While the cat’s away…

Ssshhhh! Since my oh-so-fabulous co-conspirator is away on vacation I’ve made an executive decision to have a little play date with all of you…with gifts and everything! Okay-Okay, truth be known, I was feeling quite indecisive. I couldn’t decide on whether or not I should remind all of you to be grateful, give thanks on Thursday and do a random act of kindness or entertain you with a riveting Ask Eve. Ultimately I opted for neither and to simply thank all of you instead. Wheeeeee!

Since you’re all grown-ups and you know right from wrong (you do, don’t you?) the last thing you need to read is an inspirational message from me about all of the things you should be appreciative for. Instead let’s purge all of our pre-holiday frustrations about the things we aren’t so thrilled about, m’kay?

It’s a win-win…by the time you face Aunt Sue on Thursday, not only will you be lighthearted, but perhaps you’ll even be the owner of some Eve-101 paraphernalia.

• Quick and easy…choose one (or more if it suits your fancy) of the questions below.
• Answer it in the comments.
  (Be sure to include your e-mail address in case you’re a winner)
• Be original.
• Have fun.
• Oh, and give thanks!

Let the games begin…

1)    Your family’s quirkiest tradition is what?

2)    You would do anything to not have to sit next to whom at dinner, and why?

3)    The one thing you aren’t grateful for this year?

4)    You’re most grateful for what?

5)    You’re most outrageous Thanksgiving memory is?

I’m sure you’re wondering what precious gift I will bestow upon you for throwing yourselves under the bus, aren’t you? Well the fun isn’t over yet! Since I’m feeling extra generous I will let the winner decide their fate…errrr prize.

It could be a cute pair of chonies like this…

A cozy sweatshirt…

Or any other item from our cafepress store, that your little heart desires.

There you have it my lovelies, a fun-filled Q&A sponsored by your resident anti-turkey day girl. May you all enjoy your holiday and a pleasant tryptophan coma!

30 to 40

We all have preconceived notions of where our lives will be once we hit certain magical ages. We have hopes, plans and goals that coincide with dates on the calendar…some we accomplish and others we miss the mark by a long shot. In 30 days I will be facing the end of my 30’s. (Holy, what?!) And as much as I’ve been preparing for this occasion for the past several years, I can’t help but do a mental check list of where I am and where I thought I might be.

It’s no mystery that some things we can change and others we must accept. But what’s left will hopefully inspire us to live our lives to fullest. So in honor of leaving my third decade behind I’ve decided to celebrate with a 30 day countdown to-do list.

For the next month, each day until I hit the big 4-0 (which by the way, is NOT the new 20!) I will run, be free, and embrace the following…

Take a field trip to The Pleasure Chest

Make out under the stars

Swing…on a swing set, not with swingers

Play Twister

Wear my shortest skirt and highest heels…in public

Write a letter, and actually mail it

Climb a tree…

and a rock

Volunteer

Take a nap outside

Dance naked in the living room

Watch a sunset…

and a sunrise

Learn a sexy phrase in a foreign language

Skip on the beach barefooted

Visit Dr. Verbin

Embrace the fetal position with a box of Kleenex

Watch Doctor Zhivago

Have photos taken…nekkid

Purge past mementoes that no longer serve a purpose

Meditate for an entire hour

Buy a plane ticket

Join the Bar Method

Lick the filling out of Twinkie

Drink Dom Perignon straight from the bottle

Create a budget

Fast for 24-hours

Spend an entire day loving myself…mind, body and spirit

Make S’mores over an open fire

Host a fabulous party and celebrate with those who make me who I am!

All things considered (because life isn’t always a bowl of cherries) my life is pretty darn spectacular! I most certainly couldn’t have imagined the twists and turns of my journey thus far, but I am filled with anticipation and excitement for the future and amazing memories of the past.  The sands of time can’t be erased so we may as well learn to embrace them, right? Right!

Tell me, oh lovely Eve visitors…what’s on your to-do list? Are you fearful of impending significant Birthdays or are you rolling out the red carpet? If time or money weren’t an issue and you could do anything your little heart desired, what would it be? And lastly, what will you do today to celebrate life?

Dick Speaks

We are going to try something new around these parts today, kids! Are you excited? Well, you should be. This shall be the very first addition of something we are going to call “The Minute Man.” Basically we have decided to let the men speak, because, well, we can all acknowledge that it was getting a little estrogen-y around here.  So without further ado, I shall give the man the floor…

Today he will speak on whether you need to win over a woman’s friends in order to win her heart.

First of all, I want to thank my hosts here at Eve-101 for letting my penis floppin’ male self give you some testosterone-laced opinions mixed in with oodles of foul-mouthed diatribes usually reserved for Sailor “wanna-hump-hump bars” in Panama. Or The View. Take your pick.

And the fact that I just used the term “oodles” alone qualifies me as a writer on here, because that reeks of Estrogen and, hey, I’m comfortable in my own sexuality so I can admit that I might have a slight womanly side, like, say 1%. Whatever.

Now, I was asked to give some male perspective on the field of dating. There are lots of things that I can give you from the male perspective, and dating just happens to be number 94 on the list. So, you are in luck. I have a lot of chick friends that love to discuss their problems with me, like I am a goddamned relationship therapist who loves to listen to insipid shit ad nauseum.

Anywho.

The question in play here is simple: “Does a guy have to win over a woman’s friends in order to win at love?”

My answer: “What is love?” (And I don’t mean that 1993 Haddaway song that was the entire plot from the movie A Night At The Roxbury either.) I kid…I kid.

Seriously. In my opinion, not at all. Is it a good idea to get in the good graces of a woman’s friends? Sure. Is it absolutely necessary to have them in your favor to complete the sale? Nope.

We’ve all seen it time and again, ladies. That one friend of yours that is dating a total asshat with a tricked out ‘87 Escort and a penchant for douchebaggery (see: hat worn sideways, MySpace profile picture of himself in a mirror showing off his abs, etc.) Your friends cannot stand this dude, and with good reason. He is a dick. We all see it. Your friend does not. Yet she still continues to date him. Why? Because, when it comes to her heart and feelings, your opinion doesn’t mean diddly-poo. If anything, (especially amongst the scientific fact that 98.2% of a woman’s friends are actually nothing more than vicious, backstabbing pieces of used tampon matter), your disapproval of said doorknob is a signal in the eyes of your friend that you are jealous of the relationship and want a piece of that tiny crank and weak wallet. SHE is in love and SHE can change him. Stay the fuck out of it, bitch! *snap*

The 2% of her real friends may have an opinion, may even say “get out”, but will defer to the judgment of their friends to make the right call.

Us guys know this fact, and we therefore know that the only thing that matters in winning the heart of a woman is them. Doting on them. Loving on them. Trying to fuck…them. There is no need to worry about her friends, because in the end, her opinion only counts for useless shit above.

There you go, people. True pearls given to you in the form of an interweb Pearl Necklace, by a guy that has only been tolerated by a handful of women in his lifetime. Which goes to show you, I don’t really know dick.

But, I have one. And that means you already know I don’t know anything, right ladies?

Want to track Minute Man Matt down? You can find him HERE.

And then I became pregnant…

Before I had my first son I wasn’t really a fan of children. I didn’t dislike them, but I wasn’t that girl either; you know, the one cooing and peek-a-boo-ing and pawing my friends kids at the holiday bbqs. The offspring of others were just cute little creatures that I knew very little about, and had even less to do with. This was totally okay with me.

And then I became pregnant.

I was in a panic. I knew nothing about this position I had just been nominated for! Damn, perhaps I should have spent less time playing basketball and more time babysitting as a teenager! Why had I tuned out my older cousins when they discussed breast versus bottle, stroller versus snugglie, and all that other crap I didn’t understand? I was frightened and clueless, so I turned where any library nerd would turn…to the books.

This only made my situation worse, because not even the so-called experts could agree on what was good parenting and what wasn’t. I consumed book after book during my nine months of “prep time” and grew more worried with each passing day. Then came that dreaded day; my baby joined me in the outside word…uncontained and helpless in my ill-prepared arms.

I went through several weeks of chaos and confusion. My mother gave advice that conflicted with the advice of my mother-in-law. The pediatrician told me things that conflicted with the nurse. My cousins gave advice that was completely opposite of my friends. My head was spinning like my doctor recommended black and white patterned crib mobile.

And then one night, while sitting in the tranquil darkness of 3am, having just quieted the baby with a plan of my own design, the most important parenting lesson of all hit me in the face like projectile vomit from my colicky newborn:

Parents. Know. Best.

We really, REALLY do. I mean…these are our kids. We love them with a fierceness that no one else can. So why are we driving ourselves crazy, why are we pushing aside our own instinct in favor of baby whispering, Dr. Spock and the like?

We are perfectly capable of doing this job, and well, we just have to trust ourselves. So here are my five sure-fire hints that you ARE a super parent, because you deserve the validation…

• You love your kid(s) with all your heart, quite unconditional like. Sure, there will be those moments when you may not like what they are doing all that much…but the love is ALWAYS there. That is the mark of greatness in a parent.

• You make sure they have the important things in life. I am not talking about designer clothes, or expensive video games, or an overwhelming schedule that keeps them running 16+ hours a day. I am talking about three squares in the belly. A warm, comfy bed and an appropriate bed time. Fresh air and open spaces to run in. Your attention and interest in THEIR interests and activities. These are the things that really matter.

• You approach parenting with a youthful spirit and a healthy dose of humor. How are we going to teach our kids not to let the small stuff get them down if we are taking life’s little bumps so seriously ourselves? Laugh it off, get up and go play…that is such a great example to set for your kids.

• You recognize the great value of patience. Whether you are teaching your little one how to tie their shoe or going over algebraic formulas with your teen, it is critical. There are few things as difficult as standing back and unweariedly waiting for things to click within your child, but there are also few things that make your heart soar as high as when you are rewarded for that fortitude. Letting them learn their own lessons, and allowing them to do things themselves; this is how we teach self-sufficiency. And that is our goal…right?

• In you they always find a safe harbor; whether it is from the monster in the closet, the bully at school or the fear of failure. You are their great protector; not there to stop them from stumbling, but most assuredly to lift them back up and apply band-aids and Neosporin as needed.

Being a parent is one of life’s toughest jobs, we all know this. And unlike many other jobs, the parameters that measure a job well done are not so clearly defined. Sure, there are a plethora of books, manuals and pamphlets one could read, you could take the advice of well intentioned others, or even model yourself after the parents you see on your TV screen. However, if you are a loving and dedicated parent, I don’t believe that there is anyone out there that is more qualified than you to raise your child.

Trust your trifecta of parenting power: your heart, your mind and your gut…and don’t be afraid to forge your own pathway.

Part of our beauty as humans is our diversity…so let’s keep the molds in the sandbox, hmm?

Now it’s your turn…what makes a parent great? If you are a parent, what are some of your proudest moments? If you have memories of what made your own parents great, share those too! And conversely, what are some trends today that might be taking us away from true parental excellence?

The Arbor

She dreamt of creating a place where peace and silence would reign. A quiet retreat where the sun would shine on her face and the wind would blow through her hair. Years of diligent landscaping would provide the tranquil backdrop for her sanctuary; surrounded by pine trees, honeysuckle, dandelion fields and rolling hills she selected the ideal plot for The Arbor.

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