Breaking-Up for Dummies

There’s a fine line between love and hate…one day you and your lovely are in the throws of passion and the next you find yourself fantasizing about smothering them in their sleep. Somehow, something went awry and “I do” became “I don’t!”  And although we can’t forego the pain of a break-up we can at the very least attempt a healthy departure with our wits in tact.

There will always be some level of heartache and headache attached to mourning the loss of happily ever after. Albeit not the easiest of tasks, it is possible for two people to end what once was whilst maintaining a level of love and respect for one another.  The end of a relationship shouldn’t be considered a failure, but rather a life lesson to learn from…and hopefully not repeat.

Whether you are the dumper or dumpee, mid-break-up is not the time to be either pompous or self-defeating, so don’t forget to check your ego. If you find yourself no longer willing or able to be committed you must first devise a graceful exit strategy. State your case calmly and with compassion, take responsibility, and don’t drag it out. Conversely, if you’ve just been kicked in the gut, remember that one relationship is not the be all-end all…there really are plenty of fish in the sea. Be grateful for the good times, pick yourself up, dry your eyes and for the love of gawd, don’t utter the words “I’ll never love another“… because you will!

Through 5 major breakups (2 marriages, 3 engagements) I’ve discovered one key element to dissolution survival and that is embracing “Distance Therapy.” No matter how hard we want to cling to the past or resurrect that loving feeling it is imperative to learn to stand on our own two feet. Phone calls, text messages, e-mails and drive-by’s are off limits until you’ve reached the safety zone of self-preservation.

While engaging in Distance Therapy it is of the utmost importance that your number one priority is yourself.

• Remember that avoiding pain in lieu of temporary pleasure will only cause more damage in the end. Steer clear of drunken one-night stands that will give you nothing more than a hangover and a possible STD.

• Be proactive by starting new habits and relinquishing those that are no longer serving a positive purpose.

• Get mentally and physically healthy…learn who you are and what you enjoy.

• Grieve but don’t get lost. You only have one life, so don’t waste precious time and energy with “what ifs and woulda’, shoulda’ coulda’s,” they’re pointless and will do nothing but cause more pain and misery.

Once you’ve mastered the new and improved you, you’re on the right path to starting anew.

Time truly does heal all wounds, and one miraculous day will arrive when you realize that you have acquired the strength and ability to face your past without being plagued by the sight of it. This is the time to entertain the idea of salvaging a friendship with your former lovah, but keep in mind that it’s a slippery slope and one that must be navigated with distinct boundaries. Falling into an on again - off again relationship is futile at best and a sure fire way to crucify your dignity and sanity. Heed a reunion with caution…be aware of the warning signs that one or both parties may have ulterior motives. Be forgiving and patient… allow a new evolution begin. If you’re lucky you might just find a new friend in an old love.

How do you break-up? Do you slam the door never to open it again, or do you collect of harem of ex’s? What break-up survival tips and tricks have worked for you? Are you friends with your ex’s, or is an ex and ex for a reason?

To porn or not to porn?

Welcome to “He said, She said,” where we take a common question or topic and see if members of the opposite sex can get on the same page, or if they’ll have to agree to disagree. Today’s topic:

When you enter into a relationship, is it necessary to break-up with your porn, or can the three of you live happily ever after?

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