Holding Off on the Hug Jamboree

As many of you know, I am currently involved in a long distance relationship. While my mans and I have a pretty decent handle on emotional closeness, sometimes I just miss the physical touch of another human being. Not sexual necessarily…just…bodily contact with another adult-type person.

Now, now, stop raising the eyebrows; I would never, I repeat, NEVER cheat on my boyfriend. But the other day whilst surfing along the cyber waves I came across an article about something that gave me pause…“cuddle parties.” Of course I had to investigate further.

So I ended up on a site appropriately named oc-cuddle.com. These people came across like touch-pushers; going on and on about how unhealthy it is to not be getting your daily dose of nutritious and delicious man-handling. Uh oh, thought I. Am I going to become a touch-anemic?? Do I need the kind of relief only a G-rated hug jamboree can bring??

But the deeper my reading got, the more deeply disturbed I felt. I quickly realized this stuff = not for Trista. And you know I don’t like to feel creeped out alone, so I am going to drag you down into the world of squeeze-soirées with me! Whee!

First off, you’ll want to know that these folks do have some ground rules, 15 of them to be exact. You can read them all on their site, but I decided to discuss a few of ‘em with you. (My commentary is in red…)

• Pajamas stay on the whole time. - This ain’t no nekkid party folks! Thems down the hall…

• No SEX. (Yep, you read that right.) - Again, may I refer you to that party down the hall…

• Kissing and nuzzling, as well as other forms of touch, are allowed, but you must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone. - Now, when they say other forms of touch, do they mean “got your nose!” touching, or “oops, I accidentally pinned you down under me with my hand on your vagina!” touching? What’s the difference you ask? You are so not invited to my cuddle party…

• You don’t have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever. - Sweet! All you voyeurs out there, you can go to watch people…hug…that oughta be a hoot.

• NO DRY HUMPING! - Are you getting the asexual vibe here? Cuz I am starting to…

• If you’re in a relationship, communicate and set your boundaries and agreements BEFORE you go to the Cuddle Party. Don’t re-negotiate those agreements/boundaries during the Cuddle Party. (Trust us on this one.) - “Well baby, I know I said I wasn’t gonna touch no one’s boobalies but yours, but look at that woman’s boobalies! No baby, really…would you just look at her luscious…where ya going…?”

• Get your Cuddle Lifeguard On Duty or Cuddle Caddy if there’s a concern, problem, or question or should you feel unsafe or need assistance with anything during the Cuddle Party. - Your cuddle lifeguard? In case you are drowning in a sea of pathetic? And what is the caddy for…to bring you a four iron to clunk people in the head in case the freaks go native on you?

• Crying and giggling are both welcomed and encouraged. - Just not at the same time, because, well, that’s creepy…even for gropers-r-us.

• Be hygienically savvy. - No one likes doggy breath in a puppy pile!

Anyhow folks, you get the idea. I know I am being a tad harsh, but what I found in my exploration filled me with a hard core case of the heebie-jeebies. I realized something about myself while perusing the site, I really am not comfortable with the idea of rolling around on the floor with a bunch of pajama clad strangers.

So what kind of people DOES this concept appeal to?

I mean, really? Instead of creating intimacy with people in your life, you have to pay 30 bucks to be touched by an unfamiliar?? I suppose I should be proud of y’all for making your way out of your grandma’s basement, but come on! This doesn’t seem like pro-touch healing to me, but more like a scam that is feeding off the lonely and socially stunted.

Maybe the founders are right…maybe we are living in a touch-deprived society. But thinking about that statement makes me want to go pick up my kids and hug them…not pay to pet a stranger…(especially the kind of strangers willing to hand over money to be fondled by people they don’t know…)

So, to each their own and all that, but this is one social scene I shall not be exploring further. I will look fondly to the day when I can be spooned (and get forked) by my boyfriend again, but until then the only snuggling up I am going to be doing is with my own pillow. And thanks to cuddle.com I feel 100% better about the waiting.

So my friends, what do you think about this? Are you just a fluffy-wuffy cuddle bunny looking for a place to get petted? Or are you thinking this is perhaps a wee bit creepy? Would you pay 30 smackers to get touched by a stranger? Do you believe that grown-ass adults should get involved with something called puppy piles? I need to know!

Jones-ing For Happiness

“Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I read somewhere that the average human thinks somewhere between 20,000 - 60,000 thoughts per day. That right there is a whole lot of thinking. As a person who probably leans towards the larger number, I am finally starting to recognize the power my thoughts…and their ability to shape my world. Now, now…stop rolling your eyes at me, people…I used to be a doubter too…but I have recently seen the error of my ways. So hear (read?) me out, and allow me to share some of my recently fostered, get happy habits.

• Happiness isn’t really about what is happening at all…it’s about how we are reacting to what is happening. Drop your ice cream on the sidewalk? Well shit, your thighs probably didn’t need that Jamocha Almond Crunch anyway. Stuck in traffic? Clearly you could benefit from some “alone” time (buzz, buzz). Positive reframing is vital.

• When you are calm on the inside, things seem a little more serene outside too. Of course there is always going to be some chaos…because, well, that’s life. But be smart, be like a scientist, and subscribe to the Chaos Theory. There is order in the chaos…learn to see yours. And soon you will realize that though the morning routine of get up, get washed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, pack lunch, grab things, get to the car and get going may be a bit hectic, there is a natural rhythm to it too. Find it, own it, and be calm within it. It’ll save your voice, your sanity, and your disposition.

• You are what you think…so be careful. When I was still married and miserable, I went to see my doctor, and told her I couldn’t sleep. She told me I was depressed…I was anxious…I had a sleeping disorder…and she gave me a wad of prescriptions. And I thought, “Oh my gawd, she must be right, I must be depressed and anxious and harboring a sleeping disorder!” I thought about it and I thought about it…and I felt worse and worse. I took more pills, and stronger ones at that. But I didn’t feel better, not really, until I got out of my marriage and off the pills. I couldn’t be happy until I got out of the situation and thought process that was causing my misery. No pill was going to do that for me.

• Like attracts like. This is why I think of myself as, say…a boomerang juggler. Yes, it’s weird but just go with it. See, I am constantly throwing these thought boomerangs out there, and what I launch out is coming right back at me. This is why you want to make sure you are throwing out love and positivism, rather than thoughts of debt or disappointment or dismemberment. Really…nobody likes a surprise visit from the dismemberment fairy.

• When guilt dissolves you can finally evolve! Seriously…guilt is like plaque; nasty, yellow gooey stuff, clogging up your life. Because my sister died at 16, I had trouble enjoying all of life’s little milestones that should have been pure joy. Even the birth of my children was bittersweet; because I got to do something my big sis was not afforded. But then I realized that my sister would be completely pissed at me for this bullshit behavior. In a way I was cheating her all over again by allowing guilt to steal the joy. I have since apologized, and let go. I feel like I am moving forward, and oddly enough my cholesterol levels are better…coincidence?

I am far from perfect on this positive thinking stuff, but practice is definitely helping me to get closer to my more perfect self. Today I might only have 797 of those 60,000 thoughts end up negative…and tomorrow will be even less. I have faith in this the way I have faith that Jesus Jones will never, ever make a comeback. And the way I have faith that right here, right now, there is no other place I want to be…

Now what say you kids? Is happiness something that you work at does it just come naturally? Do you struggle with negativity? Do you think I am becoming cheesy in my old age? Do you think Jesus Jones will actually ever make a comeback?

Sail Away

Fear is a loud-mouthed, assertive emotion. It crowds in, pushing everything else out, sucking up all your attention and energy like a vacuum.

For a long time I have been involved in a committed relationship with fear. And as needy as fear was, it really didn’t allow me time for much else. I recognized the problem some time ago, but old habits are difficult to break. Fear had held my reins for so long that I wasn’t sure how to take them back…or if I would even know how to drive this train if I DID take them back.

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Learning To Look Before I Leap

“I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship.”

~Louisa May Alcott

Why is it that we jump into love like a joyful child, but crawl out of it like a wounded animal? Even if you were the one to hand out the walking papers instead of the one to receive them, it is still a painfully slow and laborious process.

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