves under the bus, aren’t you? Well the fun isn’t over yet! Since I’m feeling extra generous I will let the winner decide their fate…errrr prize.

It could be a cute pair of chonies like this…

A cozy sweatshirt…

Or any other item from our cafepress store, that your little heart desires.

There you have it my lovelies, a fun-filled Q&A sponsored by your resident anti-turkey day girl. May you all enjoy your holiday and a pleasant tryptophan coma!

My Lesson in Giving Thanks

As I was writing this, it was Friday, November 21^st 2008.  Next Thursday many of you will be sitting down with family and friends at your Thanksgiving tables with eyes bigger than your plates.  While I would love to be joining that picture, it’s actually the Friday before Thanksgiving every year that I give my Thanks.  I thank my friends for their loyalty, my loved ones for their kindness and strength; and my parents for saving our lives this very night, 16 years ago.

We lived in a fairly typical middle class neighborhood.  Both my parents with good jobs and a nice home I shared with my two brothers.  I was 15 years old and just happy school was over for the week.  I remember watching a bad movie for as long as I could stay awake, curling up in my bed and falling asleep.

Within a few hours, something woke me.  The urgency in my father’s voice startled me, but I couldn’t move.  I felt like I was being weighted down under water, and that he was yelling at me from the surface.  My first full breath was painful and cut into the back of my throat.  Smoke, everywhere; my eyes burning and my father banging on the door of his daughter’s locked bedroom.  I could finally make out what he was saying…fire.

As he raced to my younger brother’s room I was able to shake myself awake through the haze enough to unlock the door.  Grabbing one of us in each arm he dragged us down the hallway into my parent’s room.  I remember rounding the hallway, my dog frantically barking from her gated pen and seeing the bright orange glow climbing up the walls around the corner.  I remember how terrified I was, feeling and smelling the heat, and how loud and thundering the flames were.

My mother closed the door to the fire and shoved us both to the ground; my father began dragging the bed over to the window.  The only thing I could hear now was his voice screaming that we were going to be alright.  Within moments, and smoke curling under the door, we were.  My younger brother was hoisted out, landing six feet below; then myself.  My mother, terrified and shaken made my father go after us.  After standing up and turning back to the window I watched as my father reached in, and pulled my mother through and safely to the ground.

The sirens now closing in…I remember the firemen jumping from the truck and running over asking if there was anyone still left inside.  Under my breath I heard myself say ‘My dog.’  My mother had tried to run around to the front door to save her, but by then she had stopped barking, and my father held my mother  back.

My older brother had been working a night shift where they had an up and running police scanner.  He heard it come over the line that the house, his house, where he thought his family was safely sleeping was on fire.  By the time he was able to get to us, we had been shuffled to a neighbor’s home.  I don’t think any of us cried a single tear until we were all together again.  Shocked, shaken, panicked…but safe.

Lucky, we were so lucky.  I don’t like to think about the circumstances of that night in terms of what could have happened.  As traumatic as it was, and as much as it took to rebuild our lives in the wake of personal tragedy, it has forever changed me through the lessons I learned.

I learned the sense of community through crisis.  Our neighbors who took us in during the middle of the night; the people at my mother and father’s office that collected checks and cards and notes assuring us they would do anything to help us get back our feet.  The caring and compassion will never be forgotten.

I learned at 15 that most of it’s just stuff.  We lost virtually everything from our baby pictures to my mother’s wedding ring.  I miss some of those treasures, but 90% is replaceable and never more important than the memories and the people you share them with.

The greatest lesson however came six days later when we all sat down at my grandfathers Thanksgiving table.  After joining hands in silence, nobody said a word…we knew what we were thankful for.  It might honestly have been the first time in my life I truly felt thankful for anything.

This year, like years past I will be spending Thanksgiving Day volunteering.  I will serve meals. I will ask what I can do to help.  I will make promises and follow through with them.  I’ll listen, and hopefully walk away with more lessons to be thankful for.

Whew…sorry for letting that one out there.  It’s something I felt the need to write considering the date.  It doesn’t have to be a downer!  Do you have any lessons to share about the upcoming holiday?  Spending it with friends, family, both?  What does Thanksgiving mean to you and what are you most thankful for?

Lets turn this around….shall we.  Please?

30 to 40

We all have preconceived notions of where our lives will be once we hit certain magical ages. We have hopes, plans and goals that coincide with dates on the calendar…some we accomplish and others we miss the mark by a long shot. In 30 days I will be facing the end of my 30’s. (Holy, what?!) And as much as I’ve been preparing for this occasion for the past several years, I can’t help but do a mental check list of where I am and where I thought I might be.

It’s no mystery that some things we can change and others we must accept. But what’s left will hopefully inspire us to live our lives to fullest. So in honor of leaving my third decade behind I’ve decided to celebrate with a 30 day countdown to-do list.

For the next month, each day until I hit the big 4-0 (which by the way, is NOT the new 20!) I will run, be free, and embrace the following…

Take a field trip to The Pleasure Chest

Make out under the stars

Swing…on a swing set, not with swingers

Play Twister

Wear my shortest skirt and highest heels…in public

Write a letter, and actually mail it

Climb a tree…

and a rock

Volunteer

Take a nap outside

Dance naked in the living room

Watch a sunset…

and a sunrise

Learn a sexy phrase in a foreign language

Skip on the beach barefooted

Visit Dr. Verbin

Embrace the fetal position with a box of Kleenex

Watch Doctor Zhivago

Have photos taken…nekkid

Purge past mementoes that no longer serve a purpose

Meditate for an entire hour

Buy a plane ticket

Join the Bar Method

Lick the filling out of Twinkie

Drink Dom Perignon straight from the bottle

Create a budget

Fast for 24-hours

Spend an entire day loving myself…mind, body and spirit

Make S’mores over an open fire

Host a fabulous party and celebrate with those who make me who I am!

All things considered (because life isn’t always a bowl of cherries) my life is pretty darn spectacular! I most certainly couldn’t have imagined the twists and turns of my journey thus far, but I am filled with anticipation and excitement for the future and amazing memories of the past.  The sands of time can’t be erased so we may as well learn to embrace them, right? Right!

Tell me, oh lovely Eve visitors…what’s on your to-do list? Are you fearful of impending significant Birthdays or are you rolling out the red carpet? If time or money weren’t an issue and you could do anything your little heart desired, what would it be? And lastly, what will you do today to celebrate life?

And then I became pregnant…

Before I had my first son I wasn’t really a fan of children. I didn’t dislike them, but I wasn’t that girl either; you know, the one cooing and peek-a-boo-ing and pawing my friends kids at the holiday bbqs. The offspring of others were just cute little creatures that I knew very little about, and had even less to do with. This was totally okay with me.

And then I became pregnant.

I was in a panic. I knew nothing about this position I had just been nominated for! Damn, perhaps I should have spent less time playing basketball and more time babysitting as a teenager! Why had I tuned out my older cousins when they discussed breast versus bottle, stroller versus snugglie, and all that other crap I didn’t understand? I was frightened and clueless, so I turned where any library nerd would turn…to the books.

This only made my situation worse, because not even the so-called experts could agree on what was good parenting and what wasn’t. I consumed book after book during my nine months of “prep time” and grew more worried with each passing day. Then came that dreaded day; my baby joined me in the outside word…uncontained and helpless in my ill-prepared arms.

I went through several weeks of chaos and confusion. My mother gave advice that conflicted with the advice of my mother-in-law. The pediatrician told me things that conflicted with the nurse. My cousins gave advice that was completely opposite of my friends. My head was spinning like my doctor recommended black and white patterned crib mobile.

And then one night, while sitting in the tranquil darkness of 3am, having just quieted the baby with a plan of my own design, the most important parenting lesson of all hit me in the face like projectile vomit from my colicky newborn:

Parents. Know. Best.

We really, REALLY do. I mean…these are our kids. We love them with a fierceness that no one else can. So why are we driving ourselves crazy, why are we pushing aside our own instinct in favor of baby whispering, Dr. Spock and the like?

We are perfectly capable of doing this job, and well, we just have to trust ourselves. So here are my five sure-fire hints that you ARE a super parent, because you deserve the validation…

• You love your kid(s) with all your heart, quite unconditional like. Sure, there will be those moments when you may not like what they are doing all that much…but the love is ALWAYS there. That is the mark of greatness in a parent.

• You make sure they have the important things in life. I am not talking about designer clothes, or expensive video games, or an overwhelming schedule that keeps them running 16+ hours a day. I am talking about three squares in the belly. A warm, comfy bed and an appropriate bed time. Fresh air and open spaces to run in. Your attention and interest in THEIR interests and activities. These are the things that really matter.

• You approach parenting with a youthful spirit and a healthy dose of humor. How are we going to teach our kids not to let the small stuff get them down if we are taking life’s little bumps so seriously ourselves? Laugh it off, get up and go play…that is such a great example to set for your kids.

• You recognize the great value of patience. Whether you are teaching your little one how to tie their shoe or going over algebraic formulas with your teen, it is critical. There are few things as difficult as standing back and unweariedly waiting for things to click within your child, but there are also few things that make your heart soar as high as when you are rewarded for that fortitude. Letting them learn their own lessons, and allowing them to do things themselves; this is how we teach self-sufficiency. And that is our goal…right?

• In you they always find a safe harbor; whether it is from the monster in the closet, the bully at school or the fear of failure. You are their great protector; not there to stop them from stumbling, but most assuredly to lift them back up and apply band-aids and Neosporin as needed.

Being a parent is one of life’s toughest jobs, we all know this. And unlike many other jobs, the parameters that measure a job well done are not so clearly defined. Sure, there are a plethora of books, manuals and pamphlets one could read, you could take the advice of well intentioned others, or even model yourself after the parents you see on your TV screen. However, if you are a loving and dedicated parent, I don’t believe that there is anyone out there that is more qualified than you to raise your child.

Trust your trifecta of parenting power: your heart, your mind and your gut…and don’t be afraid to forge your own pathway.

Part of our beauty as humans is our diversity…so let’s keep the molds in the sandbox, hmm?

Now it’s your turn…what makes a parent great? If you are a parent, what are some of your proudest moments? If you have memories of what made your own parents great, share those too! And conversely, what are some trends today that might be taking us away from true parental excellence?

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