Darling, won’t you go and cut your…foreskin?
November 5, 2008
Dear Eve,
I am dating a wonderful, wonderful man. He is successful, romantic and fun. We get along and share many common interests. We have a great physical chemistry. Or we did. This is the reason I am writing, I am hoping you or your readers might be able to help me with my phobia. This man and I were intimate for the first time ever about two weeks ago and I discovered that he is uncircumcised. I have never even seen a penis like his before and honestly I just didn’t know what to do with it. I know I am acting strange, we haven’t been intimate since then, but I know he can tell I am avoiding it And next weekend we have an overnight trip planned. Do you have any advice on how to get over this fear? I can’t help it, I don’t like it and I wish I could ask him to take care of it but I realize we haven’t been together long enough yet. Also, I know I couldn’t marry him unless he did get it taken care of, should I just break it off now? Or should I sacrifice for now and hope that I can change him later? And last of all, do you have any tips for dealing with an uncircumcised penis?
Fretful over Foreskin
Foolishly Focused,
Oh my! You poor, poor thing! Did that mean ol’ turtleneck wearing penis scare you? Are you going to be okay, dumplin’? Do you need a hug?
Well you came to the wrong place for that. Don’t get me wrong, your question(s) concern me greatly. But as far as WHO I am concerned for, well, we will get to that in a minute. First of all, I cannot help but take notice of the language of your letter to me. You “don’t like it.” You wish you could ask him to “take care of it.” It’s not a rodent in the pantry, sugar…its some extra skin on the penis. And are you ACTUALLY thinking that you would have a right to ask a man to slice away a piece of himself because you aren’t sure how to “deal” with it?? It retracts, darling, just move it out the way and carry on…you don’t need special training for this. Sure, I could give you some specific pointers on sexual relations with the uncircumcised, but honestly I don’t think you really need- or even want- that from me…do you?
No, I suspect that you are looking for someone to validate your desire to ask this gentleman to undergo a painful and unnecessary surgery for YOU…because you are what, uncomfortable with the unknown? Let me tell you something…if some man informed me that he didn’t like the look of my vagina, and then that man suggested that perhaps I should “take care of” it…do you know what I would say to that man? I would tell that selfish, ignorant bastard to go find himself another vagina, because mine is not customizable. And if this man has any self respect at all he will say something similar to you if you approach him with this. That’s his PENIS, it’s not like you are suggesting a haircut, cookie!
So yes, my concern here is for this wonderful man you speak of…this successful, romantic, fun man whom you would marry if only he wasn’t tragically flawed with a hooded trouser snake. But when it comes to you, well…if you are willing to throw it all away over foreskin, then me thinks you a fool…but go ahead, and talk to him about it. You have Eve’s blessing. And after he dumps you, be sure to come back and click here to get exactly the penis you want…in approximately 10 business days.
Love and Kisses,
Eve
Is it ever okay to ask the person you are dating to undergo elective surgery to suit your tastes? What if said elective surgery is to take place on your genitalia…what then? Was Eve too hard on the little lass? What would your advice to her (and him) have been?
On the seventh day…
November 2, 2008
It was a fun-filled week here at Eve-101, chock full of our favorite things..sex, love, relationships, scandals, sluts and more sex.
Rather than make you work on this day of rest we’ve put together a handy Week in Review guide just for you, our loyal readers.
Although the ghosts and goblins may be gone, this party isn’t over. So grab the Tootsie Rolls and Twizzlers, skim, click, read and enjoy Eve-101…
The fact that there are people out there that get all jolly in their junk watching balloons pop or getting peed on, well, it makes me feel less self conscious about my occasional desire for a firm (ehm) hand.
Unfortunately, all too often we become so preoccupied with what we perceive to be the deficiencies of others that we negate to take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions.
I am an 80’s girl. I grew up dancing around the living room to Cyndi Lauper and Duran Duran records in my legwarmers and acid washed jeans, clinging tight to my rainbow bright doll. Happiness was a warm crimping iron. I had jellies in 8 different colors. It is a decade that will always have a special place in my heart.
Now Serving: Mommy’s Sloppy Seconds:
Dear Eve,
Last spring my Mom was killed in a car accident. I came home from college at the end of the semester to help my Step-Dad pack up her things and we spent a lot of time talking about my Mom. One night we decided to open a bottle of her favorite wine to toast her memory, and before I knew it my Step-Dad and I were making love on the living room floor.
When exactly did Girls Gone Wild become the official sponsor for Halloween? Because it’s just asinine, and really ladies…it’s beneath us to accept it.
In particular, there are three topics of conversation I would kindly ask you keep to yourself. Not about censorship here, I just don’t want to have to process it while I am in line for an iced coffee.
From our family to yours, may your day of rest be…well, restful. While you’re here, why don’t you take a moment and tell us how we’re doing. Is Eve helping you attain your daily requirement of useful (and sometimes trivial) information? Are we bringing you enough peace, joy and mentally disturbing images? What can we do for YOU? Nudity and bestiality excluded, you sickos!
Kinda always knew she’d end up your ex-friend with benefits
October 22, 2008
Dear Eve,
I hooked up with this chick at work a few times, and it was completely a friends with benefits type thing. Now she is calling me 24/7, showing up everywhere she knows I hang out, and telling everyone we’re together. She is like a walking girlfriend trap. What do I do?
Signed, Avoiding the Trap
Dear Avoidance,
You seem to have gotten yourself involved with a perplexing breed of girl; the type who equate sex with love. She cannot help it, she is not evolved. She most likely believes it is her womanly duty to settle down and mate with you. You probably give great pheromone.
But wait…something tells me you are not so innocent yourself. Were you honest and upfront from the very beginning with this little lass? Did you tell her this was strictly a casual sex type thing? I bet you didn’t. I am willing to wager that you have you simply been hooking up with the wee miss without explaining the parameters of the affair. You either assumed she was down with stand alone sex because that is what you yourself wanted, or you just didn’t care. Tsk, tsk.
Look, I know it’s difficult to imagine, but some people still believe in that old fashioned relationship stuff. If you weren’t clear on the fact that you were just in this for sexual gratification, she may be thinking she’s going to win you over eventually. And if you are hanging out with her, going places with her, etc, you are only further complicating the situation. That’s just rude.
You two just aren’t in it for the same reasons. Therefore, to continue down the road with her at this point would be leading her on or worse, using her at the expense of her feelings. Besides, it is also going to end up costing you…this is a co-worker! Do you want to set yourself up for chaos and drama in the workplace? I think even Abercrombie or Starbucks or wherever the hell your picking up your condom money is going to frown upon that kind of nonsense. And most likely she IS going to grow more and more needy and attached as time goes on. The world does not need another rabbit boiler…you need to nip this.
If you are into casual dating and casual sex, more power to you. I am certainly not condemning you for that. But you and I both know that this girl is not. I don’t care how good the sex is, end it and go find yourself an easier going “friend”, one that you EXPLAIN the parameters to pre-sex! Do it now, before this one burns you in effigy on your front lawn.
Love and Kisses,
Eve
When a friends with benefits scenario is one-sided, who is to blame? Should he have explained? Should she have not assumed? Or is the guilty even shared, socialist style? Have any of you been in a similar scenario? How did you handle it?
Should he dine or dash?
October 16, 2008
My ex and I went out for two and a half years, and we have been broken up for two years now. We had a pretty bad break-up and only texted each other once every couple of months. A couple of week’s back she asked me out for dinner, we went out and just talked. We have been out together a couple more times and we just talk. We talk about everything but our past relationship. I am not sure what she is after. Could it be she wants me back or just wants to see how I am doing?
Eve’s insight would be helpful,
Befuddled in Baltimore
Dearest Befuddled,
Whoever coined the term “exes are exes for a reason” was no dumb! Might I suggest you get that sentiment permanently marked on your forehead as a constant reminder?
Considering your current circumstances and without the specific details of your “bad break-up” I can only assume that lack of communication played a major role in the demise of your coupledom. Perhaps your ex-GF has seen the errors of her ways, perhaps she’s reminiscing about the good ‘ol days, perhaps she’s just lonely and wants to drag you back into her lair…I don’t know, and neither will you until you man up and just ask her!
That being said, you need to be prepared for her answer. Since you accepted her offer to share a meal, is that all you want? Are you willing and able to forgive and forget in an attempt to rekindle your love affair? If not, are you capable of just being friends with the woman you once shared post coital bliss with? If you opt for the first choice you can’t move forward until you fix what was once broken. Beating around the bush and chatting about the weather as opposed to why you kicked her dog isn’t going to wipe the slate clean and give the two of you a Downy fresh new start. Suck it up and spill it…air your dirty laundry before the two of you start making new messes to clean up.
Being somewhat of anomaly, I wholeheartedly believe in remaining friends with exes. And although the two of you have passed the Distance Therapy portion of your relationship, that doesn’t mean its time to reconnect on a deeper or more intimate level. So take you time, objectively asses the situation and make a concise decision based on where you are today not where you wish you would’ve been two years ago!
Oh, and P.S.
If she stole from you, has serious mental health issues or slept with brother…get your balls out of her purse and stop getting sucked back into destructive old patterns. Otherwise…good luck with all of that, we’ll be praying for you.
KISSKISS
LOVELOVE,
Eve
What would you do if you were in Befuddled’s shoes? Would you entertain the notion of a reconciliation or would you define platonic boundaries? Have you ever gone back after a break-up hiatus and how did that work out for you?
Virginity…the key to longevity?
October 14, 2008
Ms. Clara Meadmore, a retired secretary living in Glassgow, celebrated her 105th Birthday this past Saturday. It’s not too much of a surprise, nor is it barely notable these days… people who celebrate 100 plus years of living and breathing. But Ms. Meadmore’s self-proclaimed key to longevity would more than likely cause most of us to pause. No, she isn’t a vegetarian or a fitness fanatic; she doesn’t even oppose smoking and drinking. Rather, Clara’s claim to a long life is her ability to remain virtuous.
Okay, okay…it’s not beyond the realm of likelihood that some people truly manage to become 40, 50 or even 105 year old virgins. However, Ms. Meadmore’s reasons for abstaining throughout her entire life are what I find perplexing. You see, Clara was apparently ahead of her time…she is quite the independent and self-sufficient woman who saved her salary and spent the money going on walking tours in many parts of Britain in the 1920’s and 1930’s. She believes in doing things her own way (a motto this girl enthusiastically supports) and apparently that includes saving herself not for marriage, but for death…a decision she made at the ripe old age of 12 and has never reconsidered.
Granted, she likely still has her hair because she hasn’t yanked it out in moments of frustration with the opposite sex. And while I’m in awe that her sharp wit and teeth remain in tact, I can’t imagine what her soul is missing. Now, don’t get me wrong, Ms. Meadmore’s life thus far seems to have been fulfilling and she’s even entertained several platonic relationships with men. However, she chose life long abstinence because she “imagined there is a lot of hassle involved” and she’s always “been busy doing other things.” Busy doing what exactly? She didn’t have the time or inclination to squeeze in a rendezvous or two whilst traipsing across the countryside on her walking tours? Seriously, a backpack and blisters are far more daunting than occasionally dropping your drawers, no?
Although I wholeheartedly support intermittent vows of celibacy in the name of self-preservation, isn’t an entire lifetime’s worth a bit much? One would think that a woman like Clara who is so independent would embrace all that life has to offer…including sexy time. Although Ms. Meadmore contributes her extra long life to keeping her hoo-ha penis free, personally, I’d venture to say that it has more to do with the fact that she’s never owned a television. Nonetheless, Happy Birthday Clara…Mother Theresa would be proud!
What do you think folks? Is it possible that Ms. Meadmore has lived 105 years because she’s never been deflowered? Could you, would you, ever give up the bow-chica-bow-wow if you were guaranteed a longer life span? If you could have both…a long life and sexual fulfillment, would you even want to live to see 105? And did anyone else notice the striking resemblance between Clara and Mother Theresa?
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