Should he dine or dash?

My ex and I went out for two and a half years, and we have been broken up for two years now. We had a pretty bad break-up and only texted each other once every couple of months. A couple of week’s back she asked me out for dinner, we went out and just talked. We have been out together a couple more times and we just talk. We talk about everything but our past relationship. I am not sure what she is after. Could it be she wants me back or just wants to see how I am doing?

Eve’s insight would be helpful,
Befuddled in Baltimore

Dearest Befuddled,

Whoever coined the term “exes are exes for a reason” was no dumb! Might I suggest you get that sentiment permanently marked on your forehead as a constant reminder?

Considering your current circumstances and without the specific details of your “bad break-up” I can only assume that lack of communication played a major role in the demise of your coupledom. Perhaps your ex-GF has seen the errors of her ways, perhaps she’s reminiscing about the good ‘ol days, perhaps she’s just lonely and wants to drag you back into her lair…I don’t know, and neither will you until you man up and just ask her!

That being said, you need to be prepared for her answer. Since you accepted her offer to share a meal, is that all you want? Are you willing and able to forgive and forget in an attempt to rekindle your love affair? If not, are you capable of just being friends with the woman you once shared post coital bliss with? If you opt for the first choice you can’t move forward until you fix what was once broken. Beating around the bush and chatting about the weather as opposed to why you kicked her dog isn’t going to wipe the slate clean and give the two of you a Downy fresh new start. Suck it up and spill it…air your dirty laundry before the two of you start making new messes to clean up.

Being somewhat of anomaly, I wholeheartedly believe in remaining friends with exes. And although the two of you have passed the Distance Therapy portion of your relationship, that doesn’t mean its time to reconnect on a deeper or more intimate level. So take you time, objectively asses the situation and make a concise decision based on where you are today not where you wish you would’ve been two years ago!

Oh, and P.S.

If she stole from you, has serious mental health issues or slept with brother…get your balls out of her purse and stop getting sucked back into destructive old patterns. Otherwise…good luck with all of that, we’ll be praying for you.

KISSKISS
LOVELOVE,
Eve

What would you do if you were in Befuddled’s shoes? Would you entertain the notion of a reconciliation or would you define platonic boundaries? Have you ever gone back after a break-up hiatus and how did that work out for you?

Dirty-girl Interrupted

Picture, if you will, a calm and ordinary Saturday afternoon in an average American home. The children are playing together in the family room, their mother washing dishes at the kitchen sink. As she cleans she loses herself in a daydream about a vacation in Hawaii or a live-in maid or some such flight of fancy.

Suddenly a voice cuts through her vision like Michael Phelps through pool water:

“You better give that back, or I’m gonna slap you in the nuts, you b!#@&!”

Whaaa-whaaa-what?! Oh no that didn’t just come from the mouth of one of MY babes! I jolted rather abruptly out of my reverie and promptly burned my hand in the hot water, and instantaneously let out an expletive of my own.

Pot…meet kettle.

No, I don’t walk around speaking of reproductive organ smacking and yes, my darling child did confess to picking up that lovely tidbit at the local elementary school. But that afternoon made me realize something: it’s exceedingly difficult to punish my child for using curse words when they come flying out of my own mouth all too often during the day.

Now understand, I have cut back tremendously since bringing my children into the world. And this took quite a bit of effort for a girl who used to use the F-word the way some use the word “umm.” Yet still, I know I could be doing better. And just like a couple weeks ago when my youngest uttered at me, “that guy is an a$$h@!e, mommy!” when we got cut off in traffic, this was an eye opening moment for me.

I really need to scour my potty mouth.

So being a woman of the internet, I poked around a bit to find some tips. Instead I discovered something horrifying…cussing might just be bad for your health! What the f^@k??! Okay, I never denied for a moment that it was a dirty habit, one which made me sound tacky, trashy or trite at times. I know that as a person with a rather extensive vocabulary I could most assuridly do better…but I never dreamed that I was doing actual damage to myself. How could my good pal f-bomb and his merry band of profanities be causing me harm? How could something that felt so right be so wrong?

But as I started to think about why I swear I started to see more clearly. Cursing is a mindless reaction to a stimulus. Something pisses me off, I pop off, simple as that. The problem is, when I allow myself to react without thinking like that, I cut myself off from the actual emotion at hand. I have built myself a direct route to anger…and it bypasses a lot of emotions; fear, anxiety, sadness, frustration. It’s not that I am not experiencing them - but as soon as they try to surface I am immediately suppressing them. If that isn’t a mini-meltdown waiting to happen I don’t know what is.

So I am making a choice…to quit the swear-words cold turkey. Because…

• I am more eloquent than this.

• I am intelligent and able to exhibit a much better grasp of this great language of mine than my vulgar choices sometimes indicate.

• I am in control of my emotions…they are not in control of me.

• I am capable of providing a better model for my kids.

• And I am NOT raising mini versions of Sam Kinison and Andrew Dice Clay!

And yet - I do not want to become a household like the Flanders’ house of Simpson’s lore either; a den of emotional suppression and howdy-ho’s and darn-diddly-arns. No thanks.

So what’s a gutter-gabbing girl in need of reform to do?

I am just going to take it one day at a time. I am going to try and be conscious of not only the words that are wanting to burst forth from my lips, but also the feelings that are bubbling up beneath them. I am going to practice THINKING things out, before saying them.

There is so much more authority behind an articulate argument than an angry outburst. It’s time to wield that power.

And perhaps its time to get a swear jar too…I am human after all. And the boys and I could use a pizza night fund.

Do you have a potty mouth? Is it under control or running wild? Have you had to deal with a child getting caught swearing? Or perhaps you have had to kick a different habit cold turkey…do you have any advice for me on gaining control over my vice?

A fall of faith

As you may or may not know, a couple weeks ago I went and saw a medium who was to be a guest on the Eve-101 show. What I did not know was that my reading was to deliver tremendous, life altering messages to me…messages that have forever changed my path and permanently imprinted themselves upon my heart and soul. I hope you don’t mind taking a bit of a journey with me…

I am now a woman on a mission. A mission to build up my trusting account.

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You’re making me crazy!

We’ve all been there…the moment a relationship goes sour and we suddenly feel as though we’re losing our grip on reality. Our once rational and logical thought process becomes so convoluted that we’d rather be committed to the loony bin than committed to our beloved.

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