And then I became pregnant…

Before I had my first son I wasn’t really a fan of children. I didn’t dislike them, but I wasn’t that girl either; you know, the one cooing and peek-a-boo-ing and pawing my friends kids at the holiday bbqs. The offspring of others were just cute little creatures that I knew very little about, and had even less to do with. This was totally okay with me.

And then I became pregnant.

I was in a panic. I knew nothing about this position I had just been nominated for! Damn, perhaps I should have spent less time playing basketball and more time babysitting as a teenager! Why had I tuned out my older cousins when they discussed breast versus bottle, stroller versus snugglie, and all that other crap I didn’t understand? I was frightened and clueless, so I turned where any library nerd would turn…to the books.

This only made my situation worse, because not even the so-called experts could agree on what was good parenting and what wasn’t. I consumed book after book during my nine months of “prep time” and grew more worried with each passing day. Then came that dreaded day; my baby joined me in the outside word…uncontained and helpless in my ill-prepared arms.

I went through several weeks of chaos and confusion. My mother gave advice that conflicted with the advice of my mother-in-law. The pediatrician told me things that conflicted with the nurse. My cousins gave advice that was completely opposite of my friends. My head was spinning like my doctor recommended black and white patterned crib mobile.

And then one night, while sitting in the tranquil darkness of 3am, having just quieted the baby with a plan of my own design, the most important parenting lesson of all hit me in the face like projectile vomit from my colicky newborn:

Parents. Know. Best.

We really, REALLY do. I mean…these are our kids. We love them with a fierceness that no one else can. So why are we driving ourselves crazy, why are we pushing aside our own instinct in favor of baby whispering, Dr. Spock and the like?

We are perfectly capable of doing this job, and well, we just have to trust ourselves. So here are my five sure-fire hints that you ARE a super parent, because you deserve the validation…

• You love your kid(s) with all your heart, quite unconditional like. Sure, there will be those moments when you may not like what they are doing all that much…but the love is ALWAYS there. That is the mark of greatness in a parent.

• You make sure they have the important things in life. I am not talking about designer clothes, or expensive video games, or an overwhelming schedule that keeps them running 16+ hours a day. I am talking about three squares in the belly. A warm, comfy bed and an appropriate bed time. Fresh air and open spaces to run in. Your attention and interest in THEIR interests and activities. These are the things that really matter.

• You approach parenting with a youthful spirit and a healthy dose of humor. How are we going to teach our kids not to let the small stuff get them down if we are taking life’s little bumps so seriously ourselves? Laugh it off, get up and go play…that is such a great example to set for your kids.

• You recognize the great value of patience. Whether you are teaching your little one how to tie their shoe or going over algebraic formulas with your teen, it is critical. There are few things as difficult as standing back and unweariedly waiting for things to click within your child, but there are also few things that make your heart soar as high as when you are rewarded for that fortitude. Letting them learn their own lessons, and allowing them to do things themselves; this is how we teach self-sufficiency. And that is our goal…right?

• In you they always find a safe harbor; whether it is from the monster in the closet, the bully at school or the fear of failure. You are their great protector; not there to stop them from stumbling, but most assuredly to lift them back up and apply band-aids and Neosporin as needed.

Being a parent is one of life’s toughest jobs, we all know this. And unlike many other jobs, the parameters that measure a job well done are not so clearly defined. Sure, there are a plethora of books, manuals and pamphlets one could read, you could take the advice of well intentioned others, or even model yourself after the parents you see on your TV screen. However, if you are a loving and dedicated parent, I don’t believe that there is anyone out there that is more qualified than you to raise your child.

Trust your trifecta of parenting power: your heart, your mind and your gut…and don’t be afraid to forge your own pathway.

Part of our beauty as humans is our diversity…so let’s keep the molds in the sandbox, hmm?

Now it’s your turn…what makes a parent great? If you are a parent, what are some of your proudest moments? If you have memories of what made your own parents great, share those too! And conversely, what are some trends today that might be taking us away from true parental excellence?