The Arbor
July 22, 2008 · Print This Article
She dreamt of creating a place where peace and silence would reign. A quiet retreat where the sun would shine on her face and the wind would blow through her hair. Years of diligent landscaping would provide the tranquil backdrop for her sanctuary; surrounded by pine trees, honeysuckle, dandelion fields and rolling hills she selected the ideal plot for The Arbor.
Rustic wooden benches, trailing vines and carefully laid bricks, her vision had come to fruition. Impossible to foresee was how her personal respite would become the landmark where her friends and family would meet to pay homage to her life, love and spirit.
What was once her haven for morning coffee and deep meditation quickly received more visitors than ever…family, friends, and neighbors all gathered in The Arbor. There was a sense of calm amidst her oasis; her kind and gentle spirit radiated, enveloping each soul that entered.
The Arbor became especially sacred to four women…two daughters and two friends who shared memories, tears and laughter forming life long unbreakable bonds. Their love and compassion overflowed as they supported and guided one another through a life altering tragedy. The love that she knew with each of them extended to the others…four women united by one.
Each day melded into the next. Besieged by caregivers and mourners, the foursome always knew where to find one another. They would quietly whisper, “meet me in The Arbor” as if they were young girls who held keys to a secret hideaway. It was their refuge now, their serenity…their hospice. They would sit quietly without uttering a word and delight in moments of unveiled miracles.
Self-discovery and exploration filled the long hours of her final week as each of the women took turns supporting and comforting the others to accept the inevitable loss of their loved and cherished Mother and friend. In each of their hearts they knew she could never be replaced nor would they ever forget the gifts she gave to each of them…gifts of friendship and The Arbor.
We all have a secret hideaway, a sanctuary of peace and solitude…where’s yours? Can you guess which two are friends and which two are sisters?
In Memory of my Mom, 11.1.42 - 7.27.06
On 07/22/08 at 4:45 am
PrincessQuello said:
I haven’t found a secret hideaway yet…but oh how I need one.
This was a beautiful write honey.
xo
On 07/22/08 at 5:57 am
Karri said:
Thank you, miss! Now, you go find yourself a retreat…we all need one.
On 07/22/08 at 5:44 am
Cassie said:
My hide away is my home….for right now. The river also is a sanctuary spot!!!
On 07/22/08 at 5:58 am
Karri said:
Do you skip rocks, Cass? I hope you skip rocks!
On 07/22/08 at 9:21 am
Cassie said:
Kinda, sorta….I’m usually with nieces or nephews or friends’ children…I teach THEM how to skip rocks!! LOL
It’s fun to see them accomplish that first skip and how excited they get!!!
On 07/22/08 at 9:26 am
Karri said:
I knew it!
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Thanks for the smile, girl!
On 07/22/08 at 6:45 am
Meghan said:
This was beautiful in so many ways.
There is a park just outside of Boston you can climb to the top of. Rolling green hills these large stone walls and pillars. There is a great view of Boston’s City scape in the background. Sitting up on the stone walls with a book, sun shining always centers me.
On 07/22/08 at 7:18 am
Karri said:
Awe, Megs, your retreat sounds glorious! Did you find it on your own, or was it a gift?
On 07/22/08 at 8:03 am
Carol said:
This gives me chills…each time I think of The Arbor, or The First Carol.
Leaves me speechless. Yes. Me. Speechless.
On 07/22/08 at 8:23 am
Karri said:
Chills are good…someone must be with you. Be sure to say hello and embrace them!
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Thanks for dropping in m’dear. You’ve been missed!!!
On 07/22/08 at 11:57 am
Carol said:
I went back to the posts I missed last week…I was just very busy with Meems visiting. We have MUCH to catch up on, K. I’ve missed you, too, m’dear.
On 07/22/08 at 12:28 pm
Karri said:
You’re at the top of my to do list. Plan to hear from me as soon as I dig myself out from under the rock of life. *sigh*
On 07/22/08 at 8:18 am
Jime said:
What a wonderful thing to share, and such a still-fresh wound to expose.
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Some of my favorite memories are of my mother at my parents home on their plateau in New Mexico. She started a small garden there years ago (has it been a decade already? more?). Now it’s more like a wild jungle of green with vibrant splashes of color, and that’s saying something because it is hard to grow things in New Mexico soil–which is nothing at all like the miracle ground we have out here in California. I remember digging with her in the dirt with my own two hands, weeding and planting seeds. Bulbs. It was a pleasant escape. Funny that I have many places of sanctuary, but when I think back I focus more on times of sanctuary and they tend to be connected to the people I love.
On 07/22/08 at 8:30 am
Karri said:
I love that you shared that time with your Mom, and your memories just sparked a rush of flashbacks. My parents would spend nearly every weekend doing some project or another, which usually involved a lot of dirt. I can clearly remember them planting the pine trees that lined their property. Sadly, the year after my Mom passed away the gigantic trees had to be chopped down because they got sick. How’s that for irony?
On 07/22/08 at 9:56 am
Jime said:
That’s a rough irony. That must have spread quite a scent at their property, the smell of freshly cut pine is a strong one.
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We tried to plant a line of thin, tall trees along the driveway toward my parents house, but they didn’t take. You have to dig about 5 feet down and fill the hole with fertilized earth to get anything to grow in that barren wasteland. Ah, I’m exaggerating (about the wasteland, that is). New Mexico has an austere, quiet beauty.
On 07/22/08 at 10:40 am
Karri said:
My Dad had the trees chopped into wood chips that I brought home for Lilly to run and poop on.
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Okay, that was an attempt at a sweet thought except the pooping part kinda ruined it.
On 07/22/08 at 11:10 am
Jime said:
Yay poop! Ah, if only we could all be so wild and free to run through wood chips and poop where we please. Reminds me of yon happier days, and a much younger, wilder me–last week seems so long ago….
On 07/22/08 at 12:30 pm
Karri said:
“Yay poop!”
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Really?
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HAHAHAA!
On 07/22/08 at 1:44 pm
Jime said:
Don’t laugh at my chocolate starfish!
On 07/22/08 at 2:28 pm
Karri said:
You win.
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I’ve got nothing.
On 07/22/08 at 2:47 pm
Jime said:
/chuckle
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This isn’t a contest, Karri. When it comes to poop, nobody wins.
On 07/22/08 at 9:03 am
maggie said:
Sounds like an amazing place–not just because of the physical beauty but how it makes you feel when you are there. Thanks Karri-you are an inspiration to me!
On 07/22/08 at 9:30 am
Karri said:
Well hi there~
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Thanks, Mags…truly you have no idea how much it means to me to have you here today!!!
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And I’m so proud of you for finally jumping in the Eve comment arena…way to go babe.
On 07/22/08 at 9:30 am
Trista said:
Sorry I am so late…I pulled a Rip Van Trista today.
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This is a beautiful tribute to an amazing individual. Perhaps we need to go and visit this place of healing some time soon?
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Roadtrip! =)
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I love you, my soul sister.
On 07/22/08 at 9:51 am
Karri said:
A girl’s retreat weekend at the ranch is in definite order! I’d even go so far as to say an Eve partay…hmmmm?
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Let’s go Thelma! Or, are you Louise?
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Much love, my love!!!
On 07/22/08 at 9:32 am
Phoenix said:
This was very generous of you to share Karri. I’m sure you got that from your mother, as she sounds like quite a woman to have left this wonderful legacy.
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My own private hideaway is my home, especially the living room and yard. You see when I was growing up my parents never settled down. I always dreamed of having a house of my own, and I love spending time outside. When I bought this house I was going through a major life transition. I poured my heart and soul into rehabbing the living room for several months.
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I came to terms with many things while painting those walls, and I can still feel the resulting inner peace when I am sitting in the room all alone. But I don’t feel alone at all. It’s almost as if some other part of myself is always there, saying “thank you” and “I love you” and “you are good”. It’s almost as if the home I created took the place of my parents in the most positive and healing way.
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Thank you again.
On 07/22/08 at 9:56 am
Karri said:
I LOVE that you paint your walls and enjoy the process as much as the result. I don’t know what that says about us, but every wall in my house is painted…it looks like a Crayola box exploded here.
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Your welcome m’dear, and thank you!
On 07/22/08 at 10:24 am
Trunks Kirshner said:
I am very introverted and find that my house of Jade is in my room, with the door locked, home alone, with the unpolished timbre and heartfelt harmony of indie music to soothe and help me recover from the things that try and cave my chest in on a daily basis.
On 07/22/08 at 10:37 am
Karri said:
Oh, kiddo…that just made me sad for you! We shall make you a shield of armor to protect your vulnerable chest.
On 07/22/08 at 10:51 am
Trunks Kirshner said:
Yes, we individualists and self-generated people need lots of strength and armor! I want to put the Amnesty Intl’ logo on my armor.
The Arbor on the 27th and sailing away fears on the 31st… it’s just overwhelming to think about the experience/emotions/events next week will bring.
On 07/22/08 at 11:09 am
Karri said:
It is overwhelming to say the least. And as odd as it may sound, it brings me so much comfort to have Trista by my side in the same boat.
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There is a tremendous amount of healing that comes with sharing your fears and pain with the ones you love and with a community that embraces such. So, we thank you all from the bottom of our cracked little hearts.
On 07/22/08 at 10:39 am
Chris said:
Well, unfortunately (or, perhaps, fortunately), my retreat resides in the private recesses of my own mind… the mountain retreat I’ll build when I hit the lotto… or just retire… with a deck, a sunporch, and a grotto… up in the mountains, surrounded by trees, my nearest neighbors 5 miles away…
On 07/22/08 at 10:41 am
Karri said:
And a grotto? Nice! Can we have the Eve retreat at your place?
On 07/23/08 at 7:37 pm
Chris said:
Certainly! Though… you should know that my retreat is a Den of Iniquity… with all manner of kinkiness and immorality going on at all hours of the day and night… Nevertheless, you are completely welcome to bring all the Eve women up there for… um… a… uh… retreat.
On 07/22/08 at 10:39 am
SDGrrr(L) said:
Hang in there girlie. If you need anything at all…
On 07/22/08 at 10:42 am
Karri said:
As always, thank you!!!
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I love you and am wondering why I haven’t heard back from you. *ahem*
On 07/23/08 at 2:10 pm
SDGrrr(L) said:
Back from me? Er…I think I haven’t heard back from you…I called about maybe coming up there on Thursday of last week, playing hookie from work…ring any bells?
On 07/22/08 at 11:43 am
Justice said:
Yesterday morning, I was laying in bed, with my eyes closed trying to sleep. I was thinking about MADD and where things will go this year. Something that I’ve been worrying about very heavily as of late. I was deep in thought, when this picture of your mom flashed across my mind. Just long enough for me to capture it and know who it was, and have her smile put my heart at ease that everything would work out. My heart smiles because of you and how special she was and I giggle at how occasionally someone I never knew will visit me at times such as these. Anyway, I wanted to share that with you yesterday, but I never got around to it. I love you darling *smooches*
On 07/22/08 at 12:33 pm
Karri said:
Oh, Justice!
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I was doing so well at holding back the tears today. Thank you so much for sharing that with me! I’ve been thinking about MADD also, we all need to get together and make some plans.
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Thanks again, honey. I truly appreciate it!!!
LOVELOVELOVE
On 07/22/08 at 1:58 pm
Justice said:
I know. I’m sorry. Crap. I hate it when I make people cry. That’s why I fought about saying it yesterday too and it just felt appropriate RIGHT NOW…like however it came up, we were on the same page for that moment. I think the most important part is that your mom lives on. Through the arbor, through the gifts she’s given you and others, and through the little messages that she keeps sending to you, directly or through others. I can’t quite explain to you the way my heart felt, how I felt all warm, fuzzy and comforted when I saw her smiling face. It’s a good thing baby girl, and I hope those are some happy tears. *warm hugs*
On 07/22/08 at 2:27 pm
Karri said:
It amazes me when people tell me that she visits them. My Sister and I argue over the times that we’ll “call” her as to not interrupt the other.
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They tears couldn’t be of anything other than joy to know that her smile made you feel warm and fuzzy. It’s indescribable, really. And I am so very, very grateful!!! Even more so that you shared it with me. Many thanks, girl. Many thanks!
On 07/23/08 at 9:24 am
Kevin M. said:
(sorry I missed your column yesterday, chica. Late… but I still LOVE it… and had to comment.)
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Wow, K. What a cool and so-special thing you have going there. What I love is that it’s drawing the love and power from the four of you and creating something unexplainable… inexplicable. So powerful.
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This inspires me to be thinking of such a place for my mom. Thank you.
On 07/23/08 at 11:56 am
Karri said:
Better late than never, m’dear. I’m just happy that it sparked a thought or two for you.
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Call your Mom, make a date, and go find a special place together, m’kay?
On 07/23/08 at 9:59 am
Will Entrekin said:
I don’t know that I’ve ever had a hideaway–I generally spend enough time alone, in front of a page, that it nearly becomes moot. It’s nice that everywhere, then, becomes, in its way, a hideaway.
Love you and miss you, woman! Hope you’re doing well!
On 07/23/08 at 12:03 pm
Karri said:
RAD BIG WILLY!!!
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AWE… what a lovely surprise! You know that especially during this time of year I think of you often and am so grateful for the love and support you gave so effortlessly during the most tumultuous time of my life.
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I hope you are well, we miss you oooodles!!!
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Much love my friend, much love!